Med School/Residency with a child

[AnnieMZ]

Hi everyone. I’m new here. I'm not sure if this is the correct forum for this, but i'll give it a shot.

I'm a potential pre-med student who is thinking long and hard about whether or not I want to go down this road. It is something I really want, yet my main concern with moving forward is my daughter. I am a 28-year old single mother of a 3-year old. Many of the posts I’ve been able to find about mothers in the medical field are about how to do it—how to find childcare, what the hours are like, finding balance, etc.

I have the support I need to go to med school if I choose this route. I already work full-time and my parents watch my daughter during the day. They are willing to see it through medical school/residency, with the understanding of the increase in hours in certain years. My daughter is accustomed to me being away 45-55 hours a week already, so it wouldn’t be a complete shock for her. Her father is also around in some capacity and knows about medical school being a possibility for me. His mother is also potentially available.

My question is about my actual child. Depending on how things go, she will 5/6 years old when I begin medical school. She’ll be 9/10 when I begin my residency, and let’s say 15 when I finish. She will be in school, which will alleviate a lot of childcare stress. But I guess want to know is how children deal with a parent in med school/residency. If you are in medical school, residency, or have finished it all, how are your kids? How is your relationship with them? Did it suffer to the point that you regret your decision?

I really want this, but I don’t my relationship with my daughter to be ruined because of it. I know that it requires sacrifices, and many of them, but I want to know that we can come out of it with our relationship intact, that we can still be close, that she won’t resent me. I know there are no guarantees, and that this varies from family to family, but I guess what I’m really looking for are stories from other mothers who have done it. Do you regret your choice? Are your kids okay?

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[shayla1013]

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[kraskadva]

Following your dreams and being happy, involved, and loving when at home is going to be a good predictor of whether you will have a good relationship with your daughter.

This. 100%.
My dad is a doctor and we don't have the best relationship. NOT because he had to work long hours (he did) or because I didn't respect and admire what he does (I do and always have), but because when he came home he totally checked out. In the ignore everybody, expect to waited on hand and food, surly when interrupted from his nap/TV show/Facebook/whatever sort of way. Refused to help with homework, housework, anything. I completely understood why he had to work 80-90 hrs/wk. Totally got it, wasn't bothered. Was absolutely bothered that he kept nothing back to give to his family at the end of the day.
So, as shayla said, it's not about what career you take, but about being present when you do spend time with your daughter. If you can do that, then you will have a fantastic relationship, regardless of whether you pursue medicine or not.

 

[Polkadotfan]

I just want to say my dad dropped me off at 6 AM at school and didnt pick me up till 6 PM from K-5 till middle school when I could be home alone. I don't resent him. I know he worked hard to provide a life and I got to enjoy time with my friends. My dad was available to me after work and was very active in my life. He was single father and my mother was barely in the picture.

I just want to ask are you sure you'll be in the same state for both things to have people watch her? That's my big concern with my child (only ten months) if I was to even get in it might not be in the same state as my other family. I'm still somewhat new here so I'm not sure 100% how things work so I apologize if that's a silly question

 

[StephanieZ]

I just started my first year of medical school, and my daughter recently turned four. Similar to you, my parents and her dad are very involved and I have plenty of support and help. I'm also worried about doing right by her throughout this whole thing, but as you said, you already work long hours. If you don't go to medical school, you will be working anyway. Why not work towards something that will be better for both of you in the long run.

My mom worked two jobs while I was growing up. I don't resent her at all. Quite the opposite actually. I'm ridiculously grateful for everything she has done to give me the best life she could, not to mention the work ethic she taught me.

I agree with shayla and kraskadva. To a certain extent, the quality of time spent together matters more than the quantity. As I said, I'm just beginning and the real test is yet to come. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. But I think we'll be okay. I'm still going to drop her off at school every morning. I'm still going to tuck her into bed every night. I'm still going to be her mom. The challenge is going to be trying to divide myself between my two roles and not go insane.

 

[Goro]

I've had single moms as students, and it's doable.

Hi everyone. I’m new here. I'm not sure if this is the correct forum for this, but i'll give it a shot.

I'm a potential pre-med student who is thinking long and hard about whether or not I want to go down this road. It is something I really want, yet my main concern with moving forward is my daughter. I am a 28-year old single mother of a 3-year old. Many of the posts I’ve been able to find about mothers in the medical field are about how to do it—how to find childcare, what the hours are like, finding balance, etc.

I have the support I need to go to med school if I choose this route. I already work full-time and my parents watch my daughter during the day. They are willing to see it through medical school/residency, with the understanding of the increase in hours in certain years. My daughter is accustomed to me being away 45-55 hours a week already, so it wouldn’t be a complete shock for her. Her father is also around in some capacity and knows about medical school being a possibility for me. His mother is also potentially available.

My question is about my actual child. Depending on how things go, she will 5/6 years old when I begin medical school. She’ll be 9/10 when I begin my residency, and let’s say 15 when I finish. She will be in school, which will alleviate a lot of childcare stress. But I guess want to know is how children deal with a parent in med school/residency. If you are in medical school, residency, or have finished it all, how are your kids? How is your relationship with them? Did it suffer to the point that you regret your decision?

I really want this, but I don’t my relationship with my daughter to be ruined because of it. I know that it requires sacrifices, and many of them, but I want to know that we can come out of it with our relationship intact, that we can still be close, that she won’t resent me. I know there are no guarantees, and that this varies from family to family, but I guess what I’m really looking for are stories from other mothers who have done it. Do you regret your choice? Are your kids okay?