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- May 2, 2004
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Hi there,
It's BrotherBloat again. I am writing to get all you good folks' advice about my situation.
I'm 27, married, female, and currently work full-time at a hosptial as a clinical research assistant. I did a post-bacc all last year, to take all my pre-med requirements for the first time (I was a humanities major). After my BA, I worked another career, and also as an artist, got tired of it, and started my pre-med courses in an informal post-bacc program, finished in July, took the August MCAT, and started working full-time at the hosptial shortly thereafter. Now I'm studying for the April MCAT, as I got a 25 on the August one. I also applied for the class of '05, but at this late date (almost Feb.) I haven't gotten a single interview but I also haven't heard from any of the schools I applied to (I got rejected by two schools, haven't heard from 10 of them) so I'm assuming I won't get an interview. So my plan was to re-take the April MCAT, apply this summer for fall '06, and keep on working at the hosptial.
However, lately I've really been re-considering whether or not I should just quit pre-med right now and go back to being an artist or maybe something else. I keep going back and forth about it. It's starting to drive me crazy. I feel like such an unfocused slacker. I mean I'm 27, I should be settled in my career and already have found myself by now! But medicien is the only career that would fulfill me. I've done lots of soul-searching on this one. But maybe I should just suck it up and do the boring 9 to 5 office job thing anyways.
I'm getting increasingly irritated by medicine and everything associated with it. I'm really not sure if it's the right career choice for me, even though for the past two years since I made the decision to go pre-med, I've felt really happy and excited about the decision. I like science, have done well in it (3.7 post-bacc ave.) and love helping people, and also love the healing aspect of medicine. I enjoy working in the hospital, like being around blood and guts, and enjoy reading about medical topics (health and medical books are among my favorite spare-time reading material.)
So what's the problem? All the things I'm about to list below. They are the major cons of medicine, as I see it, and right now my con list is far longer than my pro list. This, to me, seems like a huge warning sign.
1. Fear of blood-borne pathogens. I have always been terrified of this. I was the type who was always paranoid about always using condoms correctly, etc. and I am deathly afraid of contracting something. What happens if you're pregnant and you contract something? What happens if you get stuck and have to take anti-virals--what would it do to your developing baby? These things scare me big time. Plus, unfortunately, my husband sustained a needle-stick last Saturday (his first time) and it was the worst experience of our lives. Now I see firsthand what it's like to go through the mental anguish, the anti-virals, and the horrible wrenching fear of contracting something. Definitely not an experience I want to repeat, either with him or eventually me someday. This whole experience, combined with my previous fear, has definietly made me think twice--do I want to be thinking about this in the back of my mind every day I'm on the job? Granted, I would choose the most non-sharp friendly specialty, like psych, but there's no getting around the procuedres you must do in med school and internship.
2. Fear of being sued. Again, my mom's a doctor and I've firsthand witnessed the mental anguish she's had when she's gotten sued twice. It's horrible and I don't know if I want to deal with this awful stress in my job and the accompanying rising malpractice insurance rates because of it.
3. Expense of tuition. I already have my grad school student loans, my post-bacc student loans, and my hubby's med school students loans to deal with. Would it be selfish of me to add my own med school loans to this cauldron? Is it really cost-effective for me to go to med school in the long-run? I'm really struggling with this question.
4. 8 long years. I've already been through two years of med school, a year of internship, and two years of residency with my hubby, and I know firsthand how much studying you have to do and how you really can't be a normal person who comes home at the end of the day and leaves their job behind. Part of me wants to be that normal person. But part of me wants a career, not a job, and something that will fulfill me and where I can be a lifelong learner, and I can't think of anything besides medicine that would do that.
5. Lack of earning power during med school. I've been a student long enough--should I be making up for lost time from now on?
6. Taking orgo lab (last pre-med requirement to do). I hated orgo and the thought of taking orgo lab makes me want to barf.
7. Re-studying for the MCAT. I've been doing this all month and it's sucked. Big time.
8. I love science (bio) but I really don't care for chem, orgo, or physics. I took anatomy as an upper level bio and loved it, and I love reading medical books and watching what goes on with the patients. I think I have a mind for science, but does the fact that I don't like chem, orgo or physics screw me for being a doctor?
I can totally see myself in medicine and feel a great deal of pride and ecxcitement when I think about how I would be a good doctor, but I can't shake the feeling that this enormous list of cons should make me run the other way.
The other thing, which probably isn't a good reason to enter such a long, hard profession as medicine, is that I've always been treated as somewhat dumb by people for much of my life, and I really want to prove to myself that I'm really smart. I know that my parents and family really underestimate my abilities, and I want to show myself that I can hack the rigors of being a doctor.
I really wish I could settle this internal dilemma once and for all. My hubby's supportive, my parents think I'm nuts for leaving art and are ashamed of the idea of me being a doctor, and I'm not sure what I think anymore.
Thanks,
BB
It's BrotherBloat again. I am writing to get all you good folks' advice about my situation.
I'm 27, married, female, and currently work full-time at a hosptial as a clinical research assistant. I did a post-bacc all last year, to take all my pre-med requirements for the first time (I was a humanities major). After my BA, I worked another career, and also as an artist, got tired of it, and started my pre-med courses in an informal post-bacc program, finished in July, took the August MCAT, and started working full-time at the hosptial shortly thereafter. Now I'm studying for the April MCAT, as I got a 25 on the August one. I also applied for the class of '05, but at this late date (almost Feb.) I haven't gotten a single interview but I also haven't heard from any of the schools I applied to (I got rejected by two schools, haven't heard from 10 of them) so I'm assuming I won't get an interview. So my plan was to re-take the April MCAT, apply this summer for fall '06, and keep on working at the hosptial.
However, lately I've really been re-considering whether or not I should just quit pre-med right now and go back to being an artist or maybe something else. I keep going back and forth about it. It's starting to drive me crazy. I feel like such an unfocused slacker. I mean I'm 27, I should be settled in my career and already have found myself by now! But medicien is the only career that would fulfill me. I've done lots of soul-searching on this one. But maybe I should just suck it up and do the boring 9 to 5 office job thing anyways.
I'm getting increasingly irritated by medicine and everything associated with it. I'm really not sure if it's the right career choice for me, even though for the past two years since I made the decision to go pre-med, I've felt really happy and excited about the decision. I like science, have done well in it (3.7 post-bacc ave.) and love helping people, and also love the healing aspect of medicine. I enjoy working in the hospital, like being around blood and guts, and enjoy reading about medical topics (health and medical books are among my favorite spare-time reading material.)
So what's the problem? All the things I'm about to list below. They are the major cons of medicine, as I see it, and right now my con list is far longer than my pro list. This, to me, seems like a huge warning sign.
1. Fear of blood-borne pathogens. I have always been terrified of this. I was the type who was always paranoid about always using condoms correctly, etc. and I am deathly afraid of contracting something. What happens if you're pregnant and you contract something? What happens if you get stuck and have to take anti-virals--what would it do to your developing baby? These things scare me big time. Plus, unfortunately, my husband sustained a needle-stick last Saturday (his first time) and it was the worst experience of our lives. Now I see firsthand what it's like to go through the mental anguish, the anti-virals, and the horrible wrenching fear of contracting something. Definitely not an experience I want to repeat, either with him or eventually me someday. This whole experience, combined with my previous fear, has definietly made me think twice--do I want to be thinking about this in the back of my mind every day I'm on the job? Granted, I would choose the most non-sharp friendly specialty, like psych, but there's no getting around the procuedres you must do in med school and internship.
2. Fear of being sued. Again, my mom's a doctor and I've firsthand witnessed the mental anguish she's had when she's gotten sued twice. It's horrible and I don't know if I want to deal with this awful stress in my job and the accompanying rising malpractice insurance rates because of it.
3. Expense of tuition. I already have my grad school student loans, my post-bacc student loans, and my hubby's med school students loans to deal with. Would it be selfish of me to add my own med school loans to this cauldron? Is it really cost-effective for me to go to med school in the long-run? I'm really struggling with this question.
4. 8 long years. I've already been through two years of med school, a year of internship, and two years of residency with my hubby, and I know firsthand how much studying you have to do and how you really can't be a normal person who comes home at the end of the day and leaves their job behind. Part of me wants to be that normal person. But part of me wants a career, not a job, and something that will fulfill me and where I can be a lifelong learner, and I can't think of anything besides medicine that would do that.
5. Lack of earning power during med school. I've been a student long enough--should I be making up for lost time from now on?
6. Taking orgo lab (last pre-med requirement to do). I hated orgo and the thought of taking orgo lab makes me want to barf.
7. Re-studying for the MCAT. I've been doing this all month and it's sucked. Big time.
8. I love science (bio) but I really don't care for chem, orgo, or physics. I took anatomy as an upper level bio and loved it, and I love reading medical books and watching what goes on with the patients. I think I have a mind for science, but does the fact that I don't like chem, orgo or physics screw me for being a doctor?
I can totally see myself in medicine and feel a great deal of pride and ecxcitement when I think about how I would be a good doctor, but I can't shake the feeling that this enormous list of cons should make me run the other way.
The other thing, which probably isn't a good reason to enter such a long, hard profession as medicine, is that I've always been treated as somewhat dumb by people for much of my life, and I really want to prove to myself that I'm really smart. I know that my parents and family really underestimate my abilities, and I want to show myself that I can hack the rigors of being a doctor.
I really wish I could settle this internal dilemma once and for all. My hubby's supportive, my parents think I'm nuts for leaving art and are ashamed of the idea of me being a doctor, and I'm not sure what I think anymore.
Thanks,
BB