What makes a personal statement good, and issues with advice

[Suffer]

TLDR: How do I evaluate my PS and know that it's good so I can better navigate the advice I'm getting? What makes a PS unique?

So I let my mom read my PS. She told me it was really bad and that she would write it a different way. Her big takeaways were that the ideas were fine but the execution was not great. As in it was not impressive (no "powerful statements") and that the word choice was odd. She also wants me to include information about how I have been exposed to medicine my entire life (she's a doctor and I have shadowed, we have talked about medicine, etc) and to "sell myself" better (ie strongly allude to being intelligent, have a natural liking of science, etc)

A bit of background, I showed my PS to my PI, advisor (although it was a really preliminary draft and current one is much different), 1 resident, 1 MD-PhD student, 1 neurosurgeon. None of them really had those issues. Most of their comments were on organization, common theme, not being concise, etc. None of them really said the PS was great either, they just said things like the ideas were fine and so on

Back to my mom. She's foreign, but she's also a doctor (although med school in different country) and she said she has read PS that she likes and that mine is not as good as theirs. Based on the other advice I got and that she's not a native english speaker, I would disregard her's BUT something else she said was that no one would be willing to be upfront about your stuff, only someone close like your parents would be

I'm stuck. I don't think I'm a great writer (I don't think I'm terrible either, professors at a t20 think my papers are in the A to B+ range although the PS is a different beast from anything I have written at school) but my gut feeling says her advice is the odd one out. However I realize parents are one of the few people that are unafraid to be honest and willing to tell you the truth

I don't know, what advice should I take? How do I evaluate my PS and know that it's good so I can better navigate the advice I'm getting? What makes a PS unique?

Thanks!

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[morejedi]

I'm not really able to comment on what makes a good personal statement as I'm in the application cycle myself, but one thing I will tell you is don't let the excessive criticism get to your head. You need to remember that no one will EVER think your personal statement is perfect. I was once told by a physician that in surgery, "perfect is the enemy of good" - and the same can be said about a personal statement. Everyone will have a differing opinion and critique on your personal statement so feel free to get their opinions but know there's no way in hell you'll be able to follow everyone's advice.

Check out these threads for some tips -

Depakote's Personal Statement Guide/Tips
To Premeds: General Advice on Personal Statements

And maybe on this thread if you want some other SDN users advice (but remember what I said in the beginning of my post)

*~*~*~*~*~*Official Personal Statement Guide and Reader List 2017-2018*~*~*~*~*~*

Best of luck man, keep up the hard work

 

[DrHart]

1) Do you answer the question of "why medicine"
2) Do you come across as arrogant or entitled
3) Are you honest about your experiences and motivations
4) Do you have any fluff or cheesy lines that will make people roll their eyes

Your mom obviously wants your PS to "wow" and be memorable for the adcom. The heuristic I've seen here on SDN says that of all the personal statements, 2% are memorably good, 8% are memorably bad, and 90% are forgettable. Your goal should not be to be in the 2%, it should be to not be in the 8%. If that means landing in the ocean of forgettable personal statements... well, welcome to the club. I recommend talking to someone in a humanities major and asking specifically about word choice, flow, and organization. If they are fine with it, I would not worry about your mom's opinion.

 

[acutepox]

^Do this. It's easy to focus on being "unique" when the goal is to really just tell your story in a genuine way (and it's pretty hard to be unique these days anyway). And remember your PS is only part of your app.

 

[gyngyn]

Your PS does not need to stand out!
You want to stand in. If you remind us of other wonderful students we have taught, great.

You can do this by speaking clearly, in your own voice about how your becoming a physician will improve the lives of others.

 

[@Hazel-rah]

I actually got the most candid advice from people who didn't even know me---sdn members. I know the list is often tapped out, but there may be other resources in your life where you could send in your statement. One word of caution: don't let markups cause you to lose your unique writers voice. The feedback I got from closest friends was meaningful in that it recognized spots I sounded inauthentic because they know my voice. The feedback from strangers helped me know how my PS would be perceived by total strangers, and how it could be more clear or answer the questions that popped up for them as they read it....
Keep working on it, you'll get there! Regarding your mom, just nod your head, say thanks, and pass the salt. See if another trusted friend would read it or your HS English teacher or something like that if you need more "honest" feedback.

Also, helps to take a day off here and there as your working on it. Good luck!

 

[Suffer]

Thanks guys! On the ~90% personal statements that are forgettable, do they mostly rely on the other parts of the app (ECs, interviews) to make the decisions then (provided the GPA and MCAT is good enough)?

@DrHart @gyngyn

 

[Danny L]

Thanks guys! On the ~90% personal statements that are forgettable, do they mostly rely on the other parts of the app (ECs, interviews) to make the decisions then (provided the GPA and MCAT is good enough)?

@DrHart @gyngyn

Bump, also want to know. How are these candidates distinguished?

 

[gyngyn]

Bump, also want to know. How are these candidates distinguished?

When the voice is weak, we rely on the evidence.

 

[Suffer]

When the voice is weak, we rely on the evidence.

Wait I'm guessing all ~90% don't have a weak voice. What makes a voice strong/weak then (sorry if that's obvious writing is not my strength)?

 

[gyngyn]

Wait I'm guessing all ~90% don't have a weak voice. What makes a voice strong/weak then (sorry if that's obvious writing is not my strength)?

We have not taught the skill of self expression well in the pre-med community.
Most Personal Statements are fairly innocuous, certainly not compelling.
Thus the bar is set conveniently low...

 

[AttemptingScholar]

Is there a class an undergrad institution might offer to help with this? That explains how to portray yourself in a compelling way? Like how there are creative writing classes and essay writing classes? What type of writing would we classify this as, even?

 

[cactusman]

Is there a class an undergrad institution might offer to help with this? That explains how to portray yourself in a compelling way? Like how there are creative writing classes and essay writing classes? What type of writing would we classify this as, even?

I know a lot of schools offer courses in narrative nonfiction (might be worded differently, like literary nonfiction or creative nonfiction).

 

[lpp06]

A class will teach you the mechanics of writing about your thoughts and emotions, but only self reflection will make it genuine. At the end of the day, if you're not recognizing how you feel in the moment - no class/trick will replace that. That's where a really good voice is developed.

Wait I'm guessing all ~90% don't have a weak voice. What makes a voice strong/weak then (sorry if that's obvious writing is not my strength)?

Is there a class an undergrad institution might offer to help with this? That explains how to portray yourself in a compelling way? Like how there are creative writing classes and essay writing classes? What type of writing would we classify this as, even?