The Gift of Magi Dilemma

[Eyeh8bullies]

Hello Sdn,

I got into both MD and DO school. Both are wonderful schools, and they cost about the same. I like the MD school better, but the DO school is located where my wife works, while the MD school is located 5 hours away. My wife has a wonderful job, and it is hard for to get a good job at small city where the MD school is located.

Three options here:
1. I attend the DO school and live with my wife. Will regret for a long period of time that I missed out of MD, but I would sacrifice my needs for my wife needs.
2. I attend the MD school and live apart from my wife for the next 4 years. That would suck and be expensive. Time to get that airline credit card.
3. I attend the MD school, and my wife would try to find a job there, even though it wouldn't be beneficial to her career (think of it as an equivalent of her attending a DO school over a MD school)


Have you heard of the story of "the Gift of Magi" by O. Henry? Well it's sort of like that right now. I told my wife, that I'd be willing to go to DO school for her (Option number 1), and she told me she would try to fly out or do whatever necessary for me to go to the MD school (Option number 2 or 3). (if we did emulate the "The Gift of Magi" story, I would be going to the DO school, while she would quit her current job and work at a subpar company at the city where the MD school is located... but I joke and digress.)

The dilemma is real.

Any thoughts?

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[kelminak]

First of all, congratulations on your acceptances. I'm sure you've heard the normal mantra MD > DO > else, so if the wife wasn't a factor, I'd tell you to head straight to the MD school. With the wife in play, that muddies up things quite a bit. You do not want to spend four years away from your wife. Med school puts an immense amount of strain on families, and you're not going to want to handle that long-distance the entire time. So let's rule out #2, because you're just not going to spend that much time living apart unless you want to risk your relationship.

So let's move on to #1. Here's my biggest concern when I read this:

Will regret for a long period of time that I missed out of MD,

That's pretty serious. Sure DOs can be any specialty technically, but it definitely makes things significantly harder if you wanted to go into any competitive specialty. It doesn't even sound like you want to be a DO in any regard, so I think this is a bad decision that you'll constantly look bad on wishing you had taken the MD route. Even worse, you could grow to resent your wife for limiting your ability to go to the school you want to go to.

Let's talk #3. This would give you the degree you want and the career options you want, but at a sacrifice of your wife. You never specified what your wife's career is, but do consider this: you don't have to stay where your medical school is for the rest of your life. If it's possible, she could relocate there with you for the duration of your medical school training, then you can both decide on residencies in areas that work for the both of you. This temporary sacrifice would cause the least amount of damage and in the long run, you both get the jobs and degrees you want.

All in all, #3 sounds the best out of what I described. This is clearly something you need to work out with your wife, but I'll stand by that unless you can provide more details to your situation that would change my mind.

 

[DoctorDrewOutsidetheLines]

Does your wife have a job or a career? If it's a job, then she can always get another one, or even telecommute from home. If it's a career or a profession she's passionate about, then maybe sign some sort of legal document saying you won't ever leave her or trade her in for a younger model once you start making the big MD bucks, since she's sacrificing her dream for yours. Maybe promise to support her dreams once you can afford it.

Either way, moving forward, I do not envy you. Whatever you two decide will change the future of your relationship. No one wants to settle, but maybe there can be compromises. If it's just a job, maybe help your wife find her true passion (turn a hobby into a business, or go back to school in the area, for example) while she's living with you and you're working on your MD.

Because honestly, I'm getting the MD vibe from you. I know you love your wife, but it's also your life and your dreams. Living apart and traveling for visits may sacrifice your GPA and put a strain on your marriage.

 

[futuremdforme]

Does your wife have a job or a career? If it's a job, then she can always get another one, or even telecommute from home. If it's a career or a profession she's passionate about, then maybe sign some sort of legal document saying you won't ever leave her or trade her in for a younger model once you start making the big MD bucks, since she's sacrificing her dream for yours. Maybe promise to support her dreams once you can afford it.

If she has a career and there's no way she can continue it, I would take the DO school. Having her sacrifice her career for yours when you have an option is selfish. She'll have plenty of sacrifice for you doing med school of any kind. Yes, DO will limit your options compared to MD, but marriage is a compromise and it needs to be both sides.