The Official Anti-Clinical Medicine Thread

[yaah]

We had four autopsies today. I think the new medical residents are being extra thorough and making sure they get autopsies. Should last about a week. Unfortunately I had to do two of them because the new people don't start until tomorrow.

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[b&ierstiefel]

We had four autopsies today. I think the new medical residents are being extra thorough and making sure they get autopsies. Should last about a week. Unfortunately I had to do two of them because the new people don't start until tomorrow.

Wow. How very motivated of them. I think YOU should ask each one of them if they would like a big fat f*cking cookie!

 

[bananaface]

Most car crashes happen at 8am post-call and we will continue to study it (but really there's not much we can do about it).

Take a cab home if you are not fit to drive.

 

[bananaface]

Wow. How very motivated of them. I think YOU should ask each one of them if they would like a big fat f*cking cookie!

Mmmmm. Cookie.

 

[deschutes]

Take a cab home if you are not fit to drive.

Yeah. But realistically, taking a cab home every fourth day when said peds resident is still paying off the car, and then having to take a bus/cab to the hospital to pick up the car... you know, not likely.

 

[Brian Pavlovitz]

May this help you fuddle your way through clnical medicine if you are not already befuddled.



I just think it's cute.

When I do my peds hem/onc sub-I in November, I'm printing up this diagram!!

..on a side note, I'm happy to report that I'm finished with THIRD YEAR!!!!!!!!

 

[quant]

When I do my peds hem/onc sub-I in November, I'm printing up this diagram!!

..on a side note, I'm happy to report that I'm finished with THIRD YEAR!!!!!!!!

Yooo hooo......

Congratulations of finishing up 3 rd year Brian.....One more day and one more step close to pathology!!!!!!!!!!!

How is life otherwise Brian?

Make sure to get your daily dose of ethanol!!! (form is unimportant)

 

[Brian Pavlovitz]

Yooo hooo......

Congratulations of finishing up 3 rd year Brian.....One more day and one more step close to pathology!!!!!!!!!!!

How is life otherwise Brian?

Make sure to get your daily dose of ethanol!!! (form is unimportant)

Funny you should mention ethanol...I just got back from having dinner at a lovely little Manhattan restaurant, and my, but the glasses of wine sure were LARGE! 2 glasses of cabernet and I'm half in the bag...lightweight!

Life is otherwise going pretty well, thanks for asking. I've started filling out my ERAS application, and I'm looking forward to doing my pathology electives (I am doing two months at SUNY Upstate in Syracuse where I did my cytology training--it will be nice to see everyone again, and be closer to home in Rochester).

How is everything with you?

I'm headed out to Long Island this weekend, so I'll be sans computer for the weekend. Hope everyone survived their first week as Pathology Residents!

 

[quant]

Funny you should mention ethanol...

Clairvoyance mon ami.....

How is everything with you?


I'm headed out to Long Island this weekend, so I'll be sans computer for the weekend. Hope everyone survived their first week as Pathology Residents!

Im doing good...thanks for asking too!...am back after a long vacation in the sweltering heat of India....I am trying to get things going in the lab for the final push towards the completion of my degree.....things seem to be ok. I give my step 2 cs in a few days and after being away from clinical medicine for a longggg time, im not particularly looking forward to it!..... But then how the heck do i tell the simulated patients i dont give a flying **** since im not going to be doing this stuff anyway!!!.....arghhhhhh

.

 

[b&ierstiefel]

Clairvoyance mon ami.....

Nice use of the French language.

But then how the heck do i tell the simulated patients i dont give a flying **** since im not going to be doing this stuff anyway!!!.....arghhhhhh

.

um...pardon my French but I f*ckin' dare you to do that on your step 2 cs. In fact, I double dare you to do that!

 

[quant]

Nice use of the French language.

Merci Beaucoup.....

um...pardon my French but I f*ckin' dare you to do that on your step 2 cs. In fact, I double dare you to do that!

Yor mad or wat?....Im gonna drape em, treat them right, talk nice, walk out and then laugh my ass off at them.....(honestly though, the joke is on me since i paid 1200$...)

 

[b&ierstiefel]

Yor mad or wat?....Im gonna drape em, treat them right, talk nice, walk out and then laugh my ass off at them.....(honestly though, the joke is on me since i paid 1200$...)

You forgot to wash your hands.

YOU FAIL!

Thank you. Come again.

Another $1200 please (is this bullsh*t exam fee really bumped up to $1200 now?)

 

[Brian Pavlovitz]

Quant--

good luck on Step 2 cs! I take mine on July 27; not looking forward to it at all.

 

[quant]

Quant--

good luck on Step 2 cs! I take mine on July 27; not looking forward to it at all.

Hey thanks Brian!

Good luck to you too!!!!....I can understand what you mean!....I just got scared out of my wits today at some stuff (Gynae cases...) arghhhhhhhhhhhh............

 

[quant]

(is this bullsh*t exam fee really bumped up to $1200 now?)

Nahh, i think 1200$ is an IMG special!....

 

[yaah]

Quant--

good luck on Step 2 cs! I take mine on July 27; not looking forward to it at all.

I think I'm taking step 3 that day, or thereabouts. It's a 2 day exam.

 

[Brian Pavlovitz]

I think I'm taking step 3 that day, or thereabouts. It's a 2 day exam.

Yuck.

No doubt you'll do well, and then no more Steps for you!!

 

[b&ierstiefel]

I think I'm taking step 3 that day, or thereabouts. It's a 2 day exam.

That exam must suck balls. May the force be with you. I'm sure you'll score at least 250.

running bets?

 

[yaah]

I am having the usual paranoid thoughts that I am going to fail.

 

[b&ierstiefel]

I am having the usual paranoid thoughts that I am going to fail.

lay off the weed.

drugs are bad...mmmkay?

try crack instead

 

[deschutes]

I am having the usual paranoid thoughts that I am going to fail.

Your paranoia is less accurate than mine

At any rate I found out I passed Part 1 and (yes, at this late stage, since the report took a while to catch up with my mad flightpath) Step 2 CK.

Step 3, Part 2, ABP and RCPSC left. Whee.

Will this ever end!

*bangs head*

 

[quant]

I think I'm taking step 3 that day, or thereabouts. It's a 2 day exam.

urgh....more exams!

 

[bananaface]

lay off the weed.

drugs are bad...mmmkay?

try crack instead

But, weed is a CII. Crack is a CI.

 

[deschutes]

Woman files complaint over doctor's advice to lose weight

 

[b&ierstiefel]

you resurrected this thread for that? what gives?

 

[bananaface]

foreshadowing...

 

[yaah]

Woman files complaint over doctor's advice to lose weight

Another reason why clinical medicine sucks. Overweight person comes in, two choices:

1) Tell them to lose weight. They get offended and file a complaint.

2) Don't tell them to lose weight. They get diabetic and sue you for not telling them the consequences of obesity.

 

[deschutes]

you resurrected this thread for that? what gives?

Thank you yaah!

Well, I was looking for a place to post the link, and then I thought of beary and how she was too tired from Surgery to go back and dig up the thread... so I bumped it

 

[beary]

Thank you yaah!

Well, I was looking for a place to post the link, and then I thought of beary and how she was too tired from Surgery to go back and dig up the thread... so I bumped it

Thank you deschutes! I have many things to post here to keep this thread active.

 

[beary]

I spent my day being sexually harrassed by nasty old patients at the VA. Literally. "Will you sit on my lap?" That would be no.

And worse things I cannot even describe here.

 

[bananaface]

I spent my day being sexually harrassed by nasty old patients at the VA. Literally. "Will you sit on my lap?" That would be no.

And worse things I cannot even describe here.

They do that **** to see how much you will put up with. Call them on it. Be stern and tell them that they are being completely inappropriate. If they keep at it, tell them if they don't STFU you'll order them a tetanus booster.

 

[Pingu]

And worse things I cannot even describe here.

I was offered the position of 'ho' to my psych patients 'pimp' My pimp had NO shoes and you know how I feel about shoes so I had to turn him down

What is it about the VA that turns nice grandpa men into raving pervs?

 

[beary]

What is it about the VA that turns nice grandpa men into raving pervs?

I have a suspicion that some of these guys are raving pervs all the time.

 

[beary]

I am on NEURO, which I honestly believe sucks more than any other rotation, including the horrors of medicine and peds. Today we spent SEVEN HOURS rounding on EIGHT PATIENTS, the majority of whom are faking their seizures.

The residents and faculty are all extremely serious about medical students, even though we are all M4s. We have to give little talks. We have to carry every single patient, including coming in early "just to see" if any new patients came overnight. Today I was even chastised for using a resident's admit note to prepare for my super-formal presentation on a patient, who of course was making up their seizures and/or headache.

Patient: "My pain is a 10." Even though I am sitting here hanging out looking totally fine eating a pizza and watching soap operas.

 

[drPLUM]

Glad to see this thread pop up again. It always brings a smile to my face. Reading this thread and going over to the general forum and reading threads like the "would you do it over again" thread refresh my desire to do pathology. If you read the "would you do it over" thread people are all complaining about stuff that pathologists don't have to deal with. They are all like "I hate treating drug addicts". What? You thought you weren't going to see any drug addicts in clinical medicine? Sheesh. Drug addicts are people too, they still get legit illnesses; do nondrug addicts have no flaws or self inflicted wounds? Geez.

Anyway... I agree that neurology stinks. I slacked off more on that clerkship than any other. Here is how it went...

ER doc to neuro resident: Um, we have a possible stroke down here. I ordered head CT, O2, head of bed flat, etc (stroke protocol from order sheet in ER).

Resident: I'll be there STAT. Student, lets hustle down to see this pt STAT.

(In ER) student and resident go see pt...

Neuro resident: Um, we have a possible stroke here. Let's get a head CT, O2, head of bed flat, etc.

Student (to self under breath): I'm glad we rushed down here STAT in middle of night.

Disclaimer: I know, I know... gotta get there quick so you can use lytics if indicated. But we never ever did (only used like 2-3 times per year) so it got old fast. I mean, come on, just let the ER doc do the protocol and we'll admit them or not based on the test results.

Ok, rant over. Stepping off of soap box now.

 

[drPLUM]

Ultimately, we must do work that we enjoy. Conversely, we must avoid work that we do not enjoy.

That is some deep stuff right there. So simple... yet... so profound.
I will quote this during my interviews- Why path? "As AndyMilonakis has said..."

Hmm... maybe I should lay off the Beck's for tonight.

 

[b&ierstiefel]

That is some deep stuff right there. So simple... yet... so profound.
I will quote this during my interviews- Why path? "As AndyMilonakis has said..."

Yeah, I dare you. They be looking at you like, "Who is this AndyMilonakis character? That be crazy talk! OK you get an F for the interview!"

Hmm... maybe I should lay off the Beck's for tonight.

More crazy talk from the plum...look, it's your 4th year of med school! One can never have too many Beck's!

 

[Pingu]

the majority of whom are faking their seizures.

When I was on medicine we had a guy faking absence seizures, unresponsive even to pain. No one on my team believed anyone could fake that, so I did my best 'fake absence seizure' while the other 3rd year pressed down on my fingernail (This hurts like heck, don't try it) For 5 minutes i stayed unresponsive and got a heck of a hematoma under my fingernail. I could definitely teach these patients a thing or too about faking!

 

[beary]

When I was on medicine we had a guy faking absence seizures, unresponsive even to pain. No one on my team believed anyone could fake that, so I did my best 'fake absence seizure' while the other 3rd year pressed down on my fingernail (This hurts like heck, don't try it) For 5 minutes i stayed unresponsive and got a heck of a hematoma under my fingernail. I could definitely teach these patients a thing or too about faking!

Wow, that's impressive! None of my patients are nearly that convincing.

 

[Pingu]

Wow, that's impressive! None of my patients are nearly that convincing.

I know. Any time I saw someone fake, I wanted to say "Dude, come on, not like that, like this. You're doing it all wrong." They should offer acting classes to all neuro inpatients.

 

[b&ierstiefel]

It is absolutely despicable that you assume that your seizure patients are malingering. These are real people with real problems! Don't deprive them of the health care that they deserve!

OK enough of the bullsh*t. I can't say this with a straight face.

 

[CameronFrye]

When I was on medicine we had a guy faking absence seizures, unresponsive even to pain. No one on my team believed anyone could fake that, so I did my best 'fake absence seizure' while the other 3rd year pressed down on my fingernail (This hurts like heck, don't try it) For 5 minutes i stayed unresponsive and got a heck of a hematoma under my fingernail. I could definitely teach these patients a thing or too about faking!

One of our medicine attendings told us about one malingering patient he had as a resident. The guy was acting unresponsive to avoid being carted off to jail by the po po. Nothing was working on the guy. Finally, a bucket of ice was packed around the guy's testicles. The patient miraculously awoke shortly thereafter.

 

[drPLUM]

Nothing was working on the guy. Finally, a bucket of ice was packed around the guy's testicles.

Dude. There is something messed up about that. If you can fake it through that then I say "Here, take your get out of jail free card".

 

[fedor]

Today we spent SEVEN HOURS rounding on EIGHT PATIENTS, the majority of whom are faking their seizures.

Why would patients fake seizures? Attention? Valium?

I'm early in my medical education so these type of patient issues elude me.

 

[yaah]

Why would patients fake seizures? Attention? Valium?

I'm early in my medical education so these type of patient issues elude me.

Sometimes it is for attention, sometimes because it is a manifestation of something else. A lot of times, they fake seizures to hide another problem that they don't want to confront. i.e., the teenage girl who is panicked about something or other and "having seizures" means she has a medical problem and can fulfill the sick role.

There are other people who are simply just ****ed in the head though.

 

[Pingu]

I need to start having seizures when faced with what i do not want to confront:having to look for lymph nodes and opening colons to clean out poo.

 

[yaah]

I need to start having seizures when faced with what i do not want to confront:having to look for lymph nodes and opening colons to clean out poo.

That would be awesome.

Oh wait, we are probably being offensive to people with real seizures now, right?

 

[deschutes]

So I was having dinner with a medicine intern and a nephrology fellow. Just, y'know, to see what the other side of the fence looked like. Just in case any questions came up during interviews about "so do you guys hang out with the residents from other departments at all?"

Man. Now I realize why Path gets shat on so much. It's a numbers game.

I mean, look at the pathologist to internist ratio. No wonder there's so much ignorance out there about what pathologists do. The chances of a med student running into a pathologist versus an internist are like what, 1:100?

It was all good - I'd say things like "I thank my lucky stars every day for Pathology" and they'd say "rounding builds character" and I'd go "I have enough character thank you very much!" and etc.

Can't help being smirky - I'm making up for all the **** I ever took about going into pathology

At least neither of them fell asleep during dinner.

 

[Pingu]

rounding builds character

Whenever someone says that something builds character, that means it is going to 1. suck 2. take up way too much time 3. be discussed in therapy 10 years down the road.

My parents always said things would build character and then cite the fact that I'm now a doctor as proof that their character building worked, but I still think I would have been happier not having to go through all their crap.

 

[yaah]

Whenever someone says that something builds character, that means it is going to 1. suck 2. take up way too much time 3. be discussed in therapy 10 years down the road.

My parents always said things would build character and then cite the fact that I'm now a doctor as proof that their character building worked, but I still think I would have been happier not having to go through all their crap.

It also means it is something they suffered through and are now trying to justify all of that wasted time.