Please, any advice for a noob?

[futuredocsgf]

Hi all! I wanted to say thanks for creating such an awesome place for the wives/husbands/girlfriends/boyfriends of future doctors to come together. I was also wondering if anyone has any advice or tips on how to get through a LDR with a med student. My boyfriend of 5 years is leaving May 09 to go to med school at St. Matthew's University in the Caribbean. We have talked many times and have finally decided that I will probably stay behind and finish my degree here in the states. That means we will be separated for about 20 months. I will be able to go visit in August 09 for about 2 weeks and he will be back to visit in December 09. Other than those two visits, we aren't sure how often we'll be able to see eachother. Can anyone who has been through this give some advice/tips/suggestions on how to keep a LDR alive with a super busy med student? Thank you!

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[Dr Lyss]

well I won't be a medical student until next year but I have been in a LDR for 4 years. You guys have been together for a long time so it is going to be difficult to handle such an abrupt change in your relationship. It won't be easy but if you find time to communicate with each other. Maybe try scheduling 30 minutes everyday to speak & discuss your day. That way you are both maintaining your relationship but also doing what you have to do to get through school. My LDR definitely wasn't easy & it is much easier to get into little arguments but if you hold on and stay patient & keep the end goal in sight you can make it! he might be really busy & stressed & irritable at times. Just try to be as understanding and as supportive as possible. Good luck

 

[DrJD]

So a long time ago I was in a LDR for about 5 years, and I thought everything was great, needless to say the LDR did us in and we ended up breaking up. (It turned out to be the best thing, because I am now happily married to someone else.)

That isn't meant to be depressing, just cautionary... LDR is really, really hard like the above poster said. Honestly, my advice is to go with him. Life is way too short, to risk your relationship and miss out on 20 months of time with the person you love.

I don't know how serious you are so this may not be an option, but I say take a leave of absence for a couple years, go have an amazing time on a beautiful tropical island with your boyfriend/SO and then come back and finish up your degree while he finishes up his. Financially better? Probably not. But again, life is just too short. (Watch the Family Man... movie gets me every time, but really think through this decision.)

If you have to stay, the advice above is excellent and I am sure that you two will come out the other end fine!

Best of luck!

 

[VAHabibti]

Hey,

I'm an M1 in a LDR ... hopefully I can present you with some advice from the "other side" of things. First off, despite how well your partner prepares for school, there is no way to fully appreciate how difficult and time-consuming med school can be until you're actually in it. Any transition is difficult ... and med school is no exception. That being said, I think it's great that you're taking steps to prepare for this big change.

My bf and I had only been dating 3 months before I started school. Crazy - perhaps. But we're both in our late 20s and we met on E-Harmony. We knew what we were looking for in a partner and we decided that our relationship was worth fighting for. It's important that both people are willing to make the commitment, otherwise it won't work. Yes, I may be the busy med student, but his life can be just as crazy at times and it is essential that we can respect and appreciate one another. Medical school does NOT trump your feelings and activities. That being said, here are a few good (albeit nerdy) ways that my bf and I have attempted to bridge the divide.

1. video chat is KEY ... Skype has been fantastic. It's free AND you can use a webcam. We used to plan date nights where we would make dinner and watch a movie over Skype. We also had regular Skype-chats and he would leave me occasional video messages that I would find in the morning before I went to class. Always made me smile.

2. never underestimate the old school. Snail mail never goes out of style ... and receiving cards/cookies/care packages/flowers in the mail would brighten even the worst of days.

3. be creative. do what you enjoy doing - make a scrapbook, knit a scarf, whatever. It's the thought that counts more than anything. My bf cross-stitched me a pillow that says [bf's name] heart (literally a pic of an anatomical heart) [my name]. Perhaps he shouldn't give up his day job to be a professional cross-stitcher, but it was truly the most endearing thing anyone had done for me. It took some serious effort and time on his part.

4. check out this site for more ideas ... too many to list here:
http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/thingsforldrcouplestodo.htm

And last word of wisdom I'll impart. Visiting is great, but it can also be tense. You haven't seen each other for a while and expectations can be high. Sometimes you'll end up spending most of the visit bickering over stupid stuff or fighting for time together. Remember, even though you're taking 2 weeks to go visit, school and exams don't stop. Your partner still has to study and keep on top of their stuff in order to not fall behind and get more stressed out later. It's a juggling act for sure, but a relationship founded on respect and mature love can certainly push through the LDR.

Best of luck!

 

[allvira]

Yah!!! its really very appreciable work done by all to enhance the forums popularity. Everyone can share their views, problems and their thoughts with people of different country and can able to get the best solution.

 

[TheMagicCookie]

to all of the above responses.

I am in a LDR with my current bf. We both have pretty hectic schedules. He is a pilot and I am finishing undergrad and working full time at night. He normally lives about 2 hours away from me, but with his job he is constantly out of state for several days at a time. He is currently working in Hawaii for the next 4 months and after that will either be going to Hong Kong or Australia for another 4-6 months. It can be hard at times when all you want to do is see their face. Communication is such an important factor in these kinds of situations. We try and talk to each other every evening, but when he can't he always makes sure to send a text msg to say "hi". Sometimes it's all he can do to send a text while boarding another flight, but I appreciate it very much. It's the thought and the effort that he is putting in the text that is what counts. We've been wrestling with the time changes recently. Hawaii is 5 hrs behind where I live and I have to schedule times in my day when I can call him. I haven't seen him for about 2 months, but am very excited because I am flying to Hawaii this coming week to visit him(it'll be his birthday and valentine's day during the visit). I'm going to be missing several days of class, but have prepared ahead of time and am completing any tests or quizzes prior to my departure.

Trust is also equally important. I trust my bf and know that he is committed to our relationship and that helps me rest a little easier at night.

good luck with the relationship...I hope it works out!!