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Hi Maybe In June,
I am a graduate student in a clinical PhD program and I can tell you that the unstructured time with graduate students that comes with being hosted can be really valuable. At least in my program, everyone who comes to interview for a given lab has already, for the most part, proved that they are qualified. The interview then serves two roles: (1) the time to see who was BSing the extent of their actual research interests and really applied for 20+ programs because they just want to get in SOMEWHERE, and (2) see who the lab wants to adopt for the next 5+ years of their lives. This is what everyone talks about with "fit." This is why those unrehearsed interactions can prove so valuable. This is an opportunity for them to find out if you are an overall enjoyable person to be around (you would be really surprised by how awkward some people are applying for these programs) and can carry on an educated conversation without being pedantic. There's really no secret.
However, I do see the dilemna of staying with a grad student when you already live in town. If you opt instead for the one-on-one with a lab member make sure and find out if this will be one of your grad student interviews or if it's casual. If it's casual than DON'T make it an interview. I hope that makes sense? Most grad students want to know, is this someone I want to see around for the next few years of my life or who I want to be up all night collaborating on a project with? So don't show up with a bullet point list of why you are qualified for the role or questions you wrote down straight from this forum. Just find out what their experience has been like and then use that to have a real conversation, just like a first meeting with anyone would be if you were really excited about and engaged in what they do. Your questions should be a natural part of the conversation, and will be if this is really your passion. I would also make sure and ask about their experience personally/socially, because this is THE opportunity to find out if you could see yourself a part of that cohort. I asked every grad student on my interviews "are you happy?" No qualifier, just "are you happy?" It's fascinating the answers you get, and extremely informative--look for the trends.
Hi, The Waiting Game,
Thank you so much for this thoughtful reply! I'm not sure at this point whether it's really an option to stay with a grad student overnight, because of the way the POI framed things in the email to me. He did call this an "informal meeting" with one of his students to get tea or something similar, and he took the initiative to set it up for me (nice) with his student whose research interests most closely relate to my own, which should be helpful. After reading your reply, I'm thinking I should treat the meeting more informally, but be sure to have a good idea of the kinds of questions I want to ask about lifestyle, social life, mentorship by the POI, etc. Thanks again!