Failed a clerkship. Getting a permanent F on my transcript. Feel like I've ruined my life. Looking for realistic input.

[spunkarillo]

Basically the title. Admin tried to give me a pep talk where they called it a "setback," but I know I just slammed shut every door that I have worked myself into the ground for years to open. I am gutted beyond what I can put into words.

During my first clerkship, I got beautiful evals, aced the standardized patient exam, and was gearing up to take the shelf. Then a lot of **** happened. The highlights are a family member passed away AND the day before the test a doctor told me they thought I had skin cancer and sent a biopsy out for path lab. I didn't know I couldn't reschedule the test so I took it and missed the cutoff for pass by TWO points.

I get told I can remediate the exam in 6 months. Great. In the interim, I breeze through another notoriously difficult rotation and the corresponding shelf. Back to clerkship #1 shelf. I work my ass off, crush the practice NBMEs, then crash and burn on the actual exam again. I scored 1 point higher and missed the cutoff by a single point. This time, I have no idea how this happened. I know I was prepared.

Now, I'm told I'm getting an F on my transcript and have to repeat the entire rotation. Even if I pass, the F stays forever. I feel like I just burned down my entire professional future. The one person I've told keeps trying to reassure me that I "can still match somewhere." But they don't get it. They don't understand that my whole life I've worked myself into the ground for so so much more than that.

For the record, I'm not upset that I've hit a challenging spot, nor do I think the F means I'm not cut out to be a doctor or is a measure of my self worth. I have a long track record of meeting failure with grace and coming back stronger. I will gladly take this rotation 1000 times if thats what it takes. I'm crushed because no matter what I do from here, I feel this one stupid letter that does not reflect me as a person AT ALL is going to completely define my future and derail the life I have put my lifeblood into building. All the positive things I've done, the long nights and insane hours, all the potential I have as a person, instantly canceled out by this vapid letter.

I'm still in rotations and I don't know how I am supposed to navigate this and not continue to crash and burn. Apparently I now have to also write a letter to a probation committee arguing why I shouldn't be put on academic probation. I want to do the right thing: work my ass off and come back strong. But I can barely get out of bed. I feel like this is going to be a downward spiral I end up riding until I completely crash and burn out of medicine altogether. I feel like I have ruined my life.

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[M&L]

Ok so just to clarify - what is the failed clerkship and what is the specialty you want to apply to ?

 

[operaman]

Agreed we need for info. But overall, a single bad mark in an otherwise stellar application may not be as bad as you think. And if your app is otherwise fairly borderline, then this mark hasn’t really altered your chances at a competitive residency that were already poor to begin with.

The key now is to focus and pass so that you can graduate, and do as well as you can elsewhere so this looks more and more like just a fluke.

 

[M&L]

Yeah . If one F would ruin our careers, a lot less ppl would match .
Basically the furthest your specialty is from the rotation the better - for example, if you failed peds and you are applying for pathology no one is gonna care .
All you’ll have to do is write good essays, phrase that as “learning experience “ (without blaming your school !!!), and be ready to answer questions

 

[spunkarillo]

Ok so just to clarify - what is the failed clerkship and what is the specialty you want to apply to ?

Failed peds. I wasn't ever gunning for any insanely competitive specialty (toss up between EM, IM, and FM), but I did want to match into a strong academic program that could keep me in the pipeline for future leadership roles in medicine. Aside from this grade, I have fairly top-tier research, leadership achievements, big name scholarships, and recommendation letters, but I worry in the age of P/F Step 1 that an F on a core is going to get my app screened out before the rest of these even have a chance to come into play. Maybe my life isn't ruined, but I hear so many horror stories of people going unmatched for trivialities, and I just don't know what my options look like now. If I go for IM, for instance, I don't know how this would affect shooting for fellowships. If I go for EM, am I likely to get stuck with an HCA residency where no one will hire me after. Etc.

 

[operaman]

Failed peds. I wasn't ever gunning for any insanely competitive specialty (toss up between EM, IM, and FM), but I did want to match into a strong academic program that could keep me in the pipeline for future leadership roles in medicine. Aside from this grade, I have fairly top-tier research, leadership achievements, big name scholarships, and recommendation letters, but I worry in the age of P/F Step 1 that an F on a core is going to get my app screened out before the rest of these even have a chance to come into play. Maybe my life isn't ruined, but I hear so many horror stories of people going unmatched for trivialities, and I just don't know what my options look like now. If I go for IM, for instance, I don't know how this would affect shooting for fellowships. If I go for EM, am I likely to get stuck with an HCA residency where no one will hire me after. Etc.

It may get you screened at a few places but everything will depend on the rest of your app. All Ps and a borderline CK score would be a very different look than mostly Hs and a strong CK score. The rest of your app sounds pretty solid so it’s really your other clerkships and CK that will be the deciding factor in how this blemish is perceived. You want it to look like an aberration rather than a logical extension of your overall performance.

If you can do that, then there should be plenty of doors kept open and you’ll just have to explain the blemish and what you learned from it.