relationships in DO school

newdogirl · Feb 27, 2006

I was just curious how people feel about relationships in med school. My fiance and I are planning on moving together in the fall when I start school (he is not a med student). I feel hesitant about the move together and the stress it will cause on the relationship as well as school. Any advice would be helpful!

daveyjwin · Feb 27, 2006

I am engaged and will be moving to FL from MI come July, and my fiance will have to stay here in MI for a year before being able to move down with me. It's going to be stressful on the relationship, but myself, I see it is "The Test" of our relationship. If it works, then it was meant to be, if it doesn't, well, it wasn't. I like to be optimistic, but 1000 miles is a long ways...

OnMyWayThere · Feb 27, 2006

A lot of people end up snapping at their significant others during stressful times... not being able to "listen" to their SO's problems because they can barely deal with their own... not have time to spend with their SO. There is more to it but make sure your SO knows that all of this may come and that it would be temporary and if they're understanding, then it hopefully it can work out. Someone once said to me, if you find somebody that can put up with your schedule, marry them and ask questions later.

OnMyWayThere · Feb 27, 2006

Relationships are definately possible in medical school despite what others may say (unless of course you're going for #1 rank in your class). Many people in my class have fiancees, dating, etc. Just make sure the other person is busy!!

PlasticMan · Feb 27, 2006

newdogirl said:
I was just curious how people feel about relationships in med school. My fiance and I are planning on moving together in the fall when I start school (he is not a med student). I feel hesitant about the move together and the stress it will cause on the relationship as well as school. Any advice would be helpful!

I am planning the same thing this fall. Make sure your significant other will be supportive of you in school.

Krazykritter · Feb 28, 2006

I am a newly wed (2 days before class started in August) and I can tell you that it isn't as bad as you think it is going to be. Although it definitely depends on your study style. I prefer to study at home so I actually have a significant amount of time to spend w/ my wife (more than I did in undergrad). You just have to make it a priority to have some time set aside for your SO. I know that there have been a few times when I have not done as well as I should have on a few tests, but if my wife is happy, I will be much happier in the long run.

P.S. I found that what works for me is to wake up early, get some studying done before class and to then stay up after my wife goes to sleep to get a little more done. It is not ideal, but it means a lot to her if I lay w/ her until she falls asleep and I am much happier if she's happy.

adennis · Feb 28, 2006

If you and your partner are moving to where you will attend school I would suggest that you move as far before school starts as possible...that way you will have time to get adjusted to the area and your new place before school starts...

For those that are planning on having a long-distance relationship.. please if at all possible reconsider...
the first block of classes is extremely stressful...if you're apart from your loved ones it's going to be even more stressful....you're better off having that support network with you...also if you're expecting that this will be the test of your relationship, it might be time to rethink the relationship.. if you're expecting a test - chances are it will be THE test...

I spent the first 10 weeks of school apart from my husband and children...it was murder.. it was the type of test that you don't want to live through...

PlasticMan · Feb 28, 2006

adennis said:
If you and your partner are moving to where you will attend school I would suggest that you move as far before school starts as possible...that way you will have time to get adjusted to the area and your new place before school starts...

For those that are planning on having a long-distance relationship.. please if at all possible reconsider...
the first block of classes is extremely stressful...if you're apart from your loved ones it's going to be even more stressful....you're better off having that support network with you...also if you're expecting that this will be the test of your relationship, it might be time to rethink the relationship.. if you're expecting a test - chances are it will be THE test...

I spent the first 10 weeks of school apart from my husband and children...it was murder.. it was the type of test that you don't want to live through...

Before my girl moved up here, we had a long distance relationship for 2 years or so. Now we've vowed never to be apart again

It'sElectric · Mar 1, 2006

PlasticMan said:
Before my girl moved up here, we had a long distance relationship for 2 years or so. Now we've vowed never to be apart again

Your relationship sounds eerily similar to mine. I know exactly where you're coming from.

FlyDoc · Mar 26, 2006

Relationships can work.
I dated my then girlfriend all through med school and had absolutely no problems. She was understanding and knew that I had to put school first in most cases

FrkyBgStok · Mar 27, 2006

my wife is not a med student and we will have kids but she is not going to work during the med school journey so she won't have much to bitch about so she will be able to listen to me when i have problems.

OSUdoc08 · Mar 27, 2006

newdogirl said:
I was just curious how people feel about relationships in med school. My fiance and I are planning on moving together in the fall when I start school (he is not a med student). I feel hesitant about the move together and the stress it will cause on the relationship as well as school. Any advice would be helpful!

75% of my class is married or will be in a short time.

Kubed · Mar 28, 2006

I've been with my girlfriend for 7 years (started in highschool) and we moved in together just before school started last july. We attended different colleges, so we weren't too keen on doing the long distance thing again. Our relationship has definitely changed due to med school. It's been hard, but I think it's been for the better. Just be prepared to for everything to change. In my class, we've already had two divorces and two engagements (one of them mine… the engagement that it

)

Jamers · Mar 28, 2006

newdogirl said:
I was just curious how people feel about relationships in med school. My fiance and I are planning on moving together in the fall when I start school (he is not a med student). I feel hesitant about the move together and the stress it will cause on the relationship as well as school. Any advice would be helpful!

I hope they work, otherwise someone has to break the news to my gf ahaha. Ive been with my gf for about 4 years now and we have spent something like 2 years apart while she is in Philly and I am in NE PA (over two hours away). When I go to DMU, we will be 15 hours away. Anything can work, it just takes two people willing to try and make it work.

Buckeye(OH) · Mar 28, 2006

veeeeery few people in my class are in serious relationships or even dating.

OSUdoc08 · Mar 28, 2006

Buckeye(OH) said:
veeeeery few people in my class are in serious relationships or even dating.

That's odd. I think I'm the only single person in the class. We have more diamond rings than stethoscopes here.

SotaBGirl · Mar 28, 2006

OSUdoc08 said:
We have more diamond rings than stethoscopes here.

DrB · Mar 28, 2006

I met my girlfriend while in med school... She works hard at her job and I work hard at school. We enjoy spending time together even though it is infrequent. I think it is the quality of the time spent and not the quantity. On my part, she has done wonders for me in regards to getting away from the books for a few minutes. I think you really need that...

My first semester I did not do anything but study and if I had time I would eat, shower and sleep. This is not healthy and it will wear you down. We need to learn to let go and to turn it off.

If you read the book "The House of God" by Shem, you will see what can happen if you do not learn to let go.

-B

Spankete87 · Mar 28, 2006

DrB said:
I met my girlfriend while in med school... She works hard at her job and I work hard at school. We enjoy spending time together even though it is infrequent. I think it is the quality of the time spent and not the quantity. On my part, she has done wonders for me in regards to getting away from the books for a few minutes. I think you really need that...

My first semester I did not do anything but study and if I had time I would eat, shower and sleep. This is not healthy and it will wear you down. We need to learn to let go and to turn it off.

If you read the book "The House of God" by Shem, you will see what can happen if you do not learn to let go.

-B

That book was awesome and yet depressing at the same time. I think you need to read it before med school and then again after your internship - the first time you read it, most people will deny that anything like that will happen to them. The idealism is still there. The second time you read it (I've heard), most people will totally identify with everything that is going on in the book.......

Hulk · Mar 28, 2006

My fiance and I are moving to Philly together and are getting married this July right before the start of classes. It should be able to work out and it is great to have someone there supporting you emotionally. These days, everyone is aware of how difficult marriage could be especially with all the temptations in life but you have to believe, if you have become engaged, that the person you are going to marry is the perfect, with no exception, one for you. Our relationship works because we are both trusting and faithful. If those two things are in the mix of your relationship, I'm sure you will both be well off.

bbgirl · Mar 31, 2006

I just got engaged last month and will be attending WVSOM in August. We moved in together last August and my fiance will be moving with me to WV. I personally feel that it is more stressful the less I have to do - meaning now when I'm working a 9-5 job in industry. My fiance is so supportive of my education and career. He's the calm one with all the patience in the world. Therefore, I have no doubt we both can handle it. But I agree with the person who said that you need to be around your loved ones when you are going to be studying all the time and perhaps a little stressed out

. Make sure that the SO is supportive, but I think that it is also important in any relationship that you the med student be supportive of the other too. And set aside time to spend with only them and not the books!!!

rgerwin · Mar 31, 2006

The fact of the matter is med school in the US will invariably hit most people during possible marriage years. It's not something to avoided or feared, just look at it as another positive addition to your life, as well as being fortunate to get into med school. And remember, if you have a good relationship, school will be harder without them.

Do.the.DO · Mar 31, 2006

rgerwin said:
...And remember, if you have a good relationship, school will be harder without them.

This is DEFINITELY correct. We contemplated the kids and I moving back home when my husband begins his rotations and he decided that he'd have a MUCH easier time if we were here with him. His contention is that even if we were asleep when he came home, he'd at least be able to see us...even if we're totally zonked out. (Which might be how he prefers us!)

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