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- Jul 26, 2003
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hey all, myself and a very good friend of mine came up with a list of things that doctors know. Please be aware that this post is just for fun and please do not take offense:
WHAT DOCTORS KNOW:
If we ask you if you are a smoker and you say that you quit--------
We know that you just quit today when you became short of breath and started coughing and that once we get you over your bronchitis, you will start again
If you are an alcoholic and we ask you how much you drink-----------
We know that you are going to say two beers per day. We also know that for every one beer per day that you admit to drinking, you have actually have consumed three
We know that the more insistent you are to us that you do not have sex and there is no way that you could possibly be pregnant, then the liklihood that you are indeed pregnant has greatly increased.
If you insist that toradol and demerol do not help your pain-------------
We know that you really want morphine and that you'd be even more happy if we sent you home with a prescription of oxycontin.
If you are over 60 years old and your medical history shows that you are not taking any medication or have no medical problems------------------
We know that you haven't been to see a doctor in at least 10 years
If you are over 80 years old and during a routine H&P insist that you have no heart problems or any cardiac history--------------------
We know that all this means that you currently do not have angina at that very moment and once we begin the physical exam we are probably going to find a sternotomy scar from your CABG, and once we get a hold of your medical records we will discover that you have four stents and that you last echo shows and EF of 40%.
This next one is specific for suburban/rural Pennsylvania:
If the police are in the ER bay with you------------------------
We know that they are not actually there to investigate your car accident or even to perhaps fine you for driving intoxicated but are actually present because there has been a warrant out for your arrest and this is the first opportunity they have had to catch up with you and haul your a$$ off to jail
So, this is what doctors know, anybody want to add to the list?
WHAT DOCTORS KNOW:
If we ask you if you are a smoker and you say that you quit--------
We know that you just quit today when you became short of breath and started coughing and that once we get you over your bronchitis, you will start again
If you are an alcoholic and we ask you how much you drink-----------
We know that you are going to say two beers per day. We also know that for every one beer per day that you admit to drinking, you have actually have consumed three
We know that the more insistent you are to us that you do not have sex and there is no way that you could possibly be pregnant, then the liklihood that you are indeed pregnant has greatly increased.
If you insist that toradol and demerol do not help your pain-------------
We know that you really want morphine and that you'd be even more happy if we sent you home with a prescription of oxycontin.
If you are over 60 years old and your medical history shows that you are not taking any medication or have no medical problems------------------
We know that you haven't been to see a doctor in at least 10 years
If you are over 80 years old and during a routine H&P insist that you have no heart problems or any cardiac history--------------------
We know that all this means that you currently do not have angina at that very moment and once we begin the physical exam we are probably going to find a sternotomy scar from your CABG, and once we get a hold of your medical records we will discover that you have four stents and that you last echo shows and EF of 40%.
This next one is specific for suburban/rural Pennsylvania:
If the police are in the ER bay with you------------------------
We know that they are not actually there to investigate your car accident or even to perhaps fine you for driving intoxicated but are actually present because there has been a warrant out for your arrest and this is the first opportunity they have had to catch up with you and haul your a$$ off to jail
So, this is what doctors know, anybody want to add to the list?
