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I just want to know that i'm not alone...

Discussion in 'Internship' started by DrReginaDO, Dec 13, 2010.

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  1. DrReginaDO

    DrReginaDO

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    So i read a bit of the "quitting" thread, and its nice to see that i'm not the only intern that is depressed and thinking of quitting. Of course, being 250K in debt doesnt help the fact that if i did quit, i would live the rest of my life as a hobo...ha.
    A little back story. I'm an EM intern at a trauma one center in the Bx. When i'm on my EM rotations, i am very happy. I truely made the right choice in what specialty is for me. But, as an intern we also do other specialities (of course), and i really had a rough time with OBGYN and now i'm on ICU and really depressed. The hours are horrible...work is still mainly scut, and i feel that i don't know anything, and the worst part is that i'm not learning. Of course an attending with throw out a tid-bit of insight here and there...but for the most part i feel like i'm filling out paperwork all day and night.
    I might just be complaining, and i do just need to vent. But, when i vent to family, or non-medicine friends...its all "but youll be making $$$ eventually so just deal with it". Its not the lack of compensation that is the problem...and its histerical that i saw a security guard in the elevator the other day and during small talk, i told him that i was on 24 hour call and he actually thought i would get a huge paycheck becuase of it (i then explained that i was on salary, not hourly...so sad). It mostly the lack of anytime to myself, or even to spend time with family. Lunch consists of rushing just to get 10min to throw food in my mouth (and then have a lovely case of GERD), and then right back to work. Also, i'm sick right now and with any other job, you can use a sick day....no as an intern/resident...who else would do the scut work that is so needed...
    Its just depressing...so much work, no free time, horrible pay, questioning your own abilities. *sigh*

    Sorry for the huge rant, just needed to get some stuff off my chest. Once again, when i'm in the ED, i love it....but these other rotations are just really getting to me.
    I really hope i'm just not alone.
  2. oreosandsake

    oreosandsake

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    you are definitely NOT alone.

    I am in the ICU right now... I have 4 senior residents (all IM of course) barking orders at me all day, all I do is fill out scut work and try to keep the orders going.

    this month, will be one of the worst periods in my training. But, at least 2011 is just around the corner.

    hang in there. I wish I could say doing these rough months will make us better physicians, but I have doubts about that w/ all the scut = non-learning I do every day.

    At least it'll make those non-crappy months feel so much sweeter.
  3. ubcredfox

    ubcredfox Member

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    Ya, I don't think you're alone on this one. I hate this year. The vast majority of it sucks hard and long. I'm actually dumber now then when I was in med school, as I spend most of my days doing stupid, mind-numbing, useless tasks rather then learning. It's sooo rewarding being an M.D. The only people that call me "Dr." are the guys at the bank when they call asking where their loan payments are.

    I only do two months "on-service" during this year, and I've got a month coming up in January. I'm looking forward to that. Oh and two months of EM :) I like EM too :) But what I don't like is IM, and Surgery...and I get five glorious months of that. 1:4 and call that would make you want to roll into a little ball and cry.

    So ya, this year blows. And the best part? Getting chewed out by an attending in the morning about having forgotten x, y or z. Where the hell were you last night? Oh, asleep in your own bed, getting paid for your night "on-call" while someone else busted their butt for you. That's where.

    Truly perverse.
  4. ReadyFreddy

    ReadyFreddy

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    You are not alone.

    When I started typing in a search for "days until july..." the 2nd choice that pops up in Google is "days until July 1, 2011." You are not alone. About 11,400 people want to know. [I won't tell you the answer... it seems a little depressing... but think of it this way: we're ALMOST HALFWAY THERE!]

    So yes, I, too, am counting the days until I can do what I actually like to do. On my worst days, I try to remind myself that this is just a job. Yes, sometimes it's a sucky job, but most all responsible, non-independently-wealthy adults work, and this is just our duty for adulthood. At least we know it's getting us somewhere.

    Stick with it, and try to get some sleep, exercise and home-cooked food when you can. A maid, laundry service and some SSRIs never hurt, either. ;)
  5. tkim

    tkim D-d-d-dilaudid

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    Just finished residency last year, but I can still recall intern year as being the worst year of my life.

    Well, there was PICU second year ...

    You hear this all the time, but it really does get better.

    Sleep when you can, eat when you can, read when you can. You will survive this.
  6. Blunt Trauma

    Blunt Trauma

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    Lots of whining going on.

    Suck it up. You guys are doctors you know exactly what you signed up for.

    There are literally hundreds of IMGs who would give anything to be in your position.

    Wow.


    Just Wow.
  7. smq123

    smq123 John Singer Sargent Administrator SDN Senior Moderator SDN Advisor

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    When I was an MS1, I used to hate this.

    "Don't complain, do you know how many pre-meds would love to be in your position??" blah blah blah.

    As a resident, I hate it even more.

    Internship IS hard. Not just the hours, or the workload, or even the increased responsibility. Taking care of patients, watching your patients die, trying to do the 80,000 things that your program and your patients and your family AND the ACGME want from you is very very tiring. And draining.

    To be honest, no, I did NOT know what I signed up for. The jump from MS4 to intern was ENORMOUS. As an MS4, they weren't MY patients. I felt bad when they died, but I didn't feel the weight of personal responsibility that I feel now. As an MS4, people were "paging" me to show up somewhere (the ER, the trauma bay, the OR, L&D) at 2 AM, but I wasn't really required to think all that hard. Now, when people page at 2 AM, it's because they want a decision to be made.

    Please, learn the difference between "venting" and "whining."
  8. gutonc

    gutonc No Meat, No Treat Administrator SDN Senior Moderator

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    To the OP...you are certainly not alone. Intern year just kind of sucks. I didn't think it was hard per se, but it's extremely exhausting, physically, mentally and emotionally. And when you're that exhausted, everything seems hard. And yes, it does get better.

    My experience is that I tend to hear the "internship is impossible" argument the most from those who went straight through UG-->Med School-->Residency and never had a real FT job before. If internship is your first real job, it's going to suck even more. I came out of grad school where I worked 70+ hours a week for 5 years so the hours weren't the hard part. The hard part was doing it because somebody told me I had to, and not always being fully invested in the process. It got a lot easier during my first year of fellowship when, again, the hours sucked, but it was largely work I chose and liked. Now that I'm in my research years, my hours are 60+ a week but again, I'm doing what I want/love so that doesn't bother me at all.

    The one thing internship truly prepared me for (aside from R2 year) was having a kid. After Q3 overnight ICU call...parenthood was a piece of cake.
  9. tkim

    tkim D-d-d-dilaudid

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    If and when you get into residency, if you start to feel sorry for yourself, just look back to your post.

    And if you have the misfortune of not matching because of your IMG status, well, you know exactly what you signed up for.

    Right?
  10. Blunt Trauma

    Blunt Trauma

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    I haven't updated my status in these forums and don't frequent it that much either. So don't let the 'medical student' title fool you bub.

    ..and what a pathetic attempt at a pithy comeback might I add. Its best to leave the witty remarks to those with the gift of gab like moi.
  11. cafeconleche

    cafeconleche

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    for me its just the time aspect...no time to get a haircut, go to the dentist, sometimes no time even to shower! yikes... and the flip side of it is that even though I really like my program, anywhere you spend that amount of time will start to grate against you after a while. at this point everything is starting to annoy me. anyhow, we're half way (almost).
  12. tkim

    tkim D-d-d-dilaudid

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    http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?p=9622068#post9622068

    http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showpost.php?p=10401783&postcount=1

    Last edited: Dec 17, 2010
  13. Blunt Trauma

    Blunt Trauma

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    You must not be the sharpest tool in the shed.

    What exactly are you trying to prove by that lol?

    Was that supposed to be the piece de resistance? After which every one comes out and pats you on the back for a job well done for complete pwnage?

    LOL

    You do realize most IMGs often times have completed residency programs in their home countries right? and have already graduated prior to even applying to the match right? I chose the word 'rotation' because not many of you would even understand what an 'observership' is. You see its essential that one use familiar lingo so as not to confuse the feeble minded.

    Narrow minded CHECK
    Lack of critical thinking skills CHECK
    Petty and vindicative CHECK

    Nice going bub.

    Don't get all worked up because I gave you a verbal lashing. You didn't like my comments and came up with what you thought at the time was a witty remark, I called you out on it.

    Now take it like a man. :)
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2010
  14. tkim

    tkim D-d-d-dilaudid

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    And yet you label yourself a 'medical student'.

    Yeah sorry, nice try. Your explanation sounds like a crock of shit. You're a IMG med student trying to match this year. Good luck, buddy.
  15. Blunt Trauma

    Blunt Trauma

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    [​IMG]

    I already prematched but I thank you for the kind words nonetheless :clap:
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2010
  16. tkim

    tkim D-d-d-dilaudid

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    Who knows what's truth or a lie with you. I'm guessing all lies, and there's nothing you can do to prove otherwise.
  17. JustPlainBill

    JustPlainBill Attending

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    To get this back on track ---

    No, you're not alone....and I've had a full-time white collar career for 17 years prior to doing this, complete with spells of 80 hour weeks and sleeping at the desk, etc....

    Despite what everyone told me, intern year IS tough....not so much the work hours, but the constant "not knowing what you're doing" aspect of it....It is getting better as time goes on but there's always one more thing that the upper level assumed you knew had to be done that has to be done before you can get home....

    All the material that was pushed down as the next class rolled around now needs to be top of the head type of stuff and "I don't know" is not in the lexicon of acceptable terms. Expectations are not enumerated, they're just assumed and everyone has an opinion on what you need to work on or how you need to do something....and while all this chaos is going on, you have to be happy, bright, cheerful and cognizant of other's feelings when you interact with them....but the reciprocal is not the same---we get yelled at, I was once told by a renal fellow that I was too stupid to read written English so he called to ensure his plan was put into effect -- thankfully no one's gotten physical yet but I've heard of it happening -- a psych attending grabbed a resident by the collar and slammed them against a wall and told them to quit using a certain atypical.....

    No real teaching but yet we're supposed to be learning --- I knew this in my heart although hoped it would be different --- since day one of medical school, there's been no teaching and I'm responsible for my own education and development --- it's ok but I guess I had this delusional image of an experienced attending taking the time and having the ability to tie together book knowledge with actual bedside cases and PE findings...has only happened in one case of a bizarre Horner's type syndrome with an attending who wrote one of my LORs....

    So it's learning on your own, on the fly, getting it done in 3 years to be at the 'expert' level while working a supposed maximum of 80 hours a week --

    It bites but it is getting better ....or my expectations are adapting to the reality.....

    I do get some small satisfaction --- worked at an indigent clinic the other day and actually had a patient say,"Thank you doctor for all that you do"....I almost fell over and it made my week.....and then I met one of the last of the dying breed of gentlemen physicians who was very gracious in his demeanor and not abusive as so often happens these days....you know the type -- the one's we went into medicine to emulate.....reminded me of my goal....

    Keep your chin up --- we're in the career we always wanted and doing a job few people can do --- to misquote Ghandi -- Be the change you want to see.....
  18. JustPlainBill

    JustPlainBill Attending

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    I think you mean "vindictive" not vindicative? Kinda like the difference between preventive and preventative (which is not a word, BTW)....

    I now return you to your regularly scheduled SDN flame war...
  19. penguin24

    penguin24 Don

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    I think residency has gotten much easier over the past couple decades, we have it easy (relatively speaking).
  20. smq123

    smq123 John Singer Sargent Administrator SDN Senior Moderator SDN Advisor

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    <sigh> Can we keep this thread on its originally scheduled purpose of venting about intern year (especially as we hit the mid-year slump)?

    Any attempts to keep this sling-fest going will result in infractions. Now, go to your rooms! :mad:
  21. Blunt Trauma

    Blunt Trauma

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    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/vindicative
  22. JustPlainBill

    JustPlainBill Attending

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  23. Blunt Trauma

    Blunt Trauma

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    :)

    You sir are a spelling/grammar Nazi.

    Shame on you.:laugh:
  24. dragonfly99

    dragonfly99

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    Don't quit...particularly in the middle of a year of training. This will get better. Internship is just a grind, and it's terrifying to boot, since you don't know what the heck you are doing half the time. By the way, the ICU is hard and you aren't really supposed to know everything in there...it should be the resident's show and you shouldn't be expected to know "what to do" all the time. However, you should try to remain on top of the vitals, labs, recent imaging, etc. for all your patients. Also, it's good to read some good ICU book (like "ICU Book" by Marino, or papers like the Surviving Sepsis Campaign).
  25. MadHat

    MadHat

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    to the OP, keep you head up. Things will get better.
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2010
  26. JustPlainBill

    JustPlainBill Attending

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    Ve haff veys of ensuring the proper spellingcht, verstast du?!!!

    You say that like it's a bad thing?!!!!

    At least you didn't spell 'sir' 'cur'....:laugh:

    The number of highly educated people who cannot spell or use poor grammar never ceases to amaze me.....the your/you're or their/they're/there dilemna is truly astounding.....
  27. Holderlin

    Holderlin

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