How do people function relationship-wise in med school?

[cryhavoc]

I noticed a lot of my peers still date and go out semi-frequently with friends.

Although the going out with friends is less mysterious to me, as an introvert, I do still find time to pursue my hobbies, albeit in a very small fraction of the time that I used to, and even I get out every once in a blue moon, the "being in a relationship" thing mystifies me.

Like they actually go on dates and hang out and function as a couple AND still have time to be in class and study 60-80 hours a week?

How? I sometimes get the "you aren't dating look" and feel like it should be obvious. Who has time? Or even the energy?

---

Members don't see this ad.

 

[GimpGenius]

If it's important, you make time.

 

[JustPlainBill]

Try being married in med school -- and living 2 hours away from your family --- The answer: you make it work --- I called virtually every night when I first moved away -- it sucked because my children would cry and ask me to come home and I couldn't. I'd have the car packed Friday morning and as soon as classes were done, assuming no exam on Monday or Tuesday, I'd drive home as soon as classes were out. The rule was no studying Friday night -- we made dinner together; Saturday morning was ok but from Saturday afternoon around 2pm until I left on Sunday at around 6pm, no studying. We'd typically get together with some church friends Sunday evening and when we'd drop the children off at their activity is when I said goodbye for the week. It sucked.

On the weeks where I had an exam the next weekend, I stayed at school and studied through the weekend. The longest I went without seeing my family was 3 weeks (at least during year 1 and year 2) -- on Year 3/4 during audition rotations, I stayed away for as long as a month ---

I made as many soccer games, school events, etc. as I could -- sometimes I'd drive home to be there for a school event and then drive back early the next morning. My wife and I had our time together after the children went to bed where we caught up on life. Our marriage is generally strong, part of our vows was that divorce was not an option and we take that seriously -- we've been together through the good and the bad -- if you're committed to your partner, you make it work knowing that better days are coming.

You'd be surprised at how you can build memories with no money and a family -- my children learned how to make pizza from scratch and we laughed together when the sauce/cheese slid off the crust into the plate, we made it a game to look at new houses and try to guess which specialty you had to be in to afford it, we drove around looking at Christmas lights and then, when I was a resident, would save up to rent a horse drawn wagon ($150/hour for 10 people) and invite their friends, bring fresh chocolate chip cookies, coffee and hot chocolate with us, huddle up under blankets and spend an hour going through one neighborhood that had a decorating competition, we'd do road trips to locally famous restaurants for burgers and BBQ, get season passes at waterparks, etc. -- you can do a lot on a budget if you focus on what really matters with children -- building memories -- again, you have to work at it.

 

[AlteredScale]

It's tough. Been married for two years now and it's hard making time but you need to. You keep your word when you say you're going to do things and you try and be enthusiastic while doing them. Yes I'm tired, yes sometimes I just want to sleep all day after an exam but you I always think about the fact that my wife also made this huge journey to move with me elsewhere to start med school and so the least I can do is buck up and spend a few hours spending time together.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[wxman393]

Try being married in med school -- and living 2 hours away from your family --- The answer: you make it work --- I called virtually every night when I first moved away -- it sucked because my children would cry and ask me to come home and I couldn't. I'd have the car packed Friday morning and as soon as classes were done, assuming no exam on Monday or Tuesday, I'd drive home as soon as classes were out. The rule was no studying Friday night -- we made dinner together; Saturday morning was ok but from Saturday afternoon around 2pm until I left on Sunday at around 6pm, no studying. We'd typically get together with some church friends Sunday evening and when we'd drop the children off at their activity is when I said goodbye for the week. It sucked.

On the weeks where I had an exam the next weekend, I stayed at school and studied through the weekend. The longest I went without seeing my family was 3 weeks (at least during year 1 and year 2) -- on Year 3/4 during audition rotations, I stayed away for as long as a month ---

I made as many soccer games, school events, etc. as I could -- sometimes I'd drive home to be there for a school event and then drive back early the next morning. My wife and I had our time together after the children went to bed where we caught up on life. Our marriage is generally strong, part of our vows was that divorce was not an option and we take that seriously -- we've been together through the good and the bad -- if you're committed to your partner, you make it work knowing that better days are coming.

You'd be surprised at how you can build memories with no money and a family -- my children learned how to make pizza from scratch and we laughed together when the sauce/cheese slid off the crust into the plate, we made it a game to look at new houses and try to guess which specialty you had to be in to afford it, we drove around looking at Christmas lights and then, when I was a resident, would save up to rent a horse drawn wagon ($150/hour for 10 people) and invite their friends, bring fresh chocolate chip cookies, coffee and hot chocolate with us, huddle up under blankets and spend an hour going through one neighborhood that had a decorating competition, we'd do road trips to locally famous restaurants for burgers and BBQ, get season passes at waterparks, etc. -- you can do a lot on a budget if you focus on what really matters with children -- building memories -- again, you have to work at it.

This. And not everyone studies 60-80 hours a week. There's more to life than medicine.


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[Mr Roboto]

My girlfriend lives a few hours away. We text a lot in the afternoons, occasional phone calls, and she visits every 2-3 weekends. I stop studying early on Friday, and don't start studying again until Saturday afternoon. It's not easy but it works.

 

[medstar11]

I am getting married next summer so summer between OMS1 and 2. I think the biggest key to our relationship is making time to spend with each other and definitely understanding of each other's schedule. My fiancé works in town and I know the nights he closes are super stressful for him so I make sure dinner is made and the week before our blocks he kind of picks up the slack. It isn't easy but we have even taken up fishing as a hobby that we can spend time together and relax but also if I need to study it is fine too. It is all about compromise and communication. It definitely is possible


Sent from my iPad using SDN mobile

 

[Drrrrrr. Celty]

You make it work or you let it fall apart. Most people are in a state of both happening regardless of circumstances. It's its own world of entertainment I suppose.

 

[Carbon090]

First year checking in.

You just make the time, prioritize and make sure your study time is quality. I skip classes so it has helped tremendously with time management. It helps when the person you're with is understanding and is low maintenance.

 

[DocWinter]

Life is significantly better in 3rd year. At least you have a decent schedule for many rotations and get (most) weekends for family.

 

[68PGunner]

I twice get laid on Friday.

 

[jonpalnile]

Try being married in med school -- and living 2 hours away from your family --- The answer: you make it work --- I called virtually every night when I first moved away -- it sucked because my children would cry and ask me to come home and I couldn't. I'd have the car packed Friday morning and as soon as classes were done, assuming no exam on Monday or Tuesday, I'd drive home as soon as classes were out. The rule was no studying Friday night -- we made dinner together; Saturday morning was ok but from Saturday afternoon around 2pm until I left on Sunday at around 6pm, no studying. We'd typically get together with some church friends Sunday evening and when we'd drop the children off at their activity is when I said goodbye for the week. It sucked.

On the weeks where I had an exam the next weekend, I stayed at school and studied through the weekend. The longest I went without seeing my family was 3 weeks (at least during year 1 and year 2) -- on Year 3/4 during audition rotations, I stayed away for as long as a month ---

I made as many soccer games, school events, etc. as I could -- sometimes I'd drive home to be there for a school event and then drive back early the next morning. My wife and I had our time together after the children went to bed where we caught up on life. Our marriage is generally strong, part of our vows was that divorce was not an option and we take that seriously -- we've been together through the good and the bad -- if you're committed to your partner, you make it work knowing that better days are coming.

You'd be surprised at how you can build memories with no money and a family -- my children learned how to make pizza from scratch and we laughed together when the sauce/cheese slid off the crust into the plate, we made it a game to look at new houses and try to guess which specialty you had to be in to afford it, we drove around looking at Christmas lights and then, when I was a resident, would save up to rent a horse drawn wagon ($150/hour for 10 people) and invite their friends, bring fresh chocolate chip cookies, coffee and hot chocolate with us, huddle up under blankets and spend an hour going through one neighborhood that had a decorating competition, we'd do road trips to locally famous restaurants for burgers and BBQ, get season passes at waterparks, etc. -- you can do a lot on a budget if you focus on what really matters with children -- building memories -- again, you have to work at it.

was it better in residency?

 

[zero0]

I found time to date this undergrad girl for a few weeks, but I don't study anywhere near 60 hrs a week... Grades were still fine and it was a great way to relieve the stress early on, but unfortunately, as I near my late 20s, I'm slowly realizing that younger girls are just annoying…. with their instagrams and their Justin Timberlake… so I stopped that

 

[Brorthopedic]

Try being married in med school -- and living 2 hours away from your family --- The answer: you make it work --- I called virtually every night when I first moved away -- it sucked because my children would cry and ask me to come home and I couldn't. I'd have the car packed Friday morning and as soon as classes were done, assuming no exam on Monday or Tuesday, I'd drive home as soon as classes were out. The rule was no studying Friday night -- we made dinner together; Saturday morning was ok but from Saturday afternoon around 2pm until I left on Sunday at around 6pm, no studying. We'd typically get together with some church friends Sunday evening and when we'd drop the children off at their activity is when I said goodbye for the week. It sucked.

On the weeks where I had an exam the next weekend, I stayed at school and studied through the weekend. The longest I went without seeing my family was 3 weeks (at least during year 1 and year 2) -- on Year 3/4 during audition rotations, I stayed away for as long as a month ---

I made as many soccer games, school events, etc. as I could -- sometimes I'd drive home to be there for a school event and then drive back early the next morning. My wife and I had our time together after the children went to bed where we caught up on life. Our marriage is generally strong, part of our vows was that divorce was not an option and we take that seriously -- we've been together through the good and the bad -- if you're committed to your partner, you make it work knowing that better days are coming.

Respect

 

[JustPlainBill]

was it better in residency?

Generally yes -- I was able to live at home again and went to a local residency -- the residency was the residency from hell -- but unless it was a ward month, night float or a month with call, I was generally at home in time for dinner and bedtime. Remember, my family and our time together is what makes it worth it for me --- my residency choices, school choices, etc. were built with the overriding question, " How does this affect the family?" -- not in terms of money but in terms of the things that can't be quantified --- we didn't move for a better residency on purpose --- we had both sets of grandparents within a 5 mile drive, my wife was at a job she had been working at for at least 15 years that allowed her flexibility in terms of her hours, the children could walk to school (lived about 1/2 block from it) and later on when they were in high school, it was a 5 mile drive on suburban streets. Other people want different things -- for us, it's about passing on a Godly heritage to my children and raising good citizens.

I just recently received an unexpected gift --- my eldest who is a freshman pre-med in medical humanities asked if we could do some volunteer work at the local Children's hospital over the holidays as part of our celebration of Christmas....since he's mentioned being really interested in volunteering at a local elementary school where he's at college, I don't think it's to check the box on "volunteer hours" for medical school.....

This is likely way off topic but raising children takes time and effort -- while our marriage is not perfect, I would be remiss if I didn't say that without my wife, none of this would have been possible. She has literally kept me from being a drunk in the streets as I certainly knew my way around a bottle of bourbon as a young man.

 

[ZhivagoMD]

Generally yes -- I was able to live at home again and went to a local residency -- the residency was the residency from hell -- but unless it was a ward month, night float or a month with call, I was generally at home in time for dinner and bedtime. Remember, my family and our time together is what makes it worth it for me --- my residency choices, school choices, etc. were built with the overriding question, " How does this affect the family?" -- not in terms of money but in terms of the things that can't be quantified --- we didn't move for a better residency on purpose --- we had both sets of grandparents within a 5 mile drive, my wife was at a job she had been working at for at least 15 years that allowed her flexibility in terms of her hours, the children could walk to school (lived about 1/2 block from it) and later on when they were in high school, it was a 5 mile drive on suburban streets. Other people want different things -- for us, it's about passing on a Godly heritage to my children and raising good citizens.

I just recently received an unexpected gift --- my eldest who is a freshman pre-med in medical humanities asked if we could do some volunteer work at the local Children's hospital over the holidays as part of our celebration of Christmas....since he's mentioned being really interested in volunteering at a local elementary school where he's at college, I don't think it's to check the box on "volunteer hours" for medical school.....

This is likely way off topic but raising children takes time and effort -- while our marriage is not perfect, I would be remiss if I didn't say that without my wife, none of this would have been possible. She has literally kept me from being a drunk in the streets as I certainly knew my way around a bottle of bourbon as a young man.

Not going to lie, your last 2 posts were a bit inspirational. My significant other and I have been talking a lot about what school will be like if I get accepted and this made me feel better. Respect my friend.

 

[Goro]

I'd say that in every Class of mine, at least two couples end up getting married!

I noticed a lot of my peers still date and go out semi-frequently with friends.

Although the going out with friends is less mysterious to me, as an introvert, I do still find time to pursue my hobbies, albeit in a very small fraction of the time that I used to, and even I get out every once in a blue moon, the "being in a relationship" thing mystifies me.

Like they actually go on dates and hang out and function as a couple AND still have time to be in class and study 60-80 hours a week?

How? I sometimes get the "you aren't dating look" and feel like it should be obvious. Who has time? Or even the energy?

 

[tankaer]

I'm married and in my first year of med school. I'm a career changer and we have 2 kids. I am lucky enough to be able to commute about an hour each way to school. Location was a big part of choosing where to apply for school and it will be for residency too. I usually leave before my kids get up in the morning and come home after they're asleep. Sometimes I stay overnight, hotel or airbnb. I frequently go a few days in a row without seeing them which is tough but nothing near what @JustPlainBill did, someone always has it harder than you, I envy no one. My wife and I get to eat dinner together most of the time and Sunday is for family, barring a Monday exam.

Ultimately the details are unimportant, like everyone else has said if you want it badly enough you find a way to make it work. Knowing what you want is the critical part.

 

[JustPlainBill]

I'm married and in my first year of med school. I'm a career changer and we have 2 kids. I am lucky enough to be able to commute about an hour each way to school. Location was a big part of choosing where to apply for school and it will be for residency too. I usually leave before my kids get up in the morning and come home after they're asleep. Sometimes I stay overnight, hotel or airbnb. I frequently go a few days in a row without seeing them which is tough but nothing near what @JustPlainBill did, someone always has it harder than you, I envy no one. My wife and I get to eat dinner together most of the time and Sunday is for family, barring a Monday exam.

Ultimately the details are unimportant, like everyone else has said if you want it badly enough you find a way to make it work. Knowing what you want is the critical part.

Be watchful on that commute --- it ate my lunch and caused me to have to repeat 1st year --- you'd be surprised what a small one bedroom "efficiency" will cost you and it's so much nicer to have a solid place to crash -- I went 1.5 hours each way during my first year and it took it's toll in terms of study time --- I'm serious when I tell you, you need to really reconsider it if your grades even begin to show issues or your sleep/mental alertness gets impacted. It's only going to get harder from here on out.

 

[tankaer]

Be watchful on that commute --- it ate my lunch and caused me to have to repeat 1st year --- you'd be surprised what a small one bedroom "efficiency" will cost you and it's so much nicer to have a solid place to crash -- I went 1.5 hours each way during my first year and it took it's toll in terms of study time --- I'm serious when I tell you, you need to really reconsider it if your grades even begin to show issues or your sleep/mental alertness gets impacted. It's only going to get harder from here on out.

Agreed. I would never recommend commuting but I do think it's possible. I figure I lose almost 10 hours of study time every week which means 20 or 30 hours of lost time per exam. I made it through first semester right at the class average and am currently continuing that pattern but you're right I keep a constant watch on how the commute affects my studying and my wife and I are prepared for me to get an apartment if necessary.

 

[Pisiform]

I had a pretty stable relationship with my hand throughout 4 years


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[Scrubs101]

Try being married in med school -- and living 2 hours away from your family --- The answer: you make it work --- I called virtually every night when I first moved away -- it sucked because my children would cry and ask me to come home and I couldn't. I'd have the car packed Friday morning and as soon as classes were done, assuming no exam on Monday or Tuesday, I'd drive home as soon as classes were out. The rule was no studying Friday night -- we made dinner together; Saturday morning was ok but from Saturday afternoon around 2pm until I left on Sunday at around 6pm, no studying. We'd typically get together with some church friends Sunday evening and when we'd drop the children off at their activity is when I said goodbye for the week. It sucked.

On the weeks where I had an exam the next weekend, I stayed at school and studied through the weekend. The longest I went without seeing my family was 3 weeks (at least during year 1 and year 2) -- on Year 3/4 during audition rotations, I stayed away for as long as a month ---

I made as many soccer games, school events, etc. as I could -- sometimes I'd drive home to be there for a school event and then drive back early the next morning. My wife and I had our time together after the children went to bed where we caught up on life. Our marriage is generally strong, part of our vows was that divorce was not an option and we take that seriously -- we've been together through the good and the bad -- if you're committed to your partner, you make it work knowing that better days are coming.

You'd be surprised at how you can build memories with no money and a family -- my children learned how to make pizza from scratch and we laughed together when the sauce/cheese slid off the crust into the plate, we made it a game to look at new houses and try to guess which specialty you had to be in to afford it, we drove around looking at Christmas lights and then, when I was a resident, would save up to rent a horse drawn wagon ($150/hour for 10 people) and invite their friends, bring fresh chocolate chip cookies, coffee and hot chocolate with us, huddle up under blankets and spend an hour going through one neighborhood that had a decorating competition, we'd do road trips to locally famous restaurants for burgers and BBQ, get season passes at waterparks, etc. -- you can do a lot on a budget if you focus on what really matters with children -- building memories -- again, you have to work at it.

I may be a little late to the thread but as me and my S/O discuss and prepare for the hardships as i begin medical school next year, your story gives me hope. Mad respect and thanks for sharing!


Sent from my iPhone using SDN mobile

 

[slvharm]

Any advice on moving 12.5 hrs away from your spouse who cannot relocate? Does anyone know of a married couple who have been able to manage this?

 

[wxman393]

Any advice on moving 12.5 hrs away from your spouse who cannot relocate? Does anyone know of a married couple who have been able to manage this?

While we don't live 12.5 hours apart from each other, my wife is also military so she can't just up and leave, and she couldn't leave when I started medical school. We have children so that made it a bit more difficult because she is essentially a single mom 5 days a week. We were fortunate enough that I could drive home nearly every weekend. However, it was still challenging and we had some long weeks. Our school as semi-mandatory attendance so I could only miss a certain number of classes per block.

Can your spouse absolutely not move because of work/employment? I would not start medical school thinking your marriage will be fine without being proactive about it. Sit down now and talk about pre-clinical years, clinical years, and your time in residency. Looking ahead, are there any 3/4 year rotations near your spouse? Are there any residencies near your spouse? Communicate future plans now so that there will be no surprises.

Obviously, you cannot predict the future. But, a key to a successful marriage (IMO) is reflective listening and communication. You and your spouse should be making all of these decisions together. Neither one of you probably want regrets from either moving to a crummy location or choosing a speciality your not happy with.

FaceTime, Skype, texting, etc all helped me during the week while I was away from my wife and the kids. Hopefully, this will be a short-term sacrifice for a lifelong gain.

 

[slvharm]

While we don't live 12.5 hours apart from each other, my wife is also military so she can't just up and leave, and she couldn't leave when I started medical school. We have children so that made it a bit more difficult because she is essentially a single mom 5 days a week. We were fortunate enough that I could drive home nearly every weekend. However, it was still challenging and we had some long weeks. Our school as semi-mandatory attendance so I could only miss a certain number of classes per block.

Can your spouse absolutely not move because of work/employment? I would not start medical school thinking your marriage will be fine without being proactive about it. Sit down now and talk about pre-clinical years, clinical years, and your time in residency. Looking ahead, are there any 3/4 year rotations near your spouse? Are there any residencies near your spouse? Communicate future plans now so that there will be no surprises.

Obviously, you cannot predict the future. But, a key to a successful marriage (IMO) is reflective listening and communication. You and your spouse should be making all of these decisions together. Neither one of you probably want regrets from either moving to a crummy location or choosing a speciality your not happy with.

FaceTime, Skype, texting, etc all helped me during the week while I was away from my wife and the kids. Hopefully, this will be a short-term sacrifice for a lifelong gain.

Unfortunately he cannot relocate. We currently live in DFW (Dallas-Fort Worth) and fortunately there are a multitude of residency opportunities. I am hoping/praying that I will be able to complete clinicals in DFW if I can get approval. From what I hear it isn't completely impossible and it has been done. We have been talking about the possibility of me getting into an OOS school for a while now, and it finally happened. Unfortunately, I have not been able to get into a Texas school. We are trying to be as prepared as we can, but now that the time is nearing, we feel intimidated. We definitely plan on skyping/facetiming and seeing each other as much as possible. What is that saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder." lol.

 

[wxman393]

Unfortunately he cannot relocate. We currently live in DFW (Dallas-Fort Worth) and fortunately there are a multitude of residency opportunities. I am hoping/praying that I will be able to complete clinicals in DFW if I can get approval. From what I hear it isn't completely impossible and it has been done. We have been talking about the possibility of me getting into an OOS school for a while now, and it finally happened. Unfortunately, I have not been able to get into a Texas school. We are trying to be as prepared as we can, but now that the time is nearing, we feel intimidated. We definitely plan on skyping/facetiming and seeing each other as much as possible. What is that saying, "absence makes the heart grow fonder." lol.

With that in mind, talk now about your plans if you cannot secure rotations (3rd/4th year) in or around DFW. Also, make sure he (and you) completely understand that residencies are competitive. There are no guarantees that you will a) get the residency you want; b) get the residency you want in your chosen location. If there are some less competitive residencies in the DFW area, just make sure you'd be happy doing those residencies for 3+ years and then practicing.

Being a physician can set you guys up for a great life. However, I've had many friends and colleagues that hated their residencies and their subsequent specialties because they chose something that they weren't passionate about in order to be close to their SO. You will have to decide your priorities but everything should be open communication throughout this journey.

 

[slvharm]

With that in mind, talk now about your plans if you cannot secure rotations (3rd/4th year) in or around DFW. Also, make sure he (and you) completely understand that residencies are competitive. There are no guarantees that you will a) get the residency you want; b) get the residency you want in your chosen location. If there are some less competitive residencies in the DFW area, just make sure you'd be happy doing those residencies for 3+ years and then practicing.

Being a physician can set you guys up for a great life. However, I've had many friends and colleagues that hated their residencies and their subsequent specialties because they chose something that they weren't passionate about in order to be close to their SO. You will have to decide your priorities but everything should be open communication throughout this journey.

Thank you so much for your advice/encouragement/honesty. This will definitely be journey. Fortunately, he is my biggest cheerleader.

 

[Rxed 1996]

Med school is really what you make it. I was dating an MD student from my sophomore year of undergrad to entering UNC pharm school. Despite his busy schedule, we made time at least least once a week. In many ways, it made our relationship stronger because we learned to be independent and value the time we had together. There were people who were married, had kids, or even pregnant during medical school (bless them). Dating is not impossible.

Just don't be dumb and let it interfere with what you really want to do for residency and the rest of your career.

 

[AkGrown84]

Absolutely is what you make it. And having an understanding significant other helps also. My husband and I have been married almost 9 years and have 4 kids. I'm a 3rd year student and we moved 4,500 miles from "home" to go to school. Not going to lie-ALL my free time is pretty much used up spending time with family. I have friends, but we hang out very infrequently. Usually it's friend "study dates". My commute to school was about 45 minutes each way during 1st and 2nd year. Now my commute to most clinical rotations are 20mins-1hour depending on where they are. Some months are better than others, but regardless, my husband "picks up the slack" at home so to speak when I have particularly long rotation days. I always feel a little guilty about it, but so far (knock on wood), he genuinely doesn't seem to mind much. I think I prepared him well for the horrific hours and time med school and residency would take, and since it's not been as bad as I made it out to be, I think he's been pleasantly surprised.

 

[docycle]

I noticed a lot of my peers still date and go out semi-frequently with friends.

Although the going out with friends is less mysterious to me, as an introvert, I do still find time to pursue my hobbies, albeit in a very small fraction of the time that I used to, and even I get out every once in a blue moon, the "being in a relationship" thing mystifies me.

Like they actually go on dates and hang out and function as a couple AND still have time to be in class and study 60-80 hours a week?

How? I sometimes get the "you aren't dating look" and feel like it should be obvious. Who has time? Or even the energy?

This is actually a great question. And honestly, man, you're completely right in saying that if that's what you're gonna do, it's not easy. It takes serious work to help your SO adjust the med school life, whether you're newly dating or not. And in the latter case: before she has you as much as she wants, she's #1 in everything, and now, on occasion, she's gotta take second to the academics. And they have a hard time understanding it at first. I mean I'm sitting over here trying to study on holidays (because if I don't I lose a day and then I'm behind), and now I'm the horrible evil bad guy who doesn't care about the importance of the holiday. Or she tries to do a good thing for you -- oh, I'll go get you coffee etc. -- and by the time she gets there, you gotta be in class and she's left holding the bag. Not a great feeling for her. And it's just little things like this that'll make them frustrated, but eventually they'll learn hey, he has no control over any of this and he's doing the best he can. So it gets better, I promise. It's just a matter of putting in the work to communicate and let her know how things are from your side, so she'll start to understand over time.

So eventually, she's gonna start to understand that you really "just can't [insert whatever she wants]" right now, and she'll get used to it and come to even be above and beyond supportive in those situations, if she's a good one. I will say, however, that you need to give it time. Don't expect her just embrace it instantly. She will be frustrated with you at first, and that's totally normal.

I could see just starting to date, though, possibly being more stressful, because you can't put in that initial time to do all of the amazing romantic stuff that'll win her over etc. So it'd be harder to really show that person how much you value them, and how much you really want it, because you're so busy with everything else. Then again, I could see it being easier in that, that person hasn't had you 100% before med school, so they may have an easier time because they don't have to transition from 100% you to 30% you.

Again, though, it's all just putting in the time. And in med school, as many med students (myself included) will tell you, you've got time. NOT MUCH. But you've got it. And you decide how to spend it. But here's the key for me. As far as things that you consistently want to do every day -- things that require 1-2hrs of your time minimum -- pick 3-4. And you will be able to be really good at those things. And when in med school, school needs to be one of those. So you've got 2-3 things left to do really well. If you're in a relationship, or you're dating/going out with friends, that's got to be one of those things. So then you're left with 1-2 more things. For me, that's exercising/making sure I eat right. For others, it's clubs or some kind of EC, or maybe just spending time with family, or again like you said some other hobby. But I'm just saying, make sure you don't overload yourself. You really do NOT want to do that, because grades can and will suffer for it. Just keep things simple. I've got three things to do today -- schoolwork, spend time with friends/my SO, hit the gym. Change it up a bit every now and again to keep it interesting. Maybe you do a roadtrip, go camping, hiking, hit the beach, whatever it is you wanna do. But always make sure that consistency in those 3 things is maintained, on average, and you will be great at whatever those things are. At the end of the day, it's time management, work, and asking yourself just how bad you want it. And of course, you must be willing to deal with the ups AND the downs that come along with being so constantly obligated to your commitments.