Do I really want to be a MD?

[Questions2012]

I'm not sure I want to be a MD anymore...I'm about to be a MSII and just don't really know why I'm doing it anymore. I want to have kids young and be with them and raise them the way I want to raise them, not in a daycare or with a nanny. I don't know if I'm just wiped out from this year or if I've really lost my motivation altogether. Any suggestions? I realize if I decide this isn't what I want to do there's pretty much no turning back...that's a really really tough decision to make. Help! :/

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[Mr hawkings]

Maybe it is time to speak to a councelor/ psychological services at your school

 

[Questions2012]

Thanks...I've done that and been doing that but it hasn't been too helpful. Most of my friends, family, and fiance think I'm completely miserable but don't know if it's that I don't want to be a doctor or I just don't like the schooling.

 

[JeffLebowski]

Lotta new parents losing interest in medical school in Allo these days....

...I really didn't add anything useful to this thread.

 

[Pinkertinkle]

is it really that bad?

 

[Questions2012]

For me it has been, unfortunately...

 

[theman1990]

My take on things are, you'll be the kind of doctor thatreflects the kind of person you are. After residency etc, there is no "law" stating you MUST work 120 hours a week or die. I know a number of docs who are older/retired who have pulled me aside and said "NEVER let anyone guilt you into neglecting your family." They then went on to say at the end of the day, it's just a job and when you are old and spent, no one will care that you "gave your everything" to patient's whom have long since forgotten who you were.

Yes there are likely some people who will 'claim' that attitude will make you a 'bad doctor' but just ignore them. I've had the misfortune of staring at my blood and body parts strewn about and thinking that my time was certainly up... Because of that, I've already learned to prioritize "what is important" and to me, it's not my job. While yes I'll put in work and labor to learn, I WILL NOT sacrifice my life and happiness for it. If it means I don't earn as much money or never get to go to surgery, then so be it. At the end of MY day, I know who will still have a smile.

In the end, no anonomous souls on the internet can tell you what is "right" for you. Take your time and figure it out!

 

[Mr hawkings]

I dont understand what you want out of this thread. You say that you have sought professional help and it did not help. It sounds like you have your mind made up already. There is nothing anyone here can say that will make you feel any better about medicine if a professional councelor was not able to help you explore you feeling on a deeper level.

You are either going to get attacked here or you are going to here the same stuff i'm sure you've heard countless times from friends at school and loved ones.

 

[Questions2012]

Meh...you're probably right...thanks though

 

[Keg]

Tough it out, you're almost too far in to look back. You'll graduate in 3 "short" years with a marketable degree, and you don't necessarily have to enter residency; there are several options for an MD if you don't want to practice clinical medicine. Talk to a career counselor (either at your school or outside) to figure out which of those is best for you (so that you can do what's most important for you - being with your family and enjoying time with your children, which is incredibly noble and probably harder work than what most physicians endure.)

 

[ar2388]

Tough it out, you're almost too far in to look back. You'll graduate in 3 "short" years with a marketable degree, and you don't necessarily have to enter residency; there are several options for an MD if you don't want to practice clinical medicine. Talk to a career counselor (either at your school or outside) to figure out which of those is best for you (so that you can do what's most important for you - being with your family and enjoying time with your children, which is incredibly noble and probably harder work than what most physicians endure.)

the above is good advice IMHO... finish medical school and then you can decide whether you want to take time off before residency or not do it all together.. but dont back out now when you have already made the commitment and are almost halfway done.

 

[Bonesaw45]

Don't listen to the pre-meds please, they don't know how stressful the whole education process can be on relationships especially when the schedules of you and your spouse's/children's don't line up perfectly. I think you need to decide what is most important to yourself. It certainly would be a possibility to go back later in life when your children hit a certain age, or maybe continue medical school and get a lighter residency (which you may not be interested in but gives you more flexibility) and then convert over to another specialty later in life. The most important thing to realize is that getting out after first year will be much better than getting out after 3rd or 4rd year and don't let people sell you on the marketable degree thing. Clearly you don't really want to work at all and take care of your kids while they are young (something I think is done too little among american households so kudos) so there is no point in finishing school and compiling all that debt just to not work with the degree in any field residency or otherwise. If you want to get out, get out now. good luck

 

[OncoCaP]

For me it has been, unfortunately...

Leave. Medicine shouldn't be a cult that you can't walk away from without people putting you through a guilt trip. The door is right there. Take a year of leave of absence; that will give you a chance to think things over as you find a path you do want to go. I've seen a handful of people go a different direction (extremely successful). Most students do stick with it. Medicine has a lot to offer, but you need to find what works for you.

 

[MeowMix]

If I understand correctly, you do not have kids yet.

Some single/childless women have a dream of being a stay-at-home mom with kids, but most women can't do that. Most of us have to work, or we want to work. The ideal job is flexible, pays well, and is satisfying. Is medicine going to be that job for you? or have you realized that it's just not your thing?

There is no shame in getting out now, knowing it's not right. Don't waste the money, and grind through 3rd and 4th year, where you have to show up early and often. Of course it is an option to turn back; but think of it as going forward along a different path. You are at a fork in the road, no more.

Take a year off - great idea
Work with a skilled career counselor and figure out your life goals

Don't spend more money on med school until you know it's taking you where you want to go. That's like spending $100,000 climbing Everest and being cold, pukey, and miserable the whole time, but doing it because it's a great achievement to climb the mountain.

 

[Rendar5]

I think there's one thing that isn't really clear in your post: Are you and your fiance going to get married in the next year or two and planning on having kids immediately? I know you want kids early, but what do you as a couple want?

And the other question I have is, is this really your issue or are you depressed and focusing on this as an issue when there's really a whole lot more to your story?

 

[cleothecat]

My wife is a succesful part-time FP, with 4 "normal" kids. One of them is now an M2.

My sister is a new grad part-time FP, with 3 kids.

Both juggled kids in residency, with the help of part-time residency programs, and supportive spouses.

Medicine is still one of the most gratifying fields where YOU can pick your level of hours and commitment. Comparer that to those lawyer friends of yours in corporate jobs, partner track and no- life at all.

 

[FatKid]

I'm not sure I want to be a MD anymore...I'm about to be a MSII and just don't really know why I'm doing it anymore. I want to have kids young and be with them and raise them the way I want to raise them, not in a daycare or with a nanny. I don't know if I'm just wiped out from this year or if I've really lost my motivation altogether. Any suggestions? I realize if I decide this isn't what I want to do there's pretty much no turning back...that's a really really tough decision to make. Help! :/

be sure to get the M.D.

they are the 2 most powerful letters you can have after your name.

 

[Mr hawkings]

Don't listen to the pre-meds please, they don't know how stressful the whole education process can be on relationships especially when the schedules of you and your spouse's/children's don't line up perfectly. I think you need to decide what is most important to yourself. It certainly would be a possibility to go back later in life when your children hit a certain age,

I dont know if the above was in response to me but i DO know the stress you are talking about.
I did start and quit medical school. I also know that it was the singe worst decision of my life and it took me 6 years of trying to convice a school to let me back in. So going back later in life may be more difficult than you think once you withraw from school.

Btw. I have a 2 year old son and my wife is a fiinal year resident. So yes, i do understand.

OP.

yes we dont like it that our child spends 12 hours a day in day care and its going to get worse once i restart school.
The only thing that is going to be beneficial for you is to speak with a professional. And know that if you walk away from this, it may very well be forever. So the question you have to ask yourself is,

A)do you ever see yourself resenting your kids because you gave up medicine for them?
or
B)would you resent medicine for taking you away from your kids.

For me, A was more likely than B. it may be different for you.

 

[Questions2012]

Thanks for all of the responses, I really appreciate it. As far as the kids situation is concerned, I am dying to be hands-on mom who isn't always dropping her kids off at daycare. My fiance is going to be an oral surgeon and is way more motivated for his career than I am at this point. He's been incredibly supportive and honestly just wants me to be happy with whatever decision I may make. As far as a LOA...I did that in the middle of last year, to be quite honest, because I was miserable and not doing well. I took the time to reevaluate things and decided to go back. Now, I feel like I'm hitting the same stumbling block as before. I realize if I leave that's pretty much it and I hate that. I don't want to be a "med school dropout" but I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life either. But, again, it's so hard to know if I'll regret it if I stay and can't have the life I want or if I'll regret it if I leave and can't be a doctor...

 

[Mr hawkings]

Thanks for all of the responses, I really appreciate it. As far as the kids situation is concerned, I am dying to be hands-on mom who isn't always dropping her kids off at daycare. My fiance is going to be an oral surgeon and is way more motivated for his career than I am at this point. He's been incredibly supportive and honestly just wants me to be happy with whatever decision I may make. As far as a LOA...I did that in the middle of last year, to be quite honest, because I was miserable and not doing well. I took the time to reevaluate things and decided to go back. Now, I feel like I'm hitting the same stumbling block as before. I realize if I leave that's pretty much it and I hate that. I don't want to be a "med school dropout" but I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life either. But, again, it's so hard to know if I'll regret it if I stay and can't have the life I want or if I'll regret it if I leave and can't be a doctor...

One quick question.

When you say you dont want to be a dropout, is it because you like being in med school or is it a matter of pride. Also, have you shadowed any physicians?
Take the kids out ofthe picture for a second. is there any specialty that you feel you could do and be happy (if you did not have a family) ?

Taking care of your kids the way you want to and being a physician are not necesarilly mutually exclusive. it might be for residency, but it may not be depending on you specialty and what type of practice you end up in.

You can also be a hands-on mum even with a few hours of day care. Like i saud before, my son spends 12 hours a day in day care and neither my wife nor i have missed any of his major milestones. We both saw his first steps, heard his first words (or so we think ), etc etc. And when we take him out to the park, the dynamic between my wife and my son is just as loving and wonderful as any of the other kids with stay at home moms. If you walked up, you would not be able to tell which kid spends all day in day care. if anything, my boy is better is social settings with other kids and better at sharing and playing with others.

So It can be done, but you have to be ina specialty that makes you happy too. thats the issue, in my humble opinion.

I really hope you make the right choice. if you do choose to leave, know that it will be very difficult to get back in so dont leave with the thought that you will try again for med school once your kids are a little older. it might just be a permanent move.

 

[L0NGD0NGSILVER]

get out while you can dude... it only gets worse; trust me

 

[GreenShirt]

Sorry to hear about your unhappiness. You seem to be voicing two separate issues. Is your primary concern that medical school may interfere with your ability to raise children and this is causing you to lose interest? Or are you not interested in the medical profession anymore which is causing you to struggle in school? Figuring that out may give you more direction. If it's the former, researching people's experience with raising children while going through the medical process may give you more insight into whether it's something you want to do. If it's the latter, well...a lot of people dislike the first two years of medical school. It's overwhelming and tedious. You have to do a cost-benefit analysis to decide whether grinding your teeth and getting through it are in-line with your life priorities.

 

[DrJosephKim]

You may want to consider some non-clinical opportunities that will provide you with the flexibility that you may be looking for. I'd be glad to chat with you directly. Please don't PM me, but rather send me an e-mail if you're interested.

 

[Pinkertinkle]

Wut if things don't work out between u and ur fiancé?

 

[TigerSoup]

You've only invested one year in medical school so far, so I don't think you should see yourself as too far to turn back. At least at my school, I feel like 1st year is far easier than 2nd year which is far easier than 3rd. And then there's residency after that, etc etc. Were I in your position, I would probably evaluate how much I would be interested in something like part-time family practice, how much debt/time I would have to put into achieving that, and how much I would stand to gain (both in satisfaction and in future salaries). I would then think about what my alternative careers are, and if I could achieve a similar level of satisfaction with those.

Our society undervalues the contribution of caretakers. I don't think that your kids will be any better/worse off if they are at home with you vs at daycare. But if you think you would be happier being a more involved parent, why should anyone question you for that? I would be careful to always have some kind of career/job option available that will make you satisfied (as having children doesn't always go as quickly or easily as people would like), but I don't think you should feel chained to the physician track just because you've taken the first few steps on it.

 

[LeLu]

It's very impt for me as well to have children before I get too old (started school late) and spend time raising them. I have been considering the ophtho path. Residencies avg 50.4 hours per week (Frieda). I had no idea there were residencies like this. The work load as an ophtho can be trimmed as well. And I enjoy the specialty. I have a rough plan (needs more thinking) of having a child during residency - taking time off to do so, staying home for a yr if possible. Then putting them in daycare but with my husband only working 40 hours and me 50, we will have lots of time with them at home. And I will be able to work less than 50 when I start my career. Just praying I am competitive enough for ophtho!

 

[NonTradMed]

It's hard to say whether you hate medicine or medical school or just depressed about your life. You need to figure this out as no one on the boards knows you personally. I say stick with medicine if you still think you'll enjoy it as a job. If not, get out. Now.

As for kids. This one is hard to say. I have a friend who was kind of like you. She wanted to be an involved mom. She dabbled in various careers and near the end, bided her time until she gave birth to her child and could stay home.

However, due to economic reasons, within a year, she was already looking for a job.. But she couldn't find anything flexible and or lucrative due to her lack of career building before her child. Now, she works at home, takes care of her toddler and studies after her child goes to bed. I doubt this is the stay at home dream she was wishing for when she was in school.

I think while people may daydream about the wonderful life they want, they need to be practical about what life throws at them. You are not married. You do not have kids yet. Do you have any way to support your child if your fiance can't work or leaves you? Despite the rhetoric of 'find your passion' stated on SDN, the more practical argument is that can you get a marketable degree? If that is a 'yes', then your children consideration has more weight. Financially, there is less need to finish an MD if you can already support a family. If leaving the MD program leaves you with few job options, then I say stick with it and get that MD. At least you'll have some good job options if you need to go back to work.