NRAI2001 said:
I think its a good question, especially for people in not long term relationships. I m sure if your in a long term relationship you can make it work, but what about those who have been a shorter relationship, lets say less than 2 years? I know its highly variable, but what have been your guy's observations and experiences?
Shorter term relationships pose a trickier situation in regards to staying together during a tough residency.
OTOH, you've got the flush of new love and sex to bind you together. OTOH, you don't have the strength and trust that a long term relationship gives you.
Since I met my SO at the very beginning of my internship, our relationship has grown - sometimes prospered, sometimes floundered - over the years. Its fairly easy to keep things together when you are happy, have money, no stress, etc. Its when you work long hours, get yelled at or disparaged on a regular basis, etc. that makes it hard not to bring that stress home.
Shorter term relationships *may* be more fragile and not hack the stressors of residency - however, the same can be true of longer term relationships. It the foundation you've built (or are building) is based on shared interests and goals, a mutual love, trust and understanding then its much easier to get through the tough times. Just because a relationship is short term doesn't mean that these qualities are in short supply just as one shouldn't assume couples together forever necessarily have a healthy relationship.
What it comes down to is that life and residency are stressful enough, if your relationship ADDs to that stress and brings you less happiness than sadness, it probably won't survive residency.
For those with SOs not in medicine, see older threads about how not to screw things up (ie, don't always talk about medicine; ask about their day; call your SO when on call and at other times during the day; MAKE TIME...it doesn't matter how tired you are, your SO will only remember that you "never took them anywhere"; don't forget birthdays, anniversaries, etc.)