Should I leave him?

[piercj2]

I would advise you to think about yout situation alot longer before you move for your own career aspirations. There is a reason why only like 20 percent of families have female breadwinners when so many of them are highly educated (most of these situations are not permanant either). Go to the mommd forums and read some stories thier about women who left everything, or laid everything on the line for thier career. Alot of women don't end up working full time year around consistently and don' draw the income that thier male counterparts do in the same profession. Women are usually really excited about school and perform well, but when it comes to dealing with people, being assertive and making confident independent minded decicions everything does not always go well. I am not sexist, but these are just the facts. Most women dont think about this and don't envision work world the way it really is. Like I siad, read some stories on the mommd forums. Women are still underpaid in the workforce and are not whole heartedly dedicated to career, even when the think, or "know" they are. Look at any statistics on the amount of men who make professor in academia, or have thier own medical practice, or are at the top of companies- school is different from the work world- women dont often think about that until it is too late

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[akaz]

Are you a stay at home mom? Both ways have value.

I would advise you to think about yout situation alot longer before you move for your own career aspirations. There is a reason why only like 20 percent of families have female breadwinners when so many of them are highly educated (most of these situations are not permanant either). Go to the mommd forums and read some stories thier about women who left everything, or laid everything on the line for thier career. Alot of women don't end up working full time year around consistently and don' draw the income that thier male counterparts do in the same profession. Women are usually really excited about school and perform well, but when it comes to dealing with people, being assertive and making confident independent minded decicions everything does not always go well. I am not sexist, but these are just the facts. Most women dont think about this and don't envision work world the way it really is. Like I siad, read some stories on the mommd forums. Women are still underpaid in the workforce and are not whole heartedly dedicated to career, even when the think, or "know" they are. Look at any statistics on the amount of men who make professor in academia, or have thier own medical practice, or are at the top of companies- school is different from the work world- women dont often think about that until it is too late

 

[mayoree]

Hmm, thought it would be helpful for you to get some advice from a child that's been in the situation your child will be. My older sister and I lived with my grandmother in Ghana for several years (until I was 4) while my parents were abroad. My father working in Nigeria, my mother in Cote D'Ivoire. They loved each other, stayed in touch with letters and as much visiting back and forth as possible. We saw my mother a couple of times, but I don't think my father laid eyes on me until I was 4. To make a long story short, after we were all back together, it turns out that the memories of a toddler are actually short-lived. My mother tends to smother us with love sometimes (residue guilt? who knows) and my father remains standoffish (he's old school African, but we know he cares), but for the most part, we are all happy and well adjusted young adults. All of my cousins but 2 have had a turn living with my grandmother away from their parents at some point in time. Sometimes, those years are necessary to keep parents sane and doing what they need to do. Being away from your husband does not immediately equal being divorced. Many times, physical separation can bridge emotional gaps. Good luck, and do what you feel is best.

 

[akaz]

I have seen this done many times too. The children were well-adjusted. It made them appreciate the time they had in the future more. Americans often believe their way is the only way. There are many ways to be a family.

Hmm, thought it would be helpful for you to get some advice from a child that's been in the situation your child will be. My older sister and I lived with my grandmother in Ghana for several years (until I was 4) while my parents were abroad. My father working in Nigeria, my mother in Cote D'Ivoire. They loved each other, stayed in touch with letters and as much visiting back and forth as possible. We saw my mother a couple of times, but I don't think my father laid eyes on me until I was 4. To make a long story short, after we were all back together, it turns out that the memories of a toddler are actually short-lived. My mother tends to smother us with love sometimes (residue guilt? who knows) and my father remains standoffish (he's old school African, but we know he cares), but for the most part, we are all happy and well adjusted young adults. All of my cousins but 2 have had a turn living with my grandmother away from their parents at some point in time. Sometimes, those years are necessary to keep parents sane and doing what they need to do. Being away from your husband does not immediately equal being divorced. Many times, physical separation can bridge emotional gaps. Good luck, and do what you feel is best.

 

[mcfaddens]

I think his behavior was callous. I have been in research for awhile. I do know that the folks in the derm labs were fantastic. I know that others never were as strong. I will say, I am uncomfortable with the callousness of the attitudes of some of the path folks. Many of my friends are attendings and they say path is often the field for those that aren't great with people or are not competitive. No one had a problem with how he treated this woman or another that was asking about SO and distance. That is interesting. It is OK to treat human beings bad, but not bash pathology. That is curious? I thought this was medicine, to eradicate human suffering. I will be more respectful, forget humans, worry about a field. Great physicians. How appauling!! Shameful

Bro You need to relax. Stop being so damn judgemental and totally jumping to conclusions right off the bat. If you ever consider being effective at what you do you need to take a look at the whole picture first and not small facets and drawing opinions instantly. Tone it down a little and think before you go shooting your mouth off.

 

[DoubleHappiness]

Dude!!! I'm really not trying to be a jerk, but your view of life will seriously change after medical school. EVERYONE is aggressive. If it isn't active, it's passive. Or... stabbing you in the back after meeting you with a smile on their face. Better grow up soon. Top Path programs are actually very competitive to match into these days. You seem very into name dropping and prestige. I wouldn't be so comfortable saying "path is what the uncompetitive people match into", because you may find yourself not matching in a top tier path program. Path has alot of nice, not-so-nice, and malignant people in it. JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER SPECIALTY. Including derm. Have you met Bernie Ackerman? Please tell me you think he is nice and humble?

Lady with the kid and Pharm D isssue. Look, honestly I find this whole "Spouses and Partners" forum to be very inappropriate. You will get much better sincere advice from friends and family. I would never come to a website pursuing life altering advice from faceless posters. Most agressive posts are people just screwing with you. It's called sarcasm!!! A form of ironic humor.

LADoc, I agree with some. I would never send my kid to Africa to live with some old lady by themselves. I HAVE BEEN THERE, UNICEF (1999) in Nigeria. Not really a good idea to have a young child soooo far away. Even if it were Brasil, Japan, China, Italy. Too far!!!! Too many crazy things can happen.

I think his behavior was callous. I have been in research for awhile. I do know that the folks in the derm labs were fantastic. I know that others never were as strong. I will say, I am uncomfortable with the callousness of the attitudes of some of the path folks. Many of my friends are attendings and they say path is often the field for those that aren't great with people or are not competitive. No one had a problem with how he treated this woman or another that was asking about SO and distance. That is interesting. It is OK to treat human beings bad, but not bash pathology. That is curious? I thought this was medicine, to eradicate human suffering. I will be more respectful, forget humans, worry about a field. Great physicians. How appauling!! Shameful

 

[Nocturnius]

I can't really say anything here. I'm afraid to because of all the really rotten people on this thread. Goodness gracious, there is absolutely no reason for you to be biting each other's heads off and insulting each other. If someone has their set view of how things work, then let them see it that way. They have every right to feel the way they do and you should be ashamed for calling them close-minded just because you don't like that you can't change their opinion to fit yours. The whole reason this thread started was because the poster wanted other people's views, DIVERSE views. What help would it be if we were all nodding like bobble-heads saying the same thing over and over?

I hate when people try to change everyone else's opinions just because they want to be agreed with. Be happy in your opinion and leave everyone else's alone.

And quit bashing Americans. Generalizing isn't okay for us, and it isn't okay for you, either. Even if we DID all think that sending your children somewhere else to be taken care of was wrong, see above - be content in your opinion and back off ours.

As a side-note, I personally think that the decision to send your child somewhere they can be better cared for is fine and actually a very mature choice. But be fair here - the way it was posted, it read "I want to go to med school, so I think I'll ship my kid off to stay with Grandma!" That doesn't project the attitude of considering the child's best interests - it says "I had a kid before I really should have and now I need a get-out-of-jail-free card because he's in the way."