Uncomfortable with a group of people

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Abilene85

Abilene85

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I'll be starting med school in about a month and I was wondering if it is common to go in feeling a little uncomfortable around a specific group of people.

In interviews, I heard a lot of talk about how "old people are kinda weird." For me it is kids. I have always been one of the young ones. I didn't particularly like kids even when I was a kid. Some of my closest friends in high school were in their 30s-40s (ya...I know). I'm totally comfortable with a room full of adults, but the second a child walks up to me, I don't know what to do. I don't like to "googley boogley" them, and I don't know at what age you are expected to start talking to them like adults. I don't know how to hold babies (will we learn to do this in med school or are we expected to just know?). In my 22 years, I have lived, worked, and played with people of all different races, cultures, and socioeconomic classes. It's just that ME + KIDS = 😕

Anybody else feel/felt this way? I'm sure my insecurities will go away once I get experience working with the young ones.
 
Abilene85 said:
I'll be starting med school in about a month and I was wondering if it is common to go in feeling a little uncomfortable around a specific group of people.

In interviews, I heard a lot of talk about how "old people are kinda weird." For me it is kids. I have always been one of the young ones. I didn't particularly like kids even when I was a kid. Some of my closest friends in high school were in their 30s-40s (ya...I know). I'm totally comfortable with a room full of adults, but the second a child walks up to me, I don't know what to do. I don't like to "googley boogley" them, and I don't know at what age you are expected to start talking to them like adults. I don't know how to hold babies (will we learn to do this in med school or are we expected to just know?). In my 22 years, I have lived, worked, and played with people of all different races, cultures, and socioeconomic classes. It's just that ME + KIDS = 😕

Anybody else feel/felt this way? I'm sure my insecurities will go away once I get experience working with the young ones.
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Just smile at them until they smile back. They are typically more shy than you are. Kids are the closest to perfect people that you will find, so just be yourself...but I don't think you are a pediatrician in the making.:luck:
 
Hm pediatrics and neonatal care are probably not your future careers. As for kids being confusing, I like to take my cues from people who know them. If his parents talk to him like he's an adult, you should too. If they still treat him like a child, then you should treat him like a child since that's probably what he's used to.

To answer your question about how to hold a baby, the rule is ALWAYS support the head. Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it. 🙂
 
during your peds rotation, as far as how to hold a baby (and for everything else for that matter), ask the nursese for help, ESPECIALLY during your NICU time...
 
Here's the thing about kids. Don't treat them any differently than adults for the most part. Kids don't need coddling (at least none of the ones in my family did) and they don't want it. They want to be adults usually and will feel slighted if you're "babying them". If you're a guy and have a deep or harsh voice, you may want to speak more softly (I have scared kids with my voice before) but what you're saying doesn't have to change (unless you curse like a sailor, which you shouldn't do around adult patients anyway but especially not around kids).

And as for working with kids in a medical situation, you'll pick up tricks from the residents and attendings who you're learning from about how to get kids to tolerate needle sticks and swallow pills and other undesirable things.
 
I feel the same way around kids...i am definitely not going into pediatrics. Don't really care that much.
 
I dont like old people. I think its the wrinkly hands.
 
I feel wierd around agressive/angry men. I was really interested in psych until I realized I'd have to deal with that a lot. EM is probably not for me for that reason either. I have no desire to do FM. Its gonna have to be something I figure out how to handle no matter what.

With the kids issue, I think it would be worthwhile to get some experience with kids.... just so your not always uncomfortable around them. I think its normal to feel uncomfortable around kids if you don't have a lot of experience with them. I'd start with babies, personally, but thats because I love babies. Pick an age group that you feel least uncomfortable around and start there. I'm guessing you don't have any nieces or nephews, but there are other ways to hang out with kids. Working in your church nursery, volunteering at the Y, hanging out with some neighbor's kids.... there are lots of ways.
 
I used to feel the same around that age, but as I started getting nieces and nephews I got over it. It will probably abate over time.
 
I don't feel uncomfortable in any group... but I seem to give bad vibes out all the time! People who don't know me feel that I am one of those "bright guy's" who has no people skills ( quiet and quick to end conversations) ...

What is worse... feeling awkward around people ... or making everyone else awkward...
 
brewmeistervi said:
I don't feel uncomfortable in any group... but I seem to give bad vibes out all the time! People who don't know me feel that I am one of those "bright guy's" who has no people skills ( quiet and quick to end conversations) ...

What is worse... feeling awkward around people ... or making everyone else awkward...
Click to expand...

maybe you can get a trusted friend to observe you when your around people you don't know and give you honest advice about why people might feel that way.
 
lilnoelle said:
I feel wierd around agressive/angry men. I was really interested in psych until I realized I'd have to deal with that a lot. EM is probably not for me for that reason either. I have no desire to do FM. Its gonna have to be something I figure out how to handle no matter what.

With the kids issue, I think it would be worthwhile to get some experience with kids.... just so your not always uncomfortable around them. I think its normal to feel uncomfortable around kids if you don't have a lot of experience with them. I'd start with babies, personally, but thats because I love babies. Pick an age group that you feel least uncomfortable around and start there. I'm guessing you don't have any nieces or nephews, but there are other ways to hang out with kids. Working in your church nursery, volunteering at the Y, hanging out with some neighbor's kids.... there are lots of ways.
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How about agressive/angry women?
 
as long as i know the kid (not just a toddler walking towards me at the park, but even then...) i don't talk to him like he is a kid. i am not using big words or anything, but i don't use a different voice than i would with an adult. the tone is pretty much the same as well. if you are going to push yourself and get some interaction with them, remember that children (i'm not talking teens here) don't judge. don't be afraid of that. if you are talking with a kid one on one and he looks a little afraid of you, get down to his level. you aren't as big and scary then (i'm pretty tall, so i have this problem a lot). whatever you do, keep an open mind about them. if you are going through peds, don't automatically tell yourself that you are going to suck and it will be awkward.
 
I never liked kids until I had my own, and now I just don't like other people's kids. 😉 Really, though, even though I know roughly how to deal with them now, I have a hard time being comfortable around other people's kids. I think a certain amount of tolerance and comfort come with familiarity, but I will never be pediatrician, and you probably won't be either. I'm sure you'll pick up enough to get through your pediatrics rotation and to deal with your own children if you decide to have any.
 
lilnoelle said:
I feel wierd around agressive/angry men. I was really interested in psych until I realized I'd have to deal with that a lot. EM is probably not for me for that reason either. I have no desire to do FM. Its gonna have to be something I figure out how to handle no matter what.
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Shouldn't have much problem with that in OB/GYN...except maybe in the middle of a delivery, stress and pain do funny things to people 🙄
 
soonereng said:
Shouldn't have much problem with that in OB/GYN...except maybe in the middle of a delivery, stress and pain do funny things to people 🙄
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Haha, yes, but that is something that I understand.

Actually I'm thinking I'll like various surgical subspecialties. We'll see. I'm not to worried about my issues with this though, its just something that I'm gonna have to figure out how to handle.
 
op, you are the most immature person ever.

grow up and step down from your pedestal.
 
I'm don't have a lot of experience with kids either, but when in doubt just talk to them as an adult. Ask questions about who their teacher is, what's their favorite game, and so on. They recommend approaching kids from a "toe to head" rather than a "head to toe" manner so that they have time to get used to you.

As mentioned, you'll learn a lot of tricks during clinicals for talking kids into certain procedures. For example, when I worked in the ER we frequently had to restrain children for stitches. First we'd get them to stick their hands into a pillow case behind their back by telling them it was a superman cape, then wrap them in a restraining board by saying we were making them into a mummy. Usually they'd go along with it and not realize they were dupped until it's too late.

Do your best during clinicals, but 3 out of the 4 primary care specialties (FM, Peds, OB/GYN) are probably no's for you.
 
I think you're making too much of the whole thing. A lot of kids (I know I was one) don't want anything to do with adults, and the worst thing you can do is try awkwardly to be their friend because they can see right through it. Even if you're completely comfortable with kids, you're not going to have the same relationship with them you'd have with an adult patient. I wouldn't worry about it, if you're rotating with a FP or Peds doc, you're quickly going to pick up on how he handles himself around kids and you can just emulate it.
 
Thanks for all the feedback, guys. It sounds like I'm not alone in my feelings. And I am sure there are many types of people that I will encounter in hospitals during my education that can only be found there - like concerned parents of injured children.

I went back to read my original post and see that my question was slightly unclear, but I still got it answered. Thanks for the advice on dealing with children - I'll definitely keep things in mind. And since I'm getting really bored just lounging around my house, I'll probably try to volunteer somewhere around kids so I can get more experience with them before I get into the hospital. Lucky for me, the awkwardness seems to be one-sided. The few times I have been near kids, they seemed to seek me out and strive to make me their new best friend.

Haha, and pediatrics never crossed my mind. Maybe geriatrics, radiology, or rheumatology.
 
lilnoelle said:
I feel wierd around agressive/angry men. I was really interested in psych until I realized I'd have to deal with that a lot. EM is probably not for me for that reason either. I have no desire to do FM. Its gonna have to be something I figure out how to handle no matter what.

With the kids issue, I think it would be worthwhile to get some experience with kids.... just so your not always uncomfortable around them. I think its normal to feel uncomfortable around kids if you don't have a lot of experience with them. I'd start with babies, personally, but thats because I love babies. Pick an age group that you feel least uncomfortable around and start there. I'm guessing you don't have any nieces or nephews, but there are other ways to hang out with kids. Working in your church nursery, volunteering at the Y, hanging out with some neighbor's kids.... there are lots of ways.
Click to expand...

Most neighbors are unwilling to lend out their kids; it's probably some irrational fear.

I guess if they're really close neighbors.
 
tkatchev said:
Most neighbors are unwilling to lend out their kids; it's probably some irrational fear.

I guess if they're really close neighbors.
Click to expand...

I guess it depends on where you live and how well you know your neighbors. I wouldn't mind if my kids played with either of my immediate neighbors. But then again, one of my neighbors already has kids my children's ages, and my other neighbor is a extremely nice grandma to a girl my daughters age. I also would let a high school gal down the street (whom I don't personally know) babysit my kids because someone I do know well highly recommends her.

However, if you live in an apartment complex or in an unsafe area, if your neighbors don't know you, I suppose things would be different. I grew up in a small town where everyone knows everyone. No one could get away with anything there without everyone knowing it. So I guess my perspective is a little different.
 
MarzMD said:
Where did that come from?
Click to expand...

maybe he's the kid OP is talkin about?

newayz ..

op - i think a lot of people are similar to you. so don't sweat it.
just follow someone elses lead in how they interact. the more you put yourself out there the better you'll get at it and feel comfortable.
 
I don't really get it...kids aren't really all that different (conversation wise) from adults once they're about 9 years old. Sure the topics they're interested in are probably different, but it's not like they can't comprehend most things you'd chit-chat about with an adult. It's not like you start talking to your adult patients about astrophysics (unless they're an astrophysicist), so talking about vacation plans or sports or even TV and movies (Rated G and PG anyway) would be much the same as talking to an adult.

I guess if they're younger than that you could always ask about what they wanna be when they grow up or whatever. Or what they're learning at school.

I guess you'd talk to them much as you talk to anybody else, I dunno why you'd feel fearful of talking to kids? If anything they're somewhat harder to offend, lol.
 
owlet said:
I never liked kids until I had my own, and now I just don't like other people's kids. 😉 Really, though, even though I know roughly how to deal with them now, I have a hard time being comfortable around other people's kids. I think a certain amount of tolerance and comfort come with familiarity, but I will never be pediatrician, and you probably won't be either. I'm sure you'll pick up enough to get through your pediatrics rotation and to deal with your own children if you decide to have any.
Click to expand...


I could have written this post. OP, you get used to them. You'll love your own when you have them because you will get to raise them and talk to them the way you feel comfortable. Your own kids will probably grow up more adultish because you like to talk like an adult. That is how my kids are. I have to admit that I love the fact that my five year old wants to talk about sound waves more then spiderman.
 
Cirrus83 said:
I guess you'd talk to them much as you talk to anybody else, I dunno why you'd feel fearful of talking to kids? If anything they're somewhat harder to offend, lol.
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My biggest problem is that I have so little experience with kids that I don't know at what age they start counting or reading, etc. And I have a hard time judging their ages, because some kids grow fast while others look really young for a long time (I'm 22 and just got a bunch of "Congratulations on graduation! Are you going to college next year?" 🙄) So I have actually offended a few kids by insulting their intelligence. I asked one if he knew the ABCs and he was like "lady, I've been reading for 2 years." But it's probably more that I am embarassed for them - I don't know if kids really understand the meaning of being offended by a comment.

Law2Doc said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=naZJw62ILPo&mode=related&search=
Click to expand...

:laugh: I guess I'm not alone. That is hilarious!
 
I think you'll pick up enough stuff to do an acceptable job. If you're not a huge kid person, though, peds is probably not a field you'd like to go into. Ob/gyn might be there too because you seem to have to gush about babies, which is not something I do.

Anyway, I'm not a kid person and never actively seek out involvement with kids. I figure it's because I was the youngest child so I never babysat and was always around older people. But my nieces and nephew seem to like me -- I know I'm not super fun aunt, but they always seem happy to see me. What seems to work for me is what's mentioned above in just talking to them like they're people.

Oh yeah, and kids never mind telling you how old they are, so you can just ask if you're not sure. 🙂 My 4 y/o niece seems incapable of having a conversation where she doesn't mention that she's 4 now and not 3.
 
Here is the system I read somewhere that I think will work good for you.

"Don't bother talking to babies. They can't understand you.
Treat kids like adults, because they will listen you what you say, and usually ask questions so they can understand.
Treat adults like kids, because they don't listen and usually won't ask questions if they don't understand.
Let old people say and do what they want because they earned it."

;-)

you'll be fine. I got the hang of kids after about 30-40 hrs. take into consideration the environment and what they feel and you can usually figure them out pretty quick. Some need a friend, some need a guide, some need a boss.
 
I used to feel uncomfortable around kids too...for a variety of reasons. One is because they're so shy, you tend to feel like you're just talking to yourself 🙂 or making a fool of yourself around the adults, haha. Another is because I wasn't sure how to talk to them either, and last but not least, is because nowadays, I feel uncomfortable around kids I don't know because you never know if being friendly is going to be seen in the WRONG ways...like you're some child predator or something (and I'm a woman!)

But I've found from interacting with kids that because they are shy, the more you talk to them and include them, the more they will open up to you. Of course, they are taught to fear strangers so if they don't know you they will probably be pretty quiet, but if you keep talking to them they will open up. And once they open up....they will not stop talking! They are like cute little motormouths, and hopefully you can understand everything they are saying 😀 But if you can't, just smile and nod or say "Oh yeah?", especially if they're very little (like 2-3). I think the best age is around toddler to about age 7-8, the kids are really sweet and eager to please. They love to help you do stuff (within reason, don't let them take Daddy's blood!!!) and are really curious.

I think kids like to be included if you are friendly and nice. The best way to talk to them is like an adult, I never make those baby noises unless the child is an actual baby, meaning isn't even attempting real speech yet.

I talk to the kids about stuff they're interested in, or holidays if something exciting is coming up (and something ALWAYS is, like the Fourth of July for instance). Ask them about pets or what they did that day, etc. The last kid I saw in the office (with his grandpa) had dug up the yard with his brother, making a huge mess, and we were talking about that.

Usually I befriend kids quicker than adults, and then they follow me around everywhere asking questions or just talking nonstop. I think it really eases stress to have that comfortable air in the room, and it always perks my day up. Not to mention, the parents like you better if you bond well with their kids.

Just don't worry about being judged or viewed as stupid, it's like talking to adults, except different subject matter and sometimes hard to follow the conversation or get a word in hehe.
 
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