Being an AA pre-med male feels race-less

[listener23]

Am I the only AA Male that doesn't feel black or white? I go to a majority white college, and the small black population don't seem to care about anything but partying and are just happy they made it to college. I don't blame these indivuals a lot of AA's (including my self) are first generation college student and we simply don't have anyone to turn to for advice. A lot of my caucasian classmates seem socially awkward around me and even slightly offensive.

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[Mad Jack]

A lot of your classmates probably lived sheltered lives where they weren't exposed to African Americans in their everyday lives. It's sad, but they just don't know how to react because they know racism is a thing so they either overcompensate by being nice, are quiet to avoid saying the wrong thing, or just avoid interacting with AAs entirely. They're so not used to dealing with people of other races that they end up being unintentionally racist basically. If you end up in small groups or clubs with them they'll probably realize you're just a person like any other and chill out. I know this doesn't really help with your larger issue, but if you give some of those awkward kids a chance they'll probably warm up to you.

 

[WolverineDoc13]

I'm half-black (half Hawaiian), I'm pretty light skinned (or "light skind-ded" ;-), and I always feel black around the white classmates and "white" around my black classmates. (I guess I'm what they may call: "the Oreo") While complex racial dynamics play a huge role in how I perceive myself in relation to my colleagues/friends, I also think I'm just pretty socially awkward in general and feel like an outside observer in most cases. (Maybe that's why I'm going into psychiatry?)

With that said, I get sicker and sicker of racial micro-aggressions...

 

[starfar]

You're black, but you don't feel black or white? I don't even know what this means..

I get why you don't feel white.. perhaps you feel as though you've assimilated to the predominate white culture to the best of your ability.. and even still, you aren't accepted or judged by the content of your character..

But why don't you feel black? You mean you don't identify with the black stereotypes?

 

[WolverineDoc13]

You're black, but you don't feel black or white? I don't even know what this means..

I get why you don't feel white.. perhaps you feel as though you've assimilated to the predominate white culture to the best of your ability.. and even still, you aren't accepted or judged by the content of your character..

But why don't you feel black? You mean you don't identify with the black stereotypes?

That's a very good question. (Though I assume it's directed to the OP)

As for me (since I can only speak for myself), I think my inadvertent assimilation into white culture has separated me from some aspects of black culture-- some of which are based on stereotypes but also my personal experiences growing up in a predominately black neighborhood. For example, I was raised to speak properly. While I do realize that speaking eloquently isn't exclusive to whites, my classmates in grade school (in inner-city Detroit) did indeed make fun of the fact that I didn't employ black English vernacular all the time. I also stood out because I had different tastes in music (my favorite band was Sigur Ros-- most of my friends hadn't even heard of the band at the time). Hence, sometimes I feel more white when I'm surrounded by my black classmates. It doesn't mean I feel completely excluded(in fact, I thrive on diversity), but it's was an interesting personal observation for myself.

 

[starfar]

I can totally relate to everything you wrote.. My entire life I've heard that I "sound white".. I get side eyed when it becomes apparent that nothing about me "fits in" with black pop culture, and I grow ever tired of hearing that I'm "not like other black people".. So in that sense, yeah.. I get it..

But my blackness doesn't come from how I relate to my peers.. it comes from our shared history and the pride/intense pain I feel when I read about our history, our struggles, our triumphs.. I can be the most assimilated Bryant Gumble, Tiger Woods black person in the world, but that doesn't matter. When it comes down to it.. In the words of Kanye "even if you're in a Benz, you're still a N!$&@ in a coupe"

Sigur Ros!! Gobbledigook is probably one of the most beautiful songs ever written, and the only other person of color I've met who knows who they are, is the Filipino who introduced me to their music lol

 

[WolverineDoc13]

"even if you're in a Benz, you're still a N!$&@ in a coupe"

Tru that! (Though I realize it's also a testament to how mainstream society will always view us as minorities/thugs/hood rats/etc. -- so it's depressing and funny at the same time!)