Bad program but near a loved one...what would you do?

[Broomdy]

I'm a MS4 right now and I've been in a long distance relationship for quite some time. Unfortunately, my SO is unable to do any relocating because he still has a few more years of medical school left (across the country). It would be ideal if I could match into a residency program at his school. However, I've done an away rotation there and the program is eh. It's mediocre at best. I got the feeling that no one really cared too much about that department. There were a lot of FMGs and the few AMGs that were there kind of hinted to me that this particular program was not near the top of their match list. Meh. They don't like the city and they feel like the patient volume is low thus hindering their education.

I applied to other programs that are in the same state as my SO but they are still pretty far from his city. However, based on what I've read online and word of mouth, these programs are "better."

I got an interview at that program where my bf goes to school so I'm excited but I just wish that the residents there were happier and more satisfied. At the same time, I miss my boyfriend

Has anyone been in a similar situation? What would you pick? A mediocre residency program where a SO lives or a better program that's far from your SO?

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[Sneezing]

This is a slam dunk!

You do not make any sacrifices in your education for what you want and need to progress in your career until there is a ring on your finger.

 

[smq123]

What specialty are you applying to? And how many more years does your boyfriend have in med school?

Keep in mind that if, for instance, your boyfriend is going to be an MS3 and you're applying for internship, that leads to more issues when, in 2 years, he's applying for residency and you're stuck there for another 2 - 4 years? What if he can't or won't stay at his home school?

Plus, as an MS3, he may be shipped out to rotations in other STATES, even. Where are the rotation sites for his school? Maybe there are a lot of rotation sites in a bigger city that is farther away, but has a lot of good residency programs.

 

[Broomdy]

I'm applying to peds and he's currently in his 2nd year.

 

[peerie]

I would not sacrifice a strong learning experience for anyone. Honestly, I do know how important a good relationship is but your education is also crucial. A bad residency, or one where people are unhappy or not seeing alot of patient volume, can be a disaster for your future. Also, a 'bad' program is more than just low patient census and "FMG's".

A bad program can be bad faculty that don't teach and then hang you out to dry, or who are otherwise poor mentors for a learning resident. The faculty make or break a program. And, as for foreign born residents - they have been some of the best I have ever seen. I would not ever use that as a criteria.

Conversely, I also interviewed at places where the American residents were very poorly motivated and boasted about how little they do and how much they 'get away with.' One person was very proud about how he never got called in on surgery and was able to avoid most ob situations. What kind of doctor will he be?

So, think carefully about your future and your choices, love that is meant forever will be just that - forever. Your education is the foundation of your career. You want to work very hard and learn as much as you can. Many attendings tell me now that the leap from resident to attending is very scary - make sure you learn and see as much as you can now. It's so much harder when it's you at 0200 and you need to make a fast decision.

 

[Flopotomist]

I will chime in here with an argument to consider going where the BF is.

If you truly love this person and think that there is potential that this is the person you will be spending your life with, you should strongly consider going to the nearby residency.

Here are some thoughts - you can get good training at any residency - it is what you put into it. You may even find that you do BETTER at this residency because you will be happier with somebody who loves you waiting for you at home at night.

If the residency is not "as prestigious" you may find that you will have an easier time shining and being at the top among your peers at the program.

Once you are an attending, nobody really cares where you went to residency.

In ten years, what would you regret giving up more - the chance of being with this person, or the chance at having trained at some other institution?

 

[Old_Mil]

I'm a MS4 right now and I've been in a long distance relationship for quite some time. Unfortunately, my SO is unable to do any relocating because he still has a few more years of medical school left (across the country). It would be ideal if I could match into a residency program at his school. However, I've done an away rotation there and the program is eh. It's mediocre at best. I got the feeling that no one really cared too much about that department. There were a lot of FMGs and the few AMGs that were there kind of hinted to me that this particular program was not near the top of their match list. Meh. They don't like the city and they feel like the patient volume is low thus hindering their education.

If in your sense bad = malignant, avoid it at all costs.

The presence of FMGs isn't in and of itself bad, if they are quality FMGs.

In the end, the best residency program is one where you can get up in the morning and be in sync with the office politics.

Except when it comes to learning procedures, patient volume - and clinical medical education in general - is vastly overrated when it comes to actually learning medicine.

 

[dotdash]

I agree with smq123 -- what happens in 2 years when you are stuck there in a program you don't like and he now has to choose a residency? Say he chooses to stay to be with you, also making a sacrifice in program quality. Do you start a practice in that city to stay while he finishes his residency? And then what?

Other couples seem to aim for a big city with lots of programs so later, he has the best chance of being able to join you. If you can find somewhere you know you would be happy with or without him, you've hedged your bets (because after all, sadly, relationships fail sometimes).