This post was from over a year ago, I hope the OP found closure. Like many said it's unfortunately part of the territory of psychiatry. I actually haven't had a patient commit suicide, but I had something equally (perhaps more) horrible occur in residency. I did residency at the VA and one of my patients had extremely severe PTSD and was poorly compliant with treatment. He was lost to f/u for many months and then I learned he murdered two of his neighbours in what sounds like a psychotic episode related to PTSD. He heard banging in his next door apartment, and claims he felt like he was back in Iraq and was under attack, and shot and killed his neighbours. The worst part was that he had previously been on a 5150 (California 72 hour hold) and was supposed to be under the 5 year firearms prohibition in California, but it was not enforced. I feel horrible about what happened, but we aren't gods, we can't stop everything all the time.
. You obviously know the statistics around teens and suicide, but I often have to stare back and marvel at how high the rate is and how often it will be part of a CAP life. I would try and remind myself about all the kids who you have helped. I am sure there have already been some that while you will never know it, you were directly responsible for saving his/her life.
