Urgent Q: Point of No Returning?

[vandetehlk]

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In similar post, I've talked about how I have lack commitment to studying. I feel free of motivation for anything med-related. I apparently hate clinical medicine now, and I don't picture myself working long tedious hours in health-care environment. I've been for around a month in med school and my dreams about medicine seem meaningless now as I no longer have the "love" for the profession. People keep telling me to suck it up and that nobody likes his/her profession and that a profession is a mean of getting money to have a respectful and stable life. I'm hating lectures, I'm hating anatomy labs, hating the whole environment. I am also hating our clinical correlations course and the social med course. I seem lost all the time. Stress and pressure is a norm in med school but what I am facing is wayy more than my colleagues. I feel desperate and have no clue what to do. I can't defer for a year and If I leave I have to apply again. I think time off might allow me to work for a while to see the real world and might help me understand what drew me to med in thefirst place. My parents seem very furious as they feel I am losing a big opputunity that might probably not return in my life. I am constantly crying. I am lost...I am not studying my butt off like everybody else because simply I am in the mood and system for it. I did some advising and they said it's up to me to decide. I did some couseling and turned out I had severe depression and that I'm better off taking some time off.

Help, Please. Some advice...

 

[Starbuck815]

Does the school know about the diagnosis of severe depression? You'd think perhaps that a medical reason would qualify you for a leave of absence, but still allow you to return later.

I think a break might do you good. Get some therapy, and collect yourself. However, I would caution you against making a huge life-altering decision (such as quitting med school) while depressed. When you recover, you might sorely regret it. So just please don't make any rash decisions when not totally in your right mind. Are there specific reasons for your depression that you know of? Are there issues outside of just medical education (like homesickness or something?)

Good luck.

 

[cpants]

The school will give you a leave of absence if you have severe depression. Make an appointment with your dean of students asap and explain what's happening. Take your year off to get your head right, work, and save some money. At the end of that time, if you still want to quit, quit. There is no point in quitting now when you could keep your options open for a year.

 

[vandetehlk]

They wouldn't give me a leave of absence, at least not in the first month in medical school. They know about my condition because they set me with the counselor. The dean of student affairs said, it's only possible to reapply next year and compete with the coming pool of applicants.

I am depressed, not only because medicine was a shock to me, but also because of various personal issues I withheld through the years. The stress level is unbearable. I am questioning if I ever wanted Med or just the prestigious status and money that comes in hand. I'm having an identity crisis and parents aren't helping. They say I'm just being and behaving like a kid.
Should I take the risk that comes with leaving? Is taking a break and seeing the real world and doing more sole-searching, the thing I need? Help 🙁

 

[cpants]

It will be very difficult to get into med school again after dropping out after 1 month. I think you should try to cope and stick out at least one semester until you are able to take a leave of absence. Get on some SSRI's, see a counselor a few hours a week, and make sure you spend a lot of time with your tutors and studying in a group. That may help your motivation. It's gonna be hard for a while, because SSRI's take at least a month to kick in. It sucks that your school isn't being more helpful, but realize that if you leave now you are closing a door to yourself.

On a side note, the school may know you've seen a counselor, but they may not know the extent of your depression. A note from a psychiatrist or psychologist saying you are medically incapable of your coursework might change their tune.

 

[MrBurns10]

You said they know about your condition because they "set you up with a counselor." Clearly, you didn't know you were clinically depressed until you spoke with the counselor, right? Thus, they probably don't know what you have is a medical condition and warrants a leave of absence unless you told them afterward.

If they do know you're clinically depressed and won't give you a leave of absence, that's very wrong. I've never heard of a school admin so compassionless (word?) if that's the case. Are they legally required in any way to do so?

 

[cobalt314]

I can't contribute much in the way of experience with how the whole process works, but I would like to tell you that you're not alone. I'm also a first year and heavily thinking about leaving med school. It's really difficult being so unhappy for so much of the time.

I think you should keep on trying to get a leave of absence if you can and until then, avoid making any final decisions until you've thought deeply and rationally about whether you really want to continue pursuing the MD. It shouldn't be about being so absolutely miserable that you just want to leave where you are and will drop out just to be able to leave right now (hopefully a leave of absence will allow you to do that without forcing you to make an irrevocable decision).

You've obviously worked hard to get to med school, so you shouldn't treat this opportunity lightly and make a rash decision to leave. However, do not equate getting an MD to anything more significant that what it is (i.e. an opportunity to be able to treat patients; MD does not equal success at life and conversely, no MD does not equal failure). If you decide after lots of thought that your goals for your life do not match up to what you could achieve with the MD, then you should pursue that path and leave. Most people enter medical school with the hope of being able to positively impact people's lives, and that has to start with your own life (where you're at a place where you want to be and where you're fairly happy yourself).

Try not to let outside pressures or expectations get to you and influence your thoughts or final decision.. You need to make a decision about what is right for you. Don't get to the point where you feel forced or trapped to stay and most of all, don't associate any shame or stigma with the idea of dropping out. Just think about what's best for you and your long-term happiness.

I've met a lot of physicians who hit rough patches during medical training, but who made it through and are now pretty happy with their work and their lives. I've also known a few people who left medical training at some point and who have never regretted their decision to leave.

I want to wish you well and truly hope that you will be able to figure out what the best decision for your life is. Since your parents do not seem to be supportive, I would suggest trying to find some other means of emotional support....do you have any friends that you can talk to openly (like any close friends from undergrad or before)? It can be really hard to deal with especially if you're parents are not supportive. If you ever need to vent or just need an outlet, feel free to PM me.

 

[vandetehlk]

I mentioned in previous threads how I am struggling with depression and unbearable pressure and stress on one hand, and the impossible work load of med school on the other. Clearly I have to take a decision to either keep on or withdraw, which I am not capable of doing in the severe mental agony I am facing. I figured out it's best to leave or withdraw and keep the idea of coming back again next year open for me. The problem is that I need to reapply again. But the admittance process is different in my medical school and it's less stressful and simpler.

Do you think taking a break from it all is a viable solution? I am destroying my life by letting go what I worked for since high school? Am I acting like a little kid like my parents say? Nobody is understanding my mental struggle. I need time to figure things out. I am crazy? I note that I don't have any back plan what so ever. If I take the break and risk my medical education, I will work for a while and go for counseling sessions and medication.

Also, Do you know anybody that left or withdrew from med for a year and went back?

 

[TMP-SMX]

How old are you? You shouldn't let what your parents say get to you. You just need to buckle down and study. Anatomy and Histo is probably the worst set of classes in terms of time I've had thus far in med school by far. Anatomy takes a huge amount of time. This is there to test you to see if you can transition. Though does your school allow you to modify? Some of my classmates have chosen to take 3 years for the first 2 years to lessen the course load. If that is an option for you maybe you should take it. If you start working full time perhaps you will start to see that working is no picnic. I have really enjoyed these first two years of medical school so far. My school video streams lectures, I can sleep in, I have very little responsibility except to study and show up for labs, and I'm having a great time. Third year will be tough, but that's the bread and butter for medicine being with patients and not getting much sleep.

 

[EMmedic]

Have you talked to the deans about this? Also, have you gone to a counselor or psychiatrist about your depression and about your current feelings? Medical school is really hard and its easy for people to say that you need to just suck it up and study. However, sometimes depression and anxiety can make this very difficult, if not impossible. Believe it or not, there are other students who are going through or have gone through the same thing. There were people in my class who left early in the MS1 year because of personal issues and they are back this year to start over. There are also people who struggled with the same problems and sought therapy/medication and made it through the year. I would really think long and hard about this decision and talk to advisors/deans at your school. Most importantly, I think you should talk to a mental health professional before you make this kind of decision. They might be able to give you ways to manage and feel better about things.

 

[sunnyskies]

There is someone in my class that left a couple of years ago (unknown reason) and came back to join my class. This is definitely something that can be done. You should talk with your admin. to see what your options are.

 

[bcat85]

It can't be THAT intense. Mine isn't easyyy... but it's not impossible or incredibly overbearing. Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself to rock out every class. Work hard and chill out I think. You can't play golf every afternoon... but also try to find a hobby you can use to take some time off... play an IM sport... whatever.

 

[digitalising]

Speak to your administration and your school counseling service if you haven't done so already. It's better to voluntarily take some time off and reapply when you have a good handle on things than to try to tough it out and either be forced to do the same or dismissed.

All the best.

 

[Mobius1985]

Do you know anybody that left or withdrew from med for a year and went back?

A friend of mine started med school this last summer and after a few weeks knew she'd made a big mistake going from pre-med intense stress to med school intense expectations. She was anxious and could not concentrate on her classwork. Her failure to soak in the required information just made her feel worse and worse. She spoke with her administration and was able to get a deferral until next summer's class starts. Meanwhile, she plans to get her head together while working in an entry-level, non medically related job. She fully intends to return next year.

Another option is a leave of absence for one year.

 

[ninjapenguin]

Also, Do you know anybody that left or withdrew from med for a year and went back?

Two, actually. Both of them in first year had to take a leave for personal reasons, not academic, and they were allowed to return on the condition that they start first year again from the beginning. It sounds like a pain, but I am sure they're having an easier time and enjoying it much more this time around. Talk to your dean.

 

[cleothecat]

If you have a depression diagnosed by a physician and documented , and if the physician recommends a medical leave of absence, then a school may be in violation of federal and possibly state law to require you to reapply.

If a psychiatrist has recommended a leave of absence, then you or a representative should have a discussion with the administration of your medical school.

 

[smq123]

I mentioned in previous threads how I am struggling with depression and unbearable pressure and stress on one hand, and the impossible work load of med school on the other. Clearly I have to take a decision to either keep on or withdraw, which I am not capable of doing in the severe mental agony I am facing. I figured out it's best to leave or withdraw and keep the idea of coming back again next year open for me. The problem is that I need to reapply again. But the admittance process is different in my medical school and it's less stressful and simpler.

Do you think taking a break from it all is a viable solution? I am destroying my life by letting go what I worked for since high school? Am I acting like a little kid like my parents say? Nobody is understanding my mental struggle. I need time to figure things out. I am crazy? I note that I don't have any back plan what so ever. If I take the break and risk my medical education, I will work for a while and go for counseling sessions and medication.

Also, Do you know anybody that left or withdrew from med for a year and went back?

🙁

In another thread you said:

I apparently hate clinical medicine now, and I don't picture myself working long tedious hours in health-care environment. I've been for around a month in med school and my dreams about medicine seem meaningless now as I no longer have the "love" for the profession. ... I'm hating lectures, I'm hating anatomy labs, hating the whole environment. I am also hating our clinical correlations course and the social med course.

Trust me, I've been there.

First year of medical school is NOTHING like what I went to med school for. I really like taking care of patients, and that (for me) is the primary reason for going to med school. I was extremely disillusioned and confused by the advice given during our medical "ethics" course, which was taught almost exclusively by PhDs who had never actually taken care of a actual patient. 🙄 🙄 🙄 (Yeah, that's REALLLLY helpful. Jeebus. Why they had such useless people with little experience teaching that course is beyond me. My school's "medical ethics" course was enough to make me want to quit medicine - that's how useful their lectures were.)

Second year was a little bit better and a little more interesting. But, the biggest relief for me was that third year rotations (for the most part) totally fulfilled my expectations and hopes for medical school. Rotations are tiring, and there's a lot of annoying BS, but taking care of patients is immensely fulfilling. It's a good feeling to know that you're doing something that, in some way, makes a real difference in someone's life. For the first time ever, your presence actually MATTERS, which is not something I could have ever said in undergrad. Third year was exciting because, for the first time in three years, I had finally found what I had been looking for when I started the whole med school process in the first place.

What I did (and what I believe you need to do) is sit down and figure out what you want in life. It doesn't have to be detailed (you don't need to decide between medicine and surgery now, for instance), but just in general - why become a doctor? If you honestly know that it's because you like helping people, because people interest you, and because you want to do something that gives your life purpose, then I can promise you that you WILL find that medical school allows you to fulfill those wishes.

Don't discount other educational paths, either. Nurses and PAs also help people, and do good work. Their training tends to be less "cerebral" than medical school is, and they focus more on practical clinical training - which is exactly what some people need and want. If that sounds appealing to you (and you thoroughly research the downsides of both professions), then that might be something to look into as well.

I don't advise leaving if you realize that you still want to be a physician. I think that leaving makes it very difficult to come back - some people do, but not very many. Taking a leave of absence is somewhat easier.

Good luck. I loathed first year, but it DOES get better.

It can't be THAT intense. Mine isn't easyyy... but it's not impossible or incredibly overbearing.

Uhhh....YES, it CAN be "that" intense!

Medical school (particularly MS1) by itself isn't that difficult or challenging.

But when the main emotion that you feel is despair, and you feel trapped all the time (because you can't leave, but you don't want to stay), and you can't remember the last time you really laughed or felt happy - medical school becomes impossibly difficult.

Trust me on this one. It's impossible to explain to people who have never gone through it. It's just like...you're trapped in this very dark fog, and you don't remember the last time you've seen the sun. And you don't know if the sun will ever shine again. It's....hard. Very hard. 🙁

I'm glad that you're enjoying MS1. That's great. But - not everyone enjoys MS1 as much as you do. I can count on my fingers the number of times I felt truly happy that year. You just feel sort of dead inside, and it's hard to remember what it's like to feel normal.

Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself to rock out every class. Work hard and chill out I think. You can't play golf every afternoon... but also try to find a hobby you can use to take some time off... play an IM sport... whatever.

<sigh> This isn't very helpful advice.

My student dean, who is a lovely woman that I still go to for advice, made those suggestions to me when I was a first year and floundering. Those were NOT the reasons why I was struggling, but like I said - it's impossible to get people to understand that unless they've been there.

 

[Law2Doc]

Also, Do you know anybody that left or withdrew from med for a year and went back?

As others have said, do nothing without talking to a dean first. If you hope to come back, this has to be arranged at the onset -- basically a leave of absence for health reasons. You don't want to quit and then later try to work your way back in -- it has to be figured out BEFORE you leave or you may be SOL.

 

[tacrum43]

Also, Do you know anybody that left or withdrew from med for a year and went back?

It is not uncommon to take a year or two off, for a variety of reasons. But the important thing, as others have said, is to talk to your dean about it.

 

[njbmd]

In similar post, I've talked about how I have lack commitment to studying. I feel free of motivation for anything med-related. I apparently hate clinical medicine now, and I don't picture myself working long tedious hours in health-care environment. I've been for around a month in med school and my dreams about medicine seem meaningless now as I no longer have the "love" for the profession. People keep telling me to suck it up and that nobody likes his/her profession and that a profession is a mean of getting money to have a respectful and stable life. I'm hating lectures, I'm hating anatomy labs, hating the whole environment. I am also hating our clinical correlations course and the social med course. I seem lost all the time. Stress and pressure is a norm in med school but what I am facing is wayy more than my colleagues. I feel desperate and have no clue what to do. I can't defer for a year and If I leave I have to apply again. I think time off might allow me to work for a while to see the real world and might help me understand what drew me to med in thefirst place. My parents seem very furious as they feel I am losing a big opputunity that might probably not return in my life. I am constantly crying. I am lost...I am not studying my butt off like everybody else because simply I am in the mood and system for it. I did some advising and they said it's up to me to decide. I did some couseling and turned out I had severe depression and that I'm better off taking some time off.

Help, Please. Some advice...

A public message board is not the answer to the questions that you seek. As others have told you in their posts, you need to speak with your medical school dean and perhaps a counselor. In addition, please do not start daily threads with the same subject matter. I have merged your two threads and people have attempted to assist you. Please read the answers to your question and refrain from duplicating threads.

 

[vandetehlk]

I've been to a counselor and he recommended a leave of absence, but it was not approved by my student dean, as it's not acceptable to take one in the first year of med.

 

[scorpia]

umm, i don't know what's wrong with your dean or your med school but maybe i'm missing something about their policies.

i'm struggling with first semester of med school more than my classmates are because many of them, unlike me, have the motivation and sense of purpose to get through classes. i on the other hand, feel like like i entered med school for all the wrong reasons (if i can even remember them). there are of course personal issues adding to the burden.

i reason with myself by trying to think about what else i would do if i wouldn't be a doctor, and so far, nothing compelling has come up. if an idea does come up, i might switch, but for now, ANY kind of transition can be hard. i don't think you're acting like a kid in recognizing your identity crisis, but first semester is a bad time to make a decision to switch, unless you're sure of an alternative.

one of the reasons i wanted to be a doctor is to impart correct medical info to as many people as i can reach (esp. women), be on a person's side during some of their vulnerable moments, and maybe use my expertise as leverage for some social change. needless to say, i'm not seeing any of that right now, but i remind myself that i have to learn as much medical info i can right now to impart it to my patients. see if you can remind yourself of why you wanted to be a doctor, and i'm sure you're going to be a good one after some years of struggle.

finally doctors have moved into other careers from politics to writing to research and teaching. the MD doesn't just give you the degree to see patients, it gives you a lot of credibility for any other career. MD MPH, MD MS, MD MBA - many choices. think about all the ways you can use the MD degree, in addition to treating patients. now i know that can't be enough motivation to struggle for years and accumulate debt, but i'm trying to put off thinking my whole identity crisis until end of M1 year, when i can at least be sure that incompetency was not my reason for switching.

all this "advice" is coming from someone who is also depressed right now, and i know no amount of advice is going to reduce your struggle. so good luck with whatever decision you'll finally make and don't judge yourself for doing what's right for you.