Love - how do I stop caring?

[NeverSurrender]

A big problem problem that has been irritating me is love. Yea go ahead and laugh, but im serious here. After becoming mentally stable in college, I made friends, got a social life, and started to go out and have fun. However I was still missing that aspect of my life. This may be embarrassing but I have never been in bed with a girl, and have only gotten kissed twice in 2.5 years of college. Yea ok, go ahead and laugh. Just keep reading when your done people !

Point is that 98% of my social circle are in relationships. People tell me "I wish I was single, its awesome." I can't help but think that ive been single for the past 20 years of my life and would like to experience a change. I have had the fortune of making some great friends of both sexes at my college, the problem is that it is a small and rural place - 98% white here. Im one of the few South Asians here and most girls are pretty friendly - but aren't open minded enough to date a non-white guy.

The only reason why I talk about all of this is that Valentines is coming up and I can't help but feel lonely while all of my friends are busy making plans with their SOs. I said earlier that I want this semester to be the best one ever, that I wanted to prove to myself that I am not an idiot and that I can do it too. My chances for med school are hanging by a thread and school is what matters to me more than anything right now. However im human and this feeling of loneliness and regret is preventing me from concentrating even when I try my best not care. To those of you who have had it all - the grades, the love, the friends, good for you. You may not know where I am coming from, but for anyone else who has been where I have been with this, how did you stop these feelings of loneliness and regret when everyone around you seemed to have it but you?

- You can read my original thread as well, I would like to know your opinion in the WAMC forum. Thanks.

If the answers to my questions should be obvious, then please explain it because it isn't to me. Ive been through a lot and missed out on many things when I was growing up.

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[goldenwest]

How to stop caring: realize that a girl cannot make you a man, no marriage will ever satisfy your longing for affection indefinitely, and on the whole...

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soDZBW-1P04[/YOUTUBE]

 

[NeverSurrender]

How to stop caring: realize that a girl cannot make you a man, no marriage will ever satisfy your longing for affection indefinitely, and on the whole…

Thanks for that advice, but the video wasn't necessary. Please try to be serious. I know this thread may sound stupid and funny to most of you. If that's the case then please don't respond to it. Ive been through a lot emotionally, beat myself up for it, and am trying to climb out, get better, and move on. I don't want this to hold me back anymore. Its fine if you don't understand. A lot of people on here wouldn't, but let's be mature about this one .

Thanks for understanding.

 

[HK35]

sooo love = Pre-medical allopathic... oh.

 

[vivalavie]

Thanks for that advice, but the video wasn't necessary. Please try to be serious. I know this thread may sound stupid and funny to most of you. If that's the case then please don't respond to it. Ive been through a lot emotionally, beat myself up for it, and am trying to climb out, get better, and move on. I don't want this to hold me back anymore. Its fine if you don't understand. A lot of people on here wouldn't, but let's be mature about this one .

Thanks for understanding.

eh, this is a dangerous forum for such questions, but I'll bite.

I was around your age when I met my first serious girlfriend, don't worry, some people are just late bloomers. Even though school's the most important thing to you right now, and if med school is your only goal then it definitely should be, make time for yourself, enjoy your college years, you don't get them back. Talk to girls, take chances, make mistakes, if you don't feel silly or awkward at least a few times you're doing it wrong.

 

[NeverSurrender]

sooo love = Pre-medical allopathic... oh.

haha yea well I can see how it looks like its pretty out of place here. I would talk to my friends about it, but unfortunately I have very very few who are single, so most of them just don't understand (I have tried before). Im just curious since SDN reaches out to a much larger population of people, how anyone else deals/dealt with it (if they ever had too)?

Sorry if it seems out of place here, I just don't want stupid things like this to divert my attention from school.

 

[enTropeeeeeeeee]

Although I live in a diverse area, I find it hard to believe that there is not a single open-minded woman that will find you interesting. Perhaps to some degree, you are the one that isn't open-minded.

 

[enTropeeeeeeeee]

haha yea well I can see how it looks like its pretty out of place here. I would talk to my friends about it, but unfortunately I have very very few who are single, so most of them just don't understand (I have tried before). Im just curious since SDN reaches out to a much larger population of people, how anyone else deals/dealt with it (if they ever had too)?

Sorry if it seems out of place here, I just don't want stupid things like this to divert my attention from school.

I'm confused about this statement. Although school is very important, do not minimize the value of "love". Despite our futile attempts to be in control of our lives, we simply cannot control certain things. You obviously felt that this issue is important enough to post to SDN, so don't dismiss it. You feel left out. No shame in that. Change your situation. How? Well I think the answer is in your name.

 

[NeverSurrender]

eh, this is a dangerous forum for such questions, but I'll bite.

I was around your age when I met my first serious girlfriend, don't worry, some people are just late bloomers. Even though school's the most important thing to you right now, and if med school is your only goal then it definitely should be, make time for yourself, enjoy your college years, you don't get them back. Talk to girls, take chances, make mistakes, if you don't feel silly or awkward at least a few times you're doing it wrong.

Oh trust me, the issue isn't about making mistakes. Ive made plenty of those and am in a much better position I am now since freshmen year. Rejection is like candy to me now - I expect nothing else these days .

The question I was basically asking was that: It gets to me after a while despite my best attempts not make it a big deal when im the only one here who is alone. I just don't know how not to care about it so much?

 

[NeverSurrender]

Although I live in a diverse area, I find it hard to believe that there is not a single open-minded woman that will find you interesting. Perhaps to some degree, you are the one that isn't open-minded.


I'm confused about this statement. Although school is very important, do not minimize the value of "love". Despite our futile attempts to be in control of our lives, we simply cannot control certain things. You obviously felt that this issue is important enough to post to SDN, so don't dismiss it. You feel left out. No shame in that. Change your situation. How? That's up to you.

Both of those statements are to some degree true. "Stupid" was the wrong word to use - "stopping to prioritize this" would have been better - because as you said, this is obviously important to me.

There are definitely some great women here, who are very friendly, and fun to talk too. Perhaps there is just something fundamentally wrong with me? Im not too sure about that, but i don't think I am close minded - at least I try not to be.

 

[enTropeeeeeeeee]

Both of those statements are to some degree true. "Stupid" was the wrong word to use - "stopping to prioritize this" would have been better.

There are definitely some great women here, who are very friendly, and fun to talk too. Perhaps there is just something fundamentally wrong with me? Im not too sure about that, but i don't think I am close minded - at least I try not to be.

We are all close-minded and ignorant due to our limiting knowledge and experience. I'm pretty certain there's nothing fundamentally wrong with you, but maybe there is. There probably isn't. But I suppose the possibility exist.....

 

[Iapyx]

We are all close-minded and ignorant due to our limiting knowledge and experience. I'm pretty certain there's nothing fundamentally wrong with you, but maybe there is. There probably isn't. But I suppose the possibility exist.....

 

[NeverSurrender]

Completely agreed. Looking towards women (or men) as a measurement of self worth is not healthy. They're cool and all, but if you let them dictate your happiness you run a damn high risk of ending up depressed and bitter.

Plus, the #1 way to pick up women is to not care about them. So you're killing two birds with one stone.

No im not deriving self-worth from them. Im not saying "im unworthy because I get rejected". Im just saying that It gets to you after a while no matter how much you try not to care, if anyone on here has managed to control emotions and minimize their negative effects I would like to learn those secret jedi arts as well…...

 

[r1012]

haha yea well I can see how it looks like its pretty out of place here. I would talk to my friends about it, but unfortunately I have very very few who are single, so most of them just don't understand (I have tried before). Im just curious since SDN reaches out to a much larger population of people, how anyone else deals/dealt with it (if they ever had too)?

Sorry if it seems out of place here, I just don't want stupid things like this to divert my attention from school.

Yeah it really sucks when you're the single one around lots of people in relationships but sometimes you just don't find anyone to click with for a while, and an actual relationship isn't worth it until you do (imho). So, what to do to take your mind off things? Study, exercise, online tv, and avoid the couples if you have to.

 

[vivalavie]

Oh trust me, the issue isn't about making mistakes. Ive made plenty of those and am in a much better position I am now since freshmen year. Rejection is like candy to me now - I expect nothing else these days .

The question I was basically asking was that: It gets to me after a while despite my best attempts not make it a big deal when im the only one here who is alone. I just don't know how not to care about it so much?

yeah, I hear ya man. keep trying and know that your persistence will eventually pay off, and all this practice is gonna do you wonders when you get out of that town. It's a rough situation, but there's always someone who has got it worse. try to throw yourself into your social life and your schoolwork, find things that make you happy, I know it's a catch 22 of sorts, but being happy makes finding and clicking with girls so much easier.

 

[goldenwest]

Thanks for that advice, but the video wasn't necessary. Please try to be serious. I know this thread may sound stupid and funny to most of you. If that's the case then please don't respond to it. Ive been through a lot emotionally, beat myself up for it, and am trying to climb out, get better, and move on. I don't want this to hold me back anymore. Its fine if you don't understand. A lot of people on here wouldn't, but let's be mature about this one .

Thanks for understanding.

I wasn't making fun of you, and I was serious for once. Sorry you didn't like the video.

 

[slatermd]

Yeah it really sucks when you're the single one around lots of people in relationships but sometimes you just don't find anyone to click with for a while, and an actual relationship isn't worth it until you do (imho). So, what to do to take your mind off things? Study, exercise, online tv, and avoid the couples if you have to.

+1

yeah, I hear ya man. keep trying and know that your persistence will eventually pay off, and all this practice is gonna do you wonders when you get out of that town. It's a rough situation, but there's always someone who has got it worse. try to throw yourself into your social life and your schoolwork, find things that make you happy, I know it's a catch 22 of sorts, but being happy makes finding and clicking with girls so much easier.

+1

This is very good advice. Try to find ways to focus on the task at hand: getting into med school, not getting into a relationship. Avoid things that trigger insecure/lonely feelings.

 

[RogueUnicorn]

After becoming mentally stable in college, I made friends, got a social life, and started to go out and have fun.

so.. you weren't mentally stable beforehand?

 

[NeverSurrender]

Yeah it really sucks when you're the single one around lots of people in relationships but sometimes you just don't find anyone to click with for a while, and an actual relationship isn't worth it until you do (imho). So, what to do to take your mind off things? Study, exercise, online tv, and avoid the couples if you have to.

I noticed that your South Asian as well, so I guess you would understand what its like around strict South Asian parents who never let you go out there and explore these things while growing up. So ive basically been playing catch-up since freshmen year .

But apparently you have a bf so I guess its harder for me to relate to you, but its still good advice. In fact ill probably go lift now .

 

[dbeast]

 

[NeverSurrender]

yeah, I hear ya man. keep trying and know that your persistence will eventually pay off, and all this practice is gonna do you wonders when you get out of that town. It's a rough situation, but there's always someone who has got it worse. try to throw yourself into your social life and your schoolwork, find things that make you happy, I know it's a catch 22 of sorts, but being happy makes finding and clicking with girls so much easier.

Thanks! Being happy is a lot more work for me than most people, especially since im in a pretty bad position for med school right now (junior with a sub 3.0 gpa ).

Im honestly not too sure if anyone has it worse lol, did you read the first paragraph of my first post ?

so.. you weren't mentally stable beforehand?

Unfortunately not. I talked about this in my opening thread, but I didn't have many friends when I was growing up. I always used to get made fun of, and sometimes even beat up in school. It destroyed my confidence, and I didn't do well in high school (2.4 gpa). I was depressed, mutilated myself, almost killed myself at one point. Luckily I didn't. I changed my attitude, went to college, and worked hard on myself to be more sociable. I eventually started making friends, started going out, and enjoying life. I still suffered academically and had no confidence when it came to that, because of my fear of messing up, causing me not to work. as well a number of other issues that still kept me depressed on the inside, so I went to counseling and was prescribed anti-depressants.

I look back at where I was, and am proud of how much I have changed for the better, but this is something everyone deals with on some level, so I know I can make this less of an issue that it actually is, and I hope too for the sake of being happy.

 

[LadiiKay]

I noticed that your South Asian as well, so I guess you would understand what its like around strict South Asian parents who never let you go out there and explore these things while growing up. So ive basically been playing catch-up since freshmen year .

But apparently you have a bf so I guess its harder for me to relate to you, but its still good advice. In fact ill probably go lift now .

I'm South Asian so I understand the strict parents aspect, and while I live in nyc, I see plenty of South Asian guys in the same situation as you on a regular basis. I've been in a similar situation so I'm gonna be straight up with you on this.

Valentine's day is a waste of time, life and money. Even when I had a S.O. I didn't bother celebrating, it's an un-original holiday that was invented to make single people feel like ****. IGNORE IT!

As for your lack of experience, grab a girl and get it in, it's not that hard. If you want to be a gentleman, well that's on you then m'dear, but being with someone really isn't worth all this headache. Yea it sucks being single when all your friends are taken, but not think of the fact that they're all broke off their asses and can't play the field whereas you're free to do so. Personally, I refuse to commit to a guy right now simply because I don't have the time to deal with all the complexities of a relationship.

Edit: I see you're Bengali. Relax, you've got nothing to worry about, plenty of time. My Bengali best friend was single till he was 23 and now he's happily committed to a beautiful woman.

 

[Silverfalcon]

Best part about this thread is that OP asks everyone to be serious, and yet he's asking advices about relationships in SDN. Come on... Really?

 

[r1012]

I noticed that your South Asian as well, so I guess you would understand what its like around strict South Asian parents who never let you go out there and explore these things while growing up. So ive basically been playing catch-up since freshmen year .

But apparently you have a bf so I guess its harder for me to relate to you, but its still good advice. In fact ill probably go lift now .

Haha, I do understand what it's like and I can relate to that - I would assume I'm a little bit older (I graduated in 2009, and you are currently in your junior year of college), and only started dating someone seriously after college when I moved to a major city. So, I will say few things: 1. Playing catch up is only fun in the short run. 2. In the medical world you will run into more single people b/c med school is not exactly relationship-friendly. 3. Relationships are time-consuming and mentally stressful especially when you haven't had one before (can you tell I had an easy time? haha). Basically, it's not actually worth it until you click with the person and actually have the time to focus on devoting time to it, or you will be way more unhappy than you are now. 4. Lifting sounds like a good idea . Good luck!

 

[NeverSurrender]

I'm South Asian so I understand the strict parents aspect, and while I live in nyc, I see plenty of South Asian guys in the same situation as you on a regular basis. I've been in a similar situation so I'm gonna be straight up with you on this.

Valentine's day is a waste of time, life and money. Even when I had a S.O. I didn't bother celebrating, it's an un-original holiday that was invented to make single people feel like ****. IGNORE IT!

As for your lack of experience, grab a girl and get it in, it's not that hard. If you want to be a gentleman, well that's on you then m'dear, but being with someone really isn't worth all this headache. Yea it sucks being single when all your friends are taken, but not think of the fact that they're all broke off their asses and can't play the field whereas you're free to do so. Personally, I refuse to commit to a guy right now simply because I don't have the time to deal with all the complexities of a relationship.

I can give you better advice depending on where you're from in South Asia (region not country).

South Asian pride yo.

Im pretty sure that's called rape lol and if its not, its a lot easier said than done.

Yea well that hasn't really made much of a difference so far haha.

I guess im sounding a lot more desperate than I actually am. For clarification - let me just say that I don't care about getting a relationship now or not. Yea it would be nice, but whatever I just want to be the best I can be in anything I do right now. I just hate feeling like this and want to stop because its addicting and I don't want to think about these negative emotions anymore - thats all.

And for the record - South Asian chicks are my first preference (guess thats how ive been brought up) and I chose to go to a school and town where there are none haha - score for me. I guess ill see in med school, though I hear you guys are usually all taken by then anyway. Ah well, bummer haha.

 

[dbeast]

Best part about this thread is that OP asks everyone to be serious, and yet he's asking advices about relationships in SDN. Come on... Really?

At least he's not asking 4chan...

Anyways OP seems like a genuine guy (his WAMC post was shockingly rational about going both MD and DO which is all the street cred anybody needs in my opinion).

First, reconsider the thread title- Why do you want to *stop* caring? That seems pretty counterintuitive for a relationship. I think it's more difficult to find someone you do care about, and once you do, things should be pretty easy (yes, it takes a lot of searching but be patient and persistent). Everybody has their match out there... eHarmony says so.

 

[NeverSurrender]

Best part about this thread is that OP asks everyone to be serious, and yet he's asking advices about relationships in SDN. Come on... Really?

Well clearly more people have had experience on here than me, so I don't think its bad advice.

Haha, I do understand what it's like and I can relate to that - I would assume I'm a little bit older (I graduated in 2009, and you are currently in your junior year of college), and only started dating someone seriously after college when I moved to a major city. So, I will say few things: 1. Playing catch up is only fun in the short run. 2. In the medical world you will run into more single people b/c med school is not exactly relationship-friendly. 3. Relationships are time-consuming and mentally stressful especially when you haven't had one before (can you tell I had an easy time? haha). Basically, it's not actually worth it until you click with the person and actually have the time to focus on devoting time to it, or you will be way more unhappy than you are now. 4. Lifting sounds like a good idea . Good luck!

1. Yea playing catch up isn't fun at all. Especially when the only response you get when you say "I like you" is "LJBF" 2. Interesting, ive heard the opposite. 3. Yea I get that its time consuming, but at the same time, im curious as to what its like.


At least he's not asking 4chan...

Anyways OP seems like a genuine guy (his WAMC post was shockingly rational about going both MD and DO which is all the street cred anybody needs in my opinion).

First, reconsider the thread title- Why do you want to *stop* caring? That seems pretty counterintuitive for a relationship. I think it's more difficult to find someone you do care about, and once you do, things should be pretty easy (yes, it takes a lot of searching but be patient and persistent). Everybody has their match out there... eHarmony says so.

Haha well I don't have it so bad that im at the online dating scene just yet. Maybe in a few years if I post this again, ill consider it.

 

[LEUNIT]

OP, you should watch the movie "Fight Club" - it tells you to stop being a little b**** and go out there and do whatever it is you want to do. If it's getting a girl, then go out there and meet more girls. There's bound to be a girl that's down with the brown.

Being single is good, I'm telling you right now. No late night phone calls, no needy emotional time, no girlfriend voice in front of your friends, no money down the drain, no worthless arguments, no "stay with me on the phone until I fall asleep" bs, no "you never make time for me" complaints, ..I can go on and on. Be careful what you wish for.

 

[ozzi22]

sooo love = Pre-medical allopathic... oh.

i lolled so hard

 

[Bartelby]

You probably would like some magic words that will give you the love life of your dreams, but nothing anyone says here will do that for you. When it comes to finding dates/dating you get good at it the same way you get good at everything else: practice. Understanding how to interact with and ask out a girl is basically a skill like many others, and unfortunately that means you will need to make a lot of mistakes in the beginning to acquire that skill.

Try this: start by talking to girls in less threatening situations like bars, parties, communal events, places where you can more naturally start a conversation with a girl. Ask for their phone number or to meet for coffee. Consider any rejection another step toward success, because a lot of love is a numbers game. Try asking the person out for coffee first because it's a low-pressure atmosphere and if they don't show up you can just get some studying done. If you like them then ask them out on a more involved date like dinner. From there try to get creative with dates that play to your shared interests (which you discussed in the previous dates). Also keep the stress level low for yourself by realizing that the goal is not for you to "win" the girl, it's for the two of you to decide whether you might be compatible. If not either of you can walk away with no hard feelings (ideally).

In the end you'll realize that you don't have to be that clever or smooth to get a great significant other, you just have to invest time and energy into it and get over the fear that you aren't good enough for the people that interest you.

PS: Don't take the 'skill' talk as an endorsement of the trashy pickup artist culture. I don't think sleeping with lots of girls on false pretenses of love or commitment is actually that cool. You'll find that plenty of girls will go for a good person who is confident and assertive, so you don't have to change who you are. If they want an a-hole, you probably don't want to deal with their emotional baggage anyway.

 

[tabascosauce]

stop looking love is everywhere

 

[SDN9876]

.

 

[NeverSurrender]

You probably would like some magic words that will give you the love life of your dreams, but nothing anyone says here will do that for you. When it comes to finding dates/dating you get good at it the same way you get good at everything else: practice. Understanding how to interact with and ask out a girl is basically a skill like many others, and unfortunately that means you will need to make a lot of mistakes in the beginning to acquire that skill.

Try this: start by talking to girls in less threatening situations like bars, parties, communal events, places where you can more naturally start a conversation with a girl. Ask for their phone number or to meet for coffee. Consider any rejection another step toward success, because a lot of love is a numbers game. Try asking the person out for coffee first because it's a low-pressure atmosphere and if they don't show up you can just get some studying done. If you like them then ask them out on a more involved date like dinner. From there try to get creative with dates that play to your shared interests (which you discussed in the previous dates). Also keep the stress level low for yourself by realizing that the goal is not for you to "win" the girl, it's for the two of you to decide whether you might be compatible. If not either of you can walk away with no hard feelings (ideally).

In the end you'll realize that you don't have to be that clever or smooth to get a great significant other, you just have to invest time and energy into it and get over the fear that you aren't good enough for the people that interest you.

PS: Don't take the 'skill' talk as an endorsement of the trashy pickup artist culture. I don't think sleeping with lots of girls on false pretenses of love or commitment is actually that cool. You'll find that plenty of girls will go for a good person who is confident and assertive, so you don't have to change who you are. If they want an a-hole, you probably don't want to deal with their emotional baggage anyway.

Yea man I wasn't asking about the actual mechanism for getting a date - but thanks for that. I mean im used to all that and getting shot down, blah blah blah.

Its just so hard after 2.5 years of looking the other way when there's a sudden explosion of romance around you that you can't help but feel left out. Its just hard not to put emphasis on this and not to care, I wish there was a pill for that.

@ SDN9876: That video was actually pretty funny. Even though im not East Asian, its still very true haha.

 

[mauberley]

Its just so hard after 2.5 years of looking the other way when there's a sudden explosion of romance around you that you can't help but feel left out. Its just hard not to put emphasis on this and not to care, I wish there was a pill for that.

"This, too, shall pass." Unfortunately, you're in that time of your life when your hormones are raging. There's not much to do, other than find a way to scratch the itch or find some diversions to take your mind off of it. It's up to you to do something about it.

 

[Overmjnd]

"This, too, shall pass." Unfortunately, you're in that time of your life when your hormones are raging. There's not much to do, other than find a way to scratch the itch or find some diversions to take your mind off of it. It's up to you to do something about it.

what are you suggesting here, hmmmm????

 

[AGLAIA]

There are many dot com services that can help you out with this. It doesn't matter whether you are looking for something long-term or not, simply getting into a dating frame of mind makes dating easier. By looking on a dating site, you are looking through a "smaller" pool who wants to date, too.

 

[blackarrowmoose]

A big problem problem that has been irritating me is love. Yea go ahead and laugh, but im serious here. After becoming mentally stable in college, I made friends, got a social life, and started to go out and have fun. However I was still missing that aspect of my life. This may be embarrassing but I have never been in bed with a girl, and have only gotten kissed twice in 2.5 years of college. Yea ok, go ahead and laugh. Just keep reading when your done people !

Point is that 98% of my social circle are in relationships. People tell me "I wish I was single, its awesome." I can't help but think that ive been single for the past 20 years of my life and would like to experience a change. I have had the fortune of making some great friends of both sexes at my college, the problem is that it is a small and rural place - 98% white here. Im one of the few South Asians here and most girls are pretty friendly - but aren't open minded enough to date a non-white guy.

The only reason why I talk about all of this is that Valentines is coming up and I can't help but feel lonely while all of my friends are busy making plans with their SOs. I said earlier that I want this semester to be the best one ever, that I wanted to prove to myself that I am not an idiot and that I can do it too. My chances for med school are hanging by a thread and school is what matters to me more than anything right now. However im human and this feeling of loneliness and regret is preventing me from concentrating even when I try my best not care. To those of you who have had it all - the grades, the love, the friends, good for you. You may not know where I am coming from, but for anyone else who has been where I have been with this, how did you stop these feelings of loneliness and regret when everyone around you seemed to have it but you?

- You can read my original thread as well, I would like to know your opinion in the WAMC forum. Thanks.

If the answers to my questions should be obvious, then please explain it because it isn't to me. Ive been through a lot and missed out on many things when I was growing up.

I understand how you must feel around this time of the year, just remember we all have problems of our own, and should work to fix them. The fact that you said that girls are not open-minded enough to date a non asian shows how much you haven't tried and don't know about. Some girls care, but trust me, once you find the right girl she'll be attracted to you, not for your skin color but for who you are. Girls are turned on partially by looks but more so over personality, ability to talk, and talents. Hell, learn how to fingerpick a romantic song on a guitar and you'll have the girls crawling on ya.

Also, Talk to as many girls as possible, no matter where you are. Talk to every girl in your classes, no matter how intimidating they seem, just say hi, talk about SOMETHING. Let them know who you are, the more you expose yourself, the higher your chances of finding someone. Believe me, i know for a fact its not the amount of girls you kiss.. ive done my share of stupid things to find out thats not true. Its the quality of the girls you kiss.

Put yourself out there, you'll find it.

 

[halethsonofhama]

Are you making yourself "cool" enough.... like no joke.

I mean, I'm at a school that is populated with asians of all types (although I can't tell them apart) but I can definitely see a difference between those who are "stereotypically asians" and those who have successfully matriculated into the white culture. The former, although perfectly normal in their own culture, just aren't cool by white people standards (in the same way that I'm not cool by asian people standards... or white standards either people now that I think about it)

Getting to know another person is difficult enough... getting to know a guy AND his culture is even worse. On top of that, girls want a guy that will get along with her (white) friends. So even if you find a girl that is open-minded, the close mindedness of her friends won't help.

If you want to bag a white chick, you need to bag white people as a whole. Use the word "Dude," wear a tanktop and sandals (no socks!) for every occasion (regardless of the weather), get a motorcycle or something, get super excited about fight on TV and then get too drunk to even watch it. Keep it up long enough and you should lose "the asian guy" tag and just be "the guy who threw the stick at a cop" (white people have weird values) then white girls won't be as hesitant to give you a shot.

But as my best friend's dad always said "its all about quantity, not quality when it comes to women"

 

[halethsonofhama]

Actually... I take back what I said and second blackarrowmoose. Thats what I meant to say but something racists just came out instead...

 

[Overmjnd]

Are you making yourself "cool" enough.... like no joke.

I mean, I'm at a school that is populated with asians of all types (although I can't tell them apart) but I can definitely see a difference between those who are "stereotypically asians" and those who have successfully matriculated into the white culture. The former, although perfectly normal in their own culture, just aren't cool by white people standards (in the same way that I'm not cool by asian people standards... or white standards either people now that I think about it)

Getting to know another person is difficult enough... getting to know a guy AND his culture is even worse. On top of that, girls want a guy that will get along with her (white) friends. So even if you find a girl that is open-minded, the close mindedness of her friends won't help.

If you want to bag a white chick, you need to bag white people as a whole. Use the word "Dude," wear a tanktop and sandals (no socks!) for every occasion (regardless of the weather), get a motorcycle or something, get super excited about fight on TV and then get too drunk to even watch it. Keep it up long enough and you should lose "the asian guy" tag and just be "the guy who threw the stick at a cop" (white people have weird values) then white girls won't be as hesitant to give you a shot.

But as my best friend's dad always said "its all about quantity, not quality when it comes to women"

questionable advice, but may work depending on who is your target.

 

[Overmjnd]

. The fact that you said that girls are not open-minded enough to date a non asian shows how much you haven't tried and don't know about.

Just for the record, I don't think I've ever seen so many asian guy-white girl couples than I have randomly this past year. I live in a really liberal area though...

 

[halethsonofhama]

questionable advice, but may work depending on who is your target.

Women are a questionable subject.

I love my girlfriend like no other, but I would be lying if I said I never thought about how things would be if I never met her.
Part of me is glad I found her so soon; took away the trouble of going through multiple girls.
The other part of me is sorta peeved; took away the fun of going through multiple girls.

I honestly can't tell if the OP is looking for a serious relationship, or if he just wants a girl he can say is "his" for valentines day. Either way, if he has his heart set on a white chick (and most do have closed minds), and he wants to get things done fast... his bet bet is ditching his culture for the time being. (I've never heard of a white chick getting all hot for the guy who brings his own chop sticks to the cafeteria).

 

[NeverSurrender]

I understand how you must feel around this time of the year, just remember we all have problems of our own, and should work to fix them. The fact that you said that girls are not open-minded enough to date a non asian shows how much you haven't tried and don't know about. Some girls care, but trust me, once you find the right girl she'll be attracted to you, not for your skin color but for who you are. Girls are turned on partially by looks but more so over personality, ability to talk, and talents. Hell, learn how to fingerpick a romantic song on a guitar and you'll have the girls crawling on ya.

Also, Talk to as many girls as possible, no matter where you are. Talk to every girl in your classes, no matter how intimidating they seem, just say hi, talk about SOMETHING. Let them know who you are, the more you expose yourself, the higher your chances of finding someone. Believe me, i know for a fact its not the amount of girls you kiss.. ive done my share of stupid things to find out thats not true. Its the quality of the girls you kiss.

Put yourself out there, you'll find it.

Thanks, I definitely have put myself out there a lot more since high school and freshmen year. Unfortunatley there is no magic solution to rid of these feelings - I understand that too. I just hope to be the best I can to turn things around in school. All I can do is hope the same thing happens to my fortunes here. Perhaps I just make this a bigger deal than it actually is?

Maybe given my past and the history about myself that I wrote on here, I have a much harder time breaking out of the mindset that im a failure, I suck, etc. even though I know none of that is true. I will try to put myself out there more. I am considering transferring schools to spend an extra year of undergrad (this school is big and its in a very urban area), so it will be a chance for me to start over socially, and when I work on myself enough, I know I will be successful with this as well.

 

[Negrodamus]

Thanks, I definitely have put myself out there a lot more since high school and freshmen year. Unfortunatley there is no magic solution to rid of these feelings - I understand that too. I just hope to be the best I can to turn things around in school. All I can do is hope the same thing happens to my fortunes here. Perhaps I just make this a bigger deal than it actually is?

You should go to your school's counseling service, they'll be able to give you better life advice than internet trolls. You said that you used to be suicidal and used to self harm, this is a big deal and you need to get proper help for what ever psychological problems you have.

 

[kcin]

Just remind yourself that in 80 years, you'll both be dead/decaying and in the grand scheme of the universe your troubles (and mankind) mean nothing. So don't worry about it!

 

[Negrodamus]

Maybe given my past and the history about myself that I wrote on here, I have a much harder time breaking out of the mindset that im a failure, I suck, etc. even though I know none of that is true. I will try to put myself out there more. I am considering transferring schools to spend an extra year of undergrad (this school is big and its in a very urban area), so it will be a chance for me to start over socially, and when I work on myself enough, I know I will be successful with this as well.

How will transferring keep you from hating yourself?

 

[Narmerguy]

Women are a questionable subject.

I love my girlfriend like no other, but I would be lying if I said I never thought about how things would be if I never met her.
Part of me is glad I found her so soon; took away the trouble of going through multiple girls.
The other part of me is sorta peeved; took away the fun of going through multiple girls.

I honestly can't tell if the OP is looking for a serious relationship, or if he just wants a girl he can say is "his" for valentines day. Either way, if he has his heart set on a white chick (and most do have closed minds), and he wants to get things done fast... his bet bet is ditching his culture for the time being. (I've never heard of a white chick getting all hot for the guy who brings his own chop sticks to the cafeteria).

Haha I kind of agree. I've also had multiple Asian (male) friends tell me how white girls don't like Asian guys. Most of them were kind of FOB so I actually believe them.

At my school, you almost never see a white girl-Asian guy couple...and by "almost never" I mean I've never seen it before.

 

[Negrodamus]

Haha I kind of agree. I've also had multiple Asian (male) friends tell me how white girls don't like Asian guys. Most of them were kind of FOB so I actually believe them.

At my school, you almost never see a white girl-Asian guy couple...and by "almost never" I mean I've never seen it before.

I've seen it before. But when it does happen the guy is usually second or third generation. So they don't particularly act "Asian".

 

[blackarrowmoose]

hell OP, you need to learn how to carry yourself and not worry about what girls think of you. Trust me, the more you worry about finding a girl, the less likely you'll run into one.

The way its always worked for me is whenever i don't give a **** and just act like myself (usually pretty douche-y) girls tend to like talking to me more. However on the contrary, whenever i TRY, like actually think about what im gonna say, etc. It 80% of the time it fails. So most of the time im in the first mode now-a-days.

So how can you achieve this? Well status is another major thing. Girls care alot about that. You gotta be passionate about yourself and something you do. Whether its becoming a frat guy and hanging with the bros, playing guitar, painting, something reputable. Once a girl sees that your into yourself, she'll be into you too. You gotta be different.

Also to all the people talking about how they haven't seen asian/white couples, im not really sure where your from but the asians that usually tend to have problems with white girls are the ones directly from the motherland (asia!)(any region). And im pretty sure its because of the awkwardness at the college age. Most of us tend to be pretty judgy.

+ whats so great about white girls? Sure theres many many attractive ones but that doesn't mean EVERY white girl is attractive, ive seen many attractive middle eastern, south asian, asian, and hispanic girls.

 

[kcin]

whats so great about white girls? Sure theres many many attractive ones but that doesn't mean EVERY white girl is attractive, ive seen many attractive middle eastern, south asian, asian, and hispanic girls.

What about african? RACIST!!!

I kid.

edit: I just tried to think of a white girl/asian guy couple. Wow. I never noticed that. I know a lot of white male/asian woman couples, but never vice versa.