Which Service is the Best -- (jokes)

[burs0028]

Which Service is the Best

A Soldier, Sailor, Airman and Marine got into an argument as to which service
was "the best." The arguing became so intense the four servicemen failed to
see an oncoming truck. They were struck and killed instantly.
Soon the servicemen found themselves at the Pearly Gates where they met St.
Peter. They decided only he could be the ultimate source of truth and
honesty. So, the four asked him, "St. Peter, which branch of the United
States Armed Forces is the best?" After a few moments he replied that he
could not answer that and would have to kick it up to God for an answer the
next time he saw Him. Meanwhile, thank you for your service on earth and
welcome to Heaven.

Some time later the four see St. Peter and remind him of the question they
had asked when first entering Heaven. Suddenly a sparkling white dove lands
on St. Peter's shoulder. there is a note, glistening with gold dust, in the
dove's beak. "This must be the answer from the Boss, let's see what it says."
He opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps play
crescendos, and St. Peter reads aloud to the servicemen.

MEMORANDUM: FROM THE DESK OF THE ALMIGHTY.
TO: Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Marines.
SUBJ: WHICH MILITARY SERVICE IS BEST.

Gentlemen, all branches of the United States Armed Forces are honorable and
noble. Each serves America well and with distinction. Being servicemen in the
United States Military represents a special calling warranting special
respect, tribute and dedication. Be proud of that.


Sincerely,
GOD, USAF (Ret.)

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[burs0028]

U.S. Air Force Oath of Enlistment
I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the United States Air Force because I'm too smart for the Army and because the Marines frighten me. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend the stationary bike as a valid test of fitness.

I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in the military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than all those around me and will at all times be sure to make them aware of that fact.

After completion of my "Basic Training," I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, chairborne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with it. I will do no work (unless someone is watching me and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day.

I consent to never getting promoted (EVER) and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow.

______________________________
Signature, Date

U.S. Army Oath of Enlistment
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, because I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim.

I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will ever see is a court-martial for sexual harassment.

I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my sexual...er...I mean Boot Camp, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left. On my first trip home after Boot Camp, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart.I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter Air Force guy or a better looking Marine. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back. While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 to report back to the "company."

I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working in construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam.

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Signature, Date

U.S. Navy Oath of Enlistment
I, Top Gun, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought, "hey, I like to swim...why not?" I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the summer, and for Waffen SS during the winter.

I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world, using worlds like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head" instead of "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank and insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever. I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hrs every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours.

I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop. I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new-found "colleagues."

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Signature, Date

U.S. Marine Corps Oath of Enlistment
I, state your name, swear... uuhhhh... high-and-tight...cammies... uhh... ugh... Air Force women... OORAH!

So help me Corps.

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Thumb Print, Date (Y/N)

 

[Globus P]

Three college buddies were commissioned in three branches of the service--Army, Navy, and Air Force--where they made their careers.

Although they maintained their friendship through the years, they argued long, bitterly, and inconclusively as to which service was the best.

They years wore on, and the three were called to their Heavenly rest, where they continued the dispute.

One day, they encountered Saint Peter, who asked what all the fuss was about. The three officers explained their argument and appealed to St. Peter to tell them once and for all which of their branches was the best.

Saint Peter reflected and admitted the question had never come up before. He agreed, however, to ask God and to get the definitive word.

Some time later, the officers again ran into Saint Peter and eagerly asked if he had received a reply from the Lord. Just then, a snow-white dove, carrying a note in its beak, landed on Peter's shoulder. Saint Peter took the note, unfolded it, and read it to the three officers:

Gentlemen:

Your squabbling and arguing are unseemly and futile. All three of your branches were equally brave, noble, and honorable. You all served your nation with devotion and courage. Take pride in that service, and forget your petty rivalries.

Sincerely,


God (USMC, Ret.)