perpetually single...its starting to get to me

[2019mdtobe]

I'm ready for the mocking but as this is a social support forum I thought this was as good a place to post as any. I just need to get this off my chest. 23 year old Indian American guy. I never quite felt this way before but my lack of interaction with the fairer sex is really starting to get to me. To be entirely open I'm quite damned short (thanks mom and dad). I'm about the same height as the average woman at a tad over 5ft 4. Throughout HS and college I was quite overweight as well. Thankfully, just due to wanting to keep up my health, I've lost nearly all of that extra weight with a few more pounds to go during the gap year I'm in. I'm even starting to look muscular in a lot of my clothing, which I've been updating to reflect that I'll be entering professional school and that it's about time I stopped dressing like a middle schooler.

Throughout HS and college my lack of experience didn't bother me too much. I got busy with academics and ECs and I truly enjoyed those things. My family didn't have much and I felt an internal drive to push hard and catapult myself into a prestigious undergrad and now a prestigious med school. I should have focused on myself more and found the time to engage in relationships or flings but what's past is past unfortunately.

Over this past gap year, particularly since the interview season has ended and I left my job to have a relaxed summer, I've just felt a bit down about all this. I've been hanging out with friends, doing a few hours of part time work, going to the gym, but these thoughts do creep into my head.

I like to think I'm a well spoken guy with a decent sense of humor (when you're short and fat you get good at dishing out jokes). Besides being short, I think I'm decent in the looks department. It sure would be nice to have someone. Even more than the physical aspect of things, it would be nice to have someone to share experiences with (on a deeper level than friends can provide). Part of me says to myself hey you're 23 and you have done well for yourself. You've got a lot to be proud of. Part of me feels a bit lost and pretty damn lonely.

I hope someone in med school or the undergrad I'll be near come August is open to someone like me. I'm simultaneously hopeful and pessimistic. No idea if anyone has ever felt similarly?

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[anna.bell2]

Lots of people feel this way! I recently had my first relationship, before that I felt the same way too. I'm younger but my sister (25 years old) was totally single until she was 24, then met a great guy and they've been together nearly two years. Basically what I'm saying is that you're not alone here, and that it's just a matter of waiting for the right person!
It's always good to evaluate why this has come about though. Confidence should be something that comes from within, not based on your appearance. You got into med school! And you've clearly worked hard throughout your life. Be confident in the fact that you're a catch and others will be able to see that too. And keep your head up and don't worry about it, I'm sure the right person is right around the corner.

 

[2019mdtobe]

Thank you @anna.bell2. Maybe there's hope yet. Certainly confidence is something that comes largely internally but working on what you can can't hurt. It's just a little frustrating to feel this way in what should be one of the happier times in my life. Hopefully there's someone for all of us.

 

[2019mdtobe]

Don't know if I'm yelling into the void but I guess I'm realizing that the world isn't fully meritocratic. Of course I've known this for some time but this situation just is really rubbing it in. I'd like to think I'm a decent person and somewhat successful for my age but that just doesn't matter. I entirely understand that doesn't entitle me to anything romantically. It's just painful to see people who really honestly aren't that considerate or who are working some deadend job (I use that as a descriptor, not a put down) doing fine in this realm. It's like saying "Hey, I've played by the rules, I've done well" but I feel I am missing out on an integral human experience. In addition, I can't blame anyone if they aren't attracted to a short male but it's also such a blow; I can't realistically increase my height. At times I feel like a defective product, a cruel bargain where intellect was procured in exchange for height. It is quite frustrating to be both acutely aware of your shortcoming (haha) but also quite aware you cannot change it.

I'm determined to put myself out there come fall. I have to tread lightly around classmates as I don't want to be the guy who asks everyone out but if someone seems to be clicking I won't hesitate (I don't think I can afford not to) to escalate. Bar that, I will try to meet some undergrads if possible. Again though, is anyone going to be interested in a short guy with pretty much 0 experience? I guess we all start somewhere, but man it would have been good to get started a while back. I do thank anna.bell2 for her kind words but it just feels a little different for a male.

Honestly I think one of the central causes was the fact that I was a kid of little means in a wealthy school back in HS. I told myself, "Hey kid your ticket to a better future is in the books. Don't worry too much about the ladies." I then went to an Ivy undergrad where frankly that difference was even more pronounced. So many of fellow students had the latest iPhone, designer clothes and bags, and exciting vacations planned. They were good people but I also felt not quite part of their world, an impostor. It shouldn't have, but that just decreased my confidence a bit. Frankly, I also felt I had less room to screw up, that I owed it to myself to take this amazing opportunity and make the most of it. So again I told myself to hit the books and not worry about much else. The one thing I am grateful for is that going to med school has given me some more confidence. It's nice to be able to say I am embarking on a helping, intellectual, and relatively well compensated career. Not that such things in themselves will automatically yield romance but it has made me proud of myself and my abilities.

I don't know if anyone read all that but I will say writing this all out has been cathartic. Please feel to respond and thanks for listening.

 

[Winged Scapula]

Closing as cross posted in Allopathic.