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Hi all, I was wondering if someone could look at my disadvantaged status essay. After writing it and reading it over and over again, I feel like it is not very good. Either that or I'm not very disadvantaged. I just wanted to get another opinion.
Essay:
A nurturing family is one of the most important things a child needs when growing up. However, at the age of three years old, I was deprived of that nurturing environment. My mother and father had gotten a divorce at around this time. After the divorce, I never saw my father again. My mother was born in Malaysia so English was not her first language. Therefore, even with a college education, it was difficult for her to find a job. Eventually, she landed a job as a correctional officer, a job which only requires a high school diploma. My father had received the house and the car in the divorce settlement so my mother had to search for a new house and a find new mode of transportation. The financial burden was made even greater when my aunt, an immigrant from Malaysia, came to America and needed a place to stay. At the time, she did not work because she could not receive a work visa. As a result, my mother had to work other jobs, such as cleaning houses to support our family. I spent most of my time with my aunt or other babysitters as a child. As I grew older, my mother was able to get a better handle on the financial situation and she eventually remarried when I was eleven years old. However, my step-father at the time had a lot of hidden debt that my mother was unaware of. Financial troubles started rearing their head once again and my mother separated from my step-father after three years of marriage.
Essay:
A nurturing family is one of the most important things a child needs when growing up. However, at the age of three years old, I was deprived of that nurturing environment. My mother and father had gotten a divorce at around this time. After the divorce, I never saw my father again. My mother was born in Malaysia so English was not her first language. Therefore, even with a college education, it was difficult for her to find a job. Eventually, she landed a job as a correctional officer, a job which only requires a high school diploma. My father had received the house and the car in the divorce settlement so my mother had to search for a new house and a find new mode of transportation. The financial burden was made even greater when my aunt, an immigrant from Malaysia, came to America and needed a place to stay. At the time, she did not work because she could not receive a work visa. As a result, my mother had to work other jobs, such as cleaning houses to support our family. I spent most of my time with my aunt or other babysitters as a child. As I grew older, my mother was able to get a better handle on the financial situation and she eventually remarried when I was eleven years old. However, my step-father at the time had a lot of hidden debt that my mother was unaware of. Financial troubles started rearing their head once again and my mother separated from my step-father after three years of marriage.
