Introverted/Shy Students in Graduate School

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psychgirl77

psychgirl77

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psychgirl77 said:
Are there any introverted/shy grad students out there? What is graduate school like for you? What sort of challenges have you faced and how have you overcome them? I'm a pretty quiet person in general, and know that I'm going to have to step it up in grad school, with classes being almost completely discussion based. Any tools or tricks that people can suggest for doing so?
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I'm an introvert, and I was pretty shy going into grad school. In college, I remember vomiting (from anxiety) a couple times before public speaking or similar events. With all the "exposure" in grad school (clients, teaching, group discussions), eventually my anxiety lessened and now I'm very comfortable even with public speaking (heck, I even worked as a professor teaching some 10 classes of 100+ students, with good reviews too!). I think the goal is to keep challenging yourself, realize that anxiety will fade over time (with repeated exposure).

There is a place for introverts in this field - actually, being an introvert is an advantage in many ways. The shyness part will lessen with exposure and the resulting gain in confidence.
 
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I wouldn't necesarily call graduate classes completely discussion based either, although I'm sure it depends where you go. Most of my classes have been more standard teaching/lecturing with time for comments and questions.
 
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Hey There,

I am now in college and taking up BS in Psychology.

I am also having trouble with me being shy, in most of my classes, my professors would always ask me questions about the topic we're discussing, I can answer their questions but I'm having trouble in expressing myself well... :(

Is there some tips you guys here can give me, to lessen my shyness?

Thanks in advance.
 
marithe18 said:
Hey There,

I am now in college and taking up BS in Psychology.

I am also having trouble with me being shy, in most of my classes, my professors would always ask me questions about the topic we're discussing, I can answer their questions but I'm having trouble in expressing myself well... :(

Is there some tips you guys here can give me, to lessen my shyness?

Thanks in advance.
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Yes, but the answer wouldn't be politically correct.

Still staying within the realm of the politically correct, taking small social risks when faced with unfamiliar or uncomfortable social situations, and reminding yourself that the worst that can happen is you might feel a little awkward, is one technique that many people use. It may help. The more you step out of your comfort zone, the less anxiety producing it becomes.

Mark
 
Hi Mark,

Thanks for your advice. :)

It's a little difficult for me right now but hopefully I'll be able to outgrow this shyness.

Most of the times, when there's a graded recitation in our class and I am in the middle of battling with myself of whether I would raise my hand to answer a question, I will always tell myself: "Common, it's now or never... It's okay if all my answers aren't correct, atleast you answer one question..."

Then when introduced with someone, I always tell myself that, the person introduced with me is not gonna bite me... :)

Hope sometime, I can show the world who I really am.

Thanks Mark. :thumbup:
 
Hi. Another good technique is to practice speaking up in non-threatening environments. You can practice with friends or family, and even role play with them being the professor. Role-playing is a strategy that psychologists often use with shy clients to help them learn greater social assertiveness.

Check out your bookstore or library too -- there are many books on this topic that might help you.

Good luck!:)
 
I have a hard time speaking up in class as well, unless it is a subject I'm very passionate about. Generally, I'm not the first to speak, but I usually do add my two cents after someone else comments by saying something along the lines of "I can see what you mean" or "I hadn't thought of it that way" or "From my understanding of it, and correct me if I'm wrong..." etc. and elaborate on it.
 
Hey There!

Wow! Thanks for the advice psychmama and Quynh2007.

I am also telling my mom about it, maybe she can give me some advice. :) "Mom knows best..."

I will take note of your advices, I'll see the bookstore and library tomorrow. :)

I have to sign off now, I still need to study for our quiz tomorrow.

Thanks again. I very much appreciated your help.

Have a nice day!
 
Well, I think there's a difference between quiet and shy. Someone can be quiet because they don't feel the need to talk for the sake of making noise when they have nothing of value to say. I see that as a positive quality and wish more people were like that;) I'm all for quality over quantity when it comes to discussion/comments.

That said, if you ARE shy, grad school is great exposure therapy. Assuming this is still within normal limits of shyness and not severe social phobia, you'll be fine. You have to talk in classes, there's really no choice. Just make sure you're prepared early on so that doesn't add to the nervousness. It sounds obvious, but write questions and comments on the articles as you're going through it - that way you'll have time to think about what you want to say (I think everyone does this, shy or no). Don't be afraid not to know things. The more I learn the more I'm convinced no one knows anything, and that includes senior faculty;) If you're really nervous, remember that it can be just as helpful to ask an interesting question as it is to answer one, and its a whole lot less pressure since you can't be wrong!

You're probably going to find the material much more interesting than anything before, which makes it easier to get involved in conversations about (you'll be focusing on the material rather than on feeling shy).
 
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It's funny because I tend to be fairly introverted and shy, but in classes that interest me I'm like a totally different person. Actually, my high school vice principal walked into one of my history classes and told my mom later that she was shocked by what she saw; she'd never seen me talk that much. I'm the person where the professor has to say "Okay, let's hear from someone else this time" ;)

I guess I figure: what do you have to lose? Sometimes I don't speak up because I'm afraid I'm wrong, and then it turns out that I was right. Also, it's difficult, but you just have to force yourself to do things--I mean, if you can. My abnormal professor always liked to bring up this ancient Greek person who had a speech impediment (forgot his name, sorry), and how he would go to the sea and talk with stones in his mouth until he got over it.

With public speaking, I like to practice in front of a mirror and later a "practice" audience, like a friend or family member.
 
op,

go to therapy, get some help.


you might be able to squeak by in classes with not talking. if you are unable to speak with a patient, you won't be able to do the job.

there is not a day in my work that i don't have to ask complete strangers highly embarrassing questions (e.g., are you incontinent, are you impotent, have you ever had an STD, have you been sexually abused, etc). you will have to do the same.
 
PSYDR said:
op,

go to therapy, get some help.


you might be able to squeak by in classes with not talking. if you are unable to speak with a patient, you won't be able to do the job.

there is not a day in my work that i don't have to ask complete strangers highly embarrassing questions (e.g., are you incontinent, are you impotent, have you ever had an STD, have you been sexually abused, etc). you will have to do the same.
Click to expand...

I think talking to patients is different than talking in class. I guess with cohorts, it's easy to feel inferior or lacking in insight.
 
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eh, i can understand that perspective.

i hold that asking deeply personal questions is difficult for anyone, and more difficult for someone who is shy.


psychotherapy has been shown to be effective for social anxiety disorder and other similar conditions.
 
First, people may tend to be introverted, but they can act more extraverted in certain circumstances. Classroom discussion is a point where you need to be more extraverted. It takes time to develop class discussion skills, which professors understand and will work with you (at least in my experience). Most of my classmates in grad school tended to more introverted. However, since we had all our classes together and hung out all the time, we tended to be comfortable with each other--which also helped in class discussion.
 
I am really introverted and have trouble speaking up but also find when im really interested/knowledgable about something i'm much more likely to speak up a lot. While the interview process scares me because of my introvertedness/shyness I think if/when i get into a program it'll be good for me because ill finally be in small classes and hopefuly recieve a lot of individual guidance/attention which I have completely lacked in my undergraduate studies.
 
To the OP:

I think another component of beating classroom shyness is getting to know the other students and your professors a little better. If the fear is that the others will privately judge everything that comes out of your mouth, then that fear is likely to lessen if you feel you know these students/profs better. If, by chance, you say something you think is unintelligent, the friends and allies in the classroom know that this is not a full representation of your ability to think and form coherent arguments. I used to feel shy in classes where I didn't really know a lot of the other students. Now, I just don't care and always have to put in my two cents ;)

I also think you learn to come out of your shell in the classroom when presented with topics that highly interest you. In grad school you're more likely to study the interesting topics in greater depth than in undergrad, which may encourage you to raise your hand more and more as time progresses. There is no pressure to dominate the classroom on the first day you walk in....with a combination of time and self-encouragement to state your opinion despite your nerves, you will begin to move to a higher level of classroom comfort.

If all else fails, just quote this to yourself.."My courage always rises with every attempt to intimidate me." ~Elizabeth Bennet from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice (...wow, did I really just quote Jane Austen? haha...sorry, I'm a little in love with that book at the moment :p).
 
If you're shy, you should relate to Fanny Price more than Elizabeth Bennet ;)
 
psychgirl77 said:
Are there any introverted/shy grad students out there? What is graduate school like for you? What sort of challenges have you faced and how have you overcome them? I'm a pretty quiet person in general, and know that I'm going to have to step it up in grad school, with classes being almost completely discussion based. Any tools or tricks that people can suggest for doing so?
Click to expand...


Psychgirl -

I am also an introvert; I'm an LPC in independent practice. I've found that in situations that interest me, I have no problem expressing myself. I have a little anticipatory anxiety waiting my turn, but otherwise I'm OK. The feedback I've gotten is that others see me as the kind of person who doesn't speak unless I've got something significant to say. As a result, people tend to listen when I break my silence.

Also, it has helped me to remember the words of Eleanor Roosevelt: "Every day do something that frightens you".

Facing anxiety-provoking situations builds confidence and lessens the anxiety in future situations. I am facing grad school interviews next year, so there's another hurdle for me, but I know that no matter what happens, it's a growth experience for me.

Good luck to you!
 
I'm an introvert, but professional responsibilities require me to be more extroverted (networking, lecturing, presenting, etc). I tend to pick and choose when I'll be more involved, and then I find time to get away and recharge. I don't have a problem speaking in front of 500 people, it just takes a lot to stay engaged.

In regard to dealing with anxiety and anxiety avoidance.....basic CBT principles and exposure therapy are both well supported in the literature. Some people find Toastmaster's (and related groups) to be helpful.
 
pick up smoking
 
Yea I am really introverted and this concerns me a great deal as I head toward graduate school. Part of the reason I come to this forum is because I can express myself better online then I would in person. I'm in my own therapy to try to deal with this among other things but I guess like in undergrad it's easy to survive as an introvert where you can just study hard and get a high gpa without ever really making meaningful contact with people but grad school is a different world where it's vital to speak up and make connections with people if you're going to get far and basically yea this is a concern of mine.
 
It should concern you, it should concern you a lot! The great thing is that you are going to learn a lot about yourself should you decide to become a clinical psychologist.

For starters you need to be pretty emotionally grounded to do a good job as a clinical psychologist. On top of that you expend considerable intellectual and emotional energy being there for your clients. Early in your career, if your not expending considerable effort then you probably aren't doing your job, or you are short changing your client (although I am sure it gets easier with experience.)

Finally, introverted or not, as a clinical psychologist you can be expected to need to communicate effectively in a number of different and challenging environments. Seminars and public presentations, group therapy, individual therapy, over the phone and through email, you have to at least manage all these with some level of competence.

Fortunately, these are all learned skills. You aren't born with them, you will need to nurture them a bit more if you are naturally introverted. Same goes for the extroverted, you have to be careful not to allow yourself to run over the client.

Good luck,

Mark
 
So, I don't think people should be tossing about "introverted" and "shy" and though they're synonyms. I'm pretty introverted; I'm generally happy to be alone, and often voluntarily choose solitary activities over group ones. I'm also far from shy--I have no problem asking my clients how their sex life is, how often they masturbate and what to, etc. Shyness is really born more out of fear than introversion is. If someone going into clinical or counseling work is really concerned that he or she is shy in that sense--afraid of social interactions--I think it would be a really good idea to seek therapy to find out what that's all about and overcome that fear before starting clinical work. Someone who's afraid to ask clients about sex, drugs, and rock n roll is, in my opinion, prettymuch incapable of being a good therapist.

If it's just introversion, social and therapy skills are skills that can be learned.
 
That makes sense JockNerd, though I think depending on the degree of shyness, the exposure one gets through training may be enough to increase comfort levels with discussing intimate issues. I did clinical interviews as a research assistant, and I asked people personal questions including about their sex lives. At first I did find it really awkward feeling, especially since in many cases, it was my first time meeting the person, but I definitely got more comfortable with it is as I went on, worked with different patients, and discussed my experiences with my supervisor. If the idea of asking those sorts of questions is terrifying, then yeah, I'd think therapy might be in order, but if it's just somewhat unnerving, then I'd probably see how it goes.
 
cardamom said:
though I think depending on the degree of shyness, the exposure one gets through training may be enough to increase comfort levels with discussing intimate issues.
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Eeeeeh, I don't know about that. Why should clients get poor therapy (honestly, I think therapy from someone unable to talk about sex, etc., would be terrible) in the meantime because of the therapist's issues? Therapy skills are one thing, but this seems like basic competency to me.
 
I don't think cardamom was referring to people "Unable to talk about sex". I think she was just pointing out that fear/comfort come in degrees. Unable to talk about it would fall at the far extreme end, and I agree those people are probably going to struggle to the point that I'd have ethical reservations about letting them do therapy until they get over that fear.

I'd wager only a very small percentage of therapists are 100% comfortable asking about sensitive issues from the get-go. I sure wasn't, but it didn't stop me from doing so at one of my first sessions, and doing a passable job of it if I may say so. Who WOULD be comfortable their first time discussing something like active suicidality with a client? I'd bet even Linehan and Joiner had some nerves the first time.

I think cardamom's point was more that people shouldn't avoid the field because they think they might find it a little awkward to talk with someone their grandmother's age about their sex practices. There's a big difference between someone who won't talk to their client about an important, clinically relevant issue related to sex, and someone who just felt a little nervous the first time they had to do so. The former needs to think long and hard about whether clinical training is appropriate for them. The latter probably make up the vast majority of people in the field.
 
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Ollie123 said:
I think cardamom's point was more that people shouldn't avoid the field because they think they might find it a little awkward to talk with someone their grandmother's age about their sex practices. There's a big difference between someone who won't talk to their client about an important, clinically relevant issue related to sex, and someone who just felt a little nervous the first time they had to do so. The former needs to think long and hard about whether clinical training is appropriate for them. The latter probably make up the vast majority of people in the field.
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Oh. Ok, if that was the message then I agree.
 
Yea I guess there is a distiniction between shy and introverted. I can't totally tell which one I am, probably leaning toward shy because I do get nervous around people. However I don't really think it would effect me as a therapist because I am good in one to one situations and not really afraid to ask people personal questions, in fact I have more trouble with small talk so to speak then I guess what would be termed deep talk? It's more that I get really nervous in group settings and stuff or like even talking to professors and stuff like that so I guess that aspect of graduate school (presentations, interviews, developing connections etc) scares me.
 
GradStudent87 said:
I am good in one to one situations and not really afraid to ask people personal questions, in fact I have more trouble with small talk so to speak then I guess what would be termed deep talk? It's more that I get really nervous in group settings and stuff or like even talking to professors and stuff like that \.
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I think I know what you mean. From what I can tell, a lot of therapists are pretty rotten at "small talk" but are great addressing more difficult, substantive topics one on one. I think it's maybe because we are just more interested in the "deep" stuff than polite trivialities.

Anyway, about speaking to profs and in groups, this is a little scary but most grad students improve a lot within a short time. Grad classes are small, and you get to know the others students and faculty fairly well. Once you've had to deal with talking in class and conversing with faculty it really gets much easier. If you really find yourself struggling with this, perhaps a few sesssions of counseling could be helpful. But I wouldn't worry too much. You're not the first person to have this challenge, and you won't be the last!;)
 
GradStudent87 said:
Yea I guess there is a distiniction between shy and introverted. I can't totally tell which one I am, probably leaning toward shy because I do get nervous around people. However I don't really think it would effect me as a therapist because I am good in one to one situations and not really afraid to ask people personal questions, in fact I have more trouble with small talk so to speak then I guess what would be termed deep talk? It's more that I get really nervous in group settings and stuff or like even talking to professors and stuff like that so I guess that aspect of graduate school (presentations, interviews, developing connections etc) scares me.
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What you will learn, is that everything (or nearly so) effects you as a therapist. You are the product of your experience and you are also the instrument through which therapy is delivered.

You will be helping people with anxiety issues, depression, mania, PD's like borderline PD... some of which may hit close to home with you and others that will be completely alien to you. To think that your personality and style of interaction won't affect your ability to deliver therapy is completely off base. No two therapists are the same, and while we may be intending to take our clients to the same place and deliver them the same treatment, it is our delivery of the treatment that is one of the great variables. Never forget that what happens in therapy is the unique interaction of you, your issues, your patient, and their issues. Being able to tease this all apart and deliver effective treatment is the part you are getting paid for. :)

None the less, being shy or introverted will only make your path different... not impossible.

Mark
 
Markp said:
What you will learn, is that everything (or nearly so) effects you as a therapist. You are the product of your experience and you are also the instrument through which therapy is delivered.

You will be helping people with anxiety issues, depression, mania, PD's like borderline PD... some of which may hit close to home with you and others that will be completely alien to you. To think that your personality and style of interaction won't affect your ability to deliver therapy is completely off base. No two therapists are the same, and while we may be intending to take our clients to the same place and deliver them the same treatment, it is our delivery of the treatment that is one of the great variables. Never forget that what happens in therapy is the unique interaction of you, your issues, your patient, and their issues. Being able to tease this all apart and deliver effective treatment is the part you are getting paid for. :)

None the less, being shy or introverted will only make your path different... not impossible.

Mark
Click to expand...

Yea I would imagine being introverted or any personality trait would affect your therapuetic style and approach. However I don't see why it would necessairly effect it in a negative way unless you were too shy to even talk to the people but thats something you would probably be find out pretty quickly.
 
Being introverted verses extroverted does not *necessarily* affect one's ability to do well in grad school or in this field.

Cases in Point-

I have one Psychology professor that I would call an *extreme* extrovert and, at times, she can be one of the most annoying people I have ever encountered in my life. She even told me that scoring as an introvert on the Myers-Brigg is a negative personality trait and that I had scored badly. Interesting considering I do not even consider myself particularly introverted and it certainly does not cause me any anxiety or affect my functioning in life in the slightest.

In another case, I had a therapist once that was so extroverted that I could not hardly get a word in edgewise. She would continuously launch into lengthy personal stories during MY therapy session. I felt like it made her almost completely ineffectual as a therapist.

Natural inclinations for personality traits that do not impede a person's ability to function and be successful in their careers are not negative!
 
GradStudent87 said:
Yea I would imagine being introverted or any personality trait would affect your therapuetic style and approach. However I don't see why it would necessairly effect it in a negative way unless you were too shy to even talk to the people but thats something you would probably be find out pretty quickly.
Click to expand...

Actually a little introversion is probably better than too much extroversion. See above... great comment on that.
 
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