Apathetic towards public speaking/presentations... shy... lack enthusiasm

[sw0mgt]

I seem to have an issue with public speaking. People don't like my presentations! I've been told my voice is "too gentle," "monotone," or "lacking excitement." And I can understand why. I guess I have a stereotypical psychotherapist voice -- very calm, gentle, slowly paced, reflecting, never too sure of itself etc. I am also a extremely quiet person, very introverted, and pretty reserved. It's like I have a fortress around me, where I watch and filter all the expressions that leave my mouth. I only let a certain amount of affect out. I am soft, careful, and high-context, like a Japanese person. Anyway, the extroverted Americans don't like what I offer.

If I did a Ph.D. program, I'd have to teach, give presentations, etc. So I think I'd have to change. The thing is... I don't want to! I like who I am and how I talk... I enjoy my "shyness"... I like to waiver... I see my insecurity as very authentic, real, and disarming. I've noticed that the presenters who are rated most highly speak very loudly, confidently, excitedly, etc. It really drains me. I wish more people were more "Zen'd" out like me, or more forthcoming with their insecurities, etc. After all, human beings often don't know and we are all questioning things in our lives. This might sound weird to you, but I see all the traits that I listed above as really valuable things about me. But maybe they're not so valuable as a presenter. And they're probably detrimental in that domain.

I want to be a psychotherapist who is immersed and does research. I enjoy teaching, but I question if I have what it takes... or if I'd have to be a totally different person.. or be somebody I didn't like... to be a good presenter. I've met some self-professed introverted professors who were quite dynamic, interesting, funny, etc. I don't know... I just don't see that shining light in myself.

And if anybody wants to know, yes I write lots of poetry and I cry at ballet.

Anyway... this seems to be the biggest barrier for me applying to grad school. I know I could take some public speaking classes and "play the game." But I feel presenting like other A+ presenters would be unauthentic to me. So this post is more about my internal conflict, not "What can I do to get better?"

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[Psychadelic2012]

I know how you feel. What helped me was finding something I was VERY passionate about and ending up in continuous situations (over years) where I was forced to talk about that thing. I got more comfortable with it as time went on, because I wasn't willing to stop talking! Also, watch people speak who you can relate to--I watched someone speak, once, who wasn't perfect. She was herself and people liked her and respected the information she had to give. I came to realize that I could only be myself, plus people in my audience won't always want a charismatic speaker. Many people are introverts and you'll make a lot of people much more comfortable if you are genuine, because they can relate to you. Younger folks especially get a lot of ridicule by superiors for being "shy," etc., but put on your therapist hat and realize that they're saying those things because of their insecurities (not your weakness).

 

[AcronymAllergy]

In addition to the above (and similar to it), there are all sorts of different speaking styles that can be seen as entertaining and effective. You don't need to be bombastic and highly emotive to hold your audience's attention. Basic things like providing useful information succinctly, avoiding reading straight from your presentation slides (and keeping the amount of information on said slides manageable), giving good examples and analogies, etc., can go a long way toward making someone a powerful presenter even if they're somewhat soft-spoken. You may also find that as you gain more experience with public speaking/presenting, and particularly as you continue discussing topics that interest you, your passion for those topics will become evident to your listeners.

There are some skills you'll likely need to develop regardless--those listed above as well as things like maintaining eye contact with your audience and speaking at a volume that can at least be heard by all attendees. That definitely doesn't somehow change who you are as a person, though. It just helps you to convey your material in a way that'll actually allow your listeners to learn and remember it.

In the end, very, very few people (read: probably no one) are effective public speakers from the get go. It's just another skill, much like scientific writing or the critical review of research, that takes repeated practice to develop.

 

[Pragma]

Yeah, I would second what AA just wrote. I think the key is to not try to be something you are not, but also explore some areas for growth. I am not exactly a high energy presenter, but I've come up with ways to present and use the tools around me to keep things engaging for the students. Your presentation needs to fit your personality to some extent - and also needs to be relevant for your audience. I think if you project comfort and some degree of passion about the material, then the rest generally falls into place.

 

[psycguy85]

I thought fear of plagiarism was your biggest roadblock to getting a PhD, based on a previous post. I think someone is trolling.

 

[sw0mgt]

I thought fear of plagiarism was your biggest roadblock to getting a PhD, based on a previous post. I think someone is trolling.

You sir, are not very inviting for concerns with dedicating the next 7-8 years of life to a Ph.D. program, on here, a forum about Ph.D. concerns.

Thank you for the other answers. I will give them some good internal reflection.

 

[psycguy85]

I actually appreciate people who ask for advice about graduate school, whether before applying or while dealing with the struggles during graduate school. I am finishing up a PhD program myself, so I can appreciate these difficulties and am happy to address specific concerns.

However, you have posted very long posts in a short period of time that seem quite unrelated to one another, and that don't actually seem to be asking for advice (look at the last sentence for this current post), but more you posting your own meandering thoughts. I don't think a PhD forum is the appropriate place for this.

You sir, are not very inviting for concerns with dedicating the next 7-8 years of life to a Ph.D. program, on here, a forum about Ph.D. concerns.

Thank you for the other answers. I will give them some good internal reflection.

 

[CheetahGirl]

I thought fear of plagiarism was your biggest roadblock to getting a PhD, based on a previous post. I think someone is trolling.

In defense of psycguy, these were my same thoughts when I first read this post, based on the previous post.

You sir, are not very inviting for concerns with dedicating the next 7-8 years of life to a Ph.D. program, on here, a forum about Ph.D. concerns.

Thank you for the other answers. I will give them some good internal reflection.

SwOmgt, I am verbose. So I hope this will help and not hurt your feelings. This is an anonymous forum, and yes, while it does offer advice for concerns in doctoral degrees in Psychology, we are not here to provide one-on-one support for every concern that pops up about your fears, your personality, your dedication. It is important to find someone who you can talk to face-to-face about these issues. You will get limited support here, based on the time and kindness (or otherwise) of the respondents. However, often times, it may not be enough for someone to base this very important, life-changing, soul-encompassing decision.

No one is asking you to change your personality, but you will change...and exponentially with each passing year. Just as in other doctoral programs, you will transform into this type of professional in every manner of communciation: Speaking, thinking, writing. So before you amass this transformation, you must first find one-on-one support to decide whether this career path is right for you. The tailored support will help you 'reality-check" to see if the work and dedication fit best for you. If not, there are plenty of other options. It sounds like this forum may not provide enough support for the depth of your concerns that you have posted thus far.

Also, the 'trolling' comment may be because you should probably identify yourself so that others will know who they are addressing (i.e. "I'm an undergraduate interesting in," or "I am getting a masters in general psych...."). Otherwise, you are being somewhat deceptive as most of us on this forum are actively in training. We all want to know: Are you a colleague or someone who fits along with the "what are my chances" thread? Either way, state your case so that we can be of greater assistance.

In my opinion, so that the integrity of this forum is maintained and not abused, I would hope posters would elevate the level conversation on the doctoral forum rather than passively trying to seek psychological advice about what this career entails or chit chat about graduate school may be like...there is an undergraduate forum for that. Seeking advice that falls along the lines of personality or behavioral change is specifically what an individual therapist (or spiritual advisor) is for and not what this forum allows.

You did get some good feedback already, but if you keep posting about every thought and fear you have, you will get criticism from those who find this type of support seeking and inquiry a bit ludicrous. Most of us do not have our "therapist hats" on when succinctly replying (although at some point, it becomes hard for some of us to take off those hats...) and the responses may come across as harsh and judgmental. That, my friend, is the responder's personality shining through and some parts of our personalities will not change...no matter what.

Good luck to you.

P.S. Your comment about "I am soft, careful, and high-context, like a Japanese person" is not politically correct. Stereotypes are an ethical "no-no" for therapists...and can be off-putting. So think of another way to describe yourself, unless you are Japanese and then, just talk about it from your own cultural perspective.

 

[sw0mgt]

However, you have posted very long posts in a short period of time that seem quite unrelated to one another

A Ph.D program prepares one to write and communicate orally. I posted two questions: one about writing, one about speaking. These are reasonable questions, folks.

and that don't actually seem to be asking for advice (look at the last sentence for this current post), but more you posting your own meandering thoughts. I don't think a PhD forum is the appropriate place for this.

If somebody needs to know the basic experience of a Ph.D. program on its most basic, personal level, then they should talk to people who are in, or who have completed, a Ph.D program. Who else would I talk to?! It feels like you're put-off by my interest in the direct experience of graduate school, and how it affects people on the deepest, rawest level. You may not be a person who is interested in "people" questions, but I am a complete person, with thoughts/feelings etc., and for me, the decision to enroll in graduate school will touch base with every piece of me as a person. But I guess you're saying I should see a pastor, and this forum is for far-removed, easily answerable questions like, "What are my chances for X?" or "What does school Y teach?" At least my questions were interesting, ambiguous, and had no clear answer. Lighten up and enjoy the discussion.

In defense of psycguy, these were my same thoughts when I first read this post, based on the previous post.

Well, you're incorrect, so your assumption says more about you than it does me.

SwOmgt, I am verbose. So I hope this will help and not hurt your feelings. This is an anonymous forum, and yes, while it does offer advice for concerns in doctoral degrees in Psychology, we are not here to provide one-on-one support for every concern that pops up about your fears, your personality, your dedication. It is important to find someone who you can talk to face-to-face about these issues. You will get limited support here, based on the time and kindness (or otherwise) of the respondents. However, often times, it may not be enough for someone to base this very important, life-changing, soul-encompassing decision.

So, I want to be clear that "every" actually means "two."

No one is asking you to change your personality, but you will change...and exponentially with each passing year. Just as in other doctoral programs, you will transform into this type of professional in every manner of communciation: Speaking, thinking, writing. So before you amass this transformation, you must first find one-on-one support to decide whether this career path is right for you. The tailored support will help you 'reality-check" to see if the work and dedication fit best for you. If not, there are plenty of other options. It sounds like this forum may not provide enough support for the depth of your concerns that you have posted thus far.

This is a good answer. Why not just provide this wisdom without the troll accusations, etc.?

Also, the 'trolling' comment may be because you should probably identify yourself so that others will know who they are addressing (i.e. "I'm an undergraduate interesting in," or "I am getting a masters in general psych...."). Otherwise, you are being somewhat deceptive as most of us on this forum are actively in training. We all want to know: Are you a colleague or someone who fits along with the "what are my chances" thread? Either way, state your case so that we can be of greater assistance.

The top post of this message board is "Help me decide." The second most post is "What are my chances?" Are you really going to say I was deceptive by not saying at what level I was in?

In my opinion, so that the integrity of this forum is maintained and not abused, I would hope posters would elevate the level conversation on the doctoral forum rather than passively trying to seek psychological advice about what this career entails or chit chat about graduate school may be like...there is an undergraduate forum for that.

No, you don't talk to undergraduates to understand what graduate school is all about. And you use the word abuse? Really?

Seeking advice that falls along the lines of personality or behavioral change is specifically what an individual therapist (or spiritual advisor) is for and not what this forum allows.

This is bizarre. I sort of have to throw my hands up and say, "Hmm... this person is... eccentric." I have difficulty with public speaking, and I'm wondering what type of shifts a person goes through to become more improved. I should see a pastor for that, and not somebody who's been to graduate school?

You did get some good feedback already, but if you keep posting about every thought and fear you have, you will get criticism from those who find this type of support seeking and inquiry a bit ludicrous.

Again, every = two. Alright.

P.S. Your comment about "I am soft, careful, and high-context, like a Japanese person" is not politically correct. Stereotypes are an ethical "no-no" for therapists...and can be off-putting. So think of another way to describe yourself, unless you are Japanese and then, just talk about it from your own cultural perspective.

I will be as stereotypical as I like as long as I am not conducting a therapy session.

There were a few wonderful points in responses to my thoughts. So for those, I am very indebted to you. Thank you!

P.S. Compare my post to this one:

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=997014

We're both talking about our feelings. Except she doesn't explain the components of her Self that lead her one way or the other. I am exceedingly raw and open with my Self and I get flamed for it. Next time I will post

"I'm not so good at public speaking... hmmm what should I do?"

I'm fine being seen as histrionic or self-absorbed. I think a lot of people need to get in touch with themselves. And I think a lot of people DON'T because of the flaming that they'll receive.

 

[psycguy85]

[You may not be a person who is interested in "people" questions, but I am a complete person, with thoughts/feelings etc., and for me, the decision to enroll in graduate school will touch base with every piece of me as a person. But I guess you're saying I should see a pastor, and this forum is for far-removed, easily answerable questions like, "What are my chances for X?" or "What does school Y teach?" At least my questions were interesting, ambiguous, and had no clear answer. Lighten up and enjoy the discussion.

This will be my last comment to you, as clearly this is not becoming a constructive conversation. You posted some strange posts (compared to most), so I thought there was the possibility someone was trolling this forum. It DOES happen. Like all of us here, I am human and sometimes am inaccurate in my initial judgment. I wish you the best of luck in the future and respect that you are taking time to consider the challenges of a PhD program. I would encourage you to develop a thicker skin, though. Trust me, you will encounter plenty of criticism in graduate school.

 

[paramour]

A Ph.D program prepares one to write and communicate orally.

Um, my program taught me neither. In fact, it's ruined my writing horrendously.

(Most programs I interviewed at wanted you to already to be able to write BEFORE you enter grad school... it's what actually helped me land a few unexpected interviews. Yes, there may be some differences in the type of writing, but if you don't have the basics and then some, depending on the prof/program, you're going to struggle and be SOL).

 

[Pragma]

Um, my program taught me neither. In fact, it's ruined my writing horrendously.

(Most programs I interviewed at wanted you to already to be able to write BEFORE you enter grad school... it's what actually helped me land a few unexpected interviews. Yes, there may be some differences in the type of writing, but if you don't have the basics and then some, depending on the prof/program, you're going to struggle and be SOL).

Oh goodness I couldn't disagree more. Now, I was an average writer before graduate school (although at the time I fancied myself an awesome writer - above-average effect + 21-year old hubris), but I totally overhauled my writing during graduate school. A big part of this was learning to write so many different types of things (clinical writing, manuscript writing, research thesis/dissertation writing, grant writing, etc). With exposure to different (and sometimes contradictory) supervision styles, I picked up a lot of tricks and adaptive strategies.

I think I can confidently say that my level of comfort and skill improved dramatically throughout graduate school. It was an excellent process.

 

[paramour]

Oh goodness I couldn't disagree more. Now, I was an average writer before graduate school (although at the time I fancied myself an awesome writer - above-average effect + 21-year old hubris), but I totally overhauled my writing during graduate school. A big part of this was learning to write so many different types of things (clinical writing, manuscript writing, research thesis/dissertation writing, grant writing, etc). With exposure to different (and sometimes contradictory) supervision styles, I picked up a lot of tricks and adaptive strategies.

I think I can confidently say that my level of comfort and skill improved dramatically throughout graduate school. It was an excellent process.

I acknowledge that it could be my program/prof. It has been anything but excellent.

 

[cara susanna]

I've become a better manuscript/scientific writer. My creative writing has probably gotten worse.