Medical funnies ONLY!

I got one. Not really a ridiculous nursing call, but kinda funny nevertheless.

One of my first patients on my 3rd year IM rotation was a homeless guy sent over from the shelter because he had a positive PPD and hemoptysis. So we put him on respiratory isolation while we waited for his three AFB sputums.

First day was uneventful. He was admitted on Superbowl Sunday and was quite content to watch the game in his private isolation room. Next day I go to preround on him, and he's gone. I went to see if his chart was missing, and I find it, and there's a nursing notation: "patient down to smoke in blue mask."

So I get my resident, and we talk with the nursing staff and make it clear that he's not supposed to go downstairs and blow his TB all over the rest of the hospital, and if he does have to go somewhere for a test or whatever, he's to wear the orange duckbill mask, not the blue surgical masks that don't filter out TB. Then we find the patient, and talk to him and discover that apparently he has a problem with females in authority (our whole team happened to be female that month) because he spent the next 10 minutes wagging his finger in our face going on about "you women always have to have the last word." Then we started getting calls from nursing that the patient had snuck out of his room, apparently to go smoke. So we got the head of the county TB control to come talk to him, and he agreed to stay put.

Then his CT comes back and pulmonary thinks he might have a fungus ball and wants to bronch him. However, someone had put this guy on Plavix a year ago and he refused to stop taking it. He had a stash in his room that he had brought with him, and he hid it. Whenever we would try to talk to him about it, he went on about "you women" and that we didn't understand that he had "a delicate heart." We tried explaining things, reasoning with him, for 2 days. Nothing worked. We even searched his room while he went down for another CT. Came up empty.

Finally we decided to play the gender card and sent a male nurse in there. The dude gave up his Plavix within 10 minutes. Grrrr.

Hurricane said:

...because he spent the next 10 minutes wagging his finger in our face going on about "you women always have to have the last word."

Click to expand...

He's got a point there.

Hurricane said:

Finally we decided to play the gender card and sent a male nurse in there. The dude gave up his Plavix within 10 minutes. Grrrr.

Click to expand...

Sometimes it just takes a man to get the job done.

Here is something I did:

I had a patient in the MICU as a fourth year. I saw him almost everyday for a week and a half but he was pretty much unconscious for most of it. He had a history of paranoid schizophrenia. About two weeks later, when I'm on another rotation, I see him in the hall and I say, "Hello Mr. X. How is your brother?" as I pass by. The look on his face was classic. I completely forgot that he had paranoid schizophrenia. He had no idea who I was and his face appeared startled/anxious. I felt so bad.

u_r_my_serenity said:

Here is something I did:

I had a patient in the MICU as a fourth year. I saw him almost everyday for a week and a half but he was pretty much unconscious for most of it. He had a history of paranoid schizophrenia. About two weeks later, when I'm on another rotation, I see him in the hall and I say, "Hello Mr. X. How is your brother?" as I pass by. The look on his face was classic. I completely forgot that he had paranoid schizophrenia. He had no idea who I was and his face appeared startled/anxious. I felt so bad.

Click to expand...

I'm on my MS3 neuro rotation @ the VA. Opportunity comes up for an LPon a pt with suspected NPH. Resident let me watch one the day before, so he says, "you want it"?

I enter the patient's room and the resident asks if he minds having a med student do the procedure while he observes. Conversation that followed.

Pt: Well, I hope you've done quite a few before.
Me: Actually sir, I'm an LP virgin. You would be my first.
Pt: But you've assisted with some, right?
Me: Nope, I saw one done for the first time yesterday.
Pt: Hmm, well at least you're a straight A student, right?
Me:...
Pt: Did you hear me?
Me: Oooooh, I'm going to have to say no. (Bill Lumberg impression)
Pt:... Aww, the hell with it, go for it.


This guy had one of those 6 person rooms, and every morning when I came it I was teased by all of the patients with, "Hey look, it's the A student".

toofache32 said:

He's got a point there.


Sometimes it just takes a man to get the job done.

Click to expand...

not a medical funny, a medical error! never send girls to do a man's job

monkey7247 said:

I'm on my MS3 neuro rotation @ the VA. Opportunity comes up for an LPon a pt with suspected NPH. Resident let me watch one the day before, so he says, "you want it"?

I enter the patient's room and the resident asks if he minds having a med student do the procedure while he observes. Conversation that followed.

Pt: Well, I hope you've done quite a few before.
Me: Actually sir, I'm an LP virgin. You would be my first.
Pt: But you've assisted with some, right?
Me: Nope, I saw one done for the first time yesterday.
Pt: Hmm, well at least you're a straight A student, right?
Me:...
Pt: Did you hear me?
Me: Oooooh, I'm going to have to say no. (Bill Lumberg impression)
Pt:... Aww, the hell with it, go for it.


This guy had one of those 6 person rooms, and every morning when I came it I was teased by all of the patients with, "Hey look, it's the A student".

Click to expand...

I have to tell you, VA patients are the BEST! No matter if drunk, homeless, crackhead, or whatever, these men and women have served at least 18 months honorably, no matter what else has happened, and they are SO grateful! "Sure doc, why not? How you doin' today? Me, I feel better after'n that lung came out!" Moreover, I do seriously believe that you cannot kill a VA patient - if they die, it is not due to what you did or neglected. I used to get in minor trouble because I would talk with the patients endlessly about their time in the military - I was (and remain) just mesmerized by these men and women that so underestimate and belittle their contributions, yet I see the hero in every one of them, and they just say, "Aw, hell, I was just doin' my job!"

Apollyon said:

I have to tell you, VA patients are the BEST! No matter if drunk, homeless, crackhead, or whatever, these men and women have served at least 18 months honorably, no matter what else has happened, and they are SO grateful! "Sure doc, why not? How you doin' today? Me, I feel better after'n that lung came out!" Moreover, I do seriously believe that you cannot kill a VA patient - if they die, it is not due to what you did or neglected. I used to get in minor trouble because I would talk with the patients endlessly about their time in the military - I was (and remain) just mesmerized by these men and women that so underestimate and belittle their contributions, yet I see the hero in every one of them, and they just say, "Aw, hell, I was just doin' my job!"

Click to expand...

VA pts ARE the best!! Wish I'd spent more than 6wks there.

Coolest VA pt I had...

~50yo 'nam vet diabetic M comes in 1wk after a spider bite and it has become superinfected with community acquired MRSA.

(pt was not homeless)
Pt: I was taking a nap on my floor when this black spider bit me.
Me: Why were you taking a nap on the floor?
Pt: [looking at me like I'm an idiot...] Because I was tired.
Me: OK, fair enough. So what's up with this spider?
Pt: He was a highly trained special operations unit on a sneak commando raid.
Me: [can't stop laughing. don't know how to f/u that, so the 1st question I can even think to ask is...] Did you at least get to kill it?
Pt: [visibly upset by his own answer] No, that motherf*cker crawled under the stove before I got to him. [a sudden look of resolve...] I'm gonna find him.

The spider bite was 1wk PTA, after which the pt experienced a lot of the symptoms of a black widow spider bite, which had long-resolved by this time (and just left behind a big old abscess on his hand). I was bored and wanted to go back and shoot the $hit with that patient for a few, so I made a photo lineup of about a dozen spiders that inhabit Illinois.

Me: Alright, I've got pictures of a few spiders here I would like you to take a close look at. Have you seen any of these guys hangin' around the neighborhood, lookin' like they're up to no good...
Pt: [Going straight to the black widow picture] There he is!! That's Charley!! Oh, I'm gonna "Agent Orange" your a$$, motherf*cker! Wait 'til I get home!!
WAIT 'TIL I GET HOME!!!

He perseverated on "Charley" for the rest of his stay. Really great guy. Never did find out if he whacked Charley though.

I love the VA.

A lot of the VA patients have great stories to tell too. Met a guy who flew B-52s during the Cold War when SAC was maintaining 24-7 patrols around the borders of the Soviet Union with nuclear-armed bombers. Met a guy who airdropped spies over occupied France before D-day. And so on...

Two stories from med school.

1. We were rounding with our surgical team. Our chief resident had a very dry, Bill Lumberg affect, and never looked up from his stack of charts. We were halfway through rounding, and we were at a certain room number. He asked, "How is Mr. Brown" without looking up. One of the interns said, "He died on Tuesday.". Our chief made no response, other than, "Well, I guess we should have checked on him earlier."

2. I was on a psychiatry service, assigned to see different people in the ER. I went into see a balding rotund man in his late 50's. Someone had given him a stack of white paper and some crayola markers. During the entire interview he was scribbling furiously, and every now and then would give me some sort of response. Finally at the end of the interview, I asked what he was drawing, and he held up a vivid picture of myself nailed to a cross with a bunch of colors behind it in a sort of rainbow. Under the cross he wrote "Dr. Sobchak died for our sins" I though it was quite funny, and he gave it to me, and I put in on my fridge, but my wife didn't find it so entertaining, and threw it away. I wish I still had it.

Okay, I'll play.

1. We had a lady come into Gyn clinic ticked as all get out that we were falliing down on our jobs of screening her for cancer because nobody had offered her a PSA test yet. Took a resident to calm her down!

2. Best Ambien hallucination (from my nursing days): Elderly gentleman was found standing in the corner of his room choking the corner of his hospital pillow. Night shift nurse came over and asked what was wrong, he swung at her, then looks around the room and mutters, "All these dXmn chickens with gas masks on, they are everywhere!" - he remembered hitting the nurse the next day, too!

3. Guy in his 70's with groin infection with community acquired MRSA who pulled his foley out by accident says, "did you hear I freed Willy last night?"

BTW - great thread, I was rolling at the paranoid schizophrenic post!

WalterSobchak said:

We were rounding with our surgical team. Our chief resident had a very dry, Bill Lumberg affect, and never looked up from his stack of charts. We were halfway through rounding, and we were at a certain room number. He asked, "How is Mr. Brown" without looking up. One of the interns said, "He died on Tuesday.". Our chief made no response, other than, "Well, I guess we should have checked on him earlier."

Click to expand...

Reminds me of my surgery chief resident. Awww, memories.

I used to work in an ICU. We received a patient from the emergency room and found the following on the chart:
23:05 - patient intubated
23:15 - coitus

I still laugh - we had a full-service ER! What the nurse meant was cordis.

While I was on my 3rd year Psych rotation I was working with this manic w/schizophrenia on inpatient. One day he tells me he's going to leave his wife and get back with his girlfriend that he had when he was 13 y/o and she was 11 y/o. He found out where she lives and is going to divorce his wife and marry this girl. He then proceeds to show me a picture of her straight out of a children's coloring book. Now I know we're not supposed to laught, but I couldn't contain myself.

I was on my internal medicine rotation at the VA as my very first rotation during my third year of medschool. We had this patient with lots of psych issues who had od-ed on his lithium. The guy had been incoherent for several days, initially admitted to the ICU, and then transferred to the floor. One day as we were rounding, we heard our patient yelling and moaning at the top of his voice. Our upper level resident of course sent me in to see what the problem was. He replied that no one had yet notified his girlfriend Susan that he was in the hospital. He asked that if he gave me the number, would I call her and let her know. So he gave me some numbers...5..7...2..0..0......8. Yeah, not enough numbers for a real phone number, so I just left and reported back to my upper level.

Later in the day, patient still yelling, so I'm sent back again. Please, please call Susan...she has to know where I am, etc....5....7.2..0.....0.....8.9.6.6.....3. Well, this time we had enough numbers to make a phone number, but the rate at which he spat them out, it didn't seem like it was real. I gave it to my upper level, and he started dialing and threw the phone at me...sure enough, the answering machine picked up and there was a Susan something as the intro message, so I left a message. My upper level and I looked that phone number up and saw that it was a number in Michigan...needless to say, we were several states away from Michigan, especially since this patient had lived in our home state all his life.

So, upper level resident again sent me back to our psych patient to ask him why he had a girlfriend all the way up in Michigan... his response, well, her husband didn't like him seeing her so she had to move away and the police made him stay here...lovely, so glad I left a message.

yamaniakit said:

While I was on my 3rd year Psych rotation I was working with this manic w/schizophrenia on inpatient. One day he tells me he's going to leave his wife and get back with his girlfriend that he had when he was 13 y/o and she was 11 y/o. He found out where she lives and is going to divorce his wife and marry this girl. He then proceeds to show me a picture of her straight out of a children's coloring book. Now I know we're not supposed to laught, but I couldn't contain myself.

Click to expand...

That reminds me...

Picture it! I was sitting on the couch with another medical student in the psych crisis (36 hour) unit watching TV, waiting for our attending to come out of his morning meeting. Near us are two lazyboy chairs facing each other and two psych patients watching TV with us. I think it was some sort of christian TV program. All of a sudden one of the patients turn to the other sitting across from him and says "What are you here for?", the other patient (a little slow on meds) drawls out, "I don't know....." before he can finish his sentence the other (much larger patient with a deep voice) yells out "I don't give a DAMN!"

I bust out laughing and so does the other medical student!

My locked psyched ward had a bunch of board games to entertain the patients. My personal favorite? "Outburst!"

A couple of one-liners:

My patient on the inpatient child psych ward - a 3 year old AA little girl - on why she didn't want to go to the afternoon group session:

"I don't want to play with those boys. They're CRAZY!"

We wrote in her chart that she was showing good judgement.

An intoxicated patient in the ER expressing his annoyance with the mental status exam:

"Of course I know what time it is. It's the TIME that it IS!"



This one didn't happen to me, but my friend said when he was in OB/GYN clinic, this girl comes in with her brother because of itching, discharge, etc. When it's time for the exam, my friend asks the patient if she'd like the brother to leave the room. Brother says "She ain't got nothin' I ain't seen before!" and sister says it's ok to stay. She opens her legs for the exam, and the odor of BV fills the room. Brother exclaimes: "Girl, you got the MONKEY! Just like yo' COUSIN!"

Oh how could I forget this one:

I'm on my interview for Emory's psychiatry residency. A bunch of us applicants - all dressed up in our interview suits - are getting the tour of the inpatient psych unit at Grady (Atlanta's big county hospital). I notice a woman eyeing us with that suspicious look so common among the paranoid schizophrenics. As we move on, I'm at the back of the group, and she walks up and taps me on the shoulder and whispers "hey." I turn around and she looks cautiously over her shoulder and asks " Is y'all the Secret Service?"

I guess I see how it might appear that way. (I told her no, BTW. I'm a softie.)

Self incriminating experience after a long day on inpatient wards last year...

I'm checking in on one of my little old men who was set to go home that afternoon. I stick my head in the door to check on him, and see that he is hunched up in the bed, with IV fluids continuing to run, despite my having ordered his IV d/c'd earlier in the morning. I summon the nurse over, and assume my "mildly annoyed physician" face (you know, the one they teach us during orientation).

Me: Mr. XXXX is going home soon, and I d/c'd his IV this morning. What's going on?
Nurse (puzzled): who?
Me: Mr. XXXX in 74XX.
Nurse (still puzzled): you mean MRS. XXXX in 64XX
Me (looking around, realizing I'm one floor below where I should be): Man, am I an idiot.

We had good laugh about it. The funniest (scariest?) part to me is that I LOOKED at the patient, who turned out to be a little old lady that, when hunched up, could potentially be mistaken for a little old man. Turns out I mistook her for MY little old man, who was discharged without incident, BTW.

Secondary moral: Only break out the "mildly annoyed physician" face when you are absolutely, positively certain that it won't come back to bite you in the a$$!

This story has become legend at my school....

Third-year med student, we'll call him Bob, on his third-year geriatrics rotation. This rotation is ridiculously easy - all you're responsible for is seeing and writing a note on one patient before rounds at 9 AM. On the Tuesday of the rotation, Bob is presenting his patient when the attending asks, "So what's the output from the pigtail catheter in his pleura?" Bob says that the output has been constant, is serosanguinous, etc. At this point the nurse pipes up, "Just so you know, the patient pulled out his pigtail yesterday." Moment of sympathetic silence for poor Bob, who's just gotten shown up, and all the other med students sitting around the table make a mental note to check all lines, drains, etc. meticulously before rounds.

Now, I think we can all agree that the lesson learned here is to SEE YOUR PATIENT BEFORE ROUNDS. However, Bob is a law unto himself, and so....

...Wednesday rolls around and Bob is the first student to arrive at the conference room for rounds, SOAP note written and in hand. The attending smiles, turns to him, and says "Bob, why don't you start us off this morning and tell us about Mr. X." Bob starts off, "Mr. X is an 85-year-old man with CHF, COPD..." but before he can get any further the same nurse interrupts him, "Just so we're all clear, that patient expired last night." The attending turns to Bob, voice dripping with skepticism, and says, "Well, son, why don't you tell us what you WOULD have said if Mr. X was still alive."

The best part of this is, the patient was in a BODY BAG on the bed - if he'd even poked his head in the room he would have seen it! This still ranks as the greatest rounds moment of my med school career.

Hurricane said:

This one didn't happen to me, but my friend said when he was in OB/GYN clinic, this girl comes in with her brother because of itching, discharge, etc. When it's time for the exam, my friend asks the patient if she'd like the brother to leave the room. Brother says "She ain't got nothin' I ain't seen before!" and sister says it's ok to stay. She opens her legs for the exam, and the odor of BV fills the room. Brother exclaimes: "Girl, you got the MONKEY! Just like yo' COUSIN!"

Click to expand...

Pppppffffttttt! Oh my Zod! The MONKEY!?!?!?! Call me naive but what on earth?!

Here is another good OB/GYN moment...

Called down to ER for "vaginal itching". On exam the patient has what looks like feces spilling out of the vagina. My resident thinks "oh S&#t! recto-vaginal fistula, etc". As you can expect more history was taken. On further questioning the patient admits "Ever since I got this odor Rex won't even lick down there even if I put Alpo in there".

Oh my Zod I couldn't do anything but hurl at that point. This is the grossest thing I have ever witnessed and also the grossest story ever told.

"Bob" is my new hero.

Here's one from a classmates while on 3rd year surgery.

They were working with (who they described as) a somewhat arrogant surgical intern that night ( imagine that!!! j/k...don't lynch me please!!)

Female pt came in by ambulance after a MVC. The surgical intern was involved in the secondary survey. Did the rectal exam.

"Hmmm....well....actually....rectal tone is rather loose"

ER attending takes one look down and says, "ummm...that's great. But your finger is in the vagina."

drPLUM said:

Called down to ER for "vaginal itching". On exam the patient has what looks like feces spilling out of the vagina. My resident thinks "oh S&#t! recto-vaginal fistula, etc". As you can expect more history was taken. On further questioning the patient admits "Ever since I got this odor Rex won't even lick down there even if I put Alpo in there".

Click to expand...

I have now completely lost respect for humankind.

Legend has it that there was an IM intern kicked out of the program here a couple years ago. The guy was a bad intern, but the straw that broke the camel's back: In clinic he performed a speculum exam and did a pap smear on some poor woman's rectum.

My friend (a former resident here, now a fellow elsewhere) claims to have met this intern, and verifies that it's true and not just urban legend.

yamaniakit said:

While I was on my 3rd year Psych rotation I was working with this manic w/schizophrenia on inpatient. One day he tells me he's going to leave his wife and get back with his girlfriend that he had when he was 13 y/o and she was 11 y/o. He found out where she lives and is going to divorce his wife and marry this girl. He then proceeds to show me a picture of her straight out of a children's coloring book. Now I know we're not supposed to laught, but I couldn't contain myself.

Click to expand...

I was working in the Psych ER as a third year (our ER actually has a place just for psych patients) and this girl, about 20 years old, comes in with a friend for attempted suicide. The resident sends me in to get the history and we are talking about why she did it and so on. I ask her how she tried to kill herself and she says by taking pills. She is crying off and on so we go slow and I'm trying to show empathy. I ask her what she took and she told me with a very sad and serious face that she took ten Pepcid AC.

I pretended to start coughing and excused myself from the room. I practically ran away so she wouldn't see me laugh. I know there is NOTHING funny about the reality of suicide and that my behavior is that of a terrible doctor, but I could not stop myself from laughing.

drPLUM said:

Pppppffffttttt!
Called down to ER for "vaginal itching". On exam the patient has what looks like feces spilling out of the vagina. My resident thinks "oh S&#t! recto-vaginal fistula, etc". As you can expect more history was taken. On further questioning the patient admits "Ever since I got this odor Rex won't even lick down there even if I put Alpo in there".

Click to expand...

Ew....

I think I told this story before...on one of my first calls I was waiting to do an admission on a patient, and I went to the floor and asked if the pt had gotten to the floor yet. The HUC said no, and then asked me, "Are you family?" Um, I am wearing a white coat with my name embroidered on it, with a stethoscope around my neck, and a hospital nametag that says "family medicine resident." I don't know which part of that combination of things she didn't understand.

Another thing - not a funny story, just a funny thing to me in general - I am amazed how many patients (both male and female) describe chest/rib pain to me as being "under my titties" or "between my titties." I almost laugh every time I hear that description.

Could the HUC have meant "Are you Family?" as in asking "Are you Surgery or are you Pulmonology?" That would explain things.

Page: "Yes?"
Nurse: Why did you order a breast pump to bedside, lactation consult, oxytocin, sitz baths and pads to the bedside of your 67 yom admitted for AMI this AM?
Me: I did that?
Nurse: Lemme check....no, it was Dr. X, was he covering?
Me: I'll get back to you but hold all that stuff for a moment.
Page: "This is Dr. X, I was paged."
Me: High Dr. X, did you happen to order a post partum order set this morning?
DrX: Yes. Several.
Me: Hmmm, well I think you hit a wrong button on the user hostile computer system. Mr. Y, my 67 yo AMI patient is wondering if the breast pump and sitz baths will relieve his chest pain?"

What do you call two pediatricians reading an EKG?






























A double blinded study.

(I am a PL-2, so no flaming)

It was my first day as a third year student on an away rotation in internal medicine. The other medical student and I were told to accompany the intern on rounds, so we followed her into this middle-aged man's room. Apparently, the man had recently attended a family reunion in another state and had contracted strongyloides. The intern decided to deliver the diagnosis by looking gravely at the patient and saying, "So, basically, you have worms. How does that make you feel?"
It was all the other student and I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The poor patient just looked perplexed and replied, "Well, I don't know where I could'a got 'em."
Honestly. "How does that make you feel?" How did she think he felt? And what a strange thing to ask. For the rest of the rotation, the other student and I would greet each other in the hall by saying, "So, basically, you have worms. How does that make you feel?"

u_r_my_serenity said:

I ask her what she took and she told me with a very sad and serious face that she took ten Pepcid AC.

Click to expand...

On psych I had a suicide attempt with 3 Ambien.

kickazzz2000 said:

What do you call two pediatricians reading an EKG?

A double blinded study.

(I am a PL-2, so no flaming)

Click to expand...

Actually it's supposed to be two orthopods in that joke, not peds.

So how many Jesuses (Jesusi?)(Jesusae?) did you guys meet on your psych rotation? I counted 8 during my 4 weeks. Good times.....

highball said:

So how many Jesuses (Jesusi?)(Jesusae?) did you guys meet on your psych rotation? I counted 8 during my 4 weeks. Good times.....

Click to expand...

We once had Jesus and the Prophet Mohammed on the same unit. Made for an interesting millieu.

beary said:

On psych I had a suicide attempt with 3 Ambien.

Click to expand...

Well then I attempt suicide every night I guess....

Hurricane said:

We once had Jesus and the Prophet Mohammed on the same unit. Made for an interesting millieu.

Click to expand...

That is AWESOME.

highball said:

So how many Jesuses (Jesusi?)(Jesusae?) did you guys meet on your psych rotation? I counted 8 during my 4 weeks. Good times.....

Click to expand...

Heard from another student: They had 2 at the same time, who argued initially, much to the delight of the other patients, but they eventually agreed to a timeshare - one was Jesus on MWF, the other TThS and they both got to be Jesus on Sunday.

tiredmom said:

Heard from another student: They had 2 at the same time, who argued initially, much to the delight of the other patients, but they eventually agreed to a timeshare - one was Jesus on MWF, the other TThS and they both got to be Jesus on Sunday.

Click to expand...

Here's one: I was a 4th year student on a rotation in the ER. On the computer, I was assigned a patient with "foreign object in vagina." On pelvic exam, she had (sure enough) a donutshaped orange thing that was stuck perfectly around her cervix. An attending came in and explained to me that this was a c**k ring, and I had to wonder how did the attending know, and the patient never said anything.....

It took us 15 minutes of pulling on the stupid thing so we could keep her out of surgery. And then had to tell her to read the instructions next time. Apparently, the entire time, her boyfriend sat in the car, refusing to come in. When we were done finally, she proceeded to go straight to the car and break his nose. Nice comeback..........

toofache32 said:

Well then I attempt suicide every night I guess....

Click to expand...

Haha, me too. That is all I could think when I was talking to that lady.

Heard this one from another med student:

Mom brings kid in for sore throat. Is very adamant that they look at the kid's tonsils. Very adamant. When asked why, mom says that she remembered the doctor said the kid has a chiari malformation and they need to keep an eye on his tonsils.

Hurricane said:

Heard this one from another med student:

Mom brings kid in for sore throat. Is very adamant that they look at the kid's tonsils. Very adamant. When asked why, mom says that she remembered the doctor said the kid has a chiari malformation and they need to keep an eye on his tonsils.

Click to expand...

Patient: "Is it possible to catch HIV from being in the firing line of someone's wet fart?"

On an IM rotation, we had a patient with a penis implant. He had a name that none of us could pronounce, so we we would all call him "the penis guy"...even during rounds.

As a 4th year med student in ER, pt comes in with complaint of pelvic pain...

Me: So, have you noticed any vaginal discharge?
Pt: You mean my cooch?

I almost lost it.

ivan lewis said:

As a 4th year med student in ER, pt comes in with complaint of pelvic pain...

Me: So, have you noticed any vaginal discharge?
Pt: You mean my cooch?

I almost lost it.

Click to expand...

Ahhh yes.....the good ol' cooch.

Rounding with my surgery team as a 3rd yr med student. The loss of one of our patients the day before had made a bit of an impression on most of us, but our chief (rather stereotypically) seemed more focussed on getting the routine post-ops out of the hospital.

Chief (looking at census sheet): "This is great, we're really getting the numbers down!"

Other med student: "Yeah, and we're even sending some home!"

not a story, but funny jokes, you've probably heard them before...

How do you keep $100 from an Ortho Surgeon?

put it in a book



How do you keep $100 from a Radiologist?

tape it to a patient



From a neurosurgeon?

tape it to his children



and my personal fave: from a plastic surgeon?

you can't

matthew45 said:

not a story, but funny jokes, you've probably heard them before...

How do you keep $100 from an Ortho Surgeon?

put it in a book

Click to expand...

How do you REALLY keep it from the orthopod?

Put it in a book with no pictures.

How do you hide a $100 bill from a pediatrician?

You don't have to - they've never seen one.