Feeling isolated

[brianmartin]

Since I started med school I have been feeling quite isolated, like not many people are on my wavelength. I'm more of an introverted, creative person and I like to hang out with musicians and artists. For the first time in my life I feel totally out of place. It's strange because I have friends and family who I really connect with. But with people at school, I don't feel similar to them at all. I have the unmistakable sensation of being the "odd man out". It sucks because the very people I connect with, I don't have time to see them at all. I live with other med students on campus and I feel like I'm forced into spending all my time with people that I (possibly mistakenly) perceive as not being my "type" of people. I don't want to be judgemental and I like to think I am open minded to meeting lots of different people. But at the same time, I can't ignore how I feel, which is that I'm surrounded by many outgoing, gunner-ish personalities and it is overwhelming. It has even caused me to ask if I should even be here.

Is this all just a poor attitude on my part? A symptom of the normal stress and isolation we are all feeling? Anybody else feel like this?

Venting over, for now

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[TobiasFish]

Its a tribal, survival of the fittest, scenario--where gossip and rumors are endemic. I think you will be lucky to find even 1 person in any medical class (around the country) who you can get along with perfectly--like you would a normal friend. Remember, med school is your job now and like any job, its OK for you to have a life outside of work.

Don't expect to get along with everyone, or even expect to find interesting, charismatic people. Med school selects for dull, sheepish types, because generally success in medicine has nothing to do with intellect or individualism.

Resist joining the pack, but try to get along--they are probably thinking the same things about you.

 

[ArcGurren]

Eh, I felt like that too first year. Nothing wrong with it. Med school ADCOMs do often select for personality as well as grades and occasionally people like you (and me for that matter) get through who have a different sort of personality. It's not that it's a bad thing but yes it makes life difficult.

At the same time you probably already have friends from college and whatnot who you keep in touch with. That's the way to go. You're in med school to study and become a doctor first and foremost; yes it's nice to have friends but if you really feel like you're trapped or something then f*&& everyone else and treat med school like your job. If you have a girlfriend/boyfriend it also helps as long as it's not an added pressure on your life.

Also what I've found is that people who are over boisterous and outgoing are incredibly insecure in some ways. Everyone in med school had to be some sort of giant nerd to get here and people LOVE to try and hide that. There's also a huge element of peer pressure--if a few kids band together and become "popular" they'll start watching the same shows, listening to the same music, going on the same vacations/to the same events, and there's this added pressure of trying to do the same and "match up" somehow. Don't fall into that trap, you are your own person and you know what you're in medical school to do.

 

[coralfangs]

Since I started med school I have been feeling quite isolated, like not many people are on my wavelength. I'm more of an introverted, creative person and I like to hang out with musicians and artists. For the first time in my life I feel totally out of place. It's strange because I have friends and family who I really connect with. But with people at school, I don't feel similar to them at all. I have the unmistakable sensation of being the "odd man out". It sucks because the very people I connect with, I don't have time to see them at all. I live with other med students on campus and I feel like I'm forced into spending all my time with people that I (possibly mistakenly) perceive as not being my "type" of people. I don't want to be judgemental and I like to think I am open minded to meeting lots of different people. But at the same time, I can't ignore how I feel, which is that I'm surrounded by many outgoing, gunner-ish personalities and it is overwhelming. It has even caused me to ask if I should even be here.

Is this all just a poor attitude on my part? A symptom of the normal stress and isolation we are all feeling? Anybody else feel like this?

Venting over, for now

yes, no offense, you just sound like someone who is full-of-himself/herself. Have you even tried getting to know your classmates or do you think too highly of your artistic sense that you think everyone else is just a nerdy science student and none is as "artsy" as you. It's quite a bull**** attitude.

As an visual artist (currently working on my new gallery show) and a songwriter myself, I have never had trouble connecting with others from class. In fact, many medical students have incredible artistic and musical talent. There are people in my school who have graduated from Juilliard, toured as rock musicians around NA, danced in top dance groups, worked as chefs, etc. You just can't tell until you get to know them. No one would parade around the school telling everyone about their former lives, especially when we do have to act and look professional at the hospital.
If your attitude is "he looks like a nerd and I ain't talking to him", you will never get to know the artists and musicians in your class.



PS: if the situation is really what you just described, then I feel bad for you but I highly doubt it. Take some time and get to know your classmates.

 

[unsung]

Since I started med school I have been feeling quite isolated, like not many people are on my wavelength. I'm more of an introverted, creative person and I like to hang out with musicians and artists. For the first time in my life I feel totally out of place. It's strange because I have friends and family who I really connect with. But with people at school, I don't feel similar to them at all. I have the unmistakable sensation of being the "odd man out". It sucks because the very people I connect with, I don't have time to see them at all. I live with other med students on campus and I feel like I'm forced into spending all my time with people that I (possibly mistakenly) perceive as not being my "type" of people. I don't want to be judgemental and I like to think I am open minded to meeting lots of different people. But at the same time, I can't ignore how I feel, which is that I'm surrounded by many outgoing, gunner-ish personalities and it is overwhelming. It has even caused me to ask if I should even be here.

Is this all just a poor attitude on my part? A symptom of the normal stress and isolation we are all feeling? Anybody else feel like this?

Venting over, for now

Hey! I felt as you did MSI. Just... out of place. I'm more of an introvert too, and on top of that, I enjoy being creative.

Not to say my classmates aren't creative or super-talented. There's a much of talented & even creative people out there. It was more just an "attitude" that I felt I did not share.

Example. Questions typically asked during a class session were often Qs I had ZERO interest in. My Qs were always the type people found "impractical" (so I usually only asked after class or by e-mail)... these were the "what if" or "why" types of Qs. Whereas their Qs were often super mechanistic, how does this ion channel do XYZ, etc.

I just felt like I didn't think the way they think, I wasn't interested in the things they were interested in... but that wasn't even the worst of it.

The worst of it, like you mentioned, was the "gunner"esque, outgoing, brash loudness of many people. There was a distinct dearth of HUMBLENESS to be found. A distinct unwillingness to admit "I don't know", a distinct eagerness to pretend to know everything.

Example 2. Professor points to picture of normal organ & goes on & on about how it's pathological.... maybe 1/3rd of the class can be heard saying YES, of course, nodding, etc. Professor says WRONG, this is normal

I'm just shaking my head, like... WTF guys. This is the "med school culture"! Not to say I'm the most humble person in the world. But stuff like that just amused me to no end

At first, I would readily admit when I didn't know something... but all this got for me was a bunch of crap. Not even from professors (surprisingly or not surprisingly, many are quite supportive...) But with certain classmates, a very SMUG attitude was directed my direction.

So I learned to play my cards closer to my chest I know I don't know substantialy LESS than they do... I'm doing fine. I'm just expected to present a certain "front" to the world, while in med school.

And... I don't know if your OP gets at this at all or not, but it's really this "front" that I objected to so strongly, as it was so antithetical to who I am. Curiosity and a sincere motivation to learn is so ruined by this "macho"/type A, whatever you want to call it, attitude that pervades med school... or perhaps medicine in general.

I really didn't want to lose who I am, the person that I was before coming to med school. I did NOT want to turn into a jerk!

In short, the curious, introverted, open-minded/artistic (synonyms?), more or less humble people I always enjoyed being around, studying with, whatever... were in distinct short supply. And smart != obnoxious. I was roomies w/ a bunch of PhDs in college, and they were some of the nicest people I ever met. Definitely didn't think of themselves as Gift to Mankind... lol. Compared to them, I found myself around a bunch of people mesmerized by trivia, prone to showing off, LOUD (on top of it all), and regimented, rather than spontaneous & open-minded.

Culture shock, meet unsung.

Ok, so that was an exaggerated account of my initial experience. It was NOT as horrible as I made it seem. DON'T BE SCARED. But I just wanted to say that I get you, I get where you're coming from. It's really hard for someone who is more introverted, or mellow, or artsy/open-minded to jump into a pond full of sharks. And yes... it's a stinky, shallow little pond, not a big free ocean, with lots of room to roam, and different schools of fishes to join.

There are some good apples out there. And even with some of the more rotten ones, I think you'll learn to tolerate them, or at least understand them a little more. Some of the SMUG <ahem> people don't stay smug, as the year progresses.

Most important of all for YOU is to do well in your classes. Not even that, to do well for yourself, in mastering the material to a level you're satisfied with.

One great equalizer in this somewhat toxic environment is knowledge. If you know your stuff, you will get your respect. It doesn't matter if you're introverted, artistic, or you've got a green 3rd leg. That is how med school works, and presumably how medicine works in general. And ultimately, isn't that what we're here for, anyway?

So don't get stuck in being too focused w/ cliques, social politicking, obnoxious people, etc. It sucks to be in a "culture" that's different from what one is used to.

But even so, you WILL meet some people you will get along with. And maintain those friendships with those people who truly matter to you. Those are the people that will stay with you in your life. These are your future potential colleagues. But we're not all going to find our spouses or BFF amongst our colleagues. Some people do, but it's definitely not a given.

So just chill, be yourself, STUDY (it's what we're here for)... and take it as it comes. Things will IMPROVE. Don't lose track of who YOU are.

... Hope my post didn't depress you too much Also, feel free to PM me, if you like.

 

[brianmartin]

..

 

[unsung]

yes, no offense, you just sound like someone who is full-of-himself/herself. Have you even tried getting to know your classmates or do you think too highly of your artistic sense that you think everyone else is just a nerdy science student and none is as "artsy" as you. It's quite a bull**** attitude.

As an visual artist (currently working on my new gallery show) and a songwriter myself, I have never had trouble connecting with others from class. In fact, many medical students have incredible artistic and musical talent. There are people in my school who have graduated from Juilliard, toured as rock musicians around NA, danced in top dance groups, worked as chefs, etc. You just can't tell until you get to know them. No one would parade around the school telling everyone about their former lives, especially when we do have to act and look professional at the hospital.
If your attitude is "he looks like a nerd and I ain't talking to him", you will never get to know the artists and musicians in your class.



PS: if the situation is really what you just described, then I feel bad for you but I highly doubt it. Take some time and get to know your classmates.

In defense of the OP, I don't think it's about being artistic and looking down on "nerds", at all. Many of my classmates are highly talented, artistic individuals.

At least for me, it was more of a thing with attitude and personality. Even in the "art world", there are those who try to "sell" themselves and are fairly outgoing about it, no?

It's definitely a challenge being more of an introverted soul in med school. Nothing inherently difficult about being an introvert... but when you're surrounded by a bunch of extroverts eager to scream out every answer... well, it takes some adjustment to hold your own.

I was annoyed by having to make this change, honestly

But, as long as I'm not actually changing my personality IRL (away from these competitive folks)... you know what, I can live with myself.

 

[brianmartin]

yes, no offense, you just sound like someone who is full-of-himself/herself. Have you even tried getting to know your classmates or do you think too highly of your artistic sense that you think everyone else is just a nerdy science student and none is as "artsy" as you.

No not at all. I'm a total nerd. My best friend is a sociology phd student. I say that not to "prove" anything but simply to explain what kind of person I get along with. I like hanging out with a variety of different people in life and it feels stifling to be around all med-students, all the time. I don't consider myself "artsy" because the way you describe it, it seems like an ego thing...whereas if anything my ego is pretty small. I'm just a musician and I like to hang out with people who share that interest. I have tried getting to know my classmates, and I am making some progress in finding people with similar interests. Still though, it feels like there are cliques forming and I'm not really a part of that. Which I'm used to, I've never been a very extroverted person. I don't know, I just haven't been feeling very social in this first month of med school and I think I'm not good at making friends unless they are on a certain "wavelength" is the only way I can describe it.

 

[VenusinFurs]

I would recommend you look around for a quiet kid kinda sitting by himself/ herself. Introduce yourself and see if they'll talk to you. Oftentimes they are awesome.

 

[brianmartin]

^^^ I'm that person. But I will take your advice

 

[b33sharp]

here's the awful truth: most medical students are boring people. you don't want to believe it at first because it's a pretty unexpected result of of a screening process designed to select a class full of smart people with amazing life experiences. however, it turns out that spending one's entire life focused on excelling does not leave much time to develop a personality. doing interesting things does not necessarily make someone an interesting person. make sure to keep up with friends and family outside of medicine throughout your training.

 

[take the shot]

here's the awful truth: most medical students are boring people. you don't want to believe it at first because it's a pretty unexpected result of of a screening process designed to select a class full of smart people with amazing life experiences. however, it turns out that spending one's entire life focused on excelling does not leave much time to develop a personality. doing interesting things does not necessarily make someone an interesting person. make sure to keep up with friends and family outside of medicine throughout your training.

I'm not sure where you go to med school but my classmates are really cool. They have had such a wide variety of experiences that make them really interesting.

I am pretty introverted and it has taken me awhile to get to know the people in my class. I sometimes envy those who are more outgoing as I don't do small talk all that well all the time..it actually wears me out. But over time (I am now a 2nd year) I have gotten to know people and am pretty well-liked. I have my circle of friends that I am closest to where I am totally comfortable being myself. But it has also been great getting to know lots of people with very different personalities.

By the way, the poster who said you were full of yourself because your shy is a total a-hole who is clueless about how difficult it is to truly be an introvert. It really takes work to put yourself out there. I learned about Myers-Briggs and it really helped me understand that some people are naturally more outgoing, others are introverted.

 

[URHere]

But with people at school, I don't feel similar to them at all. I have the unmistakable sensation of being the "odd man out". It sucks because the very people I connect with, I don't have time to see them at all.

Most of this describes the way I felt when I began medical school. In my case, I made plenty of friends quickly, but there wasn't anything that drove me to stay in contact with those friends. I sought them out less and less often as the months ticked by.

Years later, I would say that I have plenty of classmates that I would love to have lunch with on a whim, but very few that I would willingly call on a Friday night to make plans with.

But...that isolation from my medical school class didn't mean that I was isolated from everything. I think that the best choice I made in medical school was to seek out outside hobbies, and to use those hobbies to meet people I could connect with. I took a side job at a Portland theater during my MS1 year, and I found some good friends there. These days, most of my friends are people I've met through martial arts, volunteer work, or writing groups. I suggest that you find some similar outlet. Yes, it takes up some of your time, but your sanity is worth a little bit of sacrifice.

It has even caused me to ask if I should even be here.

Whether or not you should be in medical school has everything to do with you, and nothing to do with your classmates. If you are questioning your decision, you only need to think about your goals, your priorities, and yourself.

PS - Based on your location, we may go to the same school. Feel free to PM me if you need any tips on finding non-med school things to do in Portland.

 

[deleted263296]

Personality clashes are going to be commonplace once you enter the working world.

 

[tinery]

At the same time you probably already have friends from college and whatnot who you keep in touch with. That's the way to go. You're in med school to study and become a doctor first and foremost; yes it's nice to have friends but if you really feel like you're trapped or something then f*&& everyone else and treat med school like your job. If you have a girlfriend/boyfriend it also helps as long as it's not an added pressure on your life.

This is basically what I've been doing but I find it makes me kind of miserable.

I have a group to sit, eat, and hang out with and they're super nice but I don't totally feel like myself around them. And even though it's been like a month it feels about that time to me when everyone gets settled with their different cliques and is much less amenable to friendly conversation and getting to know each other, that is, unless they're drunk.

What is with that anyway? Being super friendly when drunk, and then pretending you've never met when you see the other person the next day in class??