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Cousin to preinterview dinner
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See thread on how not to get accepted.
Terrible idea IMO. It's not hang out with cousin trip + an interview.
It's an interview trip + hang out with cousin.
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Somehow I doubt that. But just curious, do residents care who the guest is?
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OK, thanks. I probably won't then.
Good luck on the interview. the dinners are very helpful. you get to see how cool the residents are and how cool the Chiefs are. In my interview dinner, we had mostly chiefs and 2 interns attending the dinner. Loved them.
Best of luck
Best of luck
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1. The focus should be on you getting to know the residents/program, not dinner with your cousin.
2. They say significant other but they really mean spouse, fiancée, partner. I'd be kinda ticked to foot the bill on someone's cousin who lives in the town.
3. Your cousin will be ok without you for 2 hours while you handle business.
as a matter of fact, DrBowTie when i think about it, i wouldnt even bring my significant other (if i had one) and they would surely understand. this is a business dinner (more or less) and you need to be fully attentive.
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I brought my husband to one of my pre-interview dinners. The program is known to be very family friendly and they explicitly invited significant others (and the program is a different part of the country, so the program knew he came with me to check out the city) The dinner went well, but my husband is very talkative. I am a born-introvert, but can hold me my own when I need to. However, I did feel that my husband outshone me a little. I also had to "monitor" what he was saying all night. So, from now on, I am not bringing my husband to the pre-interview dinners.
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Hmmmm... thanks for that perspective. I didn't even think about this. I was a little worried about bringing my boyfriend. Just because I don't want to be in the "monitoring" mode all night. He's kind of supposed to be seen and not heard (in all fairness, I have acted this way when a guest at one of his functions). Yet he always feels the need to speak up around my friends which can be annoying. I want him with me and he wants to be there, so I'm not sure what to do. Or how I could gently break it to him not to come to dinner? Or maybe just lay out ground rules beforehand?
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Thanks adagio. My first one is next week and I'm very excited!
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this.
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yup i got this, see above. thx. i'm on to the bf question.
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First a cousin, now a bf. The goal isn't to have a wingman. The fact that you were contemplating bringing a cousin rather than the bf in the first place suggests to me that this isn't the person you deem critical to share in this decision, and so no, the bf doesn't belong.it's one thing to bring a spouse who is going to relocate with you, and another just to be trying to get someone a free meal. So no, don't bring him just to have a plus one. That's not the point of these dinners at all.
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No, I think you misunderstood the point of the original question and then the second unrelated question. And yes, I see how the cousin is offbase, but it is totally acceptable to bring a serious significant other, ie my boyfriend, who is going to relocate with me. You are totally being biased to make an assumption that I'm not in a serious relationship, and he would not be moving with me. Also, if you had read the question, I wasn't asking your permission to bring him. I was wondering what the best way to prep for it. Clearly, you missed all of this.
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This is very offensive to me. I have way too many interviews to attend to worry about a free meal. I And if you don't have anything constructive to say (hence just want to be throwing insults), then please abstain. I'm done with this thread so go argue among yourselves
I would say if you like him to join you, just let the coordinator know that your boyfriend/fiancee would also be in town, and you were wondering whether it would be feasible to accommodate him, as you are interested in letting him meet with your prospective co-workers/team.
Eventually, all families must get along well, and must have out of work interaction, and ultimately good friendship.
Good luck
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Whatever. The fact that your original thought was to bring a cousin kind of makes it hard to back peddle and emphasize how important it is to bring the bf.
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Don't sweat that poster--Law2doc is well known for being argumentative and always having to get the last word in.
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^ I disagree. I don't know the OP, but Law2Doc makes an incredibly valid point. The pre-interview meet up holds many purposes; one of them isn't to reconnect with your long lost cousin. The question posed by the OP in all honesty was ridiculous, and very likely the reason why she deleted it. Social etiquette and common sense can bewilder the most intelligent of people.
You dont have to humiliate the OP in your answer. you are doctors. You need to be tact, and not get carried away by the pseduo (freedom) that posting behind aliases gives.
You could be thoughtful and express your disagreement without evident sarcasm or hostility. otherwise back off.
I noticed there are lots of bullies in the forum (BTW I am NOT referring to anyone in particular in this post, so do not drop your bombs, I am speaking in general terms). Those bullies are OKAY as long as their patients are not suffering from their lack of diplomacy.
You could describe honey as the essence of bees or the vomit of wasps, so be smart about it
Peace to all
You could be thoughtful and express your disagreement without evident sarcasm or hostility. otherwise back off.
I noticed there are lots of bullies in the forum (BTW I am NOT referring to anyone in particular in this post, so do not drop your bombs, I am speaking in general terms). Those bullies are OKAY as long as their patients are not suffering from their lack of diplomacy.
You could describe honey as the essence of bees or the vomit of wasps, so be smart about it
Peace to all
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Actually, I would say that it isn't.
The unspoken rule of thumb seems to be: if you don't have a ring on your finger, no one will take it seriously. Particularly not a roomful of residents that you just met. So, no, it's not quite "totally" acceptable.
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I tend to agree with this, but still don't think we have to get to this issue. if your first thought was "can I bring my cousin", then the answer is that you shouldn't bring anyone, with or without a ring.
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Wait, I know this a bit of a diversion from the core topic of the thread, but it has me a bit worried. I'm planning on moving with my girlfriend next year to the area I match and she was planning on coming to the pre-interview dinners to get to know the area, the residents, etc. So this is frowned upon? It could actually hurt my app at these places? Thanks for any info you can provide guys.
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You may not like the question, but that doesn't mean it is ridiculous. Furthermore, I would not have asked if I had known it would cause such a massive stiffy to some like yourself.
Agreed.
Now who wants to bet Law2doc will post right after me to get the last word. Ha.
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I'm bringing my boyfriend to a couple of the dinners. Think whatever you like. I'm not going to take this any further.
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I cannot believe that this question has turned into such an argument.
It's not OK to just "bring a friend for a free meal". I think we're all agreed on that.
It's totally OK to bring a significant other to the dinner beforehand, if the program has indicated that they are invited. If there is no indication, then simply ask the PC. Bringing your SO is always a "risk" -- they could make a fool of themselves or you, or they should "outshine" you. But they always could make you look even better. Most of the time, it's not going to matter at all.
Of note, if your SO is interested in getting a sense of what the area is like, you can always bring them to explore the area. It's not clear that by going to the preinterview dinner that they are going to get a good sense of what the area is like. The best measure of that is whether the residents are invited to (and do) bring their SO's to the dinner -- then it makes lots of sense.
It's not OK to just "bring a friend for a free meal". I think we're all agreed on that.
It's totally OK to bring a significant other to the dinner beforehand, if the program has indicated that they are invited. If there is no indication, then simply ask the PC. Bringing your SO is always a "risk" -- they could make a fool of themselves or you, or they should "outshine" you. But they always could make you look even better. Most of the time, it's not going to matter at all.
Of note, if your SO is interested in getting a sense of what the area is like, you can always bring them to explore the area. It's not clear that by going to the preinterview dinner that they are going to get a good sense of what the area is like. The best measure of that is whether the residents are invited to (and do) bring their SO's to the dinner -- then it makes lots of sense.
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Thank you APD for giving the best advice on the thread and for respectfully answering my question. I also had no idea asking would create such a war. As I said, I realize that bringing my cousin is not acceptable (even though I was going to pay for him so it's not like I was trying to freeload). But I appreciate you addressing my unrelated and more important issue about the bf since it was brought up. I want my bf to get to know the city since he has been very involved in this whole process from day one. I think I will follow your advice and try to explore the area together outside of the formal interview activities at least for my top choice. Dinners sound like they are more complicated than I initially assumed.
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If you ("you" being anybody in this situation, not just the OP) want your significant other (be it boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancé, or spouse) to get to know the area, why not have them come and explore the city while you're at the dinner and interview so you can kill 2 birds with one stone? I really don't see any reason to bring them to the dinner. They won't be working with the residents, you will. So who cares if they like them? If they don't, then you don't have to hang out with the residents outside of work all the time, just keep it occasional. It seems more effective to have them look into the non-hospital amenities in the area than to come along to dinner and possibly cause trouble for you as an applicant.
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I have the perfect solution to this mess. Do not have a significant other at all and do not have any family in town!! That's the way I do things.
Anyway, I agree with wannabeOB. I'm always somewhat amazed by people in relationships who have to be together ALL THE TIME, don't think this is very healthy. While you are stuck in the hospital, your bf could be figuring out if it's a place both you and him would enjoy, since you probably wouldn't get to see much yourself.
Anyway, I agree with wannabeOB. I'm always somewhat amazed by people in relationships who have to be together ALL THE TIME, don't think this is very healthy. While you are stuck in the hospital, your bf could be figuring out if it's a place both you and him would enjoy, since you probably wouldn't get to see much yourself.
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Personally I wouldn't bring a non-spouse. And even then, the times I've seen applicants bring any significant other have been very few and far between.
Some people like to discuss major decisions with their partners, and it may be nice to be able to reflect on the residents/program with your partner if he/she met them.
Further, I think the ring necessity is a bit off, not only because of many states not allowing gay marriage but also because not everyone supports the institution of marriage.
Of course, I understand that this doesn't avoid residents' possible negative perceptions at dinner, but I think for many people a) psychiatry residency is a buyer's market b) one shouldn't have to be so worried about others possible negative perceptions of something important to you.
Further, I think the ring necessity is a bit off, not only because of many states not allowing gay marriage but also because not everyone supports the institution of marriage.
Of course, I understand that this doesn't avoid residents' possible negative perceptions at dinner, but I think for many people a) psychiatry residency is a buyer's market b) one shouldn't have to be so worried about others possible negative perceptions of something important to you.
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Well in an interview setting (which is what this is) you absolutely want to try and manage others possible negative perceptions of you as much as possible. As much as they bill it as such, these dinners are less about you finding out about the program and more about the residents deciding if they can see working with you and whether they have strong opinions of you one way or the other. We really truly get a voice in most cases, either directly or through a resident member of the ranking committee. While psych may be a buyers market as a specialty, that doesn't mean you don't want your pick of the programs within that market, or that every program doesn't have it's share of blackballed applicants for whatever reason. Does that mean bringing a spouse or SO is a bad idea? Depends. Look at it as a sales pitch meeting. Is this someone who comes across well, and has your back, but won't outshine you? You have to decide for yourself whether this person is an asset in this particular setting, because yes the residents will come away from this dinner with perceptions which could help or hurt your chances. It's actually a big responsibility for the SO, not just a social event, or a chance for them to see who you will be working with. For a lot of people, flying solo is probably a better move because you have control of what you put out there.
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Psych may be a buyer's market, but while you MAY be able to get *a* spot, you want to get your first choice.
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Bump to this. My girlfriend (who is not in medicine) will be moving with me, and we will almost certainly be engaged before graduation this May, but not before interviews occur. I wanted her to come with me to the dinners and such, but I'm concerned that since we're not technically engaged, this may potentially be viewed as sort of silly (whereas if it was a fiance or wife, it would probably be fine).
Thoughts?
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As said above, there is always a risk. After 8 interviews, I've only met 1 spouse at the interview dinner, and they were couples matching into another field. They could handle the program specific talk much better and be involved in all the medicine talk.
There will always be someone who will dismiss girlfriend, or even fiancee. Everyone has their own opinions. I think by going solo, you only have to worry about your own words, actions, impressions etc.
IMO as an applicant and also someone who has a spouse to consider in the decision, there isn't much value added for them to attend the 2 hour dinner, but possible negatives. A few programs have only had 2-3 residents there for the dinner so its not like they'll get a full cross section of the co-residents either. They can use those two hours to explore the city for things that meet THEIR interests.
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see my post above. I definitely would advise against it. It has nothing to do with you and your girlfriend not being married. It is just hard enough to make a good impression by yourself. It is just not worth it. You can definitely bring your gf with you to the city, but let her experience the city on her own.
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I still can't fathom a need for a spouse or significant other to attend these dinners. Unless you are both interviewing for a position at the same program, it's unnecessary. I understand the importance of discussing programs/locations, but you are the one that will ultimately be working with these residents not your husband, wife, cousin, father, or grandmother.
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I can't speak for all programs, but at my program, we're very laidback about the dinner. Nobody here would raise an eyebrow at an applicant for bringing a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend to dinner.
Yeah, bringing a parent, a cousin, etc. would look odd, but not a significant other.
In fact, personally, I would interpret it as meaning the person was serious about checking out the program, if they wanted their SO to be involved in learning about it.
Yeah, bringing a parent, a cousin, etc. would look odd, but not a significant other.
In fact, personally, I would interpret it as meaning the person was serious about checking out the program, if they wanted their SO to be involved in learning about it.
