Advice, counting down the days...and who gets the pet?

[computer4]

I've been with my gf for over 5 years. We've been living together for over a year. She wants to stay with me when I go to med school but doesn't like where I've been accepted (although would probably want to come regardless). I don't want her to come with me for a number of reasons, but mostly because it will benefit both of us if she doesn't...but I haven't told her that yet.

Anyway, right now we split the costs of rent, cable, utilities, etc. If we split up before I left for school, I'd have to take care of costs on my own, which would not be impossible but would definitely be a burden on my financial situation. I like her company, but don't like being with her...if that makes any sense. I guess, the companionship is great, but sometimes (really more of the time lately) I just can't stand being around her. (We do enjoy each others company and sometimes we have a good time together, but most of the time I would rather be at school/work.) Is it wrong of me to keep her around for the next few months to lighten my financial load?

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[Misaenator]

Why using the gf to lighten up ur financial burden at the first place? Sound like you've been taking advantage of her for the longest. If you feel the rlntshp is getting nowhere, why leading her on thinking that there're future for the both of you. At the end, you're gonna go to med school and 99% of ur time will be spent at school/lab/hospital/rotations etc. Man up and tell her what's going on so you both don't feel bad/guilty later on. If you're gonna become a dr, make sure to practice the law of karma sooner than later, that way there're nothing left to feel bad about. Just my 2 cents

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[WhtsThFrequency]

Anyway, right now we split the costs of rent, cable, utilities, etc. If we split up before I left for school, I'd have to take care of costs on my own, which would not be impossible but would definitely be a burden on my financial situation. I like her company, but don't like being with her...if that makes any sense. I guess, the companionship is great, but sometimes (really more of the time lately) I just can't stand being around her. (We do enjoy each others company and sometimes we have a good time together, but most of the time I would rather be at school/work.) Is it wrong of me to keep her around for the next few months to lighten my financial load?

You really don't know the answer to that question? Of course it is. Sack up and end it. Let her move on so she can find someone who wants to be with her, rather than using her like that. She's a person, not a piggy bank.

 

[Misaenator]

You really don't know the answer to that question? Of course it is. Sack up and end it. Let her move on so she can find someone who wants to be with her, rather than using her like that. She's a person, not a piggy bank.

On top of that, 5 years together is a god damn long time, sweet Jesus. I can't even recall anybody that willing to date that long in this time and day. That girl bent over backward for him for the longest and he's getting too comfortable now, not to mention karma is a B. Dont play with it!!!

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[moisne]

Lol - he even had to ask. Mental note to keep watch of scums in the future

 

[konp]

Lol - he even had to ask. Mental note to keep watch of scums in the future

easy on the guy. It takes real life experience to know Wisdom

 

[EMDO2018]

I've been with my gf for over 5 years. We've been living together for over a year. She wants to stay with me when I go to med school but doesn't like where I've been accepted (although would probably want to come regardless). I don't want her to come with me for a number of reasons, but mostly because it will benefit both of us if she doesn't...but I haven't told her that yet.

Anyway, right now we split the costs of rent, cable, utilities, etc. If we split up before I left for school, I'd have to take care of costs on my own, which would not be impossible but would definitely be a burden on my financial situation. I like her company, but don't like being with her...if that makes any sense. I guess, the companionship is great, but sometimes (really more of the time lately) I just can't stand being around her. (We do enjoy each others company and sometimes we have a good time together, but most of the time I would rather be at school/work.) Is it wrong of me to keep her around for the next few months to lighten my financial load?

People use and get used all the time.

 

[EMDO2018]

Why using the gf to lighten up ur financial burden at the first place? Sound like you've been taking advantage of her for the longest. If you feel the rlntshp is getting nowhere, why leading her on thinking that there're future for the both of you. At the end, you're gonna go to med school and 99% of ur time will be spent at school/lab/hospital/rotations etc. Man up and tell her what's going on so you both don't feel bad/guilty later on. If you're gonna become a dr, make sure to practice the law of karma sooner than later, that way there're nothing left to feel bad about. Just my 2 cents

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LAW of Karma? Studies, proof? Otherwise like the red sea parting it's not a thing.

 

[Misaenator]

LAW of Karma? Studies, proof? Otherwise like the red sea parting it's not a thing.

You say that now.

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[that redhead]

People use and get used all the time.

That doesn't make it right.

OP, yes, it is wrong. Break up with her. If you have to ask who "gets" the pet, find it a better home.

 

[Misaenator]

That doesn't make it right.

OP, yes, it is wrong. Break up with her. If you have to ask who "gets" the pet, find it a better home.

I think he knows, he just wants confirmations. That's all.

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[computer4]

Thanks guys.

For the record, we're still very much best friends and enjoy being with each other, despite our relationship losing the sexual interest and desire to be together for a long time. The issue is more along the lines of forcing her to find a new place to live sooner vs. ending the relationship in a more mutual manner a bit later. The karma gods have been constantly consulted before my OP and choosing to remain with her until the summer was most often the solution I came up with.

Using her to "lighten the financial load" was not the best way to state it (based on what type of response it's elicited so far) because it's definitely much, much more than just that. When choosing my decision it came down to what was best for her, more so than me. She enjoys being with me (as I enjoy being with her), she likes where we live and would have a difficult time getting over a non-mutual breakup that forced us apart on poor terms. Also, going back home for her would be difficult for a number of reasons; she has not been on good terms with her parents and siblings recently and her parents have filled her room with extended relatives.

In reference to the pet situation, (btw, I use "pet" and "it" as to not identify myself, my gf, and the animal...it's not because I believe a pet is a material object...I may be insensitive to an extent, but I'm not that heartless) we adopted the pet a number of years ago on/around my birthday. I named it, trained it and housed it for the majority of the time we have had it together. When/if we split up, I will be moving to an area that is more conducive to the lifestyle that the pet would like to live in, whereas she will be moving somewhere that will be less appropriate. For those reasons, I believe I should be the one to keep it.

However, because I am often at work/school for 8-12 hours a day, she feels entitled to it since she is at home with it while I'm out of the house. She spends more time feeding and walking it while I'm away which empowers her opinion even more. Granted, if I were not out pursuing a career and earning an income in order to support our micro-family, I would be spending as much time with it, if not more than her. I'm not sure if this factors into a decision at all, but she spends more time posting pictures and updates about the pet on social media, so her friends and family see it more often than mine do...in the eyes of her family and friends, losing the pet for her would be a bigger deal than it would be to my friends and family. Again, it may not seem like a factor, but for some reason it upsets me that something like that may occur.

We both would be heartbroken having to depart with the pet (let alone each other) and the only reason I consider allowing her to keep it would be to soften the blow from the breakup...but even then I'm reluctant to let that happen.

For anyone who has experience with this type of situation, how should we decide who will take care of the pet in the future?

 

[moisne]

Thanks guys.

For the record, we're still very much best friends and enjoy being with each other, despite our relationship losing the sexual interest and desire to be together for a long time. The issue is more along the lines of forcing her to find a new place to live sooner vs. ending the relationship in a more mutual manner a bit later. The karma gods have been constantly consulted before my OP and choosing to remain with her until the summer was most often the solution I came up with.

Using her to "lighten the financial load" was not the best way to state it (based on what type of response it's elicited so far) because it's definitely much, much more than just that. When choosing my decision it came down to what was best for her, more so than me. She enjoys being with me (as I enjoy being with her), she likes where we live and would have a difficult time getting over a non-mutual breakup that forced us apart on poor terms. Also, going back home for her would be difficult for a number of reasons; she has not been on good terms with her parents and siblings recently and her parents have filled her room with extended relatives.

In reference to the pet situation, (btw, I use "pet" and "it" as to not identify myself, my gf, and the animal...it's not because I believe a pet is a material object...I may be insensitive to an extent, but I'm not that heartless) we adopted the pet a number of years ago on/around my birthday. I named it, trained it and housed it for the majority of the time we have had it together. When/if we split up, I will be moving to an area that is more conducive to the lifestyle that the pet would like to live in, whereas she will be moving somewhere that will be less appropriate. For those reasons, I believe I should be the one to keep it.

However, because I am often at work/school for 8-12 hours a day, she feels entitled to it since she is at home with it while I'm out of the house. She spends more time feeding and walking it while I'm away which empowers her opinion even more. Granted, if I were not out pursuing a career and earning an income in order to support our micro-family, I would be spending as much time with it, if not more than her. I'm not sure if this factors into a decision at all, but she spends more time posting pictures and updates about the pet on social media, so her friends and family see it more often than mine do...in the eyes of her family and friends, losing the pet for her would be a bigger deal than it would be to my friends and family. Again, it may not seem like a factor, but for some reason it upsets me that something like that may occur.

We both would be heartbroken having to depart with the pet (let alone each other) and the only reason I consider allowing her to keep it would be to soften the blow from the breakup...but even then I'm reluctant to let that happen.

For anyone who has experience with this type of situation, how should we decide who will take care of the pet in the future?

Get another pet. I am just shocked you are thinking so far ahead and she may not even see it coming. You aren't giving her a voice in this.

If my boyfriend thought this, I would grab my stuff and move out - even if I have to stay with a friend for a bit.

The person initiating a break up should not be making the terms (who the pet goes to) if the other party did not make an error (ie. cheating). You want to move on with your life and you are over her. You say you are thinking on her behalf - I think she should know and she can make that decision. Had my boyfriend do something like this - he will be severely hurt in various ways. Then again, I'm pretty vindictive. :/

 

[computer4]

Get another pet. I am just shocked you are thinking so far ahead and she may not even see it coming. You aren't giving her a voice in this.

If my boyfriend thought this, I would grab my stuff and move out - even if I have to stay with a friend for a bit.

The person initiating a break up should not be making the terms (who the pet goes to) if the other party did not make an error (ie. cheating). You want to move on with your life and you are over her. You say you are thinking on her behalf - I think she should know and she can make that decision. Had my boyfriend do something like this - he will be severely hurt in various ways. Then again, I'm pretty vindictive. :/

I think you're missing the point...she does see it coming. She even told me that she doesn't want to live where I'll be in CA. It's going to be a mutual end and we both know that. Why spend the next few months upset about a break-up when we can spend the last few months together happily.

How could you be so cruel to say "get" another pet? Only a sociopath would be so immeasurably unaware of the bond formed between a human and his animal, especially after 5 years. What kind of justification do you make for saying that?

I guess it's a good thing she's a tad more rational and respectful than you.

Mental note to watch out for unstable leeches in the future...maybe I'm lucky to be with her after all.

 

[moisne]

I think you're missing the point...she does see it coming. She even told me that she doesn't want to live where I'll be in CA. It's going to be a mutual end and we both know that. Why spend the next few months upset about a break-up when we can spend the last few months together happily.

How could you be so cruel to say "get" another pet? Only a sociopath would be so immeasurably unaware of the bond formed between a human and his animal, especially after 5 years. What kind of justification do you make for saying that?

I guess it's a good thing she's a tad more rational and respectful than you.

Mental note to watch out for unstable leeches in the future...maybe I'm lucky to be with her after all.

Well it seems like no one here thinks you made it aware to her - at least not from your posts.

I had a cat for 12 years. She died, you cry but you move on. I got another cat. What is so wrong about getting another pet? You or she will lose the pet - it would be slightly better if there were two and can be split.

Unstable? Hardly - just don't cheat or backstab me and I am good. Leech? That's more laughable.

 

[moisne]

Talk to her - ask her who should keep the bet. If no one will give it up, flip a coin.

 

[blixxex]

I think you're missing the point...she does see it coming. She even told me that she doesn't want to live where I'll be in CA. It's going to be a mutual end and we both know that. Why spend the next few months upset about a break-up when we can spend the last few months together happily.

How could you be so cruel to say "get" another pet? Only a sociopath would be so immeasurably unaware of the bond formed between a human and his animal, especially after 5 years. What kind of justification do you make for saying that?

I guess it's a good thing she's a tad more rational and respectful than you.

Mental note to watch out for unstable leeches in the future...maybe I'm lucky to be with her after all.

That was uncalled for.

What's wrong with getting another pet? She didn't say to forget about the pet - but if you don't get to keep it then is getting another pet going to make you a sociopath? Good think you aren't qualified to diagnosis sociopaths - otherwise anyone who "got another pet" would be one. lol

 

[Misaenator]

This thread is so overrated

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[SolarMed]

OP is a sociopath, projection :O

I've been with my gf for over 5 years. We've been living together for over a year. She wants to stay with me when I go to med school but doesn't like where I've been accepted (although would probably want to come regardless *so she wants to come despite not liking the location but now you are saying it's mutual.). I don't want her to come with me for a number of reasons, but mostly because it will benefit both of us if she doesn't...but I haven't told her that yet- *so she does NOT know then... despite you saying it's mutual!?

Anyway, right now we split the costs of rent, cable, utilities, etc. If we split up before I left for school, I'd have to take care of costs on my own- *self centered thinking = sociopath's traits, which would not be impossible but would definitely be a burden - *still talking about your financial situation... on my financial situation. I like her company, but don't like being with her...- *So you are using her. Got it. if that makes any sense. I guess, the companionship is great, but sometimes (really more of the time lately) I just can't stand being around her- *can't stand her, staying with her because of money. (We do enjoy each others company and sometimes we have a good time together, but most of the time I would rather be at school/work.) Is it wrong of me to keep her around for the next few months to lighten my financial load - *for her benefit huh? nuff said - sociopath alert!!!!?

I checked this out because I just found out I'm going to med school. Told my girl, she said she doesn't want to move (she has a stable job) and she does not want to take on my medical school burden. We have a dog but not sure if I should take him or if she should keep him. I think I'll let her have the dog since I'm basically running away to pursue my dream (I didn't exactly tell her I was even applying - didn't want to spread the news and find out I was rejected from everywhere). We may try the whole long distance but I'm pretty doubtful.

Struggling with this thought, and found this .... leeching (OP continues to project) to-be med student. Disgusting.

PS. I think men should man up and take the shorter end of the stick. It's the chivalrous thing to do.

 

[Misaenator]

OP is a sociopath, projection :O



I checked this out because I just found out I'm going to med school. Told my girl, she said she doesn't want to move (she has a stable job) and she does not want to take on my medical school burden. We have a dog but not sure if I should take him or if she should keep him. I think I'll let her have the dog since I'm basically running away to pursue my dream (I didn't exactly tell her I was even applying - didn't want to spread the news and find out I was rejected from everywhere). We may try the whole long distance but I'm pretty doubtful.

Struggling with this thought, and found this .... leeching (OP continues to project) to-be med student. Disgusting.

PS. I think men should man up and take the shorter end of the stick. It's the chivalrous thing to do.

Lol, way to present the case. Sound abt right to me. Any objections?

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[WhtsThFrequency]

Disagree. Whoever initiates the breakup takes the shorter end of the stick.

So OP, need to sit the **** down and talk to your girlfriend about the status of your relationship.

You said that she didn't like where you had been accepted but wanted to come along anyway, and you didn't want that. That doesn't sound like she sees anything coming.

The very fact that you mentioned you are worried about her getting upset and distraught if you break up with her indicates she does not see it coming.

You haven't even told her you don't want her to come. Ffs.

 

[moisne]

Op must be trolling. Can't imagine someone like this going to med school.

 

[Misaenator]

Op must be trolling. Can't imagine someone like this going to med school.

Seriously!!! He must've pulled off a hell of representing himself in front of the interview board I assume. On a lighter note, the gf must've gotten the D-whipped big time. Otherwise i dont see the reason why she would still want to be with sb like him, who obviously has no respect and love for her after all that years dating. I cant help but to recheck how long they dated. Wow, she has a very special talent, which called patience. And she has no idea that he's been planning to drop her like it hot real soon. A shot of reality for her... Hopefully the next guy turns up wont have to pay a steep price….i said enough already. Im resting the case.

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