Really not sure what to do at this point....

[Sparkles]

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Hey all. I'm in need of advice! Here's the situation: I just took the MCAT, everything is on track, I should be ready to apply to med schools this summer. I am a TX resident, but go to school over 1000 miles away in another state. I have a boyfriend here we have been dating for over a year. Should I apply to my state schools (in TX) and risk losing the relationship, apply out of state and pay an arm and a leg to go out of state, or take a year off and gain residency in a new state (where my bf is) before applying? My mom really wants me to apply to TX schools, but I am kind of leaning towards staying up north. I am trying to weigh out the good and the bad, but I'm really not sure what I should do. Please help!😕

 

[mystic_b]

Why don't you just apply to all the schools you mentioned, and wait and see what your options are before deciding? It's a bit early to rule anything out. And I wouldn't give up your Texas residency if I were you. See what schools you have a shot of getting into "up north" as a Texas resident.

 

[wolferman]

First off, apply to schools in both places. You never know where you'll get in. Second, are you the only one in the relationship willing to relocate? Is your boyfriend unwilling to move to Texas? If so, then in order to maintain the relationship, you already know your answer. If he's willing to relocate, and you do get into a Texas school, then by all means, choose the lower tuition!

 

[Sparkles]

I'm sure some people think this sounds crazy but I would be absolutely willing to take a year off and get in-state rates than to just apply and go with it. The extra $70k or so is quite a bit of money to me. I don't think he is willing to relocate because of family, wanting to go to grad school, etc. I feel like I should make a decision... I really want things to work between us, but I also should think of myself too.

 

[Dr. Dad]

Ditch the guy and fend for yourself!


Ok, all kidding aside. This is your future you are talking about. Guys are always following their careers and hoping the girls stick with them....but if they don't, oh well! Girls however, always seem to try and sacrafice themselves and their futures for the guys. I think you should focus on yourself right now, you can still try to keep a relationship, but why should you be the one to sacrafice when he apparently isn't willing to (you said he would not relocate because of his family). Their are plenty of good grad schools in Texas, tell him to pack his bags and hop in the car.

I'm serious. Suppose you wait a year, then something happens like you get pregnant or something (hey it happens) then this guy breaks up with you six months later and now your stuck. No med school, no money, no boyfriend. It may sound crazy but it happens........thats why they invented alimony!

I know its a tough decision to make, but you should definately think twice about putting your future on hold for any guy, let alone a guy who is afraid of leaving his family to start his own life.

Listen to your mom. She always knows best!

 

[relatively prime]

Never ever ever make such huge decisions based on a boyfriend/girlfriend. I can't tell you how many times I've seen people do crazy things for their boyfriend or girlfriend only to have the relationship end a few months later (or even a year later). Apply to all the schools you like (~15 accross the board and accross the country)... then decide after you've gotten accepted. You probably won't get into more than 3 schools (unless you're a Jot-like applicant)... so it won't be that hard. If your bf is still with you at that point you need to tell him that if he wants to be a serious consideration in your decision... he needs to make a serious commitment... like he needs to propose.

 

[VienneseWaltz]

I'm not clear whether you want to stay up North because you like it there or because your boyfriend is there. If you want to stay where you are anyway (independent of your bf) , then sure, take a year off and work--it's a great life experience and can only enhance your med school application if you do something meaningful (e.g., don't work FT at Blockbuster).

I agree with the other posters--your primary concern is yourself. Women don't get points for sacrificing themselves for relationships. That having been said, there's no harm in asking your bf (and I assume you are serious enough to where he won't wig out at this conversation--if not, you have your answer) where he's interested in living in the next few years. Apply all over the place, including areas where he wants to be. While your decision has to be based ultimately on what you need (unless, as rp noted, he proposes), you can still include him in it.

 

[sketchyMcG]

I think you need to have your head checked if you are thinking about giving up your Texas residency. At this point, I would consider myself very lucky to be a resident of a state with so many instate schools. By forfeiting that you are making it about ten times harder for yourself to get in.. Unless you are a URM with a 3.9 and 42 MCAT.......

 

[samenewme]

To me the key part of your question is "not sure what to do NOW". For now, it makes the most sense to keep your options open: apply to schools in Texas as well as to some other schools that interest you and/or that are near your boyfriend. Strongly encourage your boyfriend to investigate a broad variety of graduate programs. There's no telling where you'll be admitted, and it's much cheaper for HIM to leave his state of residence than for you (graduate students often have out-of-state tuition waived, which basically never happens to med students).

Depending on where you get accepted, and where he gets accepted, and how the relationship goes over the next year, you may not have to make any hard decisions at all. The best thing to do now is keep your options open. And leaving Med School and Cheap Tuition Central is probably not the best way to do that.

 

[LaughingGiraffe]

just to make a point that people often don't think about:

let's say you save $70,000 by going in-state. clearly that's a lot of money, which you will eventually have to pay interest on, etc.

however, that means you'll spend one less year in the work force. since you have to start at the bottom of the pay scale and work your way up, whether you go this year or wait a year, taking a year now is like subtracting one year of your peak salary from your lifetime earning potential. that's likely a lot more than $70,000. furthermore, if tuition continues to increase at the expected rate of 5%, it'll cost you about $8,000 more in tuition to attend a private school currently at $35,000 a year for the four years.

i don't know what you'll decide, but i just thought i'd point this out, since i wish i'd thought about it a bit more when i decided to postpone medical school until a couple of years post-graduation.

 

[TheKoman]

Boyfriends come and go. I use to be the type that would follow my girlfriend, now I regret it. I had the opportunity to transfer during my Junior year to a WAY better school and I didn't, just for some girl. Now I regret it, don't make the same mistake I did.... and no, we are no longer together. I know your situation might be slightly different but don't make any decision based on you bf. You should worry about your future first. I recommend applying this year and trying to get into both your TX and another school. Once you get in, you can make your decision. Who knows, maybe you get into a state that only requires you to live there for a year and then after your M1, you can get residency and pay in state. I think your mom is right in this case....

 

[ironey]

No matter how trite it sounds, it takes two people to make or break a relationship. When you plan your future are you sure that you're planning it together with this guy? Is he willing to plan his future around you as well?

It's hard to get into medical school. You never know where you'll end up. You could apply to every school in Texas and only get accepted in New York (or any variation on that theme). When you get accepted is the time to make decisions. Tuition prices may be a factor in where you decide to go, as may your current boyfriend.

At this point, I'd tell you not to stab yourself in the foot by limiting your options so early in the process.

(By the way, I've already followed my own advice here, so I'm not just spouting nonsense. My fiance and I are BOTH making compromises so that I can attain my dream of becoming a doctor.)

 

[png-girl]

never make a decision about your future career in terms of bf/gf, wife/husband, sure, but obviously that isn't the case here. and be wary of taking a year off to secure residency in another state, some state schools don't consider that permanent residency, especially states that have only one state school in them.

and yeah, it's way to early to really think about this, considering you haven't even gotten in yet. apply to state schools, schools that you think are a long shot, and other schools where you think you have a good chance at getting in. honestly in my opinion, getting in to medical school is a crap shoot, sometimes it just does not make any sense.

so, get your mcat scores, hopefully they are good, apply to school and by this time next year, you will have a much better idea of what your possibilities are for next year.

 

[jennie 21]

I know that many people think it's always a bad idea to make plans based on your boyfriend or girlfriend. I agree that much of the time it's a mistake, but not always. It depends on the seriousness of the relationship and how wiling you both are to make compromises. My boyfriend and I chose to apply to med schools together; at the time, we'd been together for two and a half years. He proposed on our three-year anniversary and we're now engaged; we will be getting married on June 27th, 2004. So I am very glad that we based our decisions about medical school on each other. I am not saying that this is what you should do; it certainly can and frequently does backfire to base decisions on a boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm just saying that it's not a bad idea in every single case. I think it's important that if you are going to base your decisions on him it needs to be a two-way street. And obviously you shouldn't do it unless you're pretty certain about the relationship and your guy is on the same page as you. Finally, I think it's important that you not make too great of a sacrifice of what's good for you in order to be with him, or you may resent it. In my case, my fiance and I coordinated our plans so that neither of us sacrificed what was best for us.

 

[NE_Cornhusker1]

If you think the realtionship is leading toward marriage then just get hitched and voila! residency in TX (claimed on parent's taxes) and you're married to this guy who is a resident of ??? making you an automatic resident of ???. It's kinda shady but you can kill 2 birds with one stone. Peace.

 

[woolie]

These are really wise responses, and I think I liked Dr Dad's the best. A friend of mine moved out to Calif. to be with her bf and sure enough, within 6 months he was gone but she was left with a baby on the way. She was 18 at the time ... 😱

On the other hand, many good, strong marriages are able to handle long separations and compromises by BOTH partners. It's really good to hear how both men and women here have said: don't put your life on hold for your partner!! I see it works both ways, gender-wise.

I still think the real questions are: what kind of relationship is it? how old are we? how strong is the relationship? Also, would I accept this condition from a friend? Sometimes I think we (me too) get blinded by 'relationship' -ness and forget that this should be an equal partnership and friendship. That can be tricky sometimes ...

I say, be your own woman and make your own way and see if he's willing to compromise as well. You may be 22 now but when you're 35 how will you look back on your life choices. It's a very big world with lots of really great guys and we evolve as we grow older, which can be a good thing.

 

[LoneCoyote]

My advice is going to echo many others to leave many options open and not to give up your residency in Texas. I moved to a new state for someone whom I thought I was really serious with (2+ years) and that it would be forever, only to have it fall apart. It created a big residency mess for me which was also complicated by my family moving. It did all get fixed in the end but for awhile it looked like I would have no state schools to apply to. You really never know what will happen even in the near future. I don't know where you are going to school but there might be state schools that accept out of state residents that you could apply to also. Then if you do decide to stay up there you could get residency in that state after your 1sy year of school. Good luck.