Both spouses working with an EP wife?

[DJD88]

I'm dating an female EM physician and we're beginning to talk about our future and marriage. She's been an attending for a few years and has all her loans paid off. She recently took a job that required less hours a month for less money since she had been burning out at her old job. She still makes more than enough to support a family on her own, however I worry about her becoming burned out again. I also worry about her missing out children's birthdays and holidays, etc.

I'm currently in an IT masters program and when I graduate I should be able to find a job making about half as much as she is working full time allowing her to cut her shifts in half while we will still have a comfortable living, hopefully allowing her to work less weekends/holidays/fewer night to day transitions. I'm wondering if anyone else here has an arrangement like this? She's already mentioned that the people who have the easiest times at work are the ones with stay at home spouses. This would also allow for more time to spend on vacations and possibly together since full time she'd work fewer hours than I would with more vacation time (of course her hours are much more stressful and less family friendly).

I also worry about my career becoming demanding and not leaving as much time for family as I try to climb the corporate ladder. This would put more pressure on her at home and could potentially cause me to miss out on family activities. On the other hand she can enough to support a family while working less hours than me so would it make more sense for me to stay at home and have her work full time? Would that lead her to resent me for being a 'freeloader'?

I also worry about the future of medicine, she's already saying the system is broken and hopefully it won't get worse. I also worry about reimbursements being cut and physician salaries being cut with it, in that case she'd probably up her hours to keep our lifestyle consistent possibly stressing her out. If I'm working any my salary keeps going up this probably wouldn't be as much of an issue. I realize that no one can predict the future but does anyone have an opinion on this?

Sorry for long post, but my head is swimming with what might work best for us. I'm looking for some perspective on how others handle both spouses working, the man staying at home, or having a demanding career while the wife works EP shifts.

Thanks in advance.

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[e30ftw]

dude you hit the jackpot. think of the shift work schedule like having a fulltime/part time RN wife who makes 7 times as much money. Either option of working parttime/full time would work financially. If you were full time and she were part-time ~ 80-100hrs/mo you could definitely pay for a nanny during the banker's hours that you're at work.

I don't really have perspective on stay at home dads or wives with demanding careers, but as a male MD with a wife who is not working I can say that the prospect of having an extra $300k a year sounds pretty awesome regardless. plus more free time for you to sit around in your boxers eating barbeque watching football while wifey brings home the bacon.

 

[dotcb]

It sounds like you and your partner have the ability to earn up to $450,000 per year. Given that the average household income in this country is $53,000, I'm pretty confident you two are going to be able to work it out. It's just a matter of balancing how much money you want/need versus free time.

 

[EM4life]

As a female EM attending with a husband who works from home, I'd say that the flexible scheduling in being in EM is definitely helpful for making family life work. I work 14 shifts a month - and that feels like the most I can do with children as well without feeling overwhelmed. With double income, you guys should be able to invest in a quality nanny or daycare as well if you are working.

While dating my husband and in the early years of our marriage, I never expected him to make as much as me, and I was always fine with that and we both knew that he would probably spend more time taking care of our children if I was going to support our family. That's fine, I think every family is different and you do what works for you. If you are working hard and bringing home bacon, than your spouse can contribute in an equally important way to your family. I think where people get into trouble is when they worry about how other people perceive their relationship (ie woman makes all the money) that they start to feel inadequate or worry about such things.

 

[katmandu]

My husband currently stays at home with the kids. We both worked before we had kids, and he plans to go back to work (likely part time) once the kids are both in school. I think that is the best option for us in the long run. Working ED shifts, it will be difficult for your wife to be the one to leave work unexpectedly if the kids get sick, have an emergency, etc.

My husband is ready to go back to work for the mental stimulation, interaction with adults, etc. When it's time for him to reenter the work force, he plans to prioritize a part time job with more options for flexible hours and better benefits rather than the salary. Hopefully, that will allow us to still have quality family time, some flexibility with vacations, and benefits if I should switch an independent contractor position.

Watching the work involved in him caring for our family and small kids, I definitely do not have any concerns regarding him freeloading. You'll have to figure out what will work best for your family. Good luck!