Emotionally Injured?

[HoosierdaddyO]

Anyone emotional blunted or just emotionally apathetic from these past few years! Don’t get me wrong, I am not depressed and in large part enjoy my life… but am I alone in the feeling that there are just certain things that I feel like I should be more empathetic or sympathetic to… that I just feel nothing. When people cry or someone is hurting I still feel emotions for that. But everyday drama of every day 1st world BS, that most people in society feel “woe is me”… I’m just sitting there being like ok whatever who gives a ****. Is this what moral injury feels like and a society that for 3 months gaslighted us to then not only proceed to hang us all out to dry… and back to the every day get cursed at and yelled at for things I have zero control over?!

Been having a rather rough week… and my emotional fortitude has definitely dwindled to the point that even loved ones and some distant friends have noticed. I can say that I kept up a lot of the stress inside during Covid, didn’t really have a significant other to vent to or family that I spoke to about the day to day emotional, mental and psychological warefare that occurred to us all. Any thoughts? Advice? Words of encouragement that maybe I’m not alone in these feelings! Thanks ahead of time!!

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[Birdstrike]

...Words of encouragement that maybe I’m not alone in these feelings! Thanks ahead of time!!

You are not alone. I suffered feeling like this for many years. Things are much better now.

Know,

A) None of this is your fault, and

B) You were lied to.


-"Burnout can be avoided..."

-"EM isn't the hardest specialty in Medicine..."

-"When you're off, you're off.."

-"EM is easy, because of the schedule..."

-"EM isn't flawed, you are flawed..."

-"You chose Medicine as a career, not a career in service to making businessmen richer..."


Those are all lies, told so commonly, they're commonly accepted as undeniable truth in Emergency Medicine.

But you don't have to suffer. And it will get better.


Here's how:

1) Admit some hard truths and let go of wishful thinking.

2) Commit to making changes.

3) Determine what needs to be changed.

4) Creat a plan.

5) Enact plan.

6) Reap rewards.

Now that I've been out of EM a solid 10 years, it boggles my mind how absofrickin'lutely abusive and toxic so many things were in the day to day, that were universally accepted as okay and normal.

 

[WilcoWorld]

every day get cursed at and yelled at for things I have zero control over?!

Yep, I've felt that way. It happened to me before the pandemic though, for the reason I quoted above.

I found the "treat this like a job and get your love at home" advice only temporarily helped and ended up making things worse in the end. I'm in a much better place now, and that's in part due to TRYING not to sweat the stuff that I have no control over, (I fail sometimes & that's ok) and also through allowing myself to be MORE, not less, emotionally open and vulnerable at work. We see people on the worst days of their lives, and trying to not be affected by that led to my being emotionally shut down outside of work...only to be very emotionally affected when I least expected it.

In closing, I would argue that the way you're feeling about your situation doesn't show there's something wrong with you - it shows that there's still a human in there somewhere.

 

[RustedFox]

If I respond to this, it will go thru 5 revisions before I delete it.

 

[emdoc799]

Anyone emotional blunted or just emotionally apathetic from these past few years! Don’t get me wrong, I am not depressed and in large part enjoy my life… but am I alone in the feeling that there are just certain things that I feel like I should be more empathetic or sympathetic to… that I just feel nothing. When people cry or someone is hurting I still feel emotions for that. But everyday drama of every day 1st world BS, that most people in society feel “woe is me”… I’m just sitting there being like ok whatever who gives a ****. Is this what moral injury feels like and a society that for 3 months gaslighted us to then not only proceed to hang us all out to dry… and back to the every day get cursed at and yelled at for things I have zero control over?!

Been having a rather rough week… and my emotional fortitude has definitely dwindled to the point that even loved ones and some distant friends have noticed. I can say that I kept up a lot of the stress inside during Covid, didn’t really have a significant other to vent to or family that I spoke to about the day to day emotional, mental and psychological warefare that occurred to us all. Any thoughts? Advice? Words of encouragement that maybe I’m not alone in these feelings! Thanks ahead of time!!

Yes. You’re not alone. I have felt many of these exact same things on a daily basis as well.
Things I’ve tried:
-meditation
-intense exercise
-therapy
-SSRI
-commiserating with colleagues
-cooking
-watching Korean cooking videos on YouTube (it’s actually pretty cool)
-podcasts
-reading
-updating my CV and researching other things that I would rather do, sometimes just the act of doing this and fantasizing about not having this job makes me feel better temporarily
-staying away from the news which makes me more stressed
-listening to music
-looking at my dog with jealousy that he will never be an ER dogtor

I’m sure you’ve tried some or all of these. Hope you can find some inner peace.

 

[GonnaBeADoc2222]

We just got sent out a bulletin on burnout. It was full of things WE can do to minimize it.

Hm. What happens when I already eat well, sleep well, am physically fit, "take time for hobbies and family," and the job still sucks?

I bring my best self to work; why doesn't work do the same for me?

Literally the definition of a toxic gaslighting relationship.

 

[EctopicFetus]

I definitely feel some of this. What’s perhaps rattled me more is seeing this in colleagues who seem emotionally devastated. I agree with the post above try being more emotionally available for *some* patients.
i think what makes our jobs so different is the constant “friction”. Not only do we deal with pissed off patients but we also have to grind internally to make the collapsing system work. The nurses are burnt out and will tell you about it. Ct is 5 hours behind you call. The hospitalist doesn’t want to admit the 78 year old weak patient you figure it out. The patient is pissed for waiting 5 hours in the WR cause hospital wont pay staff YOU apologize. we have to do all this while maintaining a professional attitude.
im definitely tired emotionally. I still oddly enjoy going into my shift. I like my downtime too. Good luck to the OP. Don’t let the job consume you. Sadly I fear it will get worse, much worse soon.

seemingly the hospitals /CMGs do this minimal nonsense burnout stuff but nothing that has actual impact. Nothing that costs money. That is reserved for middle management

 

[cyanide12345678]

You’re burned out. It’s not your fault. I was also burned out to a crisp last year.

While I’m still a little burned out, i think changing my job has helped. Have you considered taking a hiatus from work? One of the things that really helped rejuvenate me was my 2.5 month hiatus from work when i moved from one job to the next. It was amazing.

Also, a job is a job. It’s not supposed to be a calling. There’s a reason people have to pay us decent money to work. I wish i was one of those people who thought of work as enjoyable or a calling. To me it’s just the means to an end - to make money, to invest early, to become financially independent so i have the option of walking away.

Good luck. Cut down your shifts for a couple of months if at all possible. Emergency medicine is an extremely difficult specialty. You are not alone, most of us are right there with you.

Edit: I’m on my day shift right now, i saw 1 patient in the first 3 hours of my shift followed by 9 patients in the next 1.5 hours -_- i hate seeing these boluses of patients in the ER and id be so much happier if i had a clinic where i could schedule patients 30 minutes apart 😂

 

[Interpolfanclub]

I think we can all identify with this. My first job out of residency was rough, my current one I could do forever. A lot comes down to the individual job.

Fundamentally though the nature of the work is just really tough. I would always roll my eyes at these docs that have transitioned into patient sat coaches. Yeah, I know why you're happy now, you aren't at the bedside anymore. I work for a system and sat used to be part of our compensation until the docs pushed back enough admin dropped it. Fortunately in my system docs still have a lot of power and admin listened. The most essential part of our work, saving lives and sorting through massive numbers of people is hard enough we don't need to be hit over the head with metrics, sats, second guessed but we are.

First though would be see how much you're working, usually EM docs need to cut back. Make sure you aren't living beyond your means etc. I was director and a lot of my unhappiness came from being director so I finally quit the director role and feel much better.

 

[CoolDoc1729]

Anyone emotional blunted or just emotionally apathetic from these past few years! Don’t get me wrong, I am not depressed and in large part enjoy my life… but am I alone in the feeling that there are just certain things that I feel like I should be more empathetic or sympathetic to… that I just feel nothing. When people cry or someone is hurting I still feel emotions for that. But everyday drama of every day 1st world BS, that most people in society feel “woe is me”… I’m just sitting there being like ok whatever who gives a ****. Is this what moral injury feels like and a society that for 3 months gaslighted us to then not only proceed to hang us all out to dry… and back to the every day get cursed at and yelled at for things I have zero control over?!

Been having a rather rough week… and my emotional fortitude has definitely dwindled to the point that even loved ones and some distant friends have noticed. I can say that I kept up a lot of the stress inside during Covid, didn’t really have a significant other to vent to or family that I spoke to about the day to day emotional, mental and psychological warefare that occurred to us all. Any thoughts? Advice? Words of encouragement that maybe I’m not alone in these feelings! Thanks ahead of time!!

You’re so much not alone.

How upsetting can it be to hear someone groaning in the hallway ? Less so when there’s always been someone groaning in the hallway for an entire year … its hard to maintain empathy under these conditions.
It’s almost worse trying to commiserate with people who aren’t actually working in a destitute ER. My mom will try to liken it to customers at her boutique bakery .. like no it’s not the same because people need things and we cant do it and people suffer or die as a direct result. my sister thats a teacher will liken it to her work, again, sorry, no, you have a limited number of the same people each day to work with, so not the same .. not to even start on my boomer in laws' constant degrading comments how people who worked SO HARD all their life DESERVE MORE (k, you retired at 53, you eat 6 things on the dont list for every 1 thing on the do list, your only exercise is going outside for a smoke break , you are part of the problem)
Then the CMGs tell us do more (implication: we can possibly fix the problem.. therefore if its not fixed it is our fault ) and i would be happy if i never heard the word Wellness from them again.

none of this is acceptable but this is what we have. i dont have an answer but you are so not alone.

 

[WilcoWorld]

If I respond to this, it will go thru 5 revisions before I delete it.

At least PM it to me before deletion, plz

 

[Janders]

You ain’t alone, that’s for sure.

 

[miacomet]

Why anyone goes into EM anymore, I don't know. EM program directors with cushy jobs are culpable for a lot of human misery.

 

[emdoc799]

The above posts bring up a very good point. We can only do so much to adapt but the truth is that the problem is not with us individually. It is the system that sets us up for failure. Realize that there is nothing wrong with you by you feeling this way.

I will say this too. Something that has helped me cope is learning how to manage money. Knowing how to manage money means that someday I will have the option to work and will not do it out of necessity. It also helps me not buy things that are meaningless just to distract me from the real world.

It is astounding to see some of my coworkers mismanage money. Most in our group are at the 400k+ level, some of the top producers 500k+. Some live paycheck to paycheck, which blows my mind. And they also complain about not being able to retire on time.

 

[Apollyon]

At least PM it to me before deletion, plz

I already got dibs, brother!

 

[Birdstrike]

Why anyone goes into EM anymore,

Because they keep selling the lies.