Your thoughts on my personal statement?

[woltej1]

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[DontBanMeBro]

you used a semicolon incorrectly after family

 

[Mt Kilimanjaro]

So this is how the other side lives...

Did you not submit your AMCAS yet this year? Or is this for next year?

This thread will be closed, but you need more specific examples that relate to your interest in medicine. Start here:http://studentdoctor.net/2007/06/before-you-write-your-personal-statement-read-this/

 

[dirty630]

I'd probably take this off SDN. You don't know how schools check for plagiarism or if someone will like your PS and steal it and submit tonight. I'd just send it to a few trusted people instead of the entire internet.

 

[RCPreMD]

In

 

[ChemEngMD]

Most people aren't going to read what you just posted on here...I was originally going to come in and put some too long didn't read meme and then I accidentally started reading your statement lol.

You don't get to the point until the last paragraph. The statement reads more as your family's health history than it does your reasons for becoming a physician. The whole essay should be focused on "why medicine?".

Remember: This is a sales pitch. What makes you unique? What will make you a great physician? What experiences have you personally had that show that you exhibit the necessary qualities to be an effective clinician? Just having family members who have suffered illnesses (however terrible they were or how much you were affected) does not provide enough reason for wanting to go into medicine.

I think you need to up the maturity level of your statement a lot. It reads like a twenty year old who hasn't had much experience in the medical field, who is reaching. I'm not saying that is who you are, but that is how it read to me.

Just as an FYI, I did not read it line for line, but rather skimmed it (similar to how most ADCOM members will).

Hope this helps. All was meant as constructive criticism.

 

[NorthernLights1]

I have no real criticism beyond the above points.

However...I feel like being an AdCom would get very repetitive and numbing - hundreds of stories of familial hardship, disease, and death in quick-succession. Seems to me like a lot of people think they need to tell a story about a time when someone close to them had a medical incident and some wonderful physician (with a chiseled jaw and perfect teeth, no doubt) came by the grace of God Himself to simultaneously heal and inspire.

I don't mean to belittle these stories or imply that they are in any way untrue, but my gut tells me writing about something a little more unique will be a boon to your application.

 

[TheBossDoctor]

I've heard that the only time where it's really a good idea to mention family tragedies is if you've gone on to do volunteer work or research related to the illness that your family member had. So for example, if your grandparent passed away from lung cancer and it inspires you to do lung cancer research during college then it's worth writing about since it puts things in perspective. Otherwise, mentioning family tragedies makes you seem phony and give off the impression that you're only pretending to be affected by that (even if you really are).

 

[IslandStyle808]

Your statement is passive and needs to be more active. The biggest change you need to do is paint a picture of your PS. Show the feelings and emotions of yourself during those situations with your family. Not only that but also mention about your own experiences that shaped your interest in the field like shadowing or volunteering in an ER.

The main thing is be vivid and explain what you learned from your experiences.

EDIT: Having a family story is fine if you can tie it into an experience like research in that field or shadowing a person in that field. It has to have motivated you to do something related to the event.