Will I turn into a zombie?

[mies]

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Here's the situation:

This is my last year in med school with examination periods from h*ll (one in january and one in june). In the past four years I've developed quite some test anxiety but somehow I survived. Well, to be honest, I've been to my school's counseling services and all, and they always promised that when I would use this trick and that strategy, it would become better. It did, but this year, the fifth out of seven, I am just burned out completely.
I just know that I'm not capable of taking all those exams at once.

So now I've been to the medical service at my school, and the doctor overthere was very understanding. She was willing to request special accommodations for me, knowing what I've been through and what kind of help I've already gotten, trying to get me to take those exams at my own pace, spread throughout the schoolyear and not all at once. Unfortenately, the deadline for application for those accommodations was two weeks ago....
(I can try to apply for next semester, but my chances are really slim because psychological reasons are not often met)

Both her and I were disappointed, but she offered me to search for another solution. She prescribed paroxetine 20mg (Paxil) to me, and I can decide whether I would take it or not.
Somehow I'm really scared to take it. I would do it if I would know it would be for a limited amount of time. But if I would have my exams spread out during next semester, when do I stop?? Will it have an influence on my (horrible) ability to concentrate and to memorize? Could I handle withdrawal symptoms when I start my clerkships next year?
But more importantly, I'm scared to turn into another person. Someone who doesn't have highs and lows anymore, someone who doesn't laugh as hard as she used to, someone with decreased libido, someone who isn't 'innocent' as to psych meds anymore despite the fact that she wants to be a child psychiatrist herself...
I don't want to do that to myself nor to my boyfriend.

What do you think: is it a good idea to take Paxil or not?

 

[gomezjl]

I'm an MIV and thankful that most of that is over for me. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! From personal experience, I can tell you this. I suffered from panic attacks for 6 or 7 years and finally gave Zoloft a try. Honestly and truly, I did not feel any different, except that over a few weeks, my panic attacks vanished. Granted, I was on a small dose (50 mg QD) and I can't predict how you will react to a medication. But I know a whole slew of people in med school on antidepressants. And everyone I have talked to has felt that they brought great improvement. It never affected my concentration, my sleep habits, etc. I felt like my usual self. I still was happy and sad when I should have been. I laughed and I cried. But this is not a medication that you take for a few weeks and then stop when the pressure time is over. SSRIs are not like benzodiazepines. They take weeks to work and are very subtle. I've never heard of anyone taking them for less than 6 months to a year before having a trial off the medication. And for people, who battle with depression, it's a lot longer than that. For me, I gained quite a bit of weight (20 lbs.) that I am still trying to lose, however. I've heard varying things about sexual side effects. Let's just say that my husband was not pleased. However, I have heard from people better things about Paxil 🙂. So, there are good and bad things about it. And I completely understand not wanting to be tied to a medication. Or intellectual medical brains might know this is silly, but that doesn't stop our hearts from feeling another way. I can't make the decision for you, but I hope that this helped.

 

[SpiritiualDuck]

Do you exercise, do you meditate? Do you find ways to nuture your emotional and spiritual well-being. Paxil, Zoloft, etc, these are relatively safe drugs. The reason why you are having such extreme anxiety over testing is because of the fact that you are creating images in your mind, long before the exam starts, which play out all the ways that you're not going to be successful.

Try this first: Do some visualization exercises in which you meditate on images of being calm, seeing yourself succeeding, relaxed and doing well. See it, make it real and it will become real. Your body doesn't know the difference between imagined and real. When you remember an event that made you smile, you brain fires in exactly the same way as if it was happening and the same goes for feeling stressed. So, create the neurological pathways, strengthen them with repitition and soon you'll be doing well. Visualize, practice, and do deep breathing exercises. Give yourself some of the tools that you need. If you find yourself feeling nervous, focus your breath, do deep, slow, full belly breathing...keep the chest stationary.

The other thing is and this may sound strange: lower your expectations. I used to say that I needed to be the best, highest grades...I was unrealistic. Expect less and get more. That seems to be a strange and odd statement, but when I put less pressure on myself, I'm able to perform at a better level. I love myself enough not to beat myself up over things that are so impermanent. Life does go on. Step back and get a greater perspective on where you are going and where you've come from and celebrate who you are. You are a wonderful person, I'm sure. You've accomplished so much already. Find pleasure in that. Find joy in your life. And live in the now.

Eat well, exercise, meditate, practice deep breathing exercises, go for walks, find ways to stay in the moment and celebrate your life.....and soon you'll find that peace you seek.

 

[Darth Vader]

MY advise would be to try and take it for a few months. It won' turn you into an emotional zombie, most students find that they are able to study better on it. You will still become very sad if something sad happens, and you will experience the highs associated with happiness, but everything just seems more stable. And if you are down all the time, then you won't feel down so much. Also, realize that you are starting on a pretty small dosage. My guess is that the medication will have no effect until your doc increases the dose to at least 30 mg. It's good stuff though. And studies have shown no long term side effects, so if you take it and stop, you will be your normal unmedicated self again. It's not like it's habit forming or anything.

 

[Eraserhead]

Kiss orgasms goodbye but yes it works and it works well...

 

[Eraserhead]

Let me add to that, be prepared for at least one major side effect, probably more... I would only take it as a last resort. Try exercise, meditation, and anything else you can first.

 

[Eraserhead]

Start with 10mg on the first few days, not 20mg... it may be too much for you to handle, trust me. Cut them in half and talk to your doctor about this.

 

[mdblue]

Talk to a psychiatrist-they'll offer u a more definite plan. Antidep/anxiolytics are definitely a choice, relaxation/exercises works as adjunct and are always good. Probably u should start with seeing a shrink, start a medication(there are meds other than SSRIs) and plan for CBT. It takes time to have remission, don't get disheartened, and best of luck!
BTW, u'll not turn in a jombie as the other posts mentioned. U might expect nausea/vommiting, delayed ejaculation/anorgasmia, asthenia-they will gradually wean off.
🙂