Marriage worth it?

[Slowpoke]

Recently finished training. 35M. Going to be making more than I could ever imagine in salary. Never married, no kids. I'm enjoying the freedom of being single in a coastal city at this time. I'm starting to feel like marriage might be more of a financial risk/potentially mistake at this point. Playing the field has never been easier with dating apps. Am I missing out on life if I decide not to marry or have kids?

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[RespectTheChemistry]

Only you can decide.

For a lot of people, the emotional gains outweigh the risks. When you find the right person, it can be very emotionally fulfilling to always have a partner to "do life with".

Whether or not you want kids is also a big factor. Kids are a major reason that a lot of people choose to get married.

 

[Crayola227]

Yeah, you are for SURE missing out.

Most people don't want to die alone.

It was interesting for me when I was in the dating pool just a few years ago, the guys in the late 30s to late 40s.

Men do get that "mid-life" crisis, and what's more, they also get a sort of "baby fever." Not quite like women do, but you do start to wonder what it was all for, and you will feel your mortality and a slow down. It's basic biology and it makes a lot of sense.

Basically, as these men began to wane in youth and looks (as every human does), essentially bleeding some of their power, they start to look down the barrel of the stretch of over the hill (40s) to death, and the prospect of doing it alone or just with one night or monthly dalliances starts to lose its appeal.

I have more to say but I'm giving up now because this is surely a troll or someone very far removed from humanity otherwise.

 

[Crayola227]

OK, I revisited the OP post history given he's a 10 yr member.

So one of these guys said, "I looked at how sad the life of the perpetual bachelors is when they get old, and I don't want that to be me."

Yeah, you see celebrities like Nick Cage having a baby at 60, but even all the confounders aside (he found a lady of reproductive age that wanted to have her baby with a 60 yr old, he has lots of money, the baby will be provided for), even if you had all that going for you, how fair is that to the baby? No one, and I mean no one, is guaranteed continued good health. Yes this is true for any age, but get real, as doctors we know the odds just get worse the further you go.

Most men don't have the kind of money that will let them hop on the family train that late in life, and do it well. I mean, sure you can.

But should you plan to be late 40s or even older with a woman who is 20-40 years old? Young is young for a reason. And finding a woman closer to your age that a) doesn't already have kids and b) wants them, gets to be a finer and finer needle to thread. I can't really recommend blended families. People do it, love is love, not trying to hate on anyone, my own beloved father was my stepdad but there were still plenty of complications.

Money can never buy you love. Look at Anna Nicole Smith and her husband.

People on dating apps want to get laid or find a partner, typically.

Sugar babies website?

If you want to use your money to get yourself no strings attached sex, I have much better ideas for you than young amateur women selling themselves for a taste of your lifestyle.

I would recommend certain sex workers in their 30s for this, I won't belabor why that's better.

No one wants to die alone. Changing your mind about this at 50 is going to be worse and more complicated than had you pursued it at 40. I will return to why this is the case later. My partner who I met when he was 38 going on 39 just came home with dinner. Our baby is asleep. We are going to enjoy each other's company. This will be relevant when I pick up this thread later.

 

[J ROD]

Recently finished training. 35M. Going to be making more than I could ever imagine in salary. Never married, no kids. I'm enjoying the freedom of being single in a coastal city at this time. I'm starting to feel like marriage might be more of a financial risk/potentially mistake at this point. Playing the field has never been easier with dating apps. Am I missing out on life if I decide not to marry or have kids?

I got married at 36. Kids at 39 and almost 41. I enjoyed "playing the field" for a couple of years. It gets old. The game. The being used for money. Having a family and children is priceless. Especially the children. I never have loved anything else as much. Nothing matters but them. I could not imagine life without them. The pure love they give as you are their "dad". They want nothing more than time at a young age. Do yourself a favor and try and find that. I lived that bachelor life for years and when you get older it is not so "cool" anymore or fun. The only part I really miss from that life is sex with someone new and the excitement. So if you have not have sex with at least a couple of dozen ladies, then keep at it. My memories keep me going in that area. I am too old to try and get a side piece lol. Plus lose half my money and children.

 

[SurfingDoctor]

Marriage is like playing the lotto, only with slightly better odds.

 

[Mad Jack]

Recently finished training. 35M. Going to be making more than I could ever imagine in salary. Never married, no kids. I'm enjoying the freedom of being single in a coastal city at this time. I'm starting to feel like marriage might be more of a financial risk/potentially mistake at this point. Playing the field has never been easier with dating apps. Am I missing out on life if I decide not to marry or have kids?

This is a question only you can answer. Some people want to pay the field, some people want to get married, some people want to have kids. If you haven't met someone you feel like settling down with, now probably isn't the time

 

[Mad Jack]

I got married at 36. Kids at 39 and almost 41. I enjoyed "playing the field" for a couple of years. It gets old. The game. The being used for money. Having a family and children is priceless. Especially the children. I never have loved anything else as much. Nothing matters but them. I could not imagine life without them. The pure love they give as you are their "dad". They want nothing more than time at a young age. Do yourself a favor and try and find that. I lived that bachelor life for years and when you get older it is not so "cool" anymore or fun. The only part I really miss from that life is sex with someone new and the excitement. So if you have not have sex with at least a couple of dozen ladies, then keep at it. My memories keep me going in that area. I am too old to try and get a side piece lol. Plus lose half my money and children.

Sex with the same partner also tends to get better with time, as long as you're a good match. People in long-term relationships generally report more satisfying sex than people that are single and play the field

 

[tr]

Take a Wife … Please!

Why are married people happier than the rest of us?

www.theatlantic.com

 

[Crayola227]

Yes, so many reasons to marry and to have kids. It's one reason you see so many people doing it 🤣

Even people who have atrocious experiences, many still get remarried, plus or minus more kids.

The reason is because when you are in a good relationship and you have wonderful kids, there is nothing better in life, truly.

But take your time yanno.

 

[finalpsychyear]

Recently finished training. 35M. Going to be making more than I could ever imagine in salary. Never married, no kids. I'm enjoying the freedom of being single in a coastal city at this time. I'm starting to feel like marriage might be more of a financial risk/potentially mistake at this point. Playing the field has never been easier with dating apps. Am I missing out on life if I decide not to marry or have kids?

Work a few years while you sort of find the right person. Increase your net worth and increase your emotional IQ for what you need in a partner. Its not just about getting married but if your lucky to find someone that compliments you. A great marriage is amazing but a poor marriage is also a huge negative. The older you get the more you know yourself so if you start dating 20 something year olds they may be extra attractive physically but mentally they don't know themselves since life experience is less.

Also, after a few years of working your income/stocks/ira are yours forever as pre marital assets as long as you don't comingle them at marriage.
I'll also add i dated a ton of women and eventually got married mid 30s. Timing is also key in your own emotional development. Medicine in a way stunts growth so i needed that time of dating the wrong women to really know myself and what i needed. Become the best version of yourself physically and mentally and you will attract the right person (law of the universe). The longer you wait to marry your pool of awesome women will dwindle so as much as you should work on your career i'd argue more important right now is your emotional growth.

 

[BillAlfonso]

You will definitely understand when you are ready to get married. For some people this happens very, very slowly.