Advice: Does one take their mother to an academic conference?

[gohogwild]

Self explanatory. Worth asking!

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[psych.meout]

I don't know what you mean.

She's going with on the trip and just doing things in that city or she's actually going to the conference as well?

 

[gene_halpert]

I would say the cost of attending an academic conference not on an employer’s dime is cost prohibitive to most (mothers or otherwise).

I’m just going to start my training in the fall, so I’m not in the world of academic psychology yet, but I think most in the genetics community at least would find it odd at worst, endearing it best.

 

[ClinicalABA]

Why not? It's cool that she'd be interested.

 

[MiniLop]

I ALREADY SAID NO MOM!!! GOD JUST LET IT GO ALREADY!

 

[psych.meout]

I would say the cost of attending an academic conference not on an employer’s dime is cost prohibitive to most (mothers or otherwise).

I’m just going to start my training in the fall, so I’m not in the world of academic psychology yet, but I think most in the genetics community at least would find it odd at worst, endearing it best.

I've taken my partner to conferences because all my expenses were paid and we only had to cover their side of things, but I don't know how I'd feel about sharing a bed with my mother as an adult.....

 

[futureapppsy2]

I've taken my mom to many conferences so that she can basically function as a PCA (I'm physically disabled, and hotels and airports are horrendously inaccessible), and she never does conference stuff, but has fun exploring the cities (we don't share a bed).

 

[Sanman]

I've taken my partner to conferences because all my expenses were paid and we only had to cover their side of things, but I don't know how I'd feel about sharing a bed with my mother as an adult.....

Freud would have a field day...

 

[psych.meout]

I've taken my mom to many conferences so that she can basically function as a PCA (I'm physically disabled, and hotels and airports are horrendously inaccessible), and she never does conference stuff, but has fun exploring the cities (we don't share a bed).

Your mom sounds awesome.

 

[borne_before]

My dad used to take me to conferences in his field when I was kid. He was a prof. He’s hella old now - but if he showed interest I would take him.

 

[PsyDr]

Absent a great reason, that’s a succinct way to demonstrate how a lack of individuation can compromise professional competence.

 

[CheetahGirl]

If I took my Mom to a professional conference, she'd have seminal theorists' phone numbers, their life stories, and invitations from them to have future tea. And I'd totally flashback to adolescence, and be totally embarrassed.

 

[Sanman]

All the responses missed the most obvious question, is your mother a psychologist/ mental heath professional? I feel like I am solving one of those brain teasers everyone posts on FB.

 

[psych.meout]

All the responses missed the most obvious question, is your mother a psychologist/ mental heath professional? I feel like I am solving one of those brain teasers everyone posts on FB.

"The mother was the surgeon...."

If I took my Mom to a professional conference, she'd have seminal theorists' phone numbers, their life stories, and invitations from them to have future tea. And I'd totally flashback to adolescence, and be totally embarrassed.

Mine would do that and find some way to cook in the hotel room and give out food to conference attendees.

 

[futureapppsy2]

Absent a great reason, that’s a succinct way to demonstrate how a lack of individuation can compromise professional competence.

And this stuff is why I hide my mom at conferences, to the point where she can "invisibly" open a door. The inaccessibility of travel does not make me a less competent psychologist,

 

[PsychPhDone]

If it were my first poster (or first poster geographically close to home) or I was giving some really big talk, I might try to get a guest pass. Maybe this comes from the perspective of having a deceased parent and also having my own kids now. I'd let her take a picture of me and beam. I would not have answered this way earlier in my career.

Otherwise no not really worth it? I think it'd be boring. The best part of conferences is catching up with friends.

As a PI (not doing conferences right now), I look forward to the day I can embarrass my staff and trainees by taking a million pictures of them with their posters so they can send them to mom secretly after.

 

[ClinicalABA]

Absent a great reason, that’s a succinct way to demonstrate how a lack of individuation can compromise professional competence.

For real? You must have meant this sarcastically, right? If not, jeez!

 

[PsyDr]

For real? You must have meant this sarcastically, right? If not, jeez!

I think you are missing the "great reason" part. Needing help, needing childcare, using the conference for a vacation, the parent being in the profession, etc... those are among many of the great reasons to have a family member present.

Without that type of rationale, why is someone bringing their parent to a professional activity?

And this stuff is why I hide my mom at conferences, to the point where she can "invisibly" open a door. The inaccessibility of travel does not make me a less competent psychologist,

Why would you hide anyone who helps with access? That has nothing to do with competence.

 

[ClinicalABA]

I think you are missing the "great reason" part. Needing help, needing childcare, using the conference for a vacation, the parent being in the profession, etc... those are among many of the great reasons to have a family member present.

Without that type of rationale, why is someone bringing their parent to a professional activity?


Why would you hide anyone who helps with access? That has nothing to do with competence.

Ehh... the way your post was written, including how you quoted a specific post from the other contributor, I think you missed the mark.

Irregardless- If you bring your mom to a conference- for WHATEVER reason- most people are going to think either "nice" or "whatever" and then get back to worrying about which talk to pick from many that interest them in the same time slot, where they're going to get lunch because the line at the hotel restaurant is huge and a sandwich costs $25, and how they're going to fit in going to the museum/zoo/park in this city that I've never been to before, etc. There will, of course, be a few petty jerks who will feel entitled and able to make broader judgements based on limited data, but s***w them! The vast majority of us don't have an opinion either way, and even we did it's none of our d**n business. Heck- if the OP sends me the contact info, I'll bring their mom with me to my next conference.

ETA- re-reading this post of mine, I want to make it clear that I am not discounting the impact on anyone of being judged negatively, even for petty, unfounded reasons. It's horrible that that happens- not just in our field, but in general- but it's important to acknowledge that it does. It's much more complicated an issue than to just say "don't worry about ir- most people don't notice/care/see anything negative about it" even if that is true. The one person who does cast a sideways glance, make a cruel comment, etc. can have a major impact. I guess I have to do more than not think anything is wrong with it, but actively challenge those who do.

 

[Ollie123]

Lots of people bring family and friends to conferences. Particularly when they are in exotic locations. If you are talking about simply having them staying in the hotel, literally no one will think twice. One conference I attend even has "family registrations" where they can't enter scientific sessions but can attend meals, receptions, etc.

I can't imagine having a guest actually attend scientific sessions, but mostly just because....that poor family member. I can't imagine a less interesting way to spend a day tagging around at a conference I wasn't interested in. Keep in mind though, that no one really knows they are your parent unless you tell them. Decent chance most folks will assume they are your graduate mentor, colleague, etc.

 

[gohogwild]

Thank you all for your feedback! I am a busy student and my mom does not always have the means for vacation. I thought bringing her along when I'm already paying my way would be a nice way to expose her to the field and also get her out of my hometown. Thanks again, it's a pleasure to read your responses.

 

[futureapppsy2]

If I took my Mom to a professional conference, she'd have seminal theorists' phone numbers, their life stories, and invitations from them to have future tea. And I'd totally flashback to adolescence, and be totally embarrassed.

But what great networking!

 

[borne_before]

Some people also just like to spend time with their parents! BTW - my dad was a professor and mainly worked in the area of communication disorders (e.g., aphasia) and stuttering. When I was a stressed out 6th grader, he had me listen to PMR tapes he co-authored. He could def find some interests at a pediatric/school/child psych conference.

 

[calimich]

Before kids, my wife came to the APA conference a couple times, attended some talks, and explored the city on her own or with local friends. Toronto, Denver, DC. Sometimes we’d stay an extra day or two. Museums in DC, saw The Roots in Toronto. Also briefly brought infant daughter to APA SF. We’re thinking about APA Minneapolis together. APA has a “family member” designation, maybe $20?
My mom has not attended a conference, I’m not opposed though. And in my first year as faculty she visited me on campus, met some colleagues, and checked out the classrooms.

for context: my mom was 16 when I was born, raised me as a single parent, never had other kids. we're close

 

[bluecolourskies]

I wouldn't bring my mom, personally, because she would be bored out of her mind. I also don't know about traveling together because I love her, but she has poor respect for my boundaries and would try to "parent" me.

but if you get along with your mom, why not? if I saw someone brought their mom to a conference, I would assume their mom also had some tie to the field (like their mom was a professor, researcher, clinician, etc) and they just pooled resources to travel together.

 

[singasongofjoy]

I have not personally but know friends/colleagues who have for various reasons including 1) they work in adjacent fields / are interested in the topic (I LOVE it when one colleague in particular brings her mom along - the ensuing conversation is always riveting as we bounce perspectives back and forth), 2) traveling with infant for various reasons that include feeding, 3) because they are fun travel buddies and it's a mutually appealing location especially if it's e.g., a midway-ish point and they live long distance apart, 4) general assistance for someone with disability / needs some type of assistance during the time. Sometimes they pay their own way (or the difference if there's a higher cost for a 2-bed room), sometimes due to it being related to accommodation of some type or another they work something out with having a room with two beds and access to the conference area etc. for minimal to no addtl cost.

Personally if my grandmother would have been physically able to travel to some of my conferences I would have 100% brought her and paid her way because it would have been fun AF to talk over the topics with her as she's curious about everything under the sun and especially psych related things, and my absolute favorite travel buddy, and I would have had no shame about calling her out to stand up and wave and invite everyone to chat her up if opportunity arose as the coolest 90yo around. Now that my dad is retired, I might bring him along for the same reasons.

In sum, if there's a decent reason for it and there's no attempt to I wouldn't think twice about it. And I think that the majority of other people would just also assume there's a logical reason and not bat an eye.

 

[singasongofjoy]

Thank you all for your feedback! I am a busy student and my mom does not always have the means for vacation. I thought bringing her along when I'm already paying my way would be a nice way to expose her to the field and also get her out of my hometown. Thanks again, it's a pleasure to read your responses.

I hope y'all have an absolute ball of a time exploring a new place together! The idea of that warms my heart.

 

[singasongofjoy]

If I took my Mom to a professional conference, she'd have seminal theorists' phone numbers, their life stories, and invitations from them to have future tea. And I'd totally flashback to adolescence, and be totally embarrassed.

lol!! She'd get on well with my folks. I don't know you or your mom but I already know I'd love to sit down for a long chat over tea with her

 

[BuckeyeLove]

I had a few interviews at prisons and state hospitals in florida for internship. My parents live down there. Mom drove me to all of them. I was 27. It was hilarious, and I even joked with one TD that my mom just dropped me off for one.

 

[CheetahGirl]

But what great networking!

She is the best at networking...growing up, she was a stay-home Mom, and our family's social circle was large and full of authentic relationships. I believe observing these behaviors has contributed to me being an introvert (who can play an extrovert on TV). @futureapppsy2, your Mom sounds like my kind of gal.

lol!! She'd get on well with my folks. I don't know you or your mom but I already know I'd love to sit down for a long chat over tea with her

Awww. Ditto.❤️

I still want to do this SDN cookout/meetup one day. (We used to discuss it in the past, but then the Pandemic hit.)

Side-derail: Where shall it be? NYC, LA, Chicago? (I'm pretty sore with the 'Don't say Gay thing,' so FL is out.)

 

[CheetahGirl]

Thank you all for your feedback! I am a busy student and my mom does not always have the means for vacation. I thought bringing her along when I'm already paying my way would be a nice way to expose her to the field and also get her out of my hometown. Thanks again, it's a pleasure to read your responses.

Love this. Have fun! It will be so awesome, and your Mom will be beaming with pride (I just know it!).