Would you get ticked off if..

[Fakesmile]

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a kid you've last seen 4 years ago email you two or three times a year only to use you as a reference or ask you for a LOR?
4 years ago, I was enrolled in a 4-month leadership program for teens. There, I met my group leader. After the 4-month program was over 4 years ago, I never saw her again. But I emailed her about two or three times every year only to ask her if I can use her as my reference for jobs, awards, etc. Now I'm about to apply for something again and it seems like she is one of the very few that I can turn to for reference or LOR. But I'm reluctant to ask her again, because it seems like I'm constantly using her without paying her back and we weren't even close. During the 4-month program, we kept distance from each other while trying to get along. I don't even know her home address or phone number, just her email.. Oh, actually I do have her phone number because it's written in the last LOR she sent me via email last year. But we never talked on the phone before.

 

[elektroshok]

Worst that happens is she says no or doesn't respond.

 

[135892]

Worst that happens is she says no or doesn't respond.

Well actually, the worst that could happen is that she writes you a bad letter because she doesn't really know you all to well.

 

[iA-MD2013]

Well actually, the worst that could happen is that she writes you a bad letter because she doesn't really know you all to well.

👍

I think you should give it a shot...but make sure she can write you a "strong letter of recommendation."

 

[meliora27]

I don't think it's a big deal. To be honest, most people are flattered when they're asked. A lot of times, references aren't even checked. I've had people use me as references and I'm always glad to help. For jobs, awards, etc. asking for references is more a way to weed out applicants than an actual part of the vetting process. As an aside, in the "professional" world, namely law and finance, bad LOR's really aren't an issue. Often times, the worst employees get the best LOR's as firms are so desperate to just get these people out. In these fields, as in others, if you say anything whatsoever that is not the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, you expose yourself to serious litigation. If someone is not comfortable or even able to provide a strong LOR or reference, they'll usually say so. I have never experienced an instance where someone uses the opportunity the furnish a LOR or act as a reference as a means to sabotage someone else's chances.

 

[qmcat]

a kid you've last seen 4 years ago email you two or three times a year only to use you as a reference or ask you for a LOR?
4 years ago, I was enrolled in a 4-month leadership program for teens. There, I met my group leader. After the 4-month program was over 4 years ago, I never saw her again. But I emailed her about two or three times every year only to ask her if I can use her as my reference for jobs, awards, etc. Now I'm about to apply for something again and it seems like she is one of the very few that I can turn to for reference or LOR. But I'm reluctant to ask her again, because it seems like I'm constantly using her without paying her back and we weren't even close. During the 4-month program, we kept distance from each other while trying to get along. I don't even know her home address or phone number, just her email.. Oh, actually I do have her phone number because it's written in the last LOR she sent me via email last year. But we never talked on the phone before.

it's ok... just ask her. she's been nice enough to help you all along. i don't think she would get pissed off now.

if you want to pay her back, at the end of your email, ask to buy her a cup of coffee or have lunch sometime.

btw, is she hot?

 

[chemnerd89]

it's ok... just ask her. she's been nice enough to help you all along. i don't think she would get pissed off now.

if you want to pay her back, at the end of your email, ask to buy her a cup of coffee or have lunch sometime.

btw, is she hot?

That is the real question at hand, here.

 

[BuffGold]

I think it depends on what you are applying for. If you think the recs are going to be a minor factor, sure, go ahead. But its probably not going to be very useful.
Writing recs can be a pain if they don't feel strongly about it. Four years is a long time, especially if you only knew her for four months. It sounds like you didn't do too much to impress her either.
If you do ask, be sure to give her plenty of notice. The only thing worse than writing a rec for someone you don't know too well is having to do it on a deadline.

 

[BuffGold]

if you want to pay her back, at the end of your email, ask to buy her a cup of coffee or have lunch sometime.

Good idea. Bribe a reference out of her.

 

[135892]

That is the real question at hand, here.

This is key... pics would be useful in determining this 😀

But yeah, most people, generally, don't want to screw others over. So, if she does decide to write a LOR for you, it probably would be a lukewarm one at worst.

 

[pietachok]

Are you speaking of using this person for a LOR for medical school applications? It doesn't sound like she knows you well enough to write you a worthwhile LOR.

Think about what your LOR will actually say.
Think quality not quantity of LOR's.