Help With Personal Statement and Resume!!!!!

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Confused 20

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Hey, I need help strengthening my personal statement and resume as I want to apply in the near future. Any help will be greatly appreciated:
“What’s wrong with your voice?” This question haunted me for eleven years. When I was first confronted with it at the age of thirteen, it greatly perplexed me because I did not realize there was anything unusual about my voice. However, I quickly learned that I had a very high-pitched and hoarse voice, and I was very often mimicked, ridiculed, and ostracized by my peers. Possessing such an awkward voice resulted in a multitude of painful and embarrassing experiences. I would sweat profusely while I was in school in fear that I would be called upon to read or participate: I knew a round of laughter would soon follow. My confidence and self-esteem suffered, and I seldom spoke or engaged in social activity.

My misfortune would continue as I unexpectedly began to suffer from androgenetic alopecia early in my undergraduate career. Dealing with the psychological strain of premature aging coupled with my speech malady was overwhelming. I regretfully decided to take a sabbatical from school because I felt that I needed to resolve my speech problem before I continued to work towards a career. During my hiatus I became engulfed in learning about the subject of androgenetic alopecia with the hope that I would find a treatment for my hair loss. Unfortunately, I was surprised to confront the lack of knowledge, treatment, and concern for individuals experiencing this disease. Learning of this knowledge gap caused me to experience an epiphany: why couldn’t I join in the fight against hair loss and guide and assist individuals in their attempts to resolve their issues with androgenetic alopecia? I could see no more honorable way to spend the rest of my life than to assist in fighting this disease. Things further improved when a meeting with a psychologist to discuss my voice problem resulted in him recommending that I see a speech pathologist. The speech pathologist quickly diagnosed me as having mutational falsetto, a speech malady in which one speaks in the wrong register of voice. I inadvertently had been speaking in my high register and he taught me how to speak in my normal register. I was elated with a sense of freedom; I now felt reinvigorated and ready to return to school to pursue a career path in which I knew I would immensely enjoy.

Since returning to school I have made tremendous progress in both social and academic respects. The extracurricular activities I have engaged in have exposed me to a multitude of interesting people and fascinating experiences that have removed the nervousness I once possessed when around large groups of individuals. Furthermore, I have shown that I am an exceptional student, as I have earned flawless grades in every course since my sabbatical while simultaneously working full-time as a certified nursing assistant. Lastly, I have been fully successful in overcoming the setback of gaining acceptance in to a medical school in which I was unable to enroll in as a result of being denied of their only private loan option. This same school, which did not require the MCAT when I was granted admission, subsequently informed me that it was mandatory that I take the MCAT to matriculate a few months prior to my official enrollment. Distraught over having to sit for the MCAT without actually taking it, I rebounded by completing Physics with perfect marks and befriending a hair transplant surgeon who restored both my hair and passion to become a physician. Despite the burden of my full time work schedule as well as my personnel and familial responsibilities, I set out to take the MCAT and complete my destiny.

I have learned a plethora of lessons from the maladies in which I have suffered from and the obstacles which I have encountered. The most important of these lessons are a newfound appreciation of not taking anything for granted in life as well as the ability to be empathetic, kind, and caring towards individuals who are suffering. Moreover, overcoming my struggles gave me the opportunity to showcase my full academic potential, and I believe I have found my true calling in life. The opportunity will not be wasted as I am determined to do everything in my power to assist individuals who suffer from androgenetic alopecia. I believe the ideal environment to study medicine for my personality entails an intimate setting with a small class size, a dedicated and caring faculty, and a proven history of success. American University of the Caribbean School of Medicine captures these qualities, and a student of my character and caliber would be most suitable at such an exceptional institution.

objective
To gain entrance in to medical school.

Professional experience

October 2006 - present Local Hospital
Certified Nursing Assistant
Assists patients with mobility issues to get out of bed and discharges patients.
Assists in patient comfort by ensuring that patient’s basic needs are met.
Conducts basic medical tests on patients.
Cleans and restock all necessary amenities in the department.
Plays a key hospital liaison role by delivering messages from and to different departments.

Summary of qualifications


Excellent interpersonal, verbal, and written communication skills.
Natural ability to work on own initiative or as part of a team.
Ability to work in diverse environments with diverse groups.
Strong organizational skills.
Strong attention to detail.
Professional work ethic.

education

Fall 2006 - Summer 2011 Large State University
Bachelor of Arts in Political Science
Graduated Magna Cum Laude with an overall GPA of 3.86.
Earned a major GPA of 3.914.

Extracurricular activities

Volunteer at Local Hospital, Same Day Surgery Department - 955 hours

Research Assistant at the University Health Center Genetics Laboratory - 213 hours

Research Assistant for Poeciliine Gonopodium Length and Size Dependence of Mating Strategies: A Comparative Analysis Research Project - 1 semester

Research Assistant for Multi-Component Evaluation to Minimize the Spread of Aquatic Invasive Seaweeds, Harmful Algal Bloom Microalgae, and Invertebrates via the Live Bait Vector in Long Island Sound Research Project - 2 summers

Research Assistant for The Asian red seaweed Grateloupia turuturu (Rhodophyta) invades the Gulf of Maine Research Project - 1 summer

Biology Tutor - 2 semesters

Member of the Pre-Medical Society - 8/08 - 5/11

Volunteer at the Greater Interfaith Ministries Soup Kitchen - 11/07 - present


Accolades/achievements

Winner of Capital Scholarship

Named to the Dean’s List - 7 occasions

Awarded an Honor’s Credit - Economics

Named a New England Scholar - 3 occasions

Member of the Mortar Board National College Senior Honor Society

Member of the Golden Key International Honour Society

Member of The Phi Kappa Phi Honor Club

Member of Phi Beta Kappa Honor Society - Epsilon of Connecticut Chapter

Received Excellence in Biology Award - 2007

Awarded Certificate of Appreciation - Local Hospital

References
References available upon request.

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Do not post your personal statement for all to see! Send them to readers in the personal statement readers thread.
 
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Do not post your personal statement for all to see! Send them to readers in the personal statement readers thread.

This. You're minimizing your anonymity and you are opening up your PS for plagiarism.
 
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This. You're minimizing your anonymity and you are opening up your PS for plagiarism.
Agree with the above, but you quoted the OP's entire PS (probably meant to quote mcatjelly instead?).... :p

No one should want to plagiarize this PS though, there are unfortunately a lot of areas that need to be improved.. Hopefully the OP can find a good reader to help out.

And why is the OP trying to apply Caribbean w/ "flawless" grades? What's the MCAT score?
 
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Agree with the above, but you quoted the OP's entire PS (probably meant to quote mcatjelly instead?).... :p

No one should want to plagiarize this PS though, there are unfortunately a lot of areas that need to be improved.. Hopefully the OP can find a good reader to help out.

And why is the OP trying to apply Caribbean w/ "flawless" grades? What's the MCAT score?

Whoops, good catch!
 
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Wouldn't that be unusual for someone to copy it and say that he/she had that same condition & etc when their medical history clearly shows that he/she has not? Also, I think it's a good PS but maybe turn down the sounding like a know it all when it comes to academics, I sort of got the impression of someone who gets straight As & is tooting their horn about it. While it is impressive & something to be proud of, especially considering the obstacles you have overcome, your gpa is already known to the adcoms so really there is no need.
 
tldr:

who restored both my hair and passion to become a physician. Despite the burden of my full time work schedule as well as my personnel and familial responsibilities, I set out to take the MCAT and complete my destiny.
 
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Just to comment on a few things:

. I was elated with a sense of freedom; I now felt reinvigorated and ready to return to school to pursue a career path in which I knew I would immensely enjoy.

How did you know? Show dont tell

The extracurricular activities

Which ones? Don't have to list them but again give examples.

Lastly, I have been fully successful in overcoming the setback of gaining acceptance in to a medical school in which I was unable to enroll in as a result of being denied of their only private loan option.

Huh??

both my hair and passion to become a physician.

Lol wut? How did it help with said passion exactly?
 
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