What to do with openly flirtatious patients?

[Smilemaker100]

Once in a while, I'll have a patient who will walk into the dental clinic and sort of flirt with me. So far, I have only seen those patients on maybe one or two occasions for a filling or two or an extraction.

Last night, my last patient of the day was a young police officer with private insurance, who had not consulted a dentist in YEARS, was very openly flirtatious with me and appeared to make excuses to talk longer AFTER the appointment was over and done with by asking me all sorts of questions such as, " You told me that I had all my wisdom teeth ,are there people who don't have them at all ?" "Why don't some people have wisdom teeth?", "Who needs to have their wisdom teeth pulled out? "(his don't need to be extracted - I had already told him so during his appointment) and "Since I have all my wisdom teeth, does that make me wise?". "How long have you been a dentist for ? " ( I get that once in a while because patients have told me I look young for my age).

I politely answered all of the police officer's questions in a professional manner but I felt uneasy because based on his body language, I have this intuitive feeling he may be interested in me . From a financial standpoint, I will have to see him MANY times (probably about 4 appointments- one appointment for each section of the mouth) in the clinic as he has a lot of dental work that has to be done which of course, I am not too unhappy about but from a personal standpoint, I feel very uncomfortable. I am not attracted to this patient and even if I was, I wouldn't feel comfortable.

I don't know what it is that provokes some patients to flirt so much with me. I never wear makeup, I have a long lab coat on (with conservative clothing underneath) ,a mask, and protection glasses. I might crack a joke or two but I am mostly very professional and elaborate in my explanations (diagnosis, treatment plan etc. ).

Any advice? Any similar experiences?

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[Amida]

Once in a while, I'll have a patient who will walk into the dental clinic and sort of flirt with me. So far, I have only seen those patients on maybe one or two occasions for a filling or two or an extraction.

Last night, my last patient of the day was a young police officer with private insurance, who had not consulted a dentist in YEARS, was very openly flirtatious with me and appeared to make excuses to talk longer AFTER the appointment was over and done with by asking me all sorts of questions such as, " You told me that I had all my wisdom teeth, are there people who don't have them at all ?" "Why don't some people have wisdom teeth?", "Who needs to have their wisdom teeth pulled out? "(his don't need to be extracted - I had already told him so during his appointment) and "Since I have all my wisdom teeth, does that make me wise?". "How long have you been a dentist for ? " ( I get that once in a while because patients have told me I look young for my age).


I politely answered all of the police officer's questions in a professional manner but I felt uneasy because based on his body language, I have this intuitive feeling he may be interested in me . From a financial standpoint, I will have to see him MANY times (probably about 4 appointments- one appointment for each section of the mouth) in the clinic as he has a lot of dental work that has to be done which of course, I am not too unhappy about but from a personal standpoint, I feel very uncomfortable. I am not attracted to this patient and even if I was, I wouldn't feel comfortable.

I don't know what it is that provokes some patients to flirt so much with me. I never wear makeup, I have a long lab coat on (with conservative clothing underneath) ,a mask, and protection glasses. I might crack a joke or two but I am mostly very professional and elaborate in my explanations (diagnosis, treatment plan etc. ).

Any advice? Any similar experiences?

Rip off your "conservative clothing" and ask to see his gun.

 

[Smilemaker100]

Rip off your "conservative clothing" and ask to see his gun.

That really made me laugh. Thanks, for your input but that won't be my solution !

Yes, beneath my "conservative clothing" , is my "Wonder Woman" uniform (my "secret identity") !

Wonder Woman: "No one can resist the golden lasso. It binds all who are encircled and compels them to tell... the truth!"

http://hollande.catherine.free.fr/series/wallpaperseries/WonderWoman/WonderWoman07.jpg

 

[Wackie]

I wouldn't bring anything up until he touches you or makes an obvious come on (ex: "I like your ta-tas"). Then a simple "me doc, you patient mean no bang-bang" conversation will do.

Just be wary about how you bend over him while working on his mouth.
Don't give out much personal information about yourself, be slightly distant (a little hard to carry on a conversation), and things should be fine unless he's a nutcase.

He might just be a friendly person. *shrug*

 

[Smilemaker100]

I wouldn't bring anything up until he touches you or makes an obvious come on (ex: "I like your ta-tas"). Then a simple "me doc, you patient mean no bang-bang" conversation will do.

Just be wary about how you bend over him while working on his mouth.
Don't give out much personal information about yourself, be slightly distant (a little hard to carry on a conversation), and things should be fine unless he's a nutcase.

He might just be a friendly person. *shrug*

Thanks, for your advice . I hate being distant because I always start appointments with some small talk. I suppose I'll have to see what type of a patient he is over the next appointments.

Why would I have to bend over him while working on his mouth? In any case, nothing can be seen because I button my lab coat from top to bottom.

 

[Wackie]

Why would I have to bend over him while working on his mouth? In any case, nothing can be seen because I button my lab coat from top to bottom.

I dunno. It just seems that my dentist hovers over me. *shrug*

 

[Smilemaker100]

I dunno. It just seems that my dentist hovers over me. *shrug*

Bad vision? The dentist is bound to have back problems if they hover too much! That's why we use mirrors and special loupes !

http://www.keeler.co.uk/images/hogies/hogie_redgoldpair.jpg

 

[zenman]

Why would I have to bend over him while working on his mouth? In any case, nothing can be seen because I button my lab coat from top to bottom.

But you do shop at Victoria Secret's right?

Ask about his weapon, then steer the conversation to your boyfriend's/husband's interest in weapons since he is a mercenary.

 

[Smilemaker100]

But you do shop at Victoria Secret's right?

Ask about his weapon, then steer the conversation to your boyfriend's/husband's interest in weapons since he is a mercenary.

What does Victoria Secret have to do with this ?

Good one.

 

[Redneck]

1) why not roll with it? A happy patient is better than a scared/angry/disgruntled patient. He feels good, you feel good, everyone wins!
2) during conversation make reference to one of his wonderful attributes and how it reminds you of your boyfriend (even if fictional). Nothing quite like the sweetness of a compliment backed with the sharpness of badnews. A guy can understand to back off when he notices a ring (if he looks), or hears mention of a boyfriend/fiance. When you do mention this boyfriend make sure you do it as though he is the best thing since sliced bread, don't want to leave an opening of dissatisfaction or he could try to exploit it if sincerely interested. $.02
3) I really don't have any significant patient experience to justify this, so don't take too seriously.

 

[zenman]

What does Victoria Secret have to do with this ?

Good one.

You said you had "conservative clothing" underneath that lab coat. Post pics so we can see what kind of signals you might be sending out.

 

[WildcatDMD]

You said you had "conservative clothing" underneath that lab coat. Post pics so we can see what kind of signals you might be sending out.

The people on here may be more love-starved than your police officer pt. Consider yourself lucky to be stuck with him, and not zenman instead.

 

[zenman]

The people on here may be more love-starved than your police officer pt. Consider yourself lucky to be stuck with him, and not zenman instead.

Hey, zenman is not love-starved..my wife sees to that. I do have experience at looking at women from more than 40 different cultures so can be a valuable resource, LOL!

 

[Smilemaker100]

1) why not roll with it? A happy patient is better than a scared/angry/disgruntled patient. He feels good, you feel good, everyone wins!
2) during conversation make reference to one of his wonderful attributes and how it reminds you of your boyfriend (even if fictional). Nothing quite like the sweetness of a compliment backed with the sharpness of badnews. A guy can understand to back off when he notices a ring (if he looks), or hears mention of a boyfriend/fiance. When you do mention this boyfriend make sure you do it as though he is the best thing since sliced bread, don't want to leave an opening of dissatisfaction or he could try to exploit it if sincerely interested. $.02
3) I really don't have any significant patient experience to justify this, so don't take too seriously.

You've given me the best ideas.

As a matter of fact, I have a ring in my possession which looks like an engagement ring. I simply haven't worn it. That ring is an inside joke between my closest girlfriends and I. Maybe I'll wear it on the day this patient has an appointment but I don't want my co-workers to ask too many questions. I've thought of wearing this ring for other occasions.

 

[Smilemaker100]

You said you had "conservative clothing" underneath that lab coat. Post pics so we can see what kind of signals you might be sending out.

I only share photos of myself with my fiance

 

[Redneck]

I only share photos of myself with my fiance

 

[Vox Animo]

Once in a while, I'll have a patient who will walk into the dental clinic and sort of flirt with me. So far, I have only seen those patients on maybe one or two occasions for a filling or two or an extraction.

Last night, my last patient of the day was a young police officer with private insurance, who had not consulted a dentist in YEARS, was very openly flirtatious with me and appeared to make excuses to talk longer AFTER the appointment was over and done with by asking me all sorts of questions such as, " You told me that I had all my wisdom teeth ,are there people who don't have them at all ?" "Why don't some people have wisdom teeth?", "Who needs to have their wisdom teeth pulled out? "(his don't need to be extracted - I had already told him so during his appointment) and "Since I have all my wisdom teeth, does that make me wise?". "How long have you been a dentist for ? " ( I get that once in a while because patients have told me I look young for my age).

I politely answered all of the police officer's questions in a professional manner but I felt uneasy because based on his body language, I have this intuitive feeling he may be interested in me . From a financial standpoint, I will have to see him MANY times (probably about 4 appointments- one appointment for each section of the mouth) in the clinic as he has a lot of dental work that has to be done which of course, I am not too unhappy about but from a personal standpoint, I feel very uncomfortable. I am not attracted to this patient and even if I was, I wouldn't feel comfortable.

I don't know what it is that provokes some patients to flirt so much with me. I never wear makeup, I have a long lab coat on (with conservative clothing underneath) ,a mask, and protection glasses. I might crack a joke or two but I am mostly very professional and elaborate in my explanations (diagnosis, treatment plan etc. ).

Any advice? Any similar experiences?

Six words: I'm not gay, but I'll Learn.

 

[mshheaddoc]

Hello SDNers,

If there is nothing else constructive on this serious topic I will have to close. So please try to stay on topic. All silliness can be moved to the lounge. Thanks!

The "Mushy"ment

 

[Josh L.Ac.]

I've had several different episodes of female [and two male] patients openly flirting with me when I was in school. The worst was when a patient that was moving out of the country decided to wear lingerie the one time she knew my female co-primary was going to be gone - private room, patients have to change into gowns, and sometimes we have to move the gown to get to certain points.

Just to be safe, I excused myself to "get more needles", grabbed my supervisor and had him find a female assistant to send into the room.

Other times when different patients flirted with body language and/or comments, I tried a variety of ways to diffuse the situation. What works best for me is to make no expression and just continue the conversation. Since I have a shaved head and an imposing physique, this strategy works well for me - ignoring the comments or body language tends to stop the overtures.

Obviously the dynamics are different for the OP, so this might not work.

Oh, I've tried the "my girlfriend has the same [insert trait / hobby]" thing, but it didn't seem to work well. If the patient has a SO but are still flirting, they will probably not recognize that boundary. Even worse, once I tried this tactic with a gay male patient, he actually got jealous which made the entire situation very uncomfortable.

Best answer: try to have an assistant in the room.

 

[Smilemaker100]

I've had several different episodes of female [and two male] patients openly flirting with me when I was in school. The worst was when a patient that was moving out of the country decided to wear lingerie the one time she knew my female co-primary was going to be gone - private room, patients have to change into gowns, and sometimes we have to move the gown to get to certain points.

Just to be safe, I excused myself to "get more needles", grabbed my supervisor and had him find a female assistant to send into the room.

Other times when different patients flirted with body language and/or comments, I tried a variety of ways to diffuse the situation. What works best for me is to make no expression and just continue the conversation. Since I have a shaved head and an imposing physique, this strategy works well for me - ignoring the comments or body language tends to stop the overtures.

Obviously the dynamics are different for the OP, so this might not work.

Oh, I've tried the "my girlfriend has the same [insert trait / hobby]" thing, but it didn't seem to work well. If the patient has a SO but are still flirting, they will probably not recognize that boundary. Even worse, once I tried this tactic with a gay male patient, he actually got jealous which made the entire situation very uncomfortable.

Best answer: try to have an assistant in the room.

You make a valid point. I always have a D.A (dental assistant) present but now that you mentioned this suggestion, I recall that when the patient was posing questions after the end of the appointment, the D.A was absent. I will have to be careful the next time I have this fellow in for his treatment.

It is true that mentioning that one has a S.O to a patient will NOT necessarily be a deterrant but in some exceptional cases, will make the person even more interested in you ! I have even noticed this strange pattern of behavior in my personal life. When I date a guy, I seem more appealing to other guys. I wonder what will happen once I wear an engagement ring ?!

Like you, I try to conduct myself with a professional demeanor most of the time especially when patients get a bit "weird' with me. I wonder if I shouldn't let my guard down and crack a few jokes with patients (non-sexual jokes). Maybe I shouldn't joke at all ? ! ( I can't help it though. I think it's in my genes - I get it from my daddy ).

From a legal standpoint, it is ESPECIALLY critical that another individual be present when you are treating a patient under intravenous sedation (as is the case with many oral surgeons and some I.V licensed general dentists). There have been documented cases of patients accusing doctors of sexual abuse while they were under sedation.

 

[Stroganoff]

Just ignore it. Is it really that difficult? If the person keeps going on with the flirting or hitting on you after time is up, treat it just as if they're talking about a boring topic (non-flirting) but still taking up your time with other patients. Say you have to get back to work, which is true anyway.

 

[Hopeful_Doc]

"Lesbian, airhead, ballbuster, whichever one of these disgusts you the most, take your pick. Please spread the word: I'm not here to date. I'm not here to flirt. I'm here to be your dentist."

:insert hulk hogan flex here:

 

[fun8stuff]

Once in a while, I'll have a patient who will walk into the dental clinic and sort of flirt with me. So far, I have only seen those patients on maybe one or two occasions for a filling or two or an extraction.

Last night, my last patient of the day was a young police officer with private insurance, who had not consulted a dentist in YEARS, was very openly flirtatious with me and appeared to make excuses to talk longer AFTER the appointment was over and done with by asking me all sorts of questions such as, " You told me that I had all my wisdom teeth ,are there people who don't have them at all ?" "Why don't some people have wisdom teeth?", "Who needs to have their wisdom teeth pulled out? "(his don't need to be extracted - I had already told him so during his appointment) and "Since I have all my wisdom teeth, does that make me wise?". "How long have you been a dentist for ? " ( I get that once in a while because patients have told me I look young for my age).

I politely answered all of the police officer's questions in a professional manner but I felt uneasy because based on his body language, I have this intuitive feeling he may be interested in me . From a financial standpoint, I will have to see him MANY times (probably about 4 appointments- one appointment for each section of the mouth) in the clinic as he has a lot of dental work that has to be done which of course, I am not too unhappy about but from a personal standpoint, I feel very uncomfortable. I am not attracted to this patient and even if I was, I wouldn't feel comfortable.

I don't know what it is that provokes some patients to flirt so much with me. I never wear makeup, I have a long lab coat on (with conservative clothing underneath) ,a mask, and protection glasses. I might crack a joke or two but I am mostly very professional and elaborate in my explanations (diagnosis, treatment plan etc. ).

Any advice? Any similar experiences?

One time when I was during a family medicine site visit, a female patient told me that i had nice eyes and asked how old i was, and said she liked "Tall guys" right in front of my preceptor. Was kind of embarrassing. I tried to quickly change the subject to what the patient was there for. Sorry, not much advice, but I do emphasize with your problem. Very uncomfortable!

 

[L8DYV]

Rip off your "conservative clothing" and ask to see his gun.

hahaha, good one!

 

[L8DYV]

I wouldn't bring anything up until he touches you or makes an obvious come on (ex: "I like your ta-tas"). Then a simple "me doc, you patient mean no bang-bang" conversation will do.

Just be wary about how you bend over him while working on his mouth.
Don't give out much personal information about yourself, be slightly distant (a little hard to carry on a conversation), and things should be fine unless he's a nutcase.

He might just be a friendly person. *shrug*

Good one!!! lol.

 

[L8DYV]

You said you had "conservative clothing" underneath that lab coat. Post pics so we can see what kind of signals you might be sending out.

LOL mind in the gutter!!!