A letter I wrote this morning

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OrnotMajestic

Ugly on the inside, too
15+ Year Member
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Okay, so this morning was the phys shelf exam. Afterwords, I felt compelled...nay, INSPIRED to write this "letter" which I promptly put in my personal blog. I felt it was appropriate, so I'm posting it here as well. I'm sure there are many people on this site that will relate.


Attn: Physiology Department

Dear Medical School (or whom it may concern),

First and foremost, I want to thank you for today. Today, you helped me accomplish something that has been holding me back for years. If you will stick with me for just a moment, I have a story.

Many years ago, when I was in elementary school during the 1980's, we were required to take a physical fitness test. We were young, and proud to be American. As fourth, fifth and sixth graders....obtaining that certificate (signed by the president!!) that said you surpassed the requirements for the Presidential Physical Fitness award was the culmination of those grueling training sessions during recess. We all wanted to prove that not only were we worthy, but we were fit. Fit to be presidential fitness graduates. Fit to be the Americans our parents raised us to be.

Twenty-five sit-ups? Why yes, I'll do thirty.
Ten push-ups? I'll do twenty just to show off.
Jog a mile in under 10 minutes? I see your ten minutes and subtract TWO!
Bend over and touch your toes? NO PROB...

UH OH


I never could do it. No matter how much I grunted and strained, or how much my devoted friends pushed on my back, I never could. My toes were just too far out of reach. My ankles only something of hopes and dreams! You could have coated my shoes in Hershey bars and $20 bills, but it wasn't about the Benjamins. For me, it just was always out of reach. Sure, my prowess in upper-body strength overshadowed my deficiency in flexibilty, so I still earned my reward...it just wasn't the same. I failed a portion of the test. This never sat well with me. As a perfectionist, I always strive to do better. So what if I obtained the certificate? I didn't pass all the requirements. My strengths in one area should not overshadow my weakness in others. I could have done better.

This has haunted me for the past 18 years. That is, until today.

Today, dear Medical School, you finally helped me accomplish what has held me back all those years in elementary school. This morning, during my Medical Physiology final, I finally surpassed that final hurdle that has prevented me from a perfect score on that coveted presidential fitness award. I have beaten my past demons.

Not only was I able to touch my toes this morning, but I bent over and grabbed my ankles for the duration of the 150 minute exam. I guess all these years have loosened me up, because it was almost too easy. I didn't need Hershey bars. I didn't need Benjamins. I didn't need devoted friends. All I needed was hypocalcemia and respiratory alkalosis to accomplish my task. All I needed was a complete lack of essential education and training to accomplish my goal. All I needed, dear Medical School, was your faithful dedication to the task of underpreparing me for what I actually need to know in order to perform well on standardized exams. You made it look almost too easy.

So once again, dearest Medical School, I want to thank you. Helping people achieve goals, whether long-term, short-term, or eighteen years in the making, is something to be proud of. Godspeed.

Sincerely,
Me
 
OrnotMajestic said:
Okay, so this morning was the phys shelf exam. Afterwords, I felt compelled...nay, INSPIRED to write this "letter" which I promptly put in my personal blog. I felt it was appropriate, so I'm posting it here as well. I'm sure there are many people on this site that will relate.


Attn: Physiology Department

Dear Medical School (or whom it may concern),

First and foremost, I want to thank you for today. Today, you helped me accomplish something that has been holding me back for years. If you will stick with me for just a moment, I have a story.

Many years ago, when I was in elementary school during the 1980's, we were required to take a physical fitness test. We were young, and proud to be American. As fourth, fifth and sixth graders....obtaining that certificate (signed by the president!!) that said you surpassed the requirements for the Presidential Physical Fitness award was the culmination of those grueling training sessions during recess. We all wanted to prove that not only were we worthy, but we were fit. Fit to be presidential fitness graduates. Fit to be the Americans our parents raised us to be.

Twenty-five sit-ups? Why yes, I'll do thirty.
Ten push-ups? I'll do twenty just to show off.
Jog a mile in under 10 minutes? I see your ten minutes and subtract TWO!
Bend over and touch your toes? NO PROB...

UH OH


I never could do it. No matter how much I grunted and strained, or how much my devoted friends pushed on my back, I never could. My toes were just too far out of reach. My ankles only something of hopes and dreams! You could have coated my shoes in Hershey bars and $20 bills, but it wasn't about the Benjamins. For me, it just was always out of reach. Sure, my prowess in upper-body strength overshadowed my deficiency in flexibilty, so I still earned my reward...it just wasn't the same. I failed a portion of the test. This never sat well with me. As a perfectionist, I always strive to do better. So what if I obtained the certificate? I didn't pass all the requirements. My strengths in one area should not overshadow my weakness in others. I could have done better.

This has haunted me for the past 18 years. That is, until today.

Today, dear Medical School, you finally helped me accomplish what has held me back all those years in elementary school. This morning, during my Medical Physiology final, I finally surpassed that final hurdle that has prevented me from a perfect score on that coveted presidential fitness award. I have beaten my past demons.

Not only was I able to touch my toes this morning, but I bent over and grabbed my ankles for the duration of the 150 minute exam. I guess all these years have loosened me up, because it was almost too easy. I didn't need Hershey bars. I didn't need Benjamins. I didn't need devoted friends. All I needed was hypocalcemia and respiratory alkadosis to accomplish my task. All I needed was a complete lack of essential education and training to accomplish my goal. All I needed, dear Medical School, was your faithful dedication to the task of underpreparing me for what I actually need to know in order to perform well on standardized exams. You made it look almost too easy.

So once again, dearest Medical School, I want to thank you. Helping people achieve goals, whether long-term, short-term, or eighteen years in the making, is something to be proud of. Godspeed.

Sincerely,
Me

oh man, i'm so sorry about your test, but that letter is so f***n hilarious :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
 
Whooww.....I will soon be starting at QCOM. Should I be concerned? Please elaborate (I don't think it is going to change my decision but i would like to know)
 
kirexhana said:
oh man, i'm so sorry about your test, but that letter is so f***n hilarious :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

HA! Good! That was the point. 🙂
 
GujjuNo1 said:
Whooww.....I will soon be starting at QCOM. Should I be concerned? Please elaborate (I don't think it is going to change my decision but i would like to know)

Ha ha ha..NOOOO. Please, don't let my venting give you ANY wrong impression of QCOM. It's a FABULOUS school, it really is. The instructors (well, most of them) are top notch. In fact, QCOM's Step 1 passing rates are usually 99-100% every year on first try. It just so happened that this year's physio shelf focused majorly on topics we didn't touch on much, namely body calcium. We spent lots of time on Sodium and Potassium, but I'm not kidding, the shelf this year (if you don't know, shelf tests are standardized subject exams put out by NBME) focused a lot on calcium. Also, it was more geared towards pathophys than plain phys. This is probably due to the fact that many med school curriculums are changing over to system based as opposed to traditional, so they do lots of combining (histo with path with phys over an entire organ system). Regardless, the test was brutal and we were all angry because it determines 20% of our grade. We got an email from our prof later (after I wrote this) saying that they were majorly curving the exam, and are thinking of eliminating the shelf for phys next year due to its content not being equated with the style taught at the school.

Regardless, don't let what I said make you think anything bad about QCOM. Trust me. Once you are in, you'll understand the joy that it is to bitch heavily after an exam!
 
OrnotMajestic said:
All I needed was hypocalcemia and respiratory alkadosis to accomplish my task.
that really must have been a hard exam. i did well in physiology and still have never heard of respiratory alkadosis!
 
bob sacamano said:
that really must have been a hard exam. i did well in physiology and still have never heard of respiratory alkadosis!

It's a very rare rare disease. In fact, it's twin brother is respiratory alkalosis, but most people have never heard of it. You are getting sleepy. LOOK! SOMETHING SHINY!! *edits*
 
whoa, so sorry about your exam; and I know exactly how you feel, but thanks for the laugh to make me feel a bit better. Glad you're getting that curve.
 
Psycho Doctor said:
whoa, so sorry about your exam; and I know exactly how you feel, but thanks for the laugh to make me feel a bit better. Glad you're getting that curve.

Well, I figured that all of us in finals could use a little laugh at the expense of our education dispensers. I too, am glad about the curve. Trust me, if the curve wasn't there, the class of 2010 would have suddenly gotten a LOT bigger.

Put it this way...three people finished the exam on time. THREE. The rest either left 10-15 questions blank, or simply filled in "C" for the last bit. Awesome.
 
Well done Orno. I'm a big fan of good written humor.
 
Callogician said:
Well done Orno. I'm a big fan of good written humor.

I'm a big fan of handsome hardasses.
 
Flobber said:
I'm a big fan of handsome hardasses.

Uh...yeah. About that.
 
OrnotMajestic said:
Well, I figured that all of us in finals could use a little laugh at the expense of our education dispensers. I too, am glad about the curve. Trust me, if the curve wasn't there, the class of 2010 would have suddenly gotten a LOT bigger.

Put it this way...three people finished the exam on time. THREE. The rest either left 10-15 questions blank, or simply filled in "C" for the last bit. Awesome.


was this exam by any chance the NBME physiology shelf? If so, everyone including myself who has taken that exam this year (2005-2006) has complained about how hard it was. Truly a nightmare exam come true in real life.. I also felt my school failed to prepare me for it, but I later relented and realized the exam was just out of this world.
PoorMD
 
PoorMD said:
was this exam by any chance the NBME physiology shelf? If so, everyone including myself who has taken that exam this year (2005-2006) has complained about how hard it was. Truly a nightmare exam come true in real life.. I also felt my school failed to prepare me for it, but I later relented and realized the exam was just out of this world.
PoorMD

Yeah, we took it at NJMS too and it was probably the exact same one by the sound of it. I know how anyone who has taken that test feels, but it all works out after the national curve. But it was the only SHELF we've had where no one scored in the 90s.
 
PoorMD said:
was this exam by any chance the NBME physiology shelf? If so, everyone including myself who has taken that exam this year (2005-2006) has complained about how hard it was. Truly a nightmare exam come true in real life.. I also felt my school failed to prepare me for it, but I later relented and realized the exam was just out of this world.
PoorMD

Yeah, it was NBME. It seriously was a complete and utter nightmare. I know it wasn't really my school, I just felt like blowing off some steam. One would think that NBME would give fair warning before sending us all an exam that most of our professors would flunk.
 
OrnotMajestic said:
Okay, so this morning was the phys shelf exam. Afterwords, I felt compelled...nay, INSPIRED to write this "letter" which I promptly put in my personal blog. I felt it was appropriate, so I'm posting it here as well. I'm sure there are many people on this site that will relate.


Attn: Physiology Department

Dear Medical School (or whom it may concern),

First and foremost, I want to thank you for today. Today, you helped me accomplish something that has been holding me back for years. If you will stick with me for just a moment, I have a story.

Many years ago, when I was in elementary school during the 1980's, we were required to take a physical fitness test. We were young, and proud to be American. As fourth, fifth and sixth graders....obtaining that certificate (signed by the president!!) that said you surpassed the requirements for the Presidential Physical Fitness award was the culmination of those grueling training sessions during recess. We all wanted to prove that not only were we worthy, but we were fit. Fit to be presidential fitness graduates. Fit to be the Americans our parents raised us to be.

Twenty-five sit-ups? Why yes, I'll do thirty.
Ten push-ups? I'll do twenty just to show off.
Jog a mile in under 10 minutes? I see your ten minutes and subtract TWO!
Bend over and touch your toes? NO PROB...

UH OH


I never could do it. No matter how much I grunted and strained, or how much my devoted friends pushed on my back, I never could. My toes were just too far out of reach. My ankles only something of hopes and dreams! You could have coated my shoes in Hershey bars and $20 bills, but it wasn't about the Benjamins. For me, it just was always out of reach. Sure, my prowess in upper-body strength overshadowed my deficiency in flexibilty, so I still earned my reward...it just wasn't the same. I failed a portion of the test. This never sat well with me. As a perfectionist, I always strive to do better. So what if I obtained the certificate? I didn't pass all the requirements. My strengths in one area should not overshadow my weakness in others. I could have done better.

This has haunted me for the past 18 years. That is, until today.

Today, dear Medical School, you finally helped me accomplish what has held me back all those years in elementary school. This morning, during my Medical Physiology final, I finally surpassed that final hurdle that has prevented me from a perfect score on that coveted presidential fitness award. I have beaten my past demons.

Not only was I able to touch my toes this morning, but I bent over and grabbed my ankles for the duration of the 150 minute exam. I guess all these years have loosened me up, because it was almost too easy. I didn't need Hershey bars. I didn't need Benjamins. I didn't need devoted friends. All I needed was hypocalcemia and respiratory alkalosis to accomplish my task. All I needed was a complete lack of essential education and training to accomplish my goal. All I needed, dear Medical School, was your faithful dedication to the task of underpreparing me for what I actually need to know in order to perform well on standardized exams. You made it look almost too easy.

So once again, dearest Medical School, I want to thank you. Helping people achieve goals, whether long-term, short-term, or eighteen years in the making, is something to be proud of. Godspeed.

Sincerely,
Me

The last time I cried laughing before today was when Napoleon Dynamite was knocked off the bike with a hunk of meat! Sorry about your test but thanks for the laugh. :laugh:
 
PoorMD said:
was this exam by any chance the NBME physiology shelf? If so, everyone including myself who has taken that exam this year (2005-2006) has complained about how hard it was. Truly a nightmare exam come true in real life.. I also felt my school failed to prepare me for it, but I later relented and realized the exam was just out of this world.
PoorMD

I felt the same way-- I managed to finish, but just barely (and lots of people didn't). It was painful, and I thought I *liked* phys!
 
uson2006 said:
The last time I cried laughing before today was when Napoleon Dynamite was knocked off the bike with a hunk of meat! Sorry about your test but thanks for the laugh. :laugh:

I do it for the fans. 😀
 
OddNath said:
I felt the same way-- I managed to finish, but just barely (and lots of people didn't). It was painful, and I thought I *liked* phys!

I thought I was *good* at phys...till that exam. I also barely finished. When I bubbled in the last question, we were given the two minute warning. :S What that basically means is that I skim-read the last twenty questions and answered on pure gut instinct. Calculations? No problem! Round everything to the nearest factor of 10, divide by two, carry the one...then look for the closest answer in the choices. *shrugs* It worked on the MCAT!!
 
Flobber said:
I'm a big fan of handsome hardasses.

Keep dreaming. *masterbates in front of full length mirror*
 
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