Long-Distance SO for M1

[db4277]

My SO and I have been together for four years. We've been long distance before, and it actually has suited us generally well (we're both relatively low maintenance). I moved out of state to be with him six months ago, and to take a much deserved break from school and work. Next month, however, I'll be moving back to our home state alone to start M1. He will be taking a post-doc which is a three hour drive from my school. Of course, it could be way worse.

So perhaps, internet, you can settle our debate. He insists that being apart for the first year is an ADVANTAGE: That it will force me to form effective and efficient study habits without being distracted. He thinks I will prepare well with the incentive of getting enough done to spend time together on occasional weekends.

I however, think it will suck. I worry about feeling lonely, and managing my apartment by myself. I'm afraid I'll start to stress about being apart, or use the distance as a scapegoat for doing poorly.

I find his optimism reassuring, but I refuse to admit that the situation is ideal.

Is he right? Does anyone else in a long distance relationship find that the distance inspires better discipline? Or did you experience setbacks in performance because no one is holding you accountable except yourself?

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[Mad Jack]

Three hours is totally doable. My gf and I are that exact distance form each other and it has worked perfectly. At first, it was extremely hard- lots of change all at once, plus not having her around, was just really difficult for me to cope with. But I'd drive down to see her one weekend, she'd drive up to see me the next, and we'd just kind of alternate, so we've managed to get two good days with each other ever week. Yeah, a lot of those days have been devoted to studying and we're just kind of occupying the same space, but I try to make at least two hours a day when we're together for dedicated time for us to spend with one another. Has it hurt my grades? Probably a little. Would I change things? Hell no, I'd rather drop from an H to a HP than lose her.

Not having her around during the week really does help me stay focused though- I honestly don't know if I'd have done nearly as well if she were here, because the temptation to spend time with her (and the guilt of neglecting her all the time) would probably make me study less. As it stands, M-F I work my ass off, without stressing about how she's feeling or feeling guilty.

 

[UTsksk]

I can only speak from my experience. I have a wife and 6 year old daughter. Been together almost 8 years and they didn't join me for medical school. We're roughly a 9 hour drive away from each other. All of fall and most of spring was horrible for me emotionally, thankfully not with grades. However, there comes a point where you just get used to it and deal with it. I have finally reached that point where I don't care that I'm alone.

The point that I'm trying to make is that you just learn to deal with what you have. It just takes time.

 

[J ROD]

Personally, during the first 2 years, I think being separate would be better. You can concentrate on classes and see each other on weekends. I lived with my SO during second year and it was difficult. I felt I needed to talk to her and do stuff with her but I also needed to be studying my ass off. Eventually, that lead to us breaking up and me moving out.

However, we made up and moved in together again 3rd yr and now into my 4th yr. During the clinical years, it has actually been a help to have someone there to cook, clean, etc. I also can spend time together much easier since I have less studying to do.

 

[j4pac]

Any guy who would consider a long-term relationship an advantage is full of ****.