Feel lonely, how can I meet girls

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abbeyroad35

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I'm really stressed out with school and the fact that I'm single. School is very hard for me and I'm struggling to get by, but I'm incredibly frustrated with how my roommates are dinguses, slack off all the time, yet pull off good grades and managed to start relationships while in med school. I try to be a nice, genuine person to girls in my class but any that I've shown interest in or tried to date has shot me down. I feel like I can't go out to clubs/bars and meet girls because I'm not very loud and its hard for me to talk over the noise and stand out. I've tried online dating but I'm not satisfied with the quality of girls that I get likes/messages from on there. I want to meet a nice pretty girl that I can go through life with, especially since a lot of my people at school don't talk to me anymore I really would like to start meeting girls but I have no idea how to have the time to do that or when I ever will for that matter.

When do a lot of med students/doctors start relationships in their career? Where and when do most of you guys meet girls? I feel very lonely and sad/jealous of my roommates and right now in life it just seems like there are no options for me :(. Can someone help me with how I can handle this or when I should expect things to start working out better for me??

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Any advice would be really appreciated!
 
I accidentally ran into your post and felt like I had to share a few words. I am not currently in med school (applying this cycle) but I worked full time during my undergrad and had difficulty finding the time to socialize. Dating was out of the question and by no means was I the kind of guy to land a girl at a nearby pub.

My answer might not be the one that fits your perspective on life, but it has given me astounding success. See, when I would mingle with women without the thought that I needed a significant other to make me happy, I became more attractive. I lost my connection with the idea that I MUST HAVE a girl to alleviate my stress and I became much more light-hearted during social gatherings. I don't mean sit there like a potato and think about all the stuff you're grateful about. I mean be fully aware of whatever you're doing at that moment, and you will start to notice the subtle beauty of what you have. Yea it's cliche. But once you become happy with what you have, you will be in the right mindset to find the RIGHT girl. Most importantly, with this mindset, you will not become dependent on her to keep you happy/distracted from your roomates/etc.

I tried to be genuine and nice but I realized I failed in the social scene because I was TRYING to be genuine and nice. Whenever you try to act normal, you don't actually act normal.

Lastly, accept your ****ty roommates, your rigorous course load, and your single lifestyle. Whenever negative thoughts get the best of you (like the ones that say that you need something more in your life to be happy), go do something active. Med school is top priority, right before your own mental and physical health. MAKE time to stay balanced and everything falls into place.
 
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I'm really stressed out with school and the fact that I'm single. School is very hard for me and I'm struggling to get by, but I'm incredibly frustrated with how my roommates are dinguses, slack off all the time, yet pull off good grades and managed to start relationships while in med school. I try to be a nice, genuine person to girls in my class but any that I've shown interest in or tried to date has shot me down. I feel like I can't go out to clubs/bars and meet girls because I'm not very loud and its hard for me to talk over the noise and stand out. I've tried online dating but I'm not satisfied with the quality of girls that I get likes/messages from on there. I want to meet a nice pretty girl that I can go through life with, especially since a lot of my people at school don't talk to me anymore I really would like to start meeting girls but I have no idea how to have the time to do that or when I ever will for that matter.

When do a lot of med students/doctors start relationships in their career? Where and when do most of you guys meet girls? I feel very lonely and sad/jealous of my roommates and right now in life it just seems like there are no options for me :(. Can someone help me with how I can handle this or when I should expect things to start working out better for me??
Online dating is your best bet in medical school to be honest, unless you find a girl in your class. What makes the quality of the girls messaging you not up to par? I know some people think it's super cool to be a med student (your mom), but girls don't really care. If you're a 5, at the end of the day, you're still gonna be matching with 5s.
 
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Stop pitying yourself, get some self-confidence, and lose the "I'm a nice guy I deserve better" mentality. Those are three very important things to start with.

Get Tinder and Bumble, meet lots of people, enjoy yourself without worrying about being in a relationship.

Edit: And don't date a classmate. Why do people think this is a good idea?
 
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I'm really stressed out with school and the fact that I'm single. School is very hard for me and I'm struggling to get by, but I'm incredibly frustrated with how my roommates are dinguses, slack off all the time, yet pull off good grades and managed to start relationships while in med school. I try to be a nice, genuine person to girls in my class but any that I've shown interest in or tried to date has shot me down. I feel like I can't go out to clubs/bars and meet girls because I'm not very loud and its hard for me to talk over the noise and stand out. I've tried online dating but I'm not satisfied with the quality of girls that I get likes/messages from on there. I want to meet a nice pretty girl that I can go through life with, especially since a lot of my people at school don't talk to me anymore I really would like to start meeting girls but I have no idea how to have the time to do that or when I ever will for that matter.

When do a lot of med students/doctors start relationships in their career? Where and when do most of you guys meet girls? I feel very lonely and sad/jealous of my roommates and right now in life it just seems like there are no options for me :(. Can someone help me with how I can handle this or when I should expect things to start working out better for me??
being loud does not equal being a man or a key to getting girls....I have been there, I am quiet but self-confident and girls like confidence in a man...I'll give you some fictional characters to show you how self-confidence is more important, lol bear with me ....have you seen the dos equis guys ? they are not loud but quiet yet confident...how about james bond, quiet yet confident in himself and his skill...have you seen tom hiddleston? the dude is quiet but confident and girls run after him (granted he is also a good looking dude)..but...
being quiet, social with confidence is your key. also making sad faces on SDN is not a key to self-confidence.
Try not to compare yourself with anyone. you are you and not one person in the world has your talents, skills and abilities.
 
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Stop pitying yourself, get some self-confidence, and lose the "I'm a nice guy I deserve better" mentality. Those are three very important things to start with.

Get Tinder and Bumble, meet lots of people, enjoy yourself without worrying about being in a relationship.

Edit: And don't date a classmate. Why do people think this is a good idea?
LOL ..Tinder is the worst!!! if you want to hookup, yes go ahead with Tinder...but if you want to meet a nice person who you want to spend your life with, run away from Tinder....and I know many people getting married to their classmates from college, professional school etc...if you have commitment issues, that's a different issue.
 
There were a handful of couples who got together in my med school class and eventually married. It certainly makes sense that if you come into med school single and spend a TON of time with a group of others in that general age group and stage in life with somewhat similar interests that it's going to lead to potentially long-term relationships.

I'm not I have any specific advice as I went to school married and have been out of the dating game (thank God) for quite some time, I do agree with some of the themes above that basically suggest, stop focusing on actually finding someone and instead focus on yourself, being confident in who you are and "enjoy the now". I think sometimes we try too hard. I met my spouse years before med school after a period of time where I was stressing out over this similar thing and finally settled on taking some time and focusing on getting back to school and my life goals.
 
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being loud does not equal being a man or a key to getting girls....I have been there, I am quiet but self-confident and girls like confidence in a man...I'll give you some fictional characters to show you how self-confidence is more important, lol bear with me ....have you seen the dos equis guys ? they are not loud but quiet yet confident...how about james bond, quiet yet confident in himself and his skill...have you seen tom hiddleston? the dude is quiet but confident and girls run after him (granted he is also a good looking dude)..but...
being quiet, social with confidence is your key. also making sad faces on SDN is not a key to self-confidence.
Try not to compare yourself with anyone. you are you and not one person in the world has your talents, skills and abilities.

Solid advice, but ironic coming from a guy named Michael Scott lol
 
LOL ..Tinder is the worst!!! if you want to hookup, yes go ahead with Tinder...but if you want to meet a nice person who you want to spend your life with, run away from Tinder....and I know many people getting married to their classmates from college, professional school etc...if you have commitment issues, that's a different issue.

I know plenty of people that are in LTRs that began on Tinder. Maybe you should reevaluate.
 
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If you haven't figured out that girls don't like nice guys I don't know what to do for you. I used to act just like you: "I'm so nice, why don't girls like me. They always date jerks!".

Girls don't necessarily like @ssholes, but they do love confidence (and lots of @ssholes have tons of confidence, whether it's just or not is situational). What did I do to show more confidence? I have one hell of a mouth (and its logical; thanks philosophy BA!).

I met my wife many years ago in biomedical ethics class...shooting down tons of stupid ideas and comments from fellow classmates while making the class laugh. That's how she noticed me (even all the way in the back of the class; I don't understand front-sitters). While I treat her like gold, she loves my attitude towards life and willingness to say what is on my mind.

Develop some gusto while maintaining your principles and 'niceness'. It will take you a long way. And, please...do not try to meet girls in bars unless you want HPV or constant drama.
Aaaand there goes your credibility
 
To a guy with a BA in Philosophy, I really shouldn't have to explain how absurd that statement was. Then again, you met your wife in a Biomedical ethics class (not that there's anything wrong with that, but it at least shows how detached you are).
 
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?. Did you meet your wife in a bar? This coming from the guy who said to use online dating...a conglomeration of people who flock to the internet due to an astounding ability to repulse people in everyday life.
Well, at least now I know why you're here
 
If you haven't figured out that girls don't like nice guys I don't know what to do for you. I used to act just like you: "I'm so nice, why don't girls like me. They always date jerks!".

Girls don't necessarily like @ssholes, but they do love confidence (and lots of @ssholes have tons of confidence, whether it's just or not is situational). What did I do to show more confidence? I have one hell of a mouth (and its logical; thanks philosophy BA!).

I met my wife many years ago in biomedical ethics class...playfully shooting down tons of stupid ideas and comments from fellow classmates while making the class laugh. That's how she noticed me (even all the way in the back of the class; I don't understand front-sitters). While I treat her like gold, she loves my attitude towards life and willingness to say what is on my mind.

Develop some gusto while maintaining your principles and 'niceness'. It will take you a long way. And, please...do not try to meet girls in bars unless you want HPV or constant drama.

And as you progress through life, you will see that a lot of dudes who once pulled many many chicks have a hard time later on when women finally want to get serious. Hang in there. If your face is fairly symmetrical, you have a shot.
my smoking hot wife would disagree with you on that one, bud
 
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Whoa I see this doozy of a thread and scroll to the end to find it worse than a sewing circle. I know that sarcasm doesn't always translate well over the internet but man, if you could not tell that Cube was messing around that's terrible. Didn't things like, "philosophy BA", "symmetrical face", "front of the class", etc. tip you off? I thought it was hilarious. Throwing shade on the dude via 5th grade insults for no reason.

You guys need to lighten up. I've had plenty of females tell me that they hate p&(*@^s. If everyone had the same 'likes', one dude would have all the females on Earth. Yikes.
 
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Online dating is your best bet in medical school to be honest, unless you find a girl in your class. What makes the quality of the girls messaging you not up to par? I know some people think it's super cool to be a med student (your mom), but girls don't really care. If you're a 5, at the end of the day, you're still gonna be matching with 5s.

Poor quality being ugly girls, girls only there to have sex (which I'm personally not about), or some kind of internet scam to get you to pay money towards another dating website. It's a total game that girls play to their advantage
 
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Poor quality being ugly girls, girls only there to have sex (which I'm personally not about), or some kind of internet scam to get you to pay money towards another dating website. It's a total game that girls play to their advantage
Online dating is perhaps the worst advice I have ever seen. Other than "Yeah, I'm sure that the water is deep enough".
 
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Oh you kids and your thirst...

Let me ask you this OP, if you're not happy now what makes you so sure you'll magically be happy all of a sudden with a gf? In case you've been out of the game for a while, let me refresh your memory. Gfs are a double-edged sword my friend. Sure they come with perks but they also force you to put up with a lot of crap you wouldn't otherwise. Is that really what you need right now?

I'd be more worried about getting out of that crappy living situation you're in and surrounding yourself with less toxic people.
 
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It takes all kinds, my friend. And as I've progressed in life, I've usually found out that those who so readily proclaim "hotness" are a bit out of touch or off the mark.

I don't need to say anything. People know.
Good thing usually means there are instances as to where it's not the case, as seen above
 
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There is no problem you currently have that dating will not exacerbate. Women generally tend to be drawn to guys that have their **** together- fix your life and things will sort themselves out. You also mentioned that most people in your class don't talk to you anymore- why is that? Also, you noted that your roommates are "dinguses-" why do you feel that way? Finally, why are you so concerned with finding validation and meaning in the form of another person? Why would anyone be attracted to a person that so desperately wants another person to fix their life?
 
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Practice makes perfect. For some it comes easier than others. People will reject you and you have to learn to accept that. Just as you seem picky with girls you want to date .... they do the same thing. Go be yourself, date girls you may not think are your soul mate, etc. Only then will you be better able to be confident with yourself.

Girls like "bad guys" because they aren't afraid to get rejected and move on to the next one. The reality is most girls want nice guys.
 
I'm really stressed out with school and the fact that I'm single. School is very hard for me and I'm struggling to get by, but I'm incredibly frustrated with how my roommates are dinguses, slack off all the time, yet pull off good grades and managed to start relationships while in med school. I try to be a nice, genuine person to girls in my class but any that I've shown interest in or tried to date has shot me down. I feel like I can't go out to clubs/bars and meet girls because I'm not very loud and its hard for me to talk over the noise and stand out. I've tried online dating but I'm not satisfied with the quality of girls that I get likes/messages from on there. I want to meet a nice pretty girl that I can go through life with, especially since a lot of my people at school don't talk to me anymore I really would like to start meeting girls but I have no idea how to have the time to do that or when I ever will for that matter.

When do a lot of med students/doctors start relationships in their career? Where and when do most of you guys meet girls? I feel very lonely and sad/jealous of my roommates and right now in life it just seems like there are no options for me :(. Can someone help me with how I can handle this or when I should expect things to start working out better for me??

A few things:
1. You are most likely reaching out of your league in terms of physical attractiveness. Even if you are a rich, successful, honest, kind doctor you probably are not going to get a perfect 10/10 22 year old to fall head over heels for you unless you are also incredibly good looking. Deal with it. You can use tinder to get an idea of the kinds of girls who find you physically attractive. Don't just swipe the smoking hot ones. Pick average looking girls as well. You don't have to go out with them. But it sounds like you are in need of a reality check. Personality goes a long way as well, and it sounds like your personality frankly sucks right now (my roommates are dinguses, I'm so lonely, nobody talks to me, blah blah blah). Change your attitude first then spend some money on some nice clothes and grooming, and workout daily.
2. Yes, you should start dating now, but not for the purpose of finding a relationship asap. You should experiment, go out on many dates with different people, and if something clicks keep going. Remember, just because you went on one date with a person does not mean you have to marry them.
 
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Girls like "bad guys" because they aren't afraid to get rejected and move on to the next one. The reality is most girls want nice guys.

They want them eventually, but when they are young they do not want to go out with people that remind them of their parents. "Nice guys" have a tendency to have a chip on their shoulder as they feel like the hot girls just pass them over. When in reality they are narcissistic, superficial, and insecure. If you want to be successful in your late teens and early 20s you need to confident, have at least one thing interesting about you, be totally independent from your parents, and frankly not care if your girlfriend doesn't immediately return your calls.
 
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Solid advice, but ironic coming from a guy named Michael Scott lol
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I'm really stressed out with school and the fact that I'm single. School is very hard for me and I'm struggling to get by, but I'm incredibly frustrated with how my roommates are dinguses, slack off all the time, yet pull off good grades and managed to start relationships while in med school. I try to be a nice, genuine person to girls in my class but any that I've shown interest in or tried to date has shot me down. I feel like I can't go out to clubs/bars and meet girls because I'm not very loud and its hard for me to talk over the noise and stand out. I've tried online dating but I'm not satisfied with the quality of girls that I get likes/messages from on there. I want to meet a nice pretty girl that I can go through life with, especially since a lot of my people at school don't talk to me anymore I really would like to start meeting girls but I have no idea how to have the time to do that or when I ever will for that matter.

When do a lot of med students/doctors start relationships in their career? Where and when do most of you guys meet girls? I feel very lonely and sad/jealous of my roommates and right now in life it just seems like there are no options for me :(. Can someone help me with how I can handle this or when I should expect things to start working out better for me??
Ok, where to begin, too many things that need correction dude. First of all you need to get your priorities - med.school should be priority right now. One more time: med.school now, girls later. Now second thing: start slowly changing towards better you. The fact how you talk about your roommates and other people speaks not good for you. Even if they are dinguses, you shouldn't be judging them like that, because we all are not ideal. Moreover, it's not their fault that they can manage study and have a personal life (tho if they are really bothering you - you need to act and find another place for living). People can see this attitude and maybe that's one reason why they don't talk to you. You need to start a long road to change yourself into a more mature and a better individual. This will help you down the road not only with girls, but with life in general. Thirdly, get an objective picture of yourself (there are websites, like reddit - where you can upload your photo and people will more or less objectively tell you where you stand in terms of attractiveness, tho your personality matters even more just so you know) and try to adjust your standards accordingly, what I mean is that, if you only want 5.11' models with 36D blonde hair and blue eyes - this may not be the best time in your life path to be stuck on this criteria. Lots of girls who are not that ideal, but cute enough and with nice character and personality - this is what I would look for in your shoes at this moment in your life. As you will progress in your path, even an average looking doctor, but with a nice personality is a very desirable option if you ask me (from girls perspective). So even if you don't find your soulmate during med.school - it's not the end of the world. Many docs get married during residency/work and that is normal nowadays. As for what to do step by step advice - some answers here were good so follow them
 
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Man, you can't just say your roommates slack off all day and suddenly get good grades. They either learned the material before or they are REALLY efficient, either way, doesn't make them slackers.
As for the girl problem, I've been single ever since I started medical school. I personally find that I need all the time I can get, and you won't have that choice once you are in a relationship (especially you said you're not all about sex). As the poster above said, set your priorities man.
 
Pay for an escort and take care of your business on a weekly basis. It's less headache and less time consuming.
 
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I'm really stressed out with school and the fact that I'm single. School is very hard for me and I'm struggling to get by, but I'm incredibly frustrated with how my roommates are dinguses, slack off all the time, yet pull off good grades and managed to start relationships while in med school. I try to be a nice, genuine person to girls in my class but any that I've shown interest in or tried to date has shot me down. I feel like I can't go out to clubs/bars and meet girls because I'm not very loud and its hard for me to talk over the noise and stand out. I've tried online dating but I'm not satisfied with the quality of girls that I get likes/messages from on there. I want to meet a nice pretty girl that I can go through life with, especially since a lot of my people at school don't talk to me anymore I really would like to start meeting girls but I have no idea how to have the time to do that or when I ever will for that matter.

When do a lot of med students/doctors start relationships in their career? Where and when do most of you guys meet girls? I feel very lonely and sad/jealous of my roommates and right now in life it just seems like there are no options for me :(. Can someone help me with how I can handle this or when I should expect things to start working out better for me??

if you're getting shot down, your approach or vibe is likely off. Your post here comes across a bit desperate. as a girl we don't wanna be with someone who needs to be with ANYONE, we want a man whose confident and happy with his life, but takes a special interest in us. id say first work on yourself and keep trying, never settle! to answer your second question, I'm married and met my husband before med school (got married during med school).
 
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I'd be more worried about getting out of that crappy living situation you're in and surrounding yourself with less toxic people.

Good point. I'd probably be in a much better mindset and more confident with myself if I can change my living situation and start from square one, not with their friends
 
OP, why don't your classmates speak to you anymore?

Issues isn't with all classmates, I have friends in my class, more-so my original friend group including my roommates. Hard to get "in" with another group at this point though cause of how clique-y our class is
 
Man, you can't just say your roommates slack off all day and suddenly get good grades. They either learned the material before or they are REALLY efficient, either way, doesn't make them slackers.

They've mastered the game of efficiency and test taking at this school. This isn't solely my issue with them, the issue is that they're in my face about how little they do and their grades, constantly party, not considerate at all, and yet still pull grades at the top of the class. It sucks constantly living with this and really lowers my confidence in my ability to get through this school
 
They've mastered the game of efficiency and test taking at this school. This isn't solely my issue with them, the issue is that they're in my face about how little they do and their grades, constantly party, not considerate at all, and yet still pull grades at the top of the class. It sucks constantly living with this and really lowers my confidence in my ability to get through this school
Forget about them. Everyone has their own study style and we all require different time to learn same things. You shouldn't be comparing yourself to others, you should be trying to do better than you did before and eventually you need to pass all courses - this is what matters. Trust me, in couple of years when you go away to rotations and even more so when you be in residency and attending down the road - you'll have a hard time remembering what these guys names were. If this bothers you too much - you need to change place where you live. I bet even these guys themselves will soon part away and in 10 years no one will remember anything
 
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In college I used to be really good at getting girls. I eventually fell inlove and became a softy tting back my game.

Here's what I can tell you
1. appearance matters
a. It's not 100% controllable but you can keep your hair, facial hair, body hair clean, and neat
b. Dress appropriately, figure out what color tshirts and shirts work for you. Dont follow the latest fashion just because it looks good on XYZ model, try out styles that work for you
c. work out to stay healthy, people who keep a lower body fat percentage generally show a healthier face
d. Eat healthy, youre in med school you already know the importance of macros and micros
e. Drink tons of water

2. Smell good
a.Cologne, Ralph Lauren Polo Red and Armani (Cant remember the specific one but I think its Aqua de Gio), these are HUGE. I get compliments on my scent all the time. And just for the record I come from a race of guys who are known to "smell bad".
b. clean well, scrub down properly, shampoo every 2-3 days. Use hard core moisturizing shampoos like Dove odor guard and Dove deep clean.
c. Brush your teeth, eat healthy

3. Game takes time, everyone has different levels of game, Chris Hemsworth, Taylor Lautner etc, are not going to have to put much effort because their looks compliment their package enough. Depending on your attractiveness focus on your social skill. Make guy friends, make girl friends. Dont be stuck to one group too much. Try to be funny, but not excessively out there. Make jokes when appropriate. Walk with confidence, talk with confidence, but dont be the cocky dingus with no grounds to stand on. Build this slowly. The way you build your confidence base is by being intelligent, clever, and modest at first.
Dont make yourself too available.
Dont cling either, if a girl wants to play hard to get, move on, talk to someone else more friendly, shell get jealous no doubt

4. Start with moderate game (I dont know what you look like or who you are), start talking to the average, slightly pretty girls. you can work your way up from there. I remember in highschool and undergrad there were guys who were like literally 2's and 3's and they were dating 7's and 8's.

5. Tinder, online dating, etc is all garbage. Ignore it. It caters to women more than men. Even if youre an 8/10, it takes time for your card to show up on their mobile.

6. Keep working on your degree, that title adds a few points.

7. Be nice, dont be a complete dingus, but dont be a timid pushover whos whipped as hell.

Good luck bud, ill try to add some more tips if I can.

PS. After undergrad and a bunch of hookups, I think it was 36 when I was still in Greek Life, and someone I really liked, I didnt care much for the hook up life either, but if a hook up comes to your door, dont turn it down.
 
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Tinder. I know you say you've tried it but give it another shot and lower your standards a bit. Don't listen to the people saying it's only for hookups. I've had 4 lengthy relationships in my life and 3 have been from Tinder. It's honestly a godsend for medical students like us who don't have time to go out and meet people all the time. It's also amazing if you're simply a little more introverted (like me) and want a straightforward no nonsense way to find a girl. Plus it cuts out the whole awkward and humiliating feeling of getting rejected in person, provided you're honest with the pictures you use. Try it again you have nothing to lose.

Even if that doesn't work, just know that it WILL get better assuming you finish medical school. Right now women who have literally nothing other than their looks can afford to be picky. But their biological clocks are ticking and in a few years they will be the ones looking for someone to support their lifestyle and you will be the one holding all the cards. Not saying wait for a gold digger, but subconsciously they will be more and more attracted to someone with goals/ambition/career rather than looks. Just be patient.
 
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Assuming you're not a troll -- and I can't believe THIS discussion is going on but hey, I'm good with anything just this side of deranged (a la ZZTop) ---

I don't know what to tell you --- to be truthful, your post made me regress to a middle school dance -- I mean I could almost hear the BeeGees playing "How Deep Is Your Love" and see the braces on the teeth ---

So, having been married while in med school, I suffered from another problem, but getting/dating women wasn't one of them --- believe me, there are plenty of tight bodied nurses -- blonde, brunette and redhead, take your pick -- that would just love to check your physical exam skills --- something about being around death/dying/sick people all day makes the Margarita machine madman come out at night --- I seriously had one brunette nurse hit on me during an audition rotation to the point of giving me her phone number as her husband was walking up to the nurses station with their toddler and tell me where she was going with her girlfriends for drinks after work --- and no, she wasn't a two-bagger but very easy on the eyes.... that was a horizontal mambo invitation if I ever saw one and I'm kinda clueless at times....

My advice -- quit worrying about it, get a life as much as possible in med school and it'll happen --
 
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