Hi. I've been mia for awhile and recently re-realized what an anazing resource sdn can be. I know I have a lot to learn. This could be the most obnoxious post you will ever read. I definitely appreciate that, but the disillusionment I've experienced since I began residency training has reached a peak (at least I hope). It's taken its toll on me. I want to talk to other psychiatrists about this (I suppose this is my first outlet)...
...Maybe it's because I've been in an existential crisis for the past two years (well, crisis sounds a bit dramatic)... To give you an idea of what I've been struggling with: my personal threshold for what is "pathologic" is much higher than other people I've worked with in the field. :/ ? I think I might be too biased re: the phrase "don't believe everything you hear."
Perhaps my buddhist aspirations are influencing my perspective... [Feel free to disregard the rest of what I say if the term "buddhist" made you cringe.]
Others have mentioned in this forum when you're holding a hammer, everything looks like a nail. I can't help but strongly agree (and I'm sincerely frightened by this). I admire the philosophy of equanimity and the beginner's mind. We are all human, imperfect, trying to reduce the sufferin of one another. At least that is a goal of mine... Sounds cliche but perhaps these beliefs are what are interfering with my professional development. Bare with me- it's entirely possible, I'm the one who is shortsighted. My point is that, (here comes the blasphemy) occasionally I feel as though the entire field of psychiatry is some grand delusion that people buy into in our society (even highly educated people that go through medical school). Am I the only (internal not scientologic) one that has felt this way? The human mind is undoubtedly one of the most fascinating and complex things we will ever study. One of my issues is that patient assessment seems like such a subjective interpretation (looking for a cluster of "symptoms" to match some manmade "criteria" to fit a "diagnosis" elicited from an interview with a specific "psychiatrist" at a given point in time) . I can't help but see the parallel with the bible...
Okay, okay... It's interesting how much this doesn't even matter because we are chasing our tail- ultimately treating symptoms with these powerful meds -that obviously do more harm than good in some people . I feel like I'm violating the Hippocratic oath by making people obese, develop DM, HLD --> ultimately heart dz (with these propogated chemicals (medications) I don't even "believe in")... I can't possibly do intensive psychotherapy on all my patients! Am I totally deluded?? Don't worry, I am perpetually questioning myself in addition to the authoritarian dsm (as well as the pharmaceutical companies). Refuting that our psychotropics are NOT a magic bullet doesn't interest me. I just want to have faith in what I do. I want to strongly believe the benefits outweigh the risks (which will probably be impossible with my BPDs). Regardless, I want to improve the QOL of my patients and I want more than anything to have confidence in the treatment I provide. Is that too idealistic? I know psychiatry isn'tperfect. I have a ton of 20min med mngt appts scheduled for the next year/probably my?lifetime? From what I've gathered thus far, to be an effective psychiatrist, psychopharmacology will be my specialty (so I better be the expert). I'm going to try my best to learn all I can but I can't help but feel disheartened by all the research telling me meds don't work and either are beneficial (possibly 2/2 to elaborate statistical analysis, the placebo effect) or (are for the most part) unhelpful or harmful due to side effects. For a little while, I imagined dedicating my life to psychotherapy but I recognize that is a pipedream. Cherry picking my patients may not feel so good after awhile. Psychotherapy is hard and not for everyone.
P.S if you made it to the end of this, I commend you. I'm particularly disorganized tonight. Just to clarify, I do not mean to disrespect the field. I'm positive my rant stinks ignorance/lack of experience. I desperately want to reignite my passion for the practice. I want to be a great psychiatrist. If anyone has advice on how to do this, I appreciate your response in advance.
...Maybe it's because I've been in an existential crisis for the past two years (well, crisis sounds a bit dramatic)... To give you an idea of what I've been struggling with: my personal threshold for what is "pathologic" is much higher than other people I've worked with in the field. :/ ? I think I might be too biased re: the phrase "don't believe everything you hear."
Perhaps my buddhist aspirations are influencing my perspective... [Feel free to disregard the rest of what I say if the term "buddhist" made you cringe.]
Others have mentioned in this forum when you're holding a hammer, everything looks like a nail. I can't help but strongly agree (and I'm sincerely frightened by this). I admire the philosophy of equanimity and the beginner's mind. We are all human, imperfect, trying to reduce the sufferin of one another. At least that is a goal of mine... Sounds cliche but perhaps these beliefs are what are interfering with my professional development. Bare with me- it's entirely possible, I'm the one who is shortsighted. My point is that, (here comes the blasphemy) occasionally I feel as though the entire field of psychiatry is some grand delusion that people buy into in our society (even highly educated people that go through medical school). Am I the only (internal not scientologic) one that has felt this way? The human mind is undoubtedly one of the most fascinating and complex things we will ever study. One of my issues is that patient assessment seems like such a subjective interpretation (looking for a cluster of "symptoms" to match some manmade "criteria" to fit a "diagnosis" elicited from an interview with a specific "psychiatrist" at a given point in time) . I can't help but see the parallel with the bible...
Okay, okay... It's interesting how much this doesn't even matter because we are chasing our tail- ultimately treating symptoms with these powerful meds -that obviously do more harm than good in some people . I feel like I'm violating the Hippocratic oath by making people obese, develop DM, HLD --> ultimately heart dz (with these propogated chemicals (medications) I don't even "believe in")... I can't possibly do intensive psychotherapy on all my patients! Am I totally deluded?? Don't worry, I am perpetually questioning myself in addition to the authoritarian dsm (as well as the pharmaceutical companies). Refuting that our psychotropics are NOT a magic bullet doesn't interest me. I just want to have faith in what I do. I want to strongly believe the benefits outweigh the risks (which will probably be impossible with my BPDs). Regardless, I want to improve the QOL of my patients and I want more than anything to have confidence in the treatment I provide. Is that too idealistic? I know psychiatry isn'tperfect. I have a ton of 20min med mngt appts scheduled for the next year/probably my?lifetime? From what I've gathered thus far, to be an effective psychiatrist, psychopharmacology will be my specialty (so I better be the expert). I'm going to try my best to learn all I can but I can't help but feel disheartened by all the research telling me meds don't work and either are beneficial (possibly 2/2 to elaborate statistical analysis, the placebo effect) or (are for the most part) unhelpful or harmful due to side effects. For a little while, I imagined dedicating my life to psychotherapy but I recognize that is a pipedream. Cherry picking my patients may not feel so good after awhile. Psychotherapy is hard and not for everyone.
P.S if you made it to the end of this, I commend you. I'm particularly disorganized tonight. Just to clarify, I do not mean to disrespect the field. I'm positive my rant stinks ignorance/lack of experience. I desperately want to reignite my passion for the practice. I want to be a great psychiatrist. If anyone has advice on how to do this, I appreciate your response in advance.