Am I selfish to choose LDR?

[CA2AZplz]

I have a tough decision to make: choosing between a DO program that's less than an hour from where I currently live (with my wife) and an awesome MD program. The MD program would force us into an at least year-long bi-coastal long distance relationship.

Am I being excessively selfish for choosing to live on the other side of the country and opting for a long-distance relationship?

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[WhtsThFrequency]

This depends a lot on how your wife feels about it.

If it was a girlfriend I'd say go wherever you want. But this is your wife. Marriage is a serious commitment that requires sacrifice and compromise ( on both sides). If you think going long distance would weaken or even wreck the marriage, I wouldn't do it. Especially if she's financing you. Marriage is worth more than a "preferred" school.

 

[qwerty89]

TUCOM.

It's gonna make matching into "competitive" specialties more difficult but marriage > slight diminished chance of getting your top choice specialty/program

 

[slothster]

happy wife = happy life

 

[J ROD]

Well, I have always been told if you got a chance to get MD you get the MD over DO.

So, I would go for the MD.

Why cant she move with you? Find another job?

I would chose Drexel so you will be near family and get the MD. Maybe be poor until she finds a job there and then go from there.

If she is not willing to move, then yeah. I would go East and hope for the best.

Unless she is making alot of money.....more than you would as a MD.

 

[Didierdrogba]

Go to the best med school possible, romantic relationships are wayyy overrated, with you across the country, both of you will probably cheat anyway so....

What the f is wrong with you?

 

[GUH]

LDR's often but not always kill relationships.

It boils down to whether you will prioritize your marriage or your career. Sooner or later you'll have to make the decision regardless.

 

[milkycow]

I am currently in a LDR. 1800 miles away, it helps if they are working or building their career. My GF only requires that we text daily, try to call during free time, and once in a blue moon video chat. She also flies over during my breaks or I go back. Being married I bet would make it more solid then what I have currently. There has been some arguments, but we get through them (around finals time when I go into hermit mode).

I would choose possibly Drexel, close to both your families. At least she will have familial/social support. Seems like the best compromise. Einstein would probably be most preferred. If she could relocate with you to the east coast and possibly find a job there, that would be the most ideal. Apparently as a DO med student, there might be a negative stigma here and there but Texas is where I want to do my residency so I am actually in an OK situation since Texas is very DO friendly. As an MD you would not have to remotely worry about that, though large regions of the US accept DOs happily. In the end, board scores will be the great equilizer.

 

[Trophy Husband]

Hey man. I'd be wary of advice from strangers on the internet. If at all possible, please find someone you trust, and who has relevant experience to talk to about this. Dude, this is serious business.

So ironically, here's my advice.

I've been in exactly the same situation as you, except that it was my wife choosing med schools and me paying the bills. We even started in NorCal. My family is from the East Coast.

My wife and I discussed EVERYTHING in advance, and made a plan for every school she wound up applying to, on either coast. The value of the med school HAD TO be worth he sacrifice of living apart, or of me disrupting my career and finding a new job. Otherwise, it's wasn't worth applying to.

We wound up doing LDR for two years, and needed a dose of luck to get out of that situation.

There's only one question here: What does your wife think?

It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks. You and your wife have to agree on the plan, and how to share the sacrifices -- LDR, she follows you around, whatever.

Ideally, you should have discussed this ahead of time and create a rank list of sorts. You should not have applied to programs if you and your wife couldn't agree on a plan on how to allow you to attend. REMEMBER THIS before you rank for residency.

In fact, you WILL have to go through this again for residency, and possibly for fellowship. My wife and I have done both, and we went over every detail of both rank lists in advance.

Med school and residency is going to be at least 7 years. Could be 12 years or more (e.g., med school, GS residency, required research, fellowship) You and your wife really need to plan this out. Maybe Einstein's reputations so much better than TUCOM that it might be worth it to increase your competitiveness for residency later, so you can move back to be with your wife.... although California is always competitive because everyone* wants to move there.

*hyperbole, of course

The good news: if you and your wife agree that marriage is "til death do us part", all your shared sacrifice is an investment. An investment in your career is an investment in your life together.

Talk to your wife. Both of you should know: it is a HUGE upfront cost: time, money, lifestyle, the separation.

Try to wrap your mind around that. Once you do: it's even bigger than that. Repeat.

And even after all that, your marriage might not survive the strain. You hope it will, but you don't know.

Shouldn't acceptance deadline be like this week? Seriously dude, good luck. I feel for you.

 

[HoboCommander]

As a DO student, I would go for DO because I see the advantages myself. Being able to treat your family and friends with OMM when they are not getting enough relief from their doctors is just huge. As an MD student, you can't do anything for them, not as a student and not as a doctor. You are just a better doctor having this skill. The disadvantage of DO is that the school won't spend as much time covering boards material as MD schools, which just means you have to cover it yourself.

Picking prestige over location never made much sense to me. I was among the best at UCSD and I went to a "lowly" DO school in California and now I am just average in the class. These classmates are SMART and their work ethic is crazy good. They are so good they demoralize you and make you feel stupid. (They are very nice people though and basically function as my siblings now.) My point is, no matter what medical school you go to, there is going to be tons of people smarter than you. It was the first time in my life where I was not the best student and not even close to it.

 

[Hillo]

If she doesn't want to move right away, one year isn't an incredibly terrible.

I personally would choose the DO if I were you, but I'd want my husband to go to the MD school.


Update us on your decision.

 

[Mt Kilimanjaro]

I honestly don't understand how this is a choice. If the choice was medical school or nothing, then do the LDR for a year. You have the option to live at home and become a physician. I would leap at that.

 

[xXIDaShizIXx]

I honestly don't understand how this is a choice. If the choice was medical school or nothing, then do the LDR for a year. You have the option to live at home and become a physician. I would leap at that.

DO if you want to stay married.