Marriage before, during, or after dental school?

[sweet_t00th]

For those of you who have gotten married before, during, or after dental school: How did you cope with the financial struggle of engagement rings and weddings when there are student loans to be paid? Did you have to compromise your dream wedding for a smaller wedding or a courthouse wedding?

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[NITRAS]

I got married in medical school as an MS2.

I was lucky in that my parents in-laws largely paid for the wedding. The budget was set and followed by my wife. We had a great wedding for $7k. I spent way too much on the ring as I didn’t have the money and took out a student loan. I probably would have gotten a couple wedding bands and bought something during residency.

Set a budget. Follow the budget. Weddings are fun, but they also reflect the realistic expectations of your life situation. They can get incredibly expensive.

It is ok to have a marriage party later on. Its ok to get a bigger wedding ring later. It’s ok to go on a “real” honeymoon later.
We went to Italy for our honeymoon.. . . 8 years later and pregnant with our second, but we had the money then.

The bottom line is going into debt for a big wedding is a bad idea.

 

[Saddleshoes]

I made our engagement/wedding rings.
Making a ring and making a gold crown are identical skills. I did need some help from a jeweler to set the diamond.
(My soon-to-be wife had the diamond already. But that is another story involving shady South African connections and some smuggling.)

 

[pubhealthdent]

Buy a cheap-ish ring now, get a new one at 5 or 10-year anniversary. And don't pay more for the wedding than you have to

 

[sweet_t00th]

@NITRAS @pubhealthdent
thank you for your responses!

yeah, although a big wedding and a big rock sounds nice, it just doesn't seem financially responsible as my boyfriend and I are both going into dental school and both will be having a 500k loan each. (we also are prioritizing having a house & starting a family after we graduate & I can't seem to budget a wedding in that plan)

have you guys encountered colleagues who have done a courthouse wedding? is that the new norm for our situation?
*in my situation, we would rather do the courthouse wedding with our immediate family because there would be too many people to invite if we did a lower budget wedding.

 

[pubhealthdent]

@NITRAS @pubhealthdent
thank you for your responses!

yeah, although a big wedding and a big rock sounds nice, it just doesn't seem financially responsible as my boyfriend and I are both going into dental school and both will be having a 500k loan each. (we also are prioritizing having a house & starting a family after we graduate & I can't seem to budget a wedding in that plan)

have you guys encountered colleagues who have done a courthouse wedding? is that the new norm for our situation?
*in my situation, we would rather do the courthouse wedding with our immediate family because there would be too many people to invite if we did a lower budget wedding.

I did a courthouse wedding then a moderate-sized party a couple weeks later. For us, the big wedding wasn't appealing but of course the family wanted something, so that was our compromise. If I could go back, I wouldn't do it any differently. But since graduation all of my classmates that have gotten married have had large elaborate weddings (I'm only 2 years out of school). I cringe to think how much they have spent. But gotta remember - its your money, spend it how you want. Don't let someone else tell you how to spend it

 

[sweet_t00th]

I did a courthouse wedding then a moderate-sized party a couple weeks later. For us, the big wedding wasn't appealing but of course the family wanted something, so that was our compromise. If I could go back, I wouldn't do it any differently. But since graduation all of my classmates that have gotten married have had large elaborate weddings (I'm only 2 years out of school). I cringe to think how much they have spent. But gotta remember - its your money, spend it how you want. Don't let someone else tell you how to spend it

did you get married before or during school?

the budget for the wedding we want is about 50-100k (depending on our guest list too) and i just can't imagine adding that loan on top of our student debt. i wonder if your classmates had help from their parents or they just took out another loan.... there is definitely pressure from social media with our generation & that's probably why so many people do elaborate weddings even if its not realistic..

*side note: my bf & i have been together for 8 years and my parents would die if I moved in with him without being married.. so that's why we're planning on getting married during school instead of after graduation.

 

[rectangle]

I made our engagement/wedding rings.
Making a ring and making a gold crown are identical skills. I did need some help from a jeweler to set the diamond.
(My soon-to-be wife had the diamond already. But that is another story involving shady South African connections and some smuggling.)

Wait, what?! How did you go about doing that specifically/was there trial and error?

 

[sweet_t00th]

Wait, what?! How did you go about doing that specifically/was there trial and error?

tbh i think he was being sarcastic lol

 

[pubhealthdent]

did you get married before or during school?

the budget for the wedding we want is about 50-100k (depending on our guest list too) and i just can't imagine adding that loan on top of our student debt. i wonder if your classmates had help from their parents or they just took out another loan.... there is definitely pressure from social media with our generation & that's probably why so many people do elaborate weddings even if its not realistic..

*side note: my bf & i have been together for 8 years and my parents would die if I moved in with him without being married.. so that's why we're planning on getting married during school instead of after graduation.

We got married during. Personally, I would consider spending $100k on a wedding to be asinine. Good luck trying to take a personal loan out under your name while in dental school

 

[sweet_t00th]

We got married during. Personally, I would consider spending $100k on a wedding to be asinine. Good luck trying to take a personal loan out under your name while in dental school

i totally agree, haha. thanks for your insight!
we're definitely leaning towards a courthouse wedding esp if we're thinking of doing it during school

 

[2TH MVR]

Courthouse wedding for myself and my wife with limited family. Nice reception afterwards. Got married right before I entered ortho residency. It was a logistical/family issue for us. My parents were divorced and did not have much money. My wife's parents were both deceased. Been happily married for 30 plus years .

I also made both my and my wife's wedding rings. It was easy. Buy the wax pattern. Invest it. Cast it. Polish. The diamond was fitted by a jeweler.

50-100K for your wedding with borrowed money? Noooooooooo. My daughter is getting married and her budget is no more than 40K.

 

[schmoob]

i totally agree, haha. thanks for your insight!
we're definitely leaning towards a courthouse wedding esp if we're thinking of doing it during school

$100K?!?!?!

Courthouse wedding with a fun party afterwards. We spent a fraction of what some of our friends spent on their weddings and ours was way more fun.
In the end, no one will remember your centerpieces, flower arrangements, Or any of the other expensive items meant for just one night. Remember, this night is for the two of you. It’s not for your friends, family, and NOT FOR YOUR PARENTS. You want to know stress? Worrying about seating arrangements will drive you crazy.

 

[jda02624]

Courthouse wedding for myself and my wife with limited family. Nice reception afterwards. Got married right before I entered ortho residency. It was a logistical/family issue for us. My parents were divorced and did not have much money. My wife's parents were both deceased. Been happily married for 30 plus years .

I also made both my and my wife's wedding rings. It was easy. Buy the wax pattern. Invest it. Cast it. Polish. The diamond was fitted by a jeweler.

50-100K for your wedding with borrowed money? Noooooooooo. My daughter is getting married and her budget is no more than 40K.

I like the cut of your jib, 2TH MVR! I'm glad your wife was cool with it and everything turned out well (congrats on 30+ yrs, that's great!).

However, I am waiting to hear CHARLESTWEED chime in about his 200+ person wedding, bringing family in from all over the globe, and all for under $1k. I'm assuming he pulled off something incredible too!

 

[sweet_t00th]

Courthouse wedding for myself and my wife with limited family. Nice reception afterwards. Got married right before I entered ortho residency. It was a logistical/family issue for us. My parents were divorced and did not have much money. My wife's parents were both deceased. Been happily married for 30 plus years .

I also made both my and my wife's wedding rings. It was easy. Buy the wax pattern. Invest it. Cast it. Polish. The diamond was fitted by a jeweler.

50-100K for your wedding with borrowed money? Noooooooooo. My daughter is getting married and her budget is no more than 40K.

$100K?!?!?!

Courthouse wedding with a fun party afterwards. We spent a fraction of what some of our friends spent on their weddings and ours was way more fun.
In the end, no one will remember your centerpieces, flower arrangements, Or any of the other expensive items meant for just one night. Remember, this night is for the two of you. It’s not for your friends, family, and NOT FOR YOUR PARENTS. You want to know stress? Worrying about seating arrangements will drive you crazy.

it seems like a courthouse wedding is more common than not for those in dental/med school, that's nice to know.

we're both from southern california and both come from large families...the venue is expensive but the food alone is ridiculously expensive with that amount of guests. So, that's how we came with up with an estimate of 50k minimum to 100k maximum. plus, we don't really want to ask our parents for financial help because they're already helping somewhat during dental school.

also, even 40K seems like a lot if we're just borrowing it... but in your daughter's case she's lucky to have your support! @2TH MVR

thank you both for your responses!

 

[sweet_t00th]

I like the cut of your jib, 2TH MVR! I'm glad your wife was cool with it and everything turned out well (congrats on 30+ yrs, that's great!).

However, I am waiting to hear CHARLESTWEED chime in about his 200+ person wedding, bringing family in from all over the globe, and all for under $1k. I'm assuming he pulled off something incredible too!

he had a 200+ person wedding for 1,000?!?! in what century??? hahah

 

[schmoob]

it seems like a courthouse wedding is more common than not for those in dental/med school, that's nice to know.

we're both from southern california and both come from large families...the venue is expensive but the food alone is ridiculously expensive with that amount of guests. So, that's how we came with up with an estimate of 50k minimum to 100k maximum. plus, we don't really want to ask our parents for financial help because they're already helping somewhat during dental school.

also, even 40K seems like a lot if we're just borrowing it... but in your daughter's case she's lucky to have your support! @2TH MVR

thank you both for your responses!

My courthouse wedding was before dental school, when I had a real job!

 

[TanMan]

For those of you who have gotten married before, during, or after dental school: How did you cope with the financial struggle of engagement rings and weddings when there are student loans to be paid? Did you have to compromise your dream wedding for a smaller wedding or a courthouse wedding?

If you want to save money on the ring, you could either design your own rings from wax, buy the wax pattern and cast it yourself, or buy the mounting and the stones yourself. Have a jeweler mount the stones for you. I'm not a fan of invisible settings and IMO, the most important stone is the center stone. Everything else is just filler. You can save a hefty premium going those route, especially if you're going for bigger rings. Don't go for platinum since they are a PITA to set stones on. Also, if you're based in LA, downtown LA has a really good jewelry district and great prices sometimes. Bring cash money. Getting access to the higher ups with the wholesalers can sometimes be tricky especially if you're a newbie, but they have better prices and larger parcels of diamonds to choose from.

Financially, it's probably not a good time to have a dream wedding during or shortly after dental school. If you want to make it official, go to the courthouse, get some cheap rings, and when you have the means, go splurge. If it something that you REALLY want now and your partner is willing to make financial sacrifices, then go for it. You only live once and you hopefully only get married once.

Just make 100% sure that you and your partner want to go through with it. Most of my friends who got married during or shortly after dental school have regrets. I figure why take a plunge when I'm happy with my existing relationship. That piece of paper (according to friends) seems to change the dynamics of the relationship. Although I get teased that every year that passes that we're not married, the ring grows by another carat.

Edit: gf doesn't want her ring shown, haha.

Anyway, good luck!

 

[ToothJockey]

I like the cut of your jib, 2TH MVR! I'm glad your wife was cool with it and everything turned out well (congrats on 30+ yrs, that's great!).

However, I am waiting to hear CHARLESTWEED chime in about his 200+ person wedding, bringing family in from all over the globe, and all for under $1k. I'm assuming he pulled off something incredible too!

Charles out here keeping the overhead low on weddings too hahhaa

 

[LaughingGas]

I got married before at the court. In the beginning, my wife wanted a wedding after I was done with dental school. She realized how hard I worked and we had a pile of debt that we had to go through and a ceremony wasn’t necessarily important anymore. For the ring, i got cheapish ring (-2k) and financed at no interest.
Also, a bit off topic and not trying to be a debbie downer but I did witness a lot of people break up during dental school and few divorces..

 

[sweet_t00th]

If you want to save money on the ring, you could either design your own rings from wax, buy the wax pattern and cast it yourself, or buy the mounting and the stones yourself. Have a jeweler mount the stones for you. I'm not a fan of invisible settings and IMO, the most important stone is the center stone. Everything else is just filler. You can save a hefty premium going those route, especially if you're going for bigger rings. Don't go for platinum since they are a PITA to set stones on. Also, if you're based in LA, downtown LA has a really good jewelry district and great prices sometimes. Bring cash money. Getting access to the higher ups with the wholesalers can sometimes be tricky especially if you're a newbie, but they have better prices and larger parcels of diamonds to choose from.

you made your gf's ring too?!? wow, all of you guys are very nifty and practical! thank you for the suggestion! haha
the only problem with DTLA is if you're not knowledgeable in diamonds, you can easily be manipulated :/

 

[sweet_t00th]

Just make 100% sure that you and your partner want to go through with it. Most of my friends who got married during or shortly after dental school have regrets. I figure why take a plunge when I'm happy with my existing relationship. That piece of paper (according to friends) seems to change the dynamics of the relationship. Although I get teased that every year that passes that we're not married, the ring grows by another carat.

I got married before at the court. In the beginning, my wife wanted a wedding after I was done with dental school. She realized how hard I worked and we had a pile of debt that we had to go through and a ceremony wasn’t necessarily important anymore. For the ring, i got cheapish ring (-2k) and financed at no interest.
Also, a bit off topic and not trying to be a debbie downer but I did witness a lot of people break up during dental school and few divorces..

I actually like that you both brought this up-- the dreaded question: can relationships in dental school last?!?
why do you think both of you survived dental school with your s.o. while others did not?

I spoke to a dental student who was with his gf (same school & chose that school because of her) for the whole 4 years & they broke up right after they graduated (heartbreaking-I can't imagine going through all of the stresses of dental school together only to break up)

side note: while my bf and I have been constantly talking about having a wedding once dental school starts and we are set on marrying each other, i do understand that there can be a possibility of breaking up during school.

 

[DrJeff]

Just a word of advice and some perspective as someone who got married about 3 weeks after my wife and I both graduated dental school, and are now about 6 weeks away from our 23rd anniversary. And by no means did we have a big, snazzy, over the top wedding. Less than 100 people, the majority of whom were family members and a small group of close friends

Ultimately what is comes down to isn't the party or the location or the "perfect" cake at the reception, it's the person that you're marrying. If it's seemingly as much, or in some cases the maybe more about the visual imagery of the day, rather than the person you're going to be with (theoretically) for the rest of your lives, then maybe you want to reassess why you're getting married in the 1st place?

I will say that I have the utmost respect for those who are choosing right now to still go on with their weddings, even though there can't be a big party associated with the wedding now, than those who are putting off their weddings since they can't have the reception. Ultimately its the other person, not the party or the "process" of getting married that is the most important thing.

 

[2TH MVR]

I like the cut of your jib, 2TH MVR! I'm glad your wife was cool with it and everything turned out well (congrats on 30+ yrs, that's great!).

However, I am waiting to hear CHARLESTWEED chime in about his 200+ person wedding, bringing family in from all over the globe, and all for under $1k. I'm assuming he pulled off something incredible too!

I just choked on my coffee laughing so hard reading your post. Well done sir.

 

[Boat on the Chesapeake]

I got married before the end of dental school but was fortunate to have family members willing to pay for the wedding. If not I would have been ok with a courthouse wedding but my wife probably not lol.

One option you could consider is a pop up wedding. A sibling of mine did this.
They had an “engagement party” for about 30 guests, most of whom thought it was going to be a surprise proposal.

They had the officiant come in and do the whole ceremony there with music and food after. Cost around $5k and was still really fun. Vendors sometimes won’t charge as much when you’re planning an engagement party as they would for a wedding.

 

[LaughingGas]

I actually like that you both brought this up-- the dreaded question: can relationships in dental school last?!?
why do you think both of you survived dental school with your s.o. while others did not?

I spoke to a dental student who was with his gf (same school & chose that school because of her) for the whole 4 years & they broke up right after they graduated (heartbreaking-I can't imagine going through all of the stresses of dental school together only to break up)

side note: while my bf and I have been constantly talking about having a wedding once dental school starts and we are set on marrying each other, i do understand that there can be a possibility of breaking up during school.

This is just my speculation. First year is rough because hours are really odd, very busy getting used to d-school, and a lot of partying. So some people end up cheating. When I was taking gross anatomy, the lab was in "dungeon", so we had no cellular reception. That would be a good fighting topic specially if it's a long distance relationship. On top of that, you add the time zone difference, it's very hard to get in contact with significant other in long distance relationship. Constant high stress situation for both parties brings out the true personality. A lot of things that gets brought up is 1 - finances, 2 - time for each other. Additionally, if one is very competitive, and can't balance relationship and school load, well... that's another reason for break up. Only thing I can tell you is both parties have to give 100% to try to maintain the marriage, and sometimes, even then, that's not enough.

 

[TanMan]

you made your gf's ring too?!? wow, all of you guys are very nifty and practical! thank you for the suggestion! haha
the only problem with DTLA is if you're not knowledgeable in diamonds, you can easily be manipulated :/

I didn't make her ring, lol (although I did procure the diamonds myself). No way I could set all those stones myself

 

[charlestweed]

I like the cut of your jib, 2TH MVR! I'm glad your wife was cool with it and everything turned out well (congrats on 30+ yrs, that's great!).

However, I am waiting to hear CHARLESTWEED chime in about his 200+ person wedding, bringing family in from all over the globe, and all for under $1k. I'm assuming he pulled off something incredible too!

We had 400 guests. About 150-200 of them were her dental school classmates, co-residents and instructors. It’s our cultural tradition that the guests gift the wedding couple with money in an envelop. The total cost was around $35k but we received $33k in monetary gifts. So the net spending was around $1-2k.

We got engaged during my GPR year. With my GPR salary I could only afford a $2500 ring. Then I left CA for my ortho residency. My fiancé stayed in CA for her specialty training. So we had a 2yr long distance relationship. There were no high speed internet (only slow dial up speed), no skype, no cellphone. The only way to communicate was through a land line phone, which we had to pay 10 cents per minute. I flew back home to visit her 5-6 times in a year.

We got married 1 month after both of us completed our specialty trainings. I was 29 and my wife was 28. It took several months to prepare for the wedding. My wife prepared everything: reserving a hotel’s banquet hall, reserving wedding time at church, limousine rental, tuxedos rental, hiring photographer, hiring music band, paying the church choir etc. In order to get married at a church, we were required to take a pre cana marriage course and we took this course before I left for my ortho residency (it was during my GPR year). It was a whole day event: meeting the bride at her house in the early morning, wedding ceremony at church in the afternoon and wedding reception at the hotel in the evening. This coming July will be our 19th anniversary.

 

[luisfigo]

Courthouse wedding spring of D1, made my ring, hers was paid out by my school loans in zero interest payments. We got a photographer for the courthouse.

 

[BasicG]

I paid $600 for a 1.2ct moissanite ring my senior year of undergrad, which is practically a diamond with more sparkle. No way I was going to shell up 2-3k for diamond at the time.

Typing it out, it sounds silly being frugal over a couple thousand dollars now that I'm in dental school. Guess the system desensitizes you once you're in

 

[Adam_W]

I married my wife second year of dental school, six months after we started dating. Best decision ever.

 

[BasicG]

I married my wife second year of dental school, six months after we started dating. Best decision ever.

How big was the wedding?

 

[Adam_W]

How big was the wedding?

After I was done with class on Friday, we drove to a wedding chapel I found on google, then drove up north for the weekend. It was the two of us, the pastor that officiated and two witnesses we hadn't met before.

We did do a reception for family a few months later but it was really low key.

 

[Laradd]

Some would say, after, but it really depends! come up with a budget plan and place things in its place

 

[Hamtaur]

Hello, married before dental school. It was very deliberate as II could not afford a wedding planner. Boy, am I SO GLAD I got married before dental school. That being said, some of my classmates got divorced during dental school.

I made my spouse's ring and mine. But let me tell you a secret: there are couples who "upgrade" their rings. Get something cheap and simple, and when you have enough, get new ones that are your dream rings on your wedding anniversary. I know it may not seem conventional, but I know quite a few folks whom change out their jewelry over their life time. Also: your fingers will change sizes as you age, so that's another reason.

As for wedding attire, no one knows if you're wearing second hand or not as long as it's tailored properly. I've seen expensive clothing that look cheap due to poor fit and vice versa.

Keep the wedding and reception small if you can't afford a big wedding. For us, it wasn't worth the stress of going into debt for a big wedding. Also, divorce rates are higher for folks who go into debt for their wedding. If you have family members who want to help out, remember that if you accept their money, they may want to have a say in who gets to come to the wedding and that can be its own social burden.

The best advice I got for planning your own wedding on a budget was to pick 3 things you would not skimp out on. For us it was: food, photos to remember the day, and attire. Some folks include their honeymoon budget and I would say that's a close 3rd. Hope this post helps!

 

[SoftGel]

Married before dental school. I have strong opinions because my wedding was contentious.

Don't spend tons of money and don't try to make everything amazing or everyone happy. It's not for anyone else but the couple. It's not for the parents, the friends, or god. It's for the two people getting married. Don't get sucked into the expectations and finances of the entire thing. If you have a "planner" then you are already doing it wrong. Agree with what has been said above, courthouse ceremony and party afterwards. Don't waste your money throwing a party for over 100 people that don't actually care about you. I don't care who you are, you don't have more than a handful of people who really care about you. Think of all the experiences, trips, adventures you could have with your spouse for $100k. Going into debt for a wedding? Get outta here.