- Joined
- Jan 24, 2021
- Messages
- 17
- Reaction score
- 21
Hello everyone!
Today, I pretty much finished making my PS and my father read over it. Although I felt it was well written and genuine, my parents thought it was awful. I'm going to outline the general idea of what my PS was about and what he did not like. I want to know what you all think.
INTRO: I essentially discuss that I'm passionate for medicine now but I wasn't always so sure about it. I talk about how challenging and fatiguing it is, but go on later in my essay to discuss why I stuck with it.
My goal: I know medicine is tough but I have considered it as a whole and now I am committed.
My father's criticism: It makes me sound like I am wishy-washy and may potentially drop out.
Body paragraph 1: I talk about what I want in a career (be intellectually stimulated, leave a positive impact, and be autonomous). I talk about how I considered that other career paths may also do this for me but I looked into other career paths and ultimately decided they weren't for me.
My goal: I have looked at my alternatives and I can't see myself doing anything besides medicine.
His criticism: similar to first criticism of it making me sound wishy-washy and unsure about medicine. Also, he said talking about autonomy is a BIG NO and it makes me sound hard to deal with. Autonomy is a big subject in my essay, so cutting it would pretty much require me to restart from scratch.
Body paragraph 2: Shadowing experience. I saw a physician in his clinic offer to pay for a low income patient whose insurance was being troublesome. Act of altruism inspired me.
My goal: Physician's autonomy (own clinic) enabled him to positively impact his community. Inspiring.
His criticism: Was mostly okay with it, just didn't like the autonomy part.
Body paragraph 3 and conclusion: 2nd shadowing experience. I talk about a different physician showing me her physician performance report and how she is coerced into compelling patients to do some unnecessary tests and screenings. I talk about her dissatisfaction and the weakening of physician-patient interactions as a result of less physician autonomy. I later talk about taking some courses about healthcare and learning about reduced physician autonomy and how corporate imposed time and protocol restraints are hurting physician-patient relationships. I talk about increased physician employment and reduced autonomy. I conclude that I want my role in medicine is to increase physician autonomy in order to help improve physician-patient relationships and quality of care.
My goal: Talk about what impact/mission I have in medicine.
His criticism: Scrap the entire thing, shouldn't focus on autonomy.
I feel like my personal statement is either really good or really bad. I definitely see where he's coming from, but I don't know if ADCOMs will look at it negatively in the same way as he did. Personally, I would like to get the opinions of some ADCOMs on how you would feel about the overall format and style of my PS. I can privately message you my draft if you'd like but this outline covers the overall idea of what my PS is.
Thank you all so much!
Today, I pretty much finished making my PS and my father read over it. Although I felt it was well written and genuine, my parents thought it was awful. I'm going to outline the general idea of what my PS was about and what he did not like. I want to know what you all think.
INTRO: I essentially discuss that I'm passionate for medicine now but I wasn't always so sure about it. I talk about how challenging and fatiguing it is, but go on later in my essay to discuss why I stuck with it.
My goal: I know medicine is tough but I have considered it as a whole and now I am committed.
My father's criticism: It makes me sound like I am wishy-washy and may potentially drop out.
Body paragraph 1: I talk about what I want in a career (be intellectually stimulated, leave a positive impact, and be autonomous). I talk about how I considered that other career paths may also do this for me but I looked into other career paths and ultimately decided they weren't for me.
My goal: I have looked at my alternatives and I can't see myself doing anything besides medicine.
His criticism: similar to first criticism of it making me sound wishy-washy and unsure about medicine. Also, he said talking about autonomy is a BIG NO and it makes me sound hard to deal with. Autonomy is a big subject in my essay, so cutting it would pretty much require me to restart from scratch.
Body paragraph 2: Shadowing experience. I saw a physician in his clinic offer to pay for a low income patient whose insurance was being troublesome. Act of altruism inspired me.
My goal: Physician's autonomy (own clinic) enabled him to positively impact his community. Inspiring.
His criticism: Was mostly okay with it, just didn't like the autonomy part.
Body paragraph 3 and conclusion: 2nd shadowing experience. I talk about a different physician showing me her physician performance report and how she is coerced into compelling patients to do some unnecessary tests and screenings. I talk about her dissatisfaction and the weakening of physician-patient interactions as a result of less physician autonomy. I later talk about taking some courses about healthcare and learning about reduced physician autonomy and how corporate imposed time and protocol restraints are hurting physician-patient relationships. I talk about increased physician employment and reduced autonomy. I conclude that I want my role in medicine is to increase physician autonomy in order to help improve physician-patient relationships and quality of care.
My goal: Talk about what impact/mission I have in medicine.
His criticism: Scrap the entire thing, shouldn't focus on autonomy.
I feel like my personal statement is either really good or really bad. I definitely see where he's coming from, but I don't know if ADCOMs will look at it negatively in the same way as he did. Personally, I would like to get the opinions of some ADCOMs on how you would feel about the overall format and style of my PS. I can privately message you my draft if you'd like but this outline covers the overall idea of what my PS is.
Thank you all so much!
