Just had a horrible nightmare - if I don't get in until I'm 30...

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MelissaThompson

MelissaThompson

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If I don't get in until I'm 30 years old - what are the chances that I can find a decent guy and have a family of 2-3 kids? Is it even realistic/possible at all?

I'm 25 right now, I always wanted a large family of at least 3 kids. I don't plan on looking until after I get into med, just because I want to focus on getting into medical school right now.

The nightmare is - what if I don't get in until I'm 30?? Do you think women nowadays can still have multiple babies after 40????
 
MelissaThompson said:
If I don't get in until I'm 30 years old - what are the chances that I can find a decent guy and have a family of 2-3 kids? Is it even realistic/possible at all?

I'm 25 right now, I always wanted a large family of at least 3 kids. I don't plan on looking until after I get into med, just because I want to focus on getting into medical school right now.

The nightmare is - what if I don't get in until I'm 30?? Do you think women nowadays can still have multiple babies after 40????
Click to expand...

RXsrm.gif

Man, some of the threads today have been horrible.
 
MelissaThompson said:
If I don't get in until I'm 30 years old - what are the chances that I can find a decent guy and have a family of 2-3 kids? Is it even realistic/possible at all?

I'm 25 right now, I always wanted a large family of at least 3 kids. I don't plan on looking until after I get into med, just because I want to focus on getting into medical school right now.

The nightmare is - what if I don't get in until I'm 30?? Do you think women nowadays can still have multiple babies after 40????
Click to expand...

How intimately do you see yourself raising your kids?

Also, I don't think it's time to panic yet. How has the cycle been so far?
 
MelissaThompson said:
If I don't get in until I'm 30 years old - what are the chances that I can find a decent guy and have a family of 2-3 kids? Is it even realistic/possible at all?

I'm 25 right now, I always wanted a large family of at least 3 kids. I don't plan on looking until after I get into med, just because I want to focus on getting into medical school right now.

The nightmare is - what if I don't get in until I'm 30?? Do you think women nowadays can still have multiple babies after 40????
Click to expand...

First :slap: on the bolded. Of course they can. It is risky but possible.

If your priority is finding a man and getting married and having kids while still young (i.e under 30), then you might wanna rethink the whole med school issue. Not to say it can't happen within the next 5 years but from what I have heard, the whole marriage and family thing can be a real challenge while in med school.

How long till you apply?
 
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red doctober said:
How intimately do you see yourself raising your kids?

Also, I don't think it's time to panic yet. How has the cycle been so far?
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3 interviews - Nebraska (still waiting), Colorado (still waiting), and Temple (rejection)
 
MelissaThompson said:
If I don't get in until I'm 30 years old - what are the chances that I can find a decent guy and have a family of 2-3 kids? Is it even realistic/possible at all?

I'm 25 right now, I always wanted a large family of at least 3 kids. I don't plan on looking until after I get into med, just because I want to focus on getting into medical school right now.

The nightmare is - what if I don't get in until I'm 30?? Do you think women nowadays can still have multiple babies after 40????
Click to expand...

Welcome back! Glad to see you back on a roll to create more threads. Here's my response to your question:

429235b4_triple_facepalm_super.jpeg
 
MelissaThompson said:
3 interviews - Nebraska (still waiting), Colorado (still waiting), and Temple (rejection)
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First, stay positive. You may still get in this time around. Second, one failed cycle doesn't mean there are many more to come. If you don't get in anywhere at the end of the cycle, contact schools (especially the ones you've interviewed at) for feedback, and try to improve upon their concerns. There's still a lot of time from now until 5 years from now.
 
Agent B said:
Welcome back! Glad to see you back on a roll to create more threads. Here's my response to your question:

429235b4_triple_facepalm_super.jpeg
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Guys just don't understand the desperation and race against time career-minded women face...
 
MelissaThompson said:
If I don't get in until I'm 30 years old - what are the chances that I can find a decent guy and have a family of 2-3 kids? Is it even realistic/possible at all?

I'm 25 right now, I always wanted a large family of at least 3 kids. I don't plan on looking until after I get into med, just because I want to focus on getting into medical school right now.

The nightmare is - what if I don't get in until I'm 30?? Do you think women nowadays can still have multiple babies after 40????
Click to expand...


25? You're still very young, relax lol. :laugh:
 
MelissaThompson said:
Guys just don't understand the desperation and race against time career-minded women face...
Click to expand...

:shrug: Well, if you're that desperate, you can stop by a local bar and say hello. I'm sure there will be someone (or many) who will have no problem answering your requests.
 
Why is everyone trolling on the OP? my sister asked me a similar question and quite honestly i think its a valid concern. Most girls don't want to have kids in school but at the same time having kids as one gets older becomes more dangerous. I would suggest you have kids between 25-30 before med school.
 
She's not worried about finding a future husband. She's worried about having to start her career at the same time that she wants to have children.
 
MelissaThompson said:
If I don't get in until I'm 30 years old - what are the chances that I can find a decent guy and have a family of 2-3 kids? Is it even realistic/possible at all?

I'm 25 right now, I always wanted a large family of at least 3 kids. I don't plan on looking until after I get into med, just because I want to focus on getting into medical school right now.

The nightmare is - what if I don't get in until I'm 30?? Do you think women nowadays can still have multiple babies after 40????
Click to expand...

I am not sure if you watched the show, but just take a look at Charlotte Goldenblatt. She suffered a bit. She first had a miscarriage when she was pregnant with Harry's baby. Then in her late 30s when she had given up on having a child, the couple adopted Lily. Not much time had passed (about 2 years) when she became pregnant again with baby Rose. So CG was about 40 after all this had taken place, not even mention her issue with ex-husband Trey McDougal's erectile dysfunction.

I think you will be just fine.
 
MelissaThompson said:
If I don't get in until I'm 30 years old - what are the chances that I can find a decent guy and have a family of 2-3 kids? Is it even realistic/possible at all?

I'm 25 right now, I always wanted a large family of at least 3 kids. I don't plan on looking until after I get into med, just because I want to focus on getting into medical school right now.

The nightmare is - what if I don't get in until I'm 30?? Do you think women nowadays can still have multiple babies after 40????
Click to expand...

You never know if/when this plan goes right out the window when Mr. Right waltzes into you life 😉
 
Hemorrage said:
Why is everyone trolling on the OP? my sister asked me a similar question and quite honestly i think its a valid concern. Most girls don't want to have kids in school but at the same time having kids as one gets older becomes more dangerous. I would suggest you have kids between 25-30 before med school.
Click to expand...

I prefer to have finished all my training (including residency) before having kids - then I will have more control over my time and schedule. I want to spend lots of time raising them right.

Let's just say I start med school at 28 - start residency at 32 - finish residency and get my full license at 36. If I haven't found a husband by then - I spend the next 4 years searching - and by then I would be 40. Do you think I can still have a kid at 41, 42, 43??
 
A valid concern, but one that women everywhere face. For most, it is a trade off. You pick one now and work for it. Having it all is not always possible

OP, it doesn't sound like you have a bf (do you?), If you did it might make things better because supposedly you and him will already be in sync about your career expectations and plans and stuff. You would have a plan in place.

If not, yes it will be a challenge. You are already applying and stuff so say you get in this cycle, what are the odds you will find a man who will be willing to deal with you being in med school and the associated demands, especially if this is a man who wants to start a family? Do you think you will be able to handle the tasks of being a wife, mother and med student?

If I were to make a recommendation I would say do not put a deadline on anything. Let it happen when it happens. Again, if you really want to get married and have kids within the next five years, then going to med school might not be a great idea.

Edit: just saw your post with the residency stuff. Girl, ditch the time line. Go with the flow.
 
MelissaThompson said:
I prefer to have finished all my training (including residency) before having kids - then I will have more control over my time and schedule. I want to spend lots of time raising them right.

Let's just say I start med school at 28 - start residency at 32 - finish residency and get my full license at 36. If I haven't found a husband by then - I spend the next 4 years searching - and by then I would be 40. Do you think I can still have a kid at 41, 42, 43??
Click to expand...
Nobody can answer that question for you and your body as it is different for every person. However, looking at the population as a whole, fertility starts to decline steeply at 35 for women. If you definitely want to have kids it doesn't make sense to wait until you are 36 to start trying.

It isn't that hard to have kids during med school and residency. Plenty of women do so and do very well in their training.
 
2 thoughts (and you don't have to take my advice at all):

1. You will either get into med school within the next 5 years, or never.

2. Find a guy while in med school/residency to save a little time 😉
 
Freesia88 said:
A valid concern, but one that women everywhere face. For most, it is a trade off. You pick one now and work for it. Having it all is not always possible

OP, it doesn't sound like you have a bf (do you?), If you did it might make things better because supposedly you and him will already be in sync about your career expectations and plans and stuff. You would have a plan in place.

If not, yes it will be a challenge. You are already applying and stuff so say you get in this cycle, what are the odds you will find a man who will be willing to deal with you being in med school and the associated demands, especially if this is a man who wants to start a family? Do you think you will be able to handle the tasks of being a wife, mother and med student?

If I were to make a recommendation I would say do not put a deadline on anything. Let it happen when it happens. Again, if you really want to get married and have kids within the next five years, then going to med school might not be a great idea.
Click to expand...

I'm single right now - and to be honest good men are so hard to find!!

I'm hoping to find someone with a good career (not necessarily a physician) once I enter medical school and hospital environment.

At this rate - I prefer to have children after 36-40 range. Do you think technology in the next 15 years will advance to allow women in this age range to bear multiple children?
 
MelissaThompson said:
I'm single right now - and to be honest good men are so hard to find!!

I'm hoping to find someone with a good career (not necessarily a physician) once I enter medical school and hospital environment.

At this rate - I prefer to have children after 36-40 range. Do you think technology in the next 15 years will advance to allow women in this age range to bear multiple children?
Click to expand...

😕
 
Melissa, this is your 2nd thread about this and your previous one was very extensive--to the point where a lot of members started discussing the social dynamics behind male and female interaction.

Think to yourself, what is the best way to trap a man? Commitment.
 
Spinach Dip said:
2 thoughts (and you don't have to take my advice at all):

1. You will either get into med school within the next 5 years, or never.

2. Find a guy while in med school/residency to save a little time 😉
Click to expand...

How many guys are single in med school?

Also - I am so worried about my age - being 3-4 years older than the typical male med student - I'm afraid my age and maturity will turn them off!
 
La Presse said:
Melissa, this is your 2nd thread about this and your previous one was very extensive--to the point where a lot of members started discussing the social dynamics behind male and female interaction.

Think to yourself, what is the best way to trap a man?
Click to expand...

I want a GOOD husband - not just any average joe off the streets/bar!
 
MelissaThompson said:
I prefer to have finished all my training (including residency) before having kids - then I will have more control over my time and schedule. I want to spend lots of time raising them right.

Let's just say I start med school at 28 - start residency at 32 - finish residency and get my full license at 36. If I haven't found a husband by then - I spend the next 4 years searching - and by then I would be 40. Do you think I can still have a kid at 41, 42, 43??
Click to expand...

You can still have kids but it is risky because you have a higher chance of having a child with a chromosomal abnormality. Usually the most common is down syndrome (trisomy 21). The chances of this happening increases with age. The best thing you can do is to have the eggs checked before you plan to have a child. I am probably not the best person to give advice on this but you should try to speak to a physician about it.
 
MelissaThompson said:
How many guys are single in med school?

Also - I am so worried about my age - being 3-4 years older than the typical male med student - I'm afraid my age and maturity will turn them off!
Click to expand...

A. No clue.

B. A difference of 3 or 4 years is nothing. NOTHING.... Or, you could find someone 3 years ahead of you, so you're the same age!
 
*sign*

Guys have it so lucky!! Can wait until 45-50 and have kids no problem...
 
MelissaThompson said:
I'm single right now - and to be honest good men are so hard to find!!

I'm hoping to find someone with a good career (not necessarily a physician) once I enter medical school and hospital environment.

At this rate - I prefer to have children after 36-40 range. Do you think technology in the next 15 years will advance to allow women in this age range to bear multiple children?
Click to expand...

The big problem with your thinking is that you have this plan. You need to let go of that plan. Life does not work like that. Especially when it comes to marriage and children.

I don't know how else to put it so I am going to fumble along and hope my thoughts come through.

Getting a husband and having children is not like acquiring some new accessory. These will be other human beings who will have their own things going on and who will not always conform to what ever grande scheme you have. You seem pretty settled on going to med school. Buckle up and go on the ride. On the way keep your eyes open for like minded men who will cross your path. See if you can find common ground on which you develop a relationship with them. if it leads to marriage then good. take it in stride. if not, keep calm and carry on. 😉 Just live your life ( trite but true) Live it. Enjoy all the twists and turns and keep an eye out for the things you really want. Stop stressing about marriage and kids becasue as I have told the guys on here stressing about finding the perfect woman, that kind of intensity does not hide and mostly it puts people off.
 
Freesia88 said:
The big problem with your thinking is that you have this plan. You need to let go of that plan. Life does not work like that. Especially when it comes to marriage and children.

I don't know how else to put it so I am going to fumble along and hope my thoughts come through.

Getting a husband and having children is not like acquiring some new accessory. These will be other human beings who will have their own things going on and who will not always conform to what ever grande scheme you have. You seem pretty settled on going to med school. Buckle up and go on the ride. On the way keep your eyes open for like minded men who will cross your path. See if you can find common ground on which you develop a relationship with them. if it leads to marriage then good. take it in stride. if not, keep calm and carry on. 😉 Just live your life ( trite but true) Live it. Enjoy all the twists and turns and keep an eye out for the things you really want. Stop stressing about marriage and kids becasue as I have told the guys on here stressing about finding the perfect woman, that kind of intensity does not hide and mostly it puts people off.
Click to expand...

But there is a fundamental difference between men and women.

Women's fertility starts to STEEPLY decline after 35
Men's fertility only slowly and gradually decline after 45 or so, and never really disappears all together!

Men can always wait for a young women to come along later in his mid-aged life, but for women past 30 - we lose our youth, beauty, and attractiveness. Yet - our biological clock ticks louder and louder in our heads.

*sign* maybe I will check out having my eggs freezed...
 
For some context lest you think I don't know what I am talking about, I am 24 years old soon to be 25. A woman (black for that matter :laugh:)

I come from a culture where women marry young and most of my peers are on baby number 2 now. I am edging into "old maid" territory. I have ~1.5-2 years till I will consider myself ready to apply to med school.
 
MelissaThompson said:
But there is a fundamental difference between men and women.

Women's fertility starts to STEEPLY decline after 35
Men's fertility only slowly and gradually decline after 45 or so, and never really disappears all together!

Men can always wait for a young women to come along later in his mid-aged life, but for women past 30 - we lose our youth, beauty, and attractiveness. Yet - our biological clock ticks louder and louder in our heads.

*sign* maybe I will check out having my eggs freezed...
Click to expand...

Seriously, you need to calm down, or stop applying to med school.
 
MelissaThompson said:
But there is a fundamental difference between men and women.

Women's fertility starts to STEEPLY decline after 35
Men's fertility only slowly and gradually decline after 45 or so, and never really disappears all together!

Men can always wait for a young women to come along later in his mid-aged life, but for women past 30 - we lose our youth, beauty, and attractiveness. Yet - our biological clock ticks louder and louder in our heads.

*sign* maybe I will check out having my eggs freezed...
Click to expand...

Not true. If you take M1 genetics you will learn that there are risks associated with advanced paternal age.

On the real though, this thread is bunk. Grow up
 
Sometimes I think we need a match service for premeds.....dating match, that is. Speed dating?
 
MelissaThompson said:
If I don't get in until I'm 30 years old - what are the chances that I can find a decent guy and have a family of 2-3 kids? Is it even realistic/possible at all?

I'm 25 right now, I always wanted a large family of at least 3 kids. I don't plan on looking until after I get into med, just because I want to focus on getting into medical school right now.

The nightmare is - what if I don't get in until I'm 30?? Do you think women nowadays can still have multiple babies after 40????
Click to expand...

Personally I don't think you should wait until you get into medical school to look for a decent guy. Also I think it's a very bad idea to have multiple babies after 35, due to the high risk of triosomies (ie Down Syndrome).
 
MelissaThompson said:
If I don't get in until I'm 30 years old - what are the chances that I can find a decent guy. Also - I am so worried about my age - being 3-4 years older than the typical male med student - I'm afraid my age and maturity will turn them off!
Click to expand...

are you familiar with the term 'milf' ??


vT286.jpg
 
mpdoc2 said:
Personally I don't think you should wait until you get into medical school to look for a decent guy. Also I think it's a very bad idea to have multiple babies after 35, due to the high risk of triosomies (ie Down Syndrome).
Click to expand...

Unfortunately the age/having children/career issue is something that is very much unfair for females. I would highly discourage waiting until after 38 to have children if you're a girl. Females are both less likely to be fertile, have more pregnancy related complications, and have children with birth defects after the age of 38.
 
MelissaThompson said:
I prefer to have finished all my training (including residency) before having kids - then I will have more control over my time and schedule. I want to spend lots of time raising them right.

Let's just say I start med school at 28 - start residency at 32 - finish residency and get my full license at 36. If I haven't found a husband by then - I spend the next 4 years searching - and by then I would be 40. Do you think I can still have a kid at 41, 42, 43??
Click to expand...

Having kids past 40 is really risky territory.. do you want to risk your own life? Then if so, go ahead, however, there are many residents that have kids during training so i'm sure you could fit it in there.. the harder part is finding a partner you like
 
You'll get in Melissa, even if you are worried about it. Don't worry, lol. In the worse case, you'll get in in 2 years, which would be because your applications would be so much stronger. But they're already strong I bet, because of your concern, so you'll get in this year. Even the best get rejected (and have to apply to dozens of places), so the Temple rejection was probably one of those unavoidable ones.

They notice good people. 🙂
 
Op raises valid concerns, but I think you're jumping the gun a bit. Until after residency? Why? Don't you think you will have a support group of family to look after your child during those years. Even if I matriculate at 23 I still know that I'm not opposed to children during residency if I have someone since I know my parents will look after the baby for me during my more hectic times. Though I am sorry if you don't.

Anyways, focus on getting in and don't be so rigid about after residency. You never know until you meet the guy.
 
darklabel said:
Op raises valid concerns, but I think you're jumping the gun a bit. Until after residency? Why? Don't you think you will have a support group of family to look after your child during those years. Even if I matriculate at 23 I still know that I'm not opposed to children during residency if I have someone since I know my parents will look after the baby for me during my more hectic times. Though I am sorry if you don't.

Anyways, focus on getting in and don't be so rigid about after residency. You never know until you meet the guy.
Click to expand...

But what if I never meet the one???

Good guys are so hard to find!!! Especially for me as a future physician - who has even higher expectations!!

I am originally from Denver Colorado - even with all the guys bemoaning it as "menver" - I had a hard time meeting a guy who is actually serious about a long-term relationship - not just getting into my pants.

Now, I live in Nebraska - and I find it even harder!!
 
Oh god, for the last time, please remove your real name and pictures, you don't know how much you need to follow this advice.

Seriously, i'm not trying to be mean, but you will get irritated on this site, say somethings you wish you could take back, etc.
 
you realize you don't have to go to medical school, right? anyways, good luck with all this, you totally sound sane and I'm sure you won't have any problem finding a guy who doesn't want to just get in your pants.
 
0TopCat0 said:
Oh god, for the last time, please remove your real name and pictures, you don't know how much you need to follow this advice.

Seriously, i'm not trying to be mean, but you will get irritated on this site, say somethings you wish you could take back, etc.
Click to expand...

I agree with this. But not so harsh TopCat. It's for your anonymity. All these posts are permanently available. It is just not very safe, especially if one quotes you (then you can't delete it). It's like talking while someone is voice recording you... It's fine in the short run, but in the long run, everyone is bound to make an avoidable mistake.

But for all we know, maybe it isn't even your real name, lol. :laugh:

Btw, I don't mean to make you uncomfortable, but I am confident you'll find your guy, in part because you are attractive.

And there are some who are looking for a serious relationship too, such as me haha, (and some that pretend to). Good luck!
 
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MelissaThompson said:
But what if I never meet the one???

Good guys are so hard to find!!! Especially for me as a future physician - who has even higher expectations!!

I am originally from Denver Colorado - even with all the guys bemoaning it as "menver" - I had a hard time meeting a guy who is actually serious about a long-term relationship - not just getting into my pants.

Now, I live in Nebraska - and I find it even harder!!
Click to expand...

Keep looking, broaden them horizons, and you'll find a good amount of people! There are lots of guys in their 20s who want to find a relationship, despite what it may seem.
 
We should totally have a SDN speed-dating/match-making event. Since we all pre-meds are just so busy with our daily lives...

Any handsome 25-35 years old single guys from the Midwest here? I am also open to long-distance relationships...

Available guys please PM me!
 
MelissaThompson said:
We should totally have a SDN speed-dating/match-making event. Since we all pre-meds are just so busy with our daily lives...

Any handsome 25-35 years old single guys from the Midwest here? I am also open to long-distance relationships...

Available guys please PM me!
Click to expand...

Oh dear god what have you done? Prepare for the you know what pics...
 
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