help! overlapping graduations

[ilikesquash]

I am seeking advice...I will be defending my thesis and receiving my MA in route to my doctorate this May. Unfortunately, my graduation/walk date falls on the same day as my sister in laws graduation, who is receiving her Ph.D. I have worked hard for my degree, and was excited to walk (and my parents/siblings were excited to attend the ceremony. However, both my husband and I also wanted to celebrate his sister and I feel bad that he is going to miss out on such a big event for his her and his family. I am torn...should I skip out on my ceremony to celebrate her day, or should I celebrate the nearly three years of work I have put into my journey to my own Ph.D.? It is a no win situation--one of us loses either way.

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[AcronymAllergy]

Honestly, my en route masters wasn't a particularly big deal to me; I just showed up to the administrative office one day and grabbed the degree from a box. However, I realize this certainly isn't the case for everyone. Are the graduations at the exact same time, or staggered throughout the day? Maybe you could try to rush to both.

My take is that since you'll still walk for your Ph.D., and you want to support both your husband and sister-in-law, attending her doctoral graduation might be the lesser of two "evils." The other option I can think of would be for you to walk, but to also encourage your husband to attend his sister's ceremony.

 

[deleted343839]

I didn't attend the graduation ceremony for my master's degree either. I did use the occasion to justify going out for a nice dinner with my husband.

My advice: Neither of you is "losing." You're both getting graduate degrees! But this will be the last time (hopefully) that your sister-in-law graduates from anything. She has no higher degree to look forward to. And hers is objectively a bigger deal. I get the sense that you are close enough that it is meaningful to you to celebrate her achievement. So celebrate her big day, and trust that she will reciprocate when it's your time. Perhaps you could find an alternate way to honor the occasion of earning your master's, or maybe your families could celebrate together (depending on how well they know/get along with one another).

 

[PsyDr]

Why not talk to your sister in law? Maybe she cares, maybe she doesn't.

 

[MCParent]

It never even occurred to me to walk for my masters in course. And it's in May? Yuck, May ceremonies take forever.

You're going to walk again, your SiL won't (probably).

 

[eremitestar]

Does either department have a ceremony separate from the main graduation? I did a terminal master's at a different university from where I earned my PhD, and both had smaller departmental ceremonies the day before the big university-wide graduation. I didn't go to my master's graduation even though it was terminal because I was already accepted into a PhD program and it did just feel like a stepping-stone. I did, however, go to the departmental ceremony the day before to celebrate with my cohort. My PhD program also had a hooding ceremony the day before the university-wide graduation (I went to both of those!). If either of you has something along those lines, that may be a way to compromise (e.g., go to her hooding ceremony one day and your graduation the next).

 

[Therapist4Chnge]

I never bothered walking for my MS, as I was slammed w. work and sitting in a folding chair for a few hours seemed like a poor use of my very finite time. I'd go to my family nember's graduation (assuming it was a terminal degree).

 

[Spydra]

I didn't walk for my Master's either because I knew that I'd be going for a PhD at some point. If it is important for you to walk for yours there's nothing wrong with that, but you and your husband should talk with his sister and see how important it is or isn't that he or both of you be at her ceremony. Regardless it seems like a joint celebration dinner would be nice.

 

[PhDToBe]

Maybe I am wrong, but I do not believe it is typical to attend a sister in law's ceremony. If you are excited to walk and attend the ceremony, then do so. You can celebrate with her another day or even afterwards. You can talk to her about it, of course, but it sounds like you have worked hard and are proud of your achievement.

 

[PsychPhDone]

I also didn't walk for my masters. PhD felt special but glad I didn't do that ceremony multiple times...So boring! I like the suggestions of either going to hers, or walking and suggesting your husband go support his sister this time. Obviously, do whatever feels best for you.

I think it's really cool how supportive your family is. I wish my in laws had come to my graduation.

I am seeking advice...I will be defending my thesis and receiving my MA in route to my doctorate this May. Unfortunately, my graduation/walk date falls on the same day as my sister in laws graduation, who is receiving her Ph.D. I have worked hard for my degree, and was excited to walk (and my parents/siblings were excited to attend the ceremony. However, both my husband and I also wanted to celebrate his sister and I feel bad that he is going to miss out on such a big event for his her and his family. I am torn...should I skip out on my ceremony to celebrate her day, or should I celebrate the nearly three years of work I have put into my journey to my own Ph.D.? It is a no win situation--one of us loses either way.

 

[docma]

Unfortunate timings--but radical acceptance and the dialectical resolution would probably be to attend your own if you have a cohort you want to celebrate with and have your husband represent you both at his sister's event (and invite her now for yours in time...)