I find the disturbing part to be the lack of remorse & the backstabbing. If you make a mistake & it hurts someone the correct response is to admit your fault & apologize.
I do like the idea of writing everything down somewhere. This may be more theraputic than anything, but you never know, I may need it someday.
Like I said, don't put too much stock in NOT seeing lack of remorse or backstabbing--especially when people find that there may be much for them to lose. Genuine integrity is a very, very precious value that many want to believe they hold. Still, when the feet are held to the fire, they may choose the "lesser path"--the one of "self-protection" at the expense of others or doing the right thing. You don't just have to be in business to see this. Trust me, you will see it in healthcare and education.
You expect something like medicine, nursing, and healthcare to be filled to the top with altruism. You can't breath all of that fairy dust. The less than ethically ideal is more pervasive than one may first realize.
Thankfully there are ethical people in healthcare; but remember that people can go into "self-protection" mode, and in that state, they rationalize their behaviors, attitudes, responses. Sure, we all may do this to some degree, but when it comes to the more important values, well, some face the fire and walk the coals, and some don't.
Personally, I think the toughest lessen for me as an adult, throughout life, is that life and people are not always fair. I was raised to believe in certain values, and I assumed that, in general, others really held fast to those values also.
Having values can be painful--just like making reality your friend can be and often is painful. We believe murder and abuse and neglect is wrong; hopefully, we view it as abhorrent. Yet, daily on the news there are people here and abroad murdering, abusing, raping, selling kids into sex-slavery.
We believe in being forthright, or owning up to mistakes; yet too often when a person has the integrity to stand accountable, the hospital or organization needs a fall guy. What kind of message does that send to others in healthcare. "Since you put so much time, energy, and money into this career, watch out--take cover--b/c you may become the fall guy." That's counterproductive to growth and raising the right people up in healthcare; but it's what influences people to compromise and then duck and cover--or even turn the focus on to someone else in an unfair manner. It doesn't support the use of accountability and integrity.
I'll end with this quote from
Scent of a Woman:
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: "
I'm not finished! As I came in here, I heard those words, "Cradle of Leadership". Well, when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. And it has fallen here. It has fallen. Makers of men, Creators of leaders. Be careful what kind of leaders you're producing here. I don't know if Charlie's silence here today is right or wrong. I'm not a judge or jury, but I can tell you this: He won't sell anybody out to buy his future! And that, my friends, is called integrity. That's called courage. Now that's the stuff leaders should be made of. Now I have come to the crossroads in my life. I always knew what the right path was. Without exception, I knew. But I never took it. You know why? It was too damn hard. Now here's Charlie. He's come to the crossroads. He has chosen a path. It's the right path. It's a path made of principle that leads to character. Let him continue on his journey. You hold this boy's future in your hands, committee. It's a valuable future. Believe me. Don't destroy it. Protect it. Embrace it. It's gonna make you proud one day, I promise you."
BTW, before getting sidetracked, the point of the colonel's exhortation is not that Charlie is right or wrong for not ratting out his friends--it was that the headmaster wanted to buy Charlie's tattling. Obviously if personal injury was a factor, it would have been a completely different matter. The point is, given the situation, Charlie wouldn't sell out, even when one of his classmates, held in his daddy's pockets, did.
OP, I think just by discussing this issue here on this thread, you may have allowed for us to think more carefully about such matters; b/c they do occur. I can even see what the poster prior to your last response is saying, b/c unfortunately people are in a tough spot until they have something to which they can evaluate. At some point after the fact, it's hearsay. But with regard to this student, remember this:
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
Maya Angelou
Now, I try not to be too harsh with that b/c people are human or there may be more to the story than I know, and I do not want to run the risk of unfairly condemning an individual. That is part of my value system, and yes, I have paid for having it--b/c it's something you have to be careful with--the right balance of truth and intuition.
This, I think, is a good thread, b/c it brings out the opportunity to see some things as they are and consider ourselves and our own values in the process.
